A/N: I'd like to point out that the dates are not fabricated.
English is not my first language.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter & the Marauders are not mine.
Beta: None.
[received on the 12th of July, 1976, Monday]
HI!
Hows it going Remie? You bugger, we havent heard a word from you, are you dead. hopefully not. What have you been doing? I bet nothing but books right? You should come here, Petes here also, most of the time hes in this small bakery but other than that yeah... weve been kinda busy, I'd like to tell you but Prongs made me promise not to because what weve been doing isnt exactly legal.
How was yesterday? Im so sorry we weren't there with you.
Please write me, you got Potter's address
– S
P.S. Hes trying to grow a moustache it looks ridiculous.
P.P.S. i hope this owl survived the trip but if youre reading this then it probably did
[received on the 13th of July, 1976, Tuesday]
Hello, Sirius.
I have to begin with apologies, I wasn't sure if you were staying at James' or not, but I suppose I could have asked him.
It's certainly nice to hear from you, all of you. What else have you been doing except this illegal business? (I don't even want to hear about that, so don't worry.) I spent the first fortnight of summer in Scotland visiting my grandparents, but now I'm back home. I would definitely like to visit you lot but as you're probably aware I must finish my summer's reading list. I could travel there sometime in August; we could go to King's Cross together.
Thank you for asking about yesterday. It was difficult, but it's no use of thinking about it now. Hopefully I won't be alone next time.
Oh, and the second I saw the owl, I was ready to spade him a grave. He looks bad.
– Remus
PS. I finally had some of those chocolates you sent me earlier, and they were absolutely horrible. The neighbour's dog died, though, so thank you.
[received on the 15th of July, 1976, Thursday]
Hellooooo!
THANK MERLIN YOURE ALIVE
Those chocolates were brilliant you should appreciate the finer things in life! The onion ones were pretty bad though
sad about the dog, was it your friend? What was its name?
Weve been getting to know the Muggle side of the town, its pretty boring. but most of the time were too lazy to leave the house and we just end up sittin here doing nothing... Id be nice to have someone smart to talk to, you know because Potter and Pete arent like that. I have to be smart alone. Whats the idea of having a holiday if you keep obeyin schedules? toss away that bloody reading list please its stupid
YEAH of course you'll come here and well go to KC together. Just remember to pack your bathing trunks... Potters got a new pool.
Heres a picture of us! see how handsome im now
– S
P.S. Whatd you think of a Muggle girlfriend? We walked past a library the other day and I swear Remus there was this one bird with titanic tits that looked JUST like you! With books and everything you know, i think you'd hit it off right the way
P.P.S. The Muggle looked like you, not her boobs
[received on the 17th of July, 1976, Saturday]
Hello.
I appreciate your help, I really do, but I don't need you to get me a Muggle girlfriend, or any other kind at that. I'm awfully busy as it is, and having to spend extra time asking someone's doings isn't exactly what I need in my life right at the moment. Thank you for trying, though, you are very persistent. And thank you for not calling me a pair of breasts.
What do James' parents think of you staying there? Have you talked to you mother? Or Regulus?
You know that I don't swim. Also, the deceased dog was not my friend, it was my enemy.
– Remus
PS. I just thought of one reason why I don't need a girlfriend: I have you. You look like a girl. And what on Earth is Peter doing in that picture? Should I be worried?
[received on the 19th of July, 1976, Monday]
!
What. I'm manly. And definitely not anyones girlfriend, that hurts
i have feelings you know
I'm more manly that Potter anyway. and hes got facial hair. (or tries to have)
We took that picture when they opened the pool for the first time, Pete was a tad scared to jump in so we offered to help. we figured he didn't appreciate us helping because you know, he climbed up to that bloody tree and stayed there for hours
And don't mention my family please. Theyre dead. I don't want to hear about them.
– S
P.S. I meant theyre dead to me although if they were really dead no one would give a shit
P.P.S. Okay that last bit was kinda harsh. But no one cares, theyre bastards
P...P.P.S. I WILL MAKE YOU SWIM LUPIN YOUR ARSE IS GOIN TO BE SO WET pack your trunks
[received on the 20th of July, 1976, Tuesday]
Hello.
I will promise not to mention your family again if you in return leave my backside alone. It's a rather sensitive topic.
Do you miss my nagging? You shouldn't bully Peter, he's going to snap one day.
Regarding your overwhelming manliness, answer me this; in what way exactly are you more masculine than James? Not that femininity is anything to be ashamed of, I'm not saying that. It's just that you cannot honestly think you're that 'manly'. Have you seen yourself?
Also – did you know that the structure of your writing is getting worse by a letter? We should discuss about this before you'll write any essays in school.
– Remus
[received on the 21st of July, 1976, Wednesday]
THAT'S IT LUPIN YOURE GOIN TO GET IT
regardless of your sensitive arse IM COMING
– S
P.S. Petes corpulently OK dont worry about him
[received on the 22nd of July, 1976, Thursday]
Hello.
You've got nothing on me, I'm a bloody moonlit ninja.
Now, you must have seen the text you were writing just there. The correct spelling and punctuation of that would have been something like "That's it, Lupin; you're going to get it, etc." which is, as you can see, nothing like that horrid nonsense you scribbled down.
– Remus
PS. Corpulently? Tell James to stop teaching you words.
[received on the 24th of July, 1976, Saturday]
No youre wrong Remie, youll be a WET ninja once Im done with you.
and Prongs is teaching me only to restrain myself from stranglin him
– S
P.S. Pete was a rat the entire day of yesterday because he ate too much before changing. It was royally freaky he was still peeping like a bloody rodent this morning. Imagine just how hed be if he was a rat a whole year or something, god
[received on the 26th of July, 1976, Monday]
Hello.
Tell my condolences to Peter for being a rat. I cannot possibly imagine how that would be like, being something as horrible as a rat without having any control over it. I can only hope I would have been there to sooth him to sleep.
Whose owl is this anyway? It looks like it might die any minute. I'm trying to feed it extra because it honestly looks like it won't make it to you anymore. Do you have a spare? I do hope we can continue this exchange, my days are rather boring without your letters. My owl is in Scotland, because of the neighbour's dog tried to eat it. (I have no idea how that was even possible.) Although now that the dog is not with us anymore, I should get my owl back.
– Remus
PS. If someone would read your letters out of context, they might look rather unnerving.
[received on the 28th of July, 1976, Wednesday]
HI
I think youre calling me a pervert. are you?
Pete said youre nice. I think so too. Could you just come here already? I think Prongs parents are going mental because of James' moustache... I hate them. not his parents. I hate the moustache
He thinks he looks like Dumbledore but doesn't really. Its not even really a moustache its like he drank hot chocolate and forgot to wipe his upper lip. He calls himself a hunk now. I'm having nightmares Remus. send help
Potters are fantastic. they told me I can stay here as long as I need to.
Pete went home already but hes going to come back before we leave for school.
– S
P.S. Its almost August, come on.
[received on the 30th of July, 1976, Friday]
Hello.
I know it's almost August, but I still have things to do. You can't honestly think I'd be able to study with you guys around? We've already established that over a thousand times.
Hang in there.
Also, if the moustache is giving you that much trouble, maybe you should shave it off while he's sleeping. That might help.
Tell the Potters I said hello, and try not to eat them into bankruptcy.
– Remus
PS. Be nice to my owl.
[received on the 31st of July, 1976, Saturday]
Are you telling me to do shenanigans.
– S
P.S. the owls pretty! All feathery and stuff, looks better than the old beaten up chicken Potter lend me.
P.P.S. I DONT EAT THAT MUCH Remie i'm like horse i eat apples now
[received on the 2nd of August, 1976, Monday]
Hello.
I was just presenting you with an idea, I'm not telling you to do anything particular with it. (But who am I kidding, we both know that's exactly what you're going to do.)
Have you ever heard the saying eat like a horse? You do know what that means, don't you? What kind of horse are you?
– Remus
PS. I was reading a book and it had some interesting facts of canines. Did you know that the first sense a dog developes is his sense of touch? Apparently the entire body of one, including his paws, is covered with highly touch-sensitive nerve endings. You should definitely see if this is true, and then tell me.
[received on the 3rd of August, 1976, Tuesday]
Remie... you do know im not really a dog right? Or a horse. Also I HAVE NEVER TOUCHED MESELF
okay just come here already.
Something weird happened this morning. Prongs got a postcard from Egypt... FROM EVANS and it wasn't anything like "Im here in Egypt sod off" but like a real real postcard. James is broken now, he hasnt moved the whole day. I shaved his moustache off last nite but since hes still in the breakfast table he hasn't seen himself in the mirror yet.
Im scared. i should seek a hiding place before he comes to life.
Thank Merlin hes not the Seeker!
– S
P.S. but yeah, in my burial ceremony please Remie read these exact words: "He died saving his friends from a massive Gnome, but not his family, the Gnome ate his family, because HIS FAMILY SUCKS"
[received on the 4th of August, 1976, Wednesday]
Hello.
I hope you're still alive, but if he's murdered you... that's entirely your own fault. Who told you to mess with him? Do tell him I said hello and that Lily does not like moustaches. Maybe that will appease him.
Also if it's any consolation, I'm scared, too. Next Monday is going to be a bad one. I feel it in my bones already.
– Remus
PS. You touch yourself all the time, Sirius. Don't pretend that I don't know.
[received on the 5th of August, 1976, Thursday]
Pack your bags, Moony, we're coming to get you on Thursday.
– S
P.S. THE BATHING TRUNKS or youll swim naked.
A/N: And... the question remains whether or not Remus was able to dodge this whole swimming thing.