"Turn up the lights, I don't want to go home in the dark."-- O. Henry
It hurt. The whole world was one single pulsing wave of pain. He had known, known the second that the Dark Lord had summoned him that this was it. He was going to die, tonight. Some sick part of his brain was delighted that it was the snake and not the monster whom he had dedicated his life to defeating. There was some faint satisfaction in knowing that Tom Riddle hadn't been the one to kill him.
What were the thoughts of Severus Snape as he made his way through the battle towards an inevitable end? Logistics ran through his mind at lightening speed. How to get information to Potter. Potter needed the information. Perhaps he could find the other two idiots of the trio; they'd get it to Potter. How...
Stop.
It was done, he was done. Morbidly enough, he was looking forward to some peace. He thought of his friends, the few that he had. Of Lily, and her laughter. Of Minerva, of Albus, of Abigail...
Abigail, a muggle who had somehow seen through all his wards and spells to beat down his door when some drunken husband had beaten her down one too many times. He remembered the stark bruises on her pale skin as she drank tea in his living room and asked if he was an alien. She had laughed like Lily.
It had surprised him so much, meeting someone new at a time like this. Stunned that anyone could accept him, want to be with him, love him. He had laughed at the wonder of it, the sound rusty from a lifetime of disuse.
Now as he stretched his arm slowly from his temple the memories flooded out. To Potter he gave willingly memories he had once treasured above all others. He wanted Lily's son to understand, to forgive. Desperately though he would never admit it, even now, he wanted someone to know what he had done. Inch by inch, he placed in the hands of three terrified teenagers the purpose of his life. It was like moving a mountain.
And it wouldn't save Lily's son. If he could weep, he would.
"Take...it...Take...it..."
Memories. Lily snorting pumpkin juice out her nose at his bad jokes. Abigail's green eyes dancing as she laughed at something he said. She thought he was funny. Minerva and he placing bets on which students would be easiest to terrify. Abigail giving him salmon colored swim trunks for Christmas saying that when this was all done they would take a vacation someplace warm. Albus forcing lemon drops on him. Lily's wedding, she looked so happy. James didn't know why she had invited him. Teaching classes filled with students, not all completely hopeless. Secretly smiling when the first years excitedly made their first potion.
Lemon drops.
Potions simmering.
Green eyes.
Smiling at bottles of hope, proudly lined up.
Strange that these moments, so in contrast to his character, would be the ones that came to him now. Or maybe, these were the defining moments of his life. Who he would have been given the chance.
"Look...at...me..."
It was a desperate last request. But now, at the end, he didn't want to be alone. Scared and like a child in the dark, he craved the company of his closest friend. Her son's eyes were so identical.
He thought of Abigail, how he wished he'd had the time. Time to fall in love with her, to stop loving Lily. He wondered what she was doing now, whether she was up, hoping to hear from him, or asleep in her small bed. No one would even know to tell her he was gone. He thought of her, alone, waiting for him to come home.
Lily in her wedding dress, dancing.
Pumpkin juice.
Two pairs of green eyes, side by side.
Abigail laughing about aliens.
Betting on the students.
A pair of swim trunks, never used.
He didn't want to die. The desire was overwhelming. It was surprising that his nearly bloodless, venom riddled body could still feel something so strongly. If he'd had the strength left, he would have laughed at the wonder of it.
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A/N: It is very romantic but for some reason it seemed implausible that Snape would still be pining for someone nearly two decades after her death. Thus the character of Abigail, who is similar to Lily, but also a new chance at happiness coming at the end of a rather sad life. Something about the character of Snape makes you want to give him some tangible source of happiness.
I'm going to try to write something happy for my next story.
And I own nothing when it comes to the characters/original story. Mad props to J.K. Rowling.