Disclaimer: Characters belong to Ally Carter.

WARNING: THIS FIC DOES CONTAIN A CHARACTER DEATH

Fade Into You

So let it hurt, let it bleed
Let it take you right down to your knees
Let it burn to the worst degree
May not be what you want, but it's what you need
Sometimes the only way around it
Is to let love do it's work
And let it hurt
Yeah, let it hurt

-Rascal Flatts
(Let it Hurt)

There could be no worse feeling then losing the person in the world that meant the most to you. There was angst and confusion, anger and rage, among various other emotions running like boiling water through her veins. It was indescribable— the emptiness she felt. But the emptiness only came later, after all the ugly tears and wasted wishes trying to bring him back. In life, some things were simply impossible, like trying to retrieve someone from death, long after their last breath.

Then there were the dreams. After the tears and screaming and worn her out she slept, and she had the dreams. They were tricky and relentless. They gave her false hope that he was still with her, walking beside her, holding her hand, telling her a joke. It did not matter what happened in the dreams, because he was always in them, and that was all that mattered. It was everything she wished for, and she used to only sleep so she could dream and seem him again. Then she got tired of waking up, realizing none of it had ever been real at all. It was like heartbreak all over again, and the tears she shed night after night were countless and could add up to fill oceans. Soon she couldn't stand the dreams and she tried not to sleep, not wanting the false promises of having him again.

She had lost her best friend, her confidant, her soul mate, all at once. It wasn't fair, it couldn't be. They were two halves of the same soul, and she had half of her heart ripped away with her without a warning. They had always faded into each other, and it was like she couldn't tell where she stopped and he began. She still had the slim fire of hope that it couldn't be true— that it simply wasn't possible, but that was before she saw the body, lying broken and scarred in the morgue. It was mangled and charred, but she would recognize him anywhere. That had been the most horrifying image she'd ever seen. That was when the fire went out in her heart and all that remained was the hopeless blackened candle wick. That was the moment her heart had shattered into million sharp pieces. It was the moment the emotions overcame her until she'd almost forgotten who she was. The broken bits of her heart stabbing into her skin like every time she tried to hold onto memories of him.

After that was when the emptiness finally came. The hollowness was in her head, her stomach, but more importantly, in her heart. She couldn't help the feeling that she'd lost part of her and she was now an empty shell with everything painfully carved out of her. She felt as though she'd fallen in between the cracks of the sidewalk where she couldn't be seen or heard and all that she could see was empty darkness. She was free falling without a net. And now Zach was gone there was no one to catch her.

It was beyond her comprehension when she asked herself why this happened to him. Why it hadn't happened to anyone one else. How was it fair? How could something so awful happen to someone so good, someone so pure with such a strong, giving heart. The world around her was cruel and deceiving. It didn't make sense that anyone kept going on, that for everyone else, the world hadn't stopped. Because for everything was slow and incapable for her to understand. The confusion only added to her heartbreak.

"Cammie," she heard a quiet whisper in her ear. The voice was so low she almost thought she was hearing it in her head. "You know it's okay not to be okay."

Cammie wasn't okay; she didn't know why her friend was telling her this. Anyone who looked at her for more than a second could tell she wasn't okay. She was a completely mess. She couldn't even be recognized as the person she once was.

The two of them walked down the cold, silent hallway lined with gold framed mirrors. As they passed one she turned her head to the side, glimpsing her reflection. Her expression was stoic— emotionless. There was an ugly color lipstick that had been applied to her mouth and a dark webbed veil shaded half of her face. Maybe from the outward appearance it looked like she was trying to be strong. Her features were sharp and she wasn't crying.

But she had run out of tears. The crying was done, but she knew the emptiness in her heart would never go away. That was something she would have to learn to live with. She knew nothing could get worse now: the worst had already happened. There had to be something better in front of her. There was no room for anything bad to happen. She had lost the one person that she couldn't afford to lose.

She felt Macey reach over and take Cammie's hand, squeezing it tightly in her own. It was as though Macey was trying to transfer her strength and empathy to Cammie. At that point, Macey was willing to do just about anything if it meant that Cammie would smile. She hadn't seen Cammie's smile in weeks, not since Zach had been pronounced MIA, and certainly not in the few days since she'd learned that there was no chance of him coming back.

Macey knew Cammie had been through this before. When she's found out her father was actually dead, and not missing. It was the same situation. But Zach had been there to help her through that, and Cammie didn't have another Zach. He was irreplaceable.

Cammie stopped walking.

"I don't want to go," she said to Macey, who had begun to give her a strange look.

"Cammie—"

"I can't, it's too final."

"It's almost been a week Cam."

"A week is long enough for me to get over my dead husband?" Cammie suddenly snapped, her eyes seeming to turn almost red. Her finger automatically went to feel the wedding band on her left hand.

Macey's face softened. "Of course not. But you have to do this Cammie. You have to do it for Zach."

Cammie didn't look angry anymore, she just looked tired and defeated.

"I don't know how to live without him Macey."

Macey tried to smile at her. "You'll find a way."

She looked as though she almost wanted to smile but it was like she physically couldn't, like she forgotten how to move the muscles in her mouth. She smoothed down the dark fabric of her dress.

"He was everything."

"It will get better," Macey promised, desperately wishing her words were true. For Cammie's sake. She couldn't stand to see her friend like this.

Cammie sighed, and twirled her wedding band, wishing for the millionth time that she could just feel Zach's arms around her one last time. She just wanted to say goodbye. She wanted him to know how much she loved him, and for him to see how much it had destroyed her since he'd gone. She wanted him back, even for the briefest of moments. She wanted to touch him, talk to him, and love him.

But she'd been wishing that for a while now, and she knew he wasn't coming back.

He was never coming back.

All she had left were the dreams.

Ok, so this is like super depressing. But I haven't done a "death" fic, and I thought I'd try it, plus I was feeling super sad and listening to really sad songs. This was the result of that. Even if you didn't like it I hope you enjoyed seeing another side of my writing, other than cheesy and cliched endings. Not all endings are happy. Leave a review if it spoke to you.
Thanks so much for reading,
Becca.