The rain chilled me to the bone as I ran. All I could hear above the downpour was the ragged, strained sound of my breathing.
She was gone.
The one person who I think loved me in this excuse for a life was gone.
It was my fault.
I couldn't tell the difference between rain and tears anymore.
It was my fault.
She tried to protect me.
And she died doing it.
It was my fault.
The ground suddenly slipped from beneath my feet. As I landed face-first in the mud, I couldn't help but think, How fitting. I already feel like dirt, so why not lay in it?
I might have laid there forever.
I sure had nothing better to do.
Except I was found by the last person anyone would expect.
*****
The first thing I noticed was that she never called me by my last name. Or my first name, for that matter. I was always Slytherin. So naturally, I called her Gryffindor.
The second thing I noticed was that she was worse-off than I was.
The third thing was that I was the only one who noticed.
*****
They didn't trust me, of course. It took all of her Gryffindor persuasion to keep me at their headquarters.
They were convinced that I was a Death Eater, even if I didn't have the Dark Mark.
I could have cared less about what they were going to do with me.
I was alone.
It was my fault.
*****
I took to sitting in the far corner of the library on the second floor. Everyone usually avoided me anyway, so it gave me a chance to wallow in self-pity.
That's why it surprised me when Gryffindor was sitting in my favorite chair in that corner after dinner.
She didn't say a word.
She just stood up, walked towards me, and put both hands on my head and slammed her lips against mine.
It wasn't the fact that she knew which chair was my favorite chair that scared me the most.
Nor was it the fact that she kissed me.
What scared me was the passion and intensity that poured out of her.
And that I like it.
That day was the day she started talking.
*****
She told me she knew I would run, so she went looking for me.
She went against everything anyone told her that day.
When I asked why she said love.
I told her she was nuts.
She just smiled.
*****
One day I finally said it.
"It's my fault my mother is dead."
She turned to me and said, "I wonder if she would think the same way, Draco."
Smiling, she ignored the look of surprise at the fact that she said my name.
*****
Harry came home one day pale and shaky. Almost unnoticeable, as Ginny caught him as his legs gave out, he uttered two words.
"Voldemort's dead."
For a moment you could hear a pin drop…
Then absolute chaos as the celebrating began.
I stayed out of it. I knew I wasn't welcome.
Gryffindor found me in my favorite chair.
"I'll be leaving soon," she said quietly.
I nodded.
"Honestly, you are the only reason I've stuck around this long."
I jerked my head up, looking straight into her eyes.
"We both know that's not true."
She stared at me quizzically.
"It wasn't your fault."
Her confident shell cracked just a little. "Draco, please, I don't want to talk about it."
"You have to." I was getting annoyed. "Will you just face it, Gryffindor? It wasn't your fault! You keep looking for someone to blame for it, and end up blaming yourself every time!" Now I was angry. "Ron's death wasn't your fault! Accept it already! You couldn't have stopped it!" I stopped, catching my breath. I was angry. And why not? I had watched for months now as she had blamed herself for her best friend's death while all her other so called best friends were oblivious to it all. I was so tired of seeing her hurt like that when she deserved so much better.
She deserved the best.
And that didn't include me.
By now, she was crying. And she was angry. Oh, Merlin was she angry. And it was my fault.
"How dare you! How dare you even mention his name?! You don't even know how he died! You weren't there! All you know is what you've heard from everyone else! You keep saying it wasn't my fault, but it was! He threw himself in front of a killing curse that was meant for me! I should have died that day, but instead he died! You have no idea what you're talking about!"
Before I could stop her, she ran out of the library, crying. Before I could even reach the hall she had Apparated.
Just as abruptly as she had walked into my life, she was gone.
It was my fault.
*****
I didn't realize just how much I had begun to rely on her.
Everything good in my life was suddenly missing. It was as if the sun had gone out, and everything had turned grey. An unexplainable constant ache had settled deep in my chest, and it increased with each passing day.
I realized then, a little too late, that I was in love with Hermione.
*****
Surprisingly, anyone can rent a flat in London. Especially a drunk.
I found it so ironic.
When you want most to die is when the higher powers decide to keep your sorry ass suffering.
Figures.
*****
At first, I waited for her.
I hoped she would come.
My life was nothing without her.
I needed her.
But as days turned to months, my hope started to fade.
Eventually, I accepted it, unlike I had ever accepted anything else in my life.
She wasn't coming back.
It was my fault.
A/N: First serious Dramione one-shot. I know, a little…dark…lol. Might do a sequel if I get enough good feedback. Review, please…you know you want to ^_^
~Nimtasare