Know Your Stars, Naruto Style!
By Uchiha Sasaki-chan
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Just as a note, the idea for this story came from an author that I admire who wrote a Know Your Stars thing Inuyasha style. It's not really an original idea, but I was at a loss for inspiration and needed something to do.
Anyways, just sit back and enjoy my crack fic! Loads of Sasuke bashing, yaoi, silliness, and even a guest appearance by Michael Jackson! (Guess which character he is… lol)
I do not own Naruto, but if I did all the SasuNaru fans would be on the floor with heavy nosebleeds.
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Chapter 1: Naruto Uzumaki!
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Narrator: know your stars, know your stars, know your stars… Naruto Uzumaki!
Naruto: *Runs up and sits in guest chair* That's me! I'm gonna be the sixth hokage! Believe it!
Narrator: *invisible sweatdrop* OK! Naruto… he's a perv that likes dressing like a girl!
Naruto: *gags* WHAT!?! THAT'S SASUKE-TEMEE!
Sasuke: *comes onstage* Don't deny it, Dobe… (to audience) You should see the shit he wears to bed.
Narrator: *interested* Oh, do tell!
Sasuke: Well for one, there's that kinky maid's outfit he wears that doesn't even cover his-
Sasaki: *Hits Sasuke* SAVE IT! *Drags said Uchiha off to emo corner for a time-out*
Narrator: Anyways… *looks at cards* oh, you're right, I was reading Sasuke's card… *flips to Naruto's card* Ok, this is fo' rizzle! Naruto… he's had sex with Itachi!
Naruto: OH HELL NO! OBJECTION!
Sasaki: THIS ISN'T LAW AND ORDER, DUMBASS!
Naruto: SHUT UP!
Sasuke: *leaves emo corner and comes onstage* I CAN'T BELIVE YOU'VE BEEN CHEATING ON ME WITH MY BROTHER! I HATE YOU! *runs off sobbing*
Sasaki: Well, that reaction came as a surprise to no one…
Sasuke: SHUT UP!
Itachi: *comes onstage* Naruto, you really must come back to my hideout tonight! I'll bring all your faves!
Sasaki: O.o There are more? You're such a manslut, Naruto.
Naruto: SHUT UP! I ONLY EVER HAD SEX WITH SASUKE, SAI, SHIKAMARU, NEJI, GAARA, ROCK LEE…
Sasaki: WHAT!?! WHO THE HELL WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ROCK LEE!?! YOU HAVE A HORRIBLE TASTE IN MEN, NARU-CHAN!
Naruto: I WAS KIDDING! WHY THE HELL WOULD I HAVE SEX WITH BUSHY BROWS!?!
Rock Lee: I am deeply offended by your cruel statement, Naruto! There are plenty of girls who want me!
Sakura: Oh Lee! *runs onstage* The pregnancy test just came back *holds up preg test* and it was positive! I'm going to have your baby!
Sasaki: Eww! That kid's gonna be really fuck ugly. I feel sorry for it.
Sakura and Lee: WHAT WAS THAT!?!
*interrupted when Kisame runs up to Itachi*
Kisame: Itachi-chan, I'm preggers with your twins!
Sasuke: Eww! Totally gross!
Sasaki: I was wrong, this could get much worse.
Kisame: Wanna say that to my face!?
Sasaki: Hey, if you kill me, I can't write the rest of this chappy!
Kisame: Dammit! *stalks off stage*
Sasaki: And I wasn't just talking about that…
Sasuke: SHUT UP!
Sasaki: Well, Sasuke's emo gayness aside-
Sasuke: No one cares…
Sasaki: Shut up, kusono'o. *Runs as fast as she can*
Sasuke: YOU-
Narrator: Anyways, Naruto... he runs a gay brothel in his house!
Neji: It's the best! *walks onstage with a crack pipe in his hand*
Naruto: *twitches* I think you've been smoking too much crack, Neji, because my house isn't in any way connected to a whorehouse.
Neji: *hides crack pipe* Me smoke crack!?! Never! *Pipe falls out of pocket onto floor*
Naruto: Then what's that, baka!?!
Neji: *shiftily* Uhh... a weirdly shaped dildo?
Naruto: *rolls eyes* Right.
Shikamaru: *walks onstage* Neji, I told you to drop that habit.
Neji: But it's so good-
Shikamaru: I didn't mean the crack.
Neji: But they're so good!
Tenten: *runs onstage screaming* YOU LIED TO ME, NEJI! YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GAY!
Neji: I'm not gay, I'm bi!
Naruto: Bullshit.
Neji: LEAVE ME ALONE! *runs off crying*
Sasaki: Wow, I never knew anyone could be more emo than Sasuke...
Sasuke: I swear, one more time bitch and I will use my Chidori on you.
Sasaki: Shut up, Mr. I'm-so-tough-but-I'm-really-just-a-big-baby-underneath.
Sasuke: YOU-!
Sasaki: Bye! *runs*
Sasuke: *stalks offstage muttering something about... well, who knows? It's not important.*
Narrator: *sweatdrops* Anyway, back to my spiel! Naruto... he uses Viagra!
Naruto: Hell no! Just watching one of those sex tapes Sasuke and I make gets it up really fast!
Narrator: *vomits* You two do sex tapes together!?!
Naruto: Well, naturally! I've also gotten him to do drag and strip dancing...
Narrator: So you're like the pimp in this relationship?
Naruto: *gangster-like* Oh hell yeah!
Sasuke: Why is everyone picking on me? *cries*
Sasaki: Because it's fun. (to audience) Notice my complete lack of sympathy.
Sasuke: Shut up...
Sasaki: You say "shut up" way too much.
Sasuke: So???
Sasaki: Anyway, get on with the show! And no more comments from you! *drags Sasuke offstage*
Naruto: Later babe! anyways, can we wrap this up? I haven't screwed Sasuke in like ten minutes.
Narrator: *disgusted* Eww... You may go.
Naruto: Yes! *Runs off after Sasuke and Sasaki*
Narrator: So now you know... Naruto!
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Sasaki: Well that's one chapter done! Tell me what you thought! And yah, I know it was more about Sasuke's emo gayness than it was about Naruto, but I still think it's funny.
Sasuke: IT'S NOT FUNNY.
Naruto: Calm down there!
Sasaki: Anyway, next chappy we torture Sasuke some more!
Sasuke: Kill me.
Naruto: It can't be that bad.
Sasuke: *glares* You're stupid.
Sasaki: *ignoring* Anyway, until next time! And remember, if you see Michael Jackson in a Speedo at the local pool, tell him it's not nice to scar little kids for life and give him a good kick in the crotch... he deserves it. Bye!