Disclaimer: I don't own any characters. I wish I did though…
This story contains femmeslash (girl/girl) so if that offends you then… I don't know why you're here. Also, story doesn't really follow any timeline.
Wishful ThinkingChapter 1: Looking Through the Tears
Ever since the Triwizard Tournament all those years ago, I have been alone. Sure, back then, I had Cedric, but he's gone now; long gone. Those times were wonderful, some of the best I ever had, but it was all shattered once he died and left me alone. It's not his fault, but I can't help the emptiness that enveloped me. Nothing could fill that hole. I had tried being with Harry, but he didn't compare to the feelings that I shared with Cedric; he didn't come close. My friends tried to console me, but with friends like Marietta, nothing they said really helped. The boys in Ravenclaw merely comforted me because they saw it as a chance to get closer to me and fill Cedric's spot in my heart. Even boys from Durmstrang and Beauxbaton came over to say their few words of sympathy. Everybody tried to make me feel better as I cried my eyes out. Well, everybody but one.
Fleur Delacour of Beauxbaton said nothing. I don't think it's because she was heartless, I just believe that she didn't really care. Sure, as she passed me in the hallways, she would give me a nod and a smile, but she would duck her head and walk as swiftly as she could. I don't know why…
Even though she didn't say anything, she always sat next to me during every mealtime. I guess one could say we became friends, even though we never really had any real engaging conversation. We just enjoyed each other's presence at the table. I was glad that Beauxbaton had chosen to sit at the Ravenclaw table, because I don't think we would have met any other way. I don't know what it was about her, but she absolutely made my heart flutter each time she came near. I know I was supposed to be grieving over Cedric, but somehow, she made all the pain lift a little bit. She just carried about her an air of confidence and happiness, no matter how she acted. I guess that's what drew me to her. Also, there was a rumor that circulated around that she was part veela, but I don't know if I believe it or not; I think I just liked her.
There were so many people who claimed to be my friend, yet none of those people really mattered to me. I wanted my Cedric to be back with me, but then as time went on, I also wanted Fleur to be there too. It was all so complicated and hard to sort out that I almost just stopped trying.
All these years, I just didn't care – I had nobody with me. All that emptiness made me think, and all that time of thinking made the anger and denial surge. What was I mad at? What could I get mad at? Harry? I don't even know if he was telling the truth about the Dark Lord killing Cedric; it could have been him all along. So many things were rampaging through my mind at the speed of a firebolt, and I couldn't do anything about it. Even thoughts of Fleur were clouding up my mind. I know it sounds confusing, but she was all I could think of. Cedric, Fleur? Fleur, Cedric? It all was so… confusing. I chose not to think about it. However, a couple of years after graduating from Hogwarts, the question arose.
It was my birthday celebration. My parents decided to put it on for me, because I guess I must have been absolutely radiating depression or something. I lived alone in my own small house, so when I came home to a full house with balloons and everything, I was caught off guard. It was a surprise party, and after they all yelled their cheers, I remember looking around the room and seeing a certain platinum-blonde person amongst the crowd. Her arms were crossed, with her weight shifted on one leg, but her mouth was tugged up in a small smile. My heart did flips, and I got light-headed. I suppose I must've fell or something, but the next thing I remembered was opening my eyes and staring up into mesmerizing, deep blue orbs.
"Happy Birthday," she said.
At that moment, everyone else in the room, my parents, relatives, distant acquaintances, they weren't there; it was just Fleur and I.
I think I blushed at that time too, because her smile grew a bit wider as she helped me up to my feet. My face felt hot as I walked over to the table with cake and presents on it. It was most embarrassing, but also one of the best moments I ever had since my first kiss with Cedric, before he died. Everything went normally as my parents had planned. We all ate cake, I opened presents, and then they all congratulated me. Of course, they all avoided his name in fear of causing me to breakdown.
They all thought I wished for him to come back. I mean, birthday candles are for wishing for the impossible, right? Well, they never really work though, because they're also just meant for giving hope to the wishful thinker. I remember blowing out the candles while staring into deep blue eyes; Fleur was standing across the table facing me. Through the candle smoke, my eyes stayed trained on hers. They were like a beacon shining through the confusion. She smiled and held the connection with her trance. She melted my heart.
Well, towards the end, when all the guests started to leave, I went outside to my backyard to breathe in some fresh air. It was dark outside by then, and so the moon was out, shining brilliantly and illuminating the obscurity of the night. The placid atmosphere was perfect, and to top it off, a part veela enchantress had walked up behind me, the wind blowing her silky locks gently. We sat down together on the glistening grass and listened to the cicadas' song without exchanging any words. It was so calm, so tranquil, but in my mind, I was tense. Maybe Fleur could just feel how apprehensive I was, I don't know, but she somehow knew that I was uncomfortable. So, she stood up slowly and began to walk away leisurely.
To this day, I don't know what possessed me at that moment. Maybe it was the way the moonlight illuminated her creamy complexion, or maybe it was the curtain of silvery blonde hair that seemingly glided behind her fluid form, but I grabbed her delicate wrist and pulled her back to the ground beside me. It surprised both of us. I mean, I still can't believe how bold I had been. Well, she stumbled down on top of me, and I pulled her in close by the waist, her head resting on my chest rising up and descending down with each breath I took. She didn't say anything, and I didn't say anything, so we stayed like that for a while. After what seemed like an eternity, Fleur lifted her head up so that we could make eye contact. Her clear blue eyes were so crystalline and deep that I felt like I could get lost within their immense depths.
She smiled genuinely, and pressed her lips against mine.
I closed my eyes and succumbed to the heavenly and divine sensation. Cedric's kisses had been firm and strong. I liked them so much, and I missed them too, but Fleur's gentle and feathery kiss surpassed anything I had ever felt before. She made me feel as if I just transcended beyond everything, and it was just the two of us, together. Cedric gave me warmth and a feeling of security from the darkness in the world. Simply put, girls were just so much different from boys.
And then it was all over. I opened my eyes and realized I was staring into frightened eyes. Fleur shook her head violently and pulled herself off the ground. She rubbed her eyes and looked at me with regained composure. Her mouth opened, and then closed… and then opened. She looked like an angelfish trying to speak, but no words or sounds were emitting from her mouth.
Shaking her head one last time, she smiled walked away.
Why did she leave so suddenly? I never figured it out. Maybe she did it out of pity for me, because of my loss of Cedric Diggory or something. I loved her then, and I still love her now. Fleur was always so good at detecting little signs because she always observed the people around her. However, she never seemed to understand that I loved her. Now, I don't know what she is doing. Ever since that night, we failed to stay in contact sadly. I've heard that she got married to Bill Weasley and brought him to Paris, France.
The only thing I have left is a postcard she sent a long while ago. It has no date, and I can't read the return address, but it has a moving picture of a flying dragon on the back spitting out fire and roaring as loud as it can.
I'm sorry.
That's all it says, but that's all she needed to say. It was probably an apology for the kiss, I can't remember, but she shouldn't be sorry for the kiss. I just miss her now. If there's anything that she has to feel bad about, it's the fact that she left so suddenly, and without sending me any letters or anything to stay in touch. I still love her, nothing can change that; it just makes it harder to let her go from my heart. On my birthday I had wished for her to stay with and love me forever.
Perhaps hoping for Fleur Delacour to love me back was too much wishful thinking.