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Before I begin, I suppose I should explain some things. In this fic (and probably any other fics I'll write), the Shiroi is the codename for the good side, and the Kuroi is the codename for the dark side. It's what they're named in ANU, and I didn't think to change it in any other unrelated works. Sorry!
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Chapter One: We Begin!

Ganondorf thumped the table with his fist angrily.
"Blast it! Blast it! [CENSORED]!"
Vaati, who had been dozing over some paperwork, looked up groggily. "Master, I did the calculations." he said with more than a trace of fatigue. The King Of Evil nodded and waved a dismissive hand.
"You're doing fine, Vaati. I have a bigger problem on my mind, though."
"What is it?" The wind mage groaned inwardly as he spoke. This was more than likely to be one of Ganondorf's endless "personal problems"- recent examples included I can't reach my back when I wash myself, I don't like Radio 1 but it's the only signal this damn place picks up, I'm bored, Vaati do some more paperwork for me, Vaati do this, Vaati do that.

"The Gerudos have taken over Death Mountain again." Ganondorf hissed, resting his chin on his hand and gazing at the wall. Vaati picked up his fountain pen and idly toyed with it for a few minutes, ignoring the awkward silence, before an idea came.
"Those Gerudos cause us more trouble than they're worth. How about we-" Ganondorf coughed loudly and Vaati froze, remembering that his master was indeed a Gerudo. "W- what I mean was, they can be a bit temperamental at times-"
COUGH! COUGH!
"They... um..."
COUGH! HACK! WHEEZE!
"Master, I didn't even say anything!"
"It wasn't you, Vaati, I have a fly in my throat. Anyway, carry on."
Vaati gave up on the introductory sentence. "What I was thinking is, we really need to sort them out. The Gorons, who live on Death Mountain, would be highly valuable to us if we could free them and persuade them to become Kuroi."

Ganondorf stopped poking a rolled- up piece of paper down his throat to try and dislodge the fly- "Master, that's my paperwork!"- and looked at Vaati with interest. "Oh? Carry on."
"Well, they're immensely strong and have become quite technologically advanced. They could be especially proficient in the army, for example in the front flanks. Once they have established a strong trust with their chosen side, they will gladly use themselves as shields to aid their defence. We could also use their bases as shelters, as they are made of pure Goron rock and are almost indestructible. What do you think, Master?"

"I think don't use such big words next time. Say it again, IN HYLIAN." (A/N: They're all speaking Hylian in this fic, of course. So basically, Ganon's saying the equivalent of our "Say it again, IN ENGLISH" for stuff we don't understand.)

Vaati sighed inwardly. Here we go. "Big Goron boom-boom good. Bleep- beep good. Army boom-boom very good. House big and house strong. Well?"
Ganondorf nodded. "Perfect plan! I'm so clever for thinking of it."
Vaati seethed inside, but managed to suppress the urge to kick his master into kingdom come. Instead he smiled sweetly. "Yes, Master."
"But Vaati... how are we going to get up Death Mountain and free them?"
"... Climb? The Gerudos are good fighters, Master, but are afraid to pursue in case they, um, chip a nail. No offence."
"Some taken. But I'll overlook it. We need to send a couple of Kuroi up, don't we...?"

Shadow Link strutted in front of the Dark Mirror, miming to Beyonce for the entertainment of a group of cheering Hinoxes. He didn't have to do this for them, of course- he was their leader- but Hinoxes had childish minds, and were prone to become grumpy and bored very quickly.
However, they were very good fighters, and the most common recruit into the Kuroi army for their fierce competitiveness and strength. So it was important to keep them happy so they would fight well- and if that meant that he had to make a fool of himself, so be it. He quite enjoyed it anyway- it was lonely being the only human around for miles in the Fire Temple, so sometimes he needed the attention. He finished off his rendition of "Single Ladies" with an elaborate flourish, grinning without knowing as the Hinoxes erupted into appreciative roars.

"You liked that, boys, did ya?" he whooped over them, his strange American twang travelling well around the caverns of the Fire Temple. "Well, if ya wanna see more like it, I suggest ya'll go flatt'n some villages! If ya come back with a death count of 500 or more, I'll do some Whitney Houston!"

This sent the Hinoxes wild, and they eagerly grabbed their clubs and spears and thundered out, eager to please their flamboyant leader. Shadow watched them go, arms folded. A smile still flickered across his face as he sat himself down in front of his mirror. He tilted his head to the side, wondering who he should spy on today. While doing so, he couldn't help notice the silence in the temple now that his army had gone.

He had been dispatched to the Fire Temple in the eastern reaches of Hyrule to look after the Hinoxes, who had been moved there after there hadn't been space for them all at the Kuroi HQ. The queue to get into the toilet in the morning had gone down the stairs, filled several rooms, out of the windows, and halfway around the block as well. It hadn't been a pretty situation.
Still, people from the HQ would always visit of course, with food and drink or just for a chat. Shadow had always been very approachable, and although his honest, down- to- earth manner of speaking and indecipherable accent had put some people off at first, it was hard not to grow fond of him. Besides, it wasn't like he wasn't even lonelier than he should be- it's hard to make friends when you can't go out in daylight.

He eventually decided to spy on Ghirahim. Whispering a charm to the mirror, he slid his hand up it to reveal a blurry image of what the sorcerer was doing that gradually sharpened, like a picture slowly loading on a cameraphone. He watched in interest.

"Hmm, he's preparin' lunch. Looks nice." he muttered as Ghirahim, unaware he was being watched, transformed into his sword form and cut up sashimi quickly and delicately, before warping back into a human and kissing the tips of his fingers. Twirling the plate above his head, he sashayed over to the table and plonked it down in front of Zant, who sniffed it and looked ill.

Shadow chuckled and whispered to the mirror again. "Onox. ... Oh, for Pete's sake, Swan Lake with that bloody great axe? That's gonna go wrong- yup, there's his head an' left arm off already. How could he do an arabesca-whacchimacallit in those stinkin' boots anyway?
Bellum. Oh, he doesn't have a form an' he seems to have forgott'n, so it's obvious gettin' in the bath is gonna go all wrong... Whaddaya know, down the plughole he goes. Always thought he looked a bit like a spider anyways.
Chancellor Cole... Oh, he's on the toilet, I didn't need ta see that. Okay, Mirror, all done."

It was 5am the next morning when Vaati found out what Ganondorf had in store for him. Usually he would've got up at that hour, but he was having a particularly good dream about Ganondorf being brutally murdered by the Shiroi. He sighed contentedly in his sleep, dreaming Ganon was calling out for him... "Vaati, help me! Vaati! Vaati! Vaati..."
"VAATI!"
Ghirahim's sharp tones made Vaati jump out of bed and blast him across the room, shattering an expensive china jug. The Thin White Duke- alike propped himself up on his elbow amid shattered porcelain and shot the slightly delirious sorcerer a nasty look.
"Sorry. Reflex." Vaati muttered, and stretched unconcernedly. "Clear that up for me, would you?"

Ghirahim snapped his fingers, not taking his eye off the purple necromancer, and the jug magically reformed itself and shot back onto the table, scattering paperwork as it did so. Ghi hated taking orders from Vaati- unfortunately, as his servant, he didn't really have a choice. Ganondorf and Vaati respectively were first and second of the pecking order here, and he came trailing in a mere fifth after Shadow Link and Veran. He hated being a crony to four other characters. "Anything else you want me to do, MASTER?" he hissed, spitting out the last word as if it was lemon juice. Vaati took no notice of his irate tones, and shook his head.
"Nah. Perhaps I'll think of some menial task for you to do later in the day. Until then, what was it you wanted, O pathetic lackey?"
Ghi's fists clenched into balls as he recited the message Ganondorf had sent him to deliver. Seriously, could the guy not write?

"I, Lord Ganondorf, would like to see you in my chamber at 4:45 this morning. I cannot think of any death threats right now, so I'll end this message with the time- honoured "Be there or be square." What does that phrase actually mean? I want to know that as well. Sincerely, Ganon."

"4:45?! But Ghi... It's 5:03 now! You blasted idiot, why did you come here over quarter of an hour late?!"
"I got held up by Veran wanting me to shut her alarm clock off."
"What, couldn't she do that herself?"
"She had a dead arm from sleeping on it all night. Anyway, if you don't want to be square, I suggest you get going."
Vaati motioned for Ghirahim to leave the room while he got dressed, muttering "To Ganondorf, I'm a veritable TV set anyway. I'm just there for information and to watch instead of doing anything."

After 20 minutes of trying to get dressed (Vaati's mind did not work well after sudden awakenings, and he thought his pantaloons were a tunic three times), he traipsed upstairs to Ganondorf's chamber. As he heaved his reluctant body up the ornate staircase that seemed to spiral into oblivion, he cursed his master for rejecting his offer to build a ski-lift up there. He had actually made a petition for it, signed by 137 other Kuroi, but recently he learnt Ganondorf was using it as toilet paper. He was prepared to bet that's where most of his paperwork ended up too.

His master's heavy hands thumping on the piano keys travelled down to where he stood trying to catch his breath after the 27th flight. This was a most unwelcome sound at any time of the day, especially at 5:28 in the morning. It didn't help that most of the stuff Ganondorf played sounded like hold music. Still, at least he hadn't descended to some classical version of The Jackson 5 like Chancellor Cole had. (He was better now after being locked in a straitjacket for three weeks).

He knocked on the towering door signifying the entrance to his master's chamber, decorated ornately with ancient, twisting Hylian designs and scriptures. Ganondorf usually took his time finishing whatever piece he was playing, and this morning was no exception. As always when he was waiting outside his master's door, Vaati took his time to read the scriptures sprawled across the door in a long, looping ancient script that was the Hylian equivalent of Latin. He could translate most of it though, and recite what he knew- as well as the original Hylian- off by heart and probably write it too, despite the fact that the door was almost as large as the whole castle rooftop.

Ganondorf finished his piece with a ear- bashing flurry of keys, meant to be a gentle tinkling. He stopped, listening. Vaati, knowing his cue, applauded sarcastically. His master strode over to the door and flung it open. It hit the wall next to him and bounced back, thonking him square in the head.
He won't notice, Vaati thought. That's probably why he's so stupid. Probably does that every time he goes in or out.

As usual, the former Picori's prediction was correct, as Ganon's features arranged themselves into an annoyed frown.
"Vaati, I can't tell the time, but I can tell you're VERY LATE! You must be almost A BILLION MINUTES LATE by now! What kept you?"
"Ghirahim, master. Then I couldn't get dressed."

Ganondorf made a pretty useless effort to hide the fact he was still in his pyjamas, and poked his servant. "Oh, just get inside. Honestly, I don't know how my intelligence keeps up with someone as stupid as you."
Vaati's naturally deadpan face betrayed his inner urge to snort with laughter as he strode in the room. He settled himself in the small wooden chair reserved for him when he visited, while Ganondorf plonked his behind onto his intricate throne with a loud BANG.

"So, O stupid one," he began, "I have made my decision on the Death Mountain situation.
Remember we were discussing that we should send a couple of Kuroi up there? I've decided who I want to send."
Vaati nodded. "Please, outline your decision and I will see to it that they are willing, Master."
"The unlucky people are..." Ganondorf paused for effect, "You and Shadow Link!"
There was a dead silence.

"Master, you've got to be kidding." Vaati whispered, purple- tinged face ashen. "Shadow Link?!"
Ganon nodded. "And that's my final decision. Happy?"
The usually calm, disinterested sorcerer (nicknamed The Computer by many of the Kuroi) simply did not know what to say. His mind seemed to have gone blank at the prospect, as if his system files were wiped. He didn't mind going up Death Mountain, personally- it would get him away from his brainless master- but... Shadow Link?! Shadow was his own creation, almost his offspring in some kind of twisted way, and he found himself blanching at the thought of him getting into any sort of danger. He remembered how he had fretted and panicked for weeks when Shadow was packed off to the Fire Temple to look after the Hinoxes, and insisted that the Dark Mirror be sent to him so that he would always be able to call for help, and get magical protection from it.

Also... um, he had been a bit concerned about the mirror too. It was the most powerful magical artefact the Kuroi had, and it was what he had used to create Shadow Link. So, in a way, it was like Shadow's mother. Or at least that's how Gannydoofus always referred to it, as he had never been able to get his head around asexual reproduction.
Vaati let out a quickly stifled "Ha!" as he remembered Ganondorf's face as he explained how Shadow was "conceived". The look that had twisted his already ugly features still made him laugh now.

He twined a long strand of hair around his fingers as he spoke. "Master, I'm not sure that's wise. Me and Shadow are the Kuroi side's most valuable assets- after yourself, of course. Also, with Shadow gone, there would be nobody magically capable enough of overseeing the Dark Mirror. May I ask you to reconsider your decision?"
Ganon frowned. "No you mayn't! That's MY decision, and that's final!" He slammed his hand on the desk, upsetting an ink pot over paperwork that Vaati had stayed up all night doing. "Whoops. You'll have to do that again when you come back. Anyway, go over to the Fire Temple and give Shadow the news. You'll both come back here and pack, and you'll leave tomorrow."
Vaati's shoulders slumped in doleful resignation. Once Ganondorf had made up his tiny mind, there was no point trying to change it.

Small note: I KNOW Ganon created Shadow in canon, but I've always seen it as more Vaati created Shadow. That's how I put it across in ANU anyway, so I'm going to use that non- canon version so I don't end up confusing myself!