Title: The Truth About the Cullens
Chapter 1: Edward
Author: Iheartgeeks
A/N: I wasn't feeling dialogue. Flamers, I'm gonna go all Super Mario on you so please, constructive criticism only. Also if you're "in love" with Twilight don't read on. These new Cullens have a naughty/crazy side.
If only they knew. I might enjoy it if they all found out, to watch them live in fear, thinking the slightest movement of their window shades could be me, slipping past checking to see if they're asleep yet.
Let me formally introduce myself. I am Edward Cullen and as little people know, am a vampire. I spend my days reading the minds of horny teenagers. I endure what the guys think, and sometimes I'm amazed at the inventive things they manage to conjure up. I've even put a few ideas to good use. But the girls, that's a different story all together. Class is torture sometimes, and not to be cocky (heh) or anything, but most of the time these girls are lusting after yours truly. That's what makes it so hard to be in control sometimes.
At night is when I'm in power. I creep into their bedrooms all stealthy, and have my way with them. Most of the time they believe it's a dream and end up trying to ask me out the next day. Just because I made them have a fierce orgasm doesn't mean I want to be in a serious relationship with them. Yeah I'm talking about that Jessica chick. I did her good one night and even watched her amazement when she showered the next morning and saw the bruises I left on her.
Oh I'm not all bad. I only do the naughty with girls who fantasize about me. They're just begging for it. No, they are literally BEGGING me to fuck them all day in their thoughts.
Before you ask "what about BELLLLLAAAAAA?!" all I have to say is, what does this girl have to offer moi? She's just another game I like to play. Since I couldn't read her frizzy little head, I had to test the waters. I'm pretty good at reading people so I knew at once that she'd be offended if I didn't fawn over her like Mike was. He was mentally fucking her everyday, and to vamps competition is everything.
I like to torture not only her, but myself. Could you believe how long I waited for that modest bitch to get down? I suppose she would have dropped her panties when I sparkled but you don't know how good it is to have her on constant booty call. She still believes I can do no harm, which means I get me some ass, sometimes ethnic, almost every night.
Don't worry, I wear those condoms every time. Why does Nessie exist you may ask. I let my little rule slide this one time knowing that Bella would need to be busier so she isn't nagging me all the time asking why I don't "rock her world" at night. I very well can't say I'm tired. She's too busy chasing the kid around to even care.
Besides I HAD to turn Bella eventually. I couldn't deal with Alice's pestering anymore. That story though is Alice's and I'll leave it up to her to tell it.