HI ppl! =) Sorry I've been gone a while, there's no excuse good enough so I'm not gonna bother trying. Anyway, This sorta popped into my head while I was trying to write another chapter for New Again (which I'm hoping to get up tomorrow) so I hope you like. And I don't really know what to do with it...should I continue it or leave it as is? Well, you're more than welcome to drop an opinion and so I shall leave you to it.

Enjoy

Phosphorus Burning

The fucking asshole had done it again. He'd left her. That dumbass motherfucker. And she was gonna kill him pure and simple. She was going to pour pure phosphorus powder over his precious family jewels which, by the way, she'd never even fucking SEEN, and let the beautiful oxygen do its work. Let's see him sparkle with his balls on fire. Would that kill him? She didn't know. Didn't care. The humiliating pictures she was going to take and the video she was going to post on YouTube of the event would probably do the trick. Maybe she'd invite the family over for tea too. Motherfucking assholes the lot of them.

As she continued her mental rant, she carried on stomping her way down the dark streets of Chicago, yes CHICAGO and if you were going to ask her why she was in CHICAGO, she wouldn't be able to tell you because Fuckward had not told her why. He'd literally dragged her onto a plane and said 'we're going to have fun!' in that creepy emo/camp way of his. Had she agreed to go to CHICAGO? NO, SHE FUCKING HAD NOT. But that didn't matter. What she said and did had no affect on the Cullens- no, scratch that, the almighty race of Vampires because really? What the fuck was a puny human to a Vampire? Nothing, according to her sparkly assed lover. Oh, correction, would-be lover. Three fucking years and she had yet to see the appearance of a pixie dust cock. Nada. She was twenty and she had seen NO ACTION. The poor girl was way past tired of her friendly hand and could have really done with something. Anything, even a cheap ass toy for God's sake. But Heaven forbid should the Cullens find out! They'd crucify her. Like last time. And all she'd done was buy a dildo. She was ready, ready to take her own fucking virginity with a plastic dick and again, the righteous Cullens had to inter-fucking-rupt. Alice and her know it all self just had to come and ruin it for her. Tell her how disappointed Edward would be. LIKE SHE GAVE A FLYING SHIT.

She was so tired of her 'best friend' telling her she should just be patient. While, of course, she had a Texan Stud to fuck her brains out any time of the eternal night, but no! Of course Bella-pooh would just have to wait for her boyfriend to be ready. The fucker hadn't even given her a tits an explorative grope, hell he wouldn't even let her give him a rub down through his pants. She had long ago reached the conclusion that his pixie dust dick was just pixie sized. After all, he hadn't even gotten a hard on when she came on to him wearing nothing but a Victoria's Secret bra and panty set. Of course after that, she was sure she must be seriously fuckin' ugly to get NO REACTION WHATSOEVER, only to bump into Jasper who just happened to be walking past. The light collision left the Texan Stud with a hard on that almost busted his pants and myself with copious amounts of new self confidence. Ahh, it'd been so long since she'd last seen him...along with his wife of course. She was totally not lusting after Jasper, you must understand, she was simply thinking of his wife who she had not spoken to in almost an entire year. Her supposed 'best friend'. Puh-fucking-lease.

She kept her gruelling pace as she aimlessly wondered through the darkest parts of Chi-CHICAGO. Hell would freeze over before she forgot about Fuckward bailing on her in some random state, far away from home. Oh, she was going to get him real good. Bella Marie Swan was going to-

"MOTHERFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" A man screamed not too far away from where she currently was. Oh shit, something was happening! She'd be damned if her fucker of an ex-boyfriend was gonna stop her from being a good person. She ran full tilt through the alley ways towards the source of the scream and mentally prepared herself for anything.

Of course, this resulted in her busting Rambo style into a Vampire feeding scene, and then stumbling around like an idiot. Yeah, her life was taking epic turns for the better. She backed away from the two vamps who'd been feeding on the recently deceased guy and said the first thing that came to mind. "Shit." This, of course, was a very bad idea. You see, if you're lucky enough to walk into Vampires while they're feeding and on some one in a million chance you are NOT heard/sensed/ smelt or whatever fucked up shit it is that they do, YOU DO NOT MAKE A SOUND. Don't even breathe because they're running on pure instinct. They hear/sense/smell you and you'll be gone like free Chinese take out. Basically just back away and hope the Devil's on the watch for you 'cause God won't do shit, the sadistic bastard. Or had she gotten that confused? Oh, like it mattered.

Anyway, as soon as her lips formed the words she knew she was screwed, skull fucked and so many other unpleasant things. Could women be sodomised? A Vampire could probably manage that...but yes, in other words, she was about to die a very nasty, sudden death because her fuck rat of an ex had literally dumped her in CHICAGO. THAT MOTHERFUCKER!

She clamped her jaw down so as not to bring her demise along any faster. With a few spare seconds, she was pretty sure she could curse Edward into a million different hells for this. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. In this case, a very DEAD woman's scorn. That should heap on some extra bad mojo. Her lips pulled themselves into a demented grin of their own accord at the thought and then she remembered that this vamp brushing his face into her neck was about not about to fulfil one of her many secret fantasies, but was, in actual fact, about to kill her.

According to leading psychiatrists, chanting can lessen stress in traumatic situations so this is what she was going to do. Mentally, of course. Fuck My Life. Fuck My Life. Fuck My Life. By this point she had her eyes screwed tightly shut. Fuck My Life. Fuck My- Oh, an incredibly painful burning sensation just attacked her neck! Brilliant. Now where had she been? Oh, yes. Life. Fuck My Life. Fuck...my life. ...mylife...fu...

And so ended the tragic life of Isabella Marie Swan.

Love Envy xxx