Author's Note: Finally, a fic of mine that is not of the romance genre. So I never really believed that Susan actually forgot Narnia, as many people believe this. I think she only couldn't bear the hurt of not going back to Narnia and that in the end, she did go back. Once a King and Queen in Narnia, always a King and Queen in Narnia. So I wrote this and I really hope that I could bring out the pain that Susan felt inside. Also, I had the idea that by telling the world the true story of Narnia, Susan was halfway on her way home. So read, review and enjoy. Be kind, children.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Chronicles of Narnia nor any character that you recognize. I do however, own Hannah and Susan's nameless husband. The rest belongs to C.S. Lewis.
Susan hadn't run bare feet in a field for a very long time.
The last time she felt the soft brushing of the grass beneath her feet was the day before they had left Narnia for the second time, and the day before Aslan had told Peter and her that they were never to return anymore, for they were too old. Before having her heart broken, before being exiled from her beautiful land, Susan had run with the wind whistling in her ears in the wide, green fields of Narnia. Now the grass in Narnia was very much different than the ones back in Finchely, or in all of England really. Back in England, the green, pristine grass looked ever so soft, but when the moment you stepped onto the grass, it prickled and burned and itched.
But the grass in Narnia, like most other things actually, not only looked soft and inviting, they felt soft and smooth and warm and one felt like there was velvet or the finest silk beneath their feet.
Susan, one day suddenly missing the feeling of dancing and running without her shoes on, as she always did in Narnia, decided on a whim to remove her plain, sensible shoes and ran with neither shoes nor stocking in the grassy park near the Pevensies' home. She did it thinking that it would feel as wonderful and comforting as it did in Narnia. But it didn't.
And after that Susan never ran barefoot in the fields anymore, nor did she do anything that reminded her of how things were always beautiful and soft and perfect in Narnia. She made herself get used to the hardness and cynicism of the Spare Oom; England, she fiercely reminded herself. So Susan woke up every day, curled her hair into tight little curls and applied bright red lipstick. She wore fashionable clothes and went out and socialized, and did her best to pretend that Narnia was only a make-believe game between her and her siblings. She lied to herself for so long that she very nearly believed it.
But Susan was still a Queen of Narnia, and she could never truly forget her beloved home. Try as she did to push away her siblings' attempts to pull her back into remembering Narnia, she never really did succeed in pretending that she didn't believe. How could she forget Cair Paravel and archery and being the Gentle Queen and of course, dear, dear Aslan, whose name she secretly and fervently whispered in the dead of night when it seemed that everything was all just too much. She never told anyone, but at the times she needed it most, she could feel a warm breath over her, and could almost hear her name being purred out in the wind.
Susan never really stopped believing, but the time came for her to aid the Friends of Narnia and her courage to finally believe that they may be able to go back home faltered, she paid the price, most heavily. And Susan never forgave herself when she received the news that not only her siblings, Professor Digory, Polly Plummer and Jill and Eustace were killed in the train accident, but her parents as well. Still, she shed no tears, for somehow she knew they were happy, once again in Narnia. Aslan never left His sons and daughters in pain and fear.
Susan also knew that everything happened for a reason, as the Great Lion once told them all. She knew she had erred, and now she had to pay the price by living her life alone, without the solid presence of Peter and Edmund and without the joy little Lucy brought to her life every day. But she thought, no, was sure that one day, she too would return to her beloved Narnia, and there she would be reunited with her family and friends, for such was Aslan's will that He whispered in her ear one night in sleep.
So Susan lived. She finished her studies as she knew her parents wanted and became a writer. Now while Susan was by no means as studious as Peter or naturally smart as Edmund, she was sharp witted and had a way with words that came with the experience of being Queen for over a decade. Slowly, painstakingly, she wrote the tale of how Narnia came to be, how she and her siblings were crowned the four monarchs who brought the Golden Age to Narnia. She wrote of the crowning of Prince Caspian as King, and when her part in Narnia came to an end, she told of the tales Ed and Lu had written to her about their adventures on the Dawn Treader with Caspian and Eustace and Reeepicheep and Drinian. The stories grew, and over the years Susan's faithful readers learned of how Jill was introduced to Narnia along with Eustace and Puddleglum, of how they saved Caspian's only son from the Lady of the Green Kirtle.
And finally, with tears in her eyes, Susan wove the ending to the tale that was Narnia, along with how her faithlessness cost her. There were tear stains darkening the words that she wrote as she continued on of how Narnia had ended, and how the people of Narnia, past and present followed the Monarchs and Aslan into the real Narnia. There, old friends reunited and there, no one could want anything wrong anymore.
Susan didn't know how exactly, she knew the ending to the story she had missed out on. But as she wrote, something, perhaps Aslan himself was whispering the words into her ears, for they felt so right as they flowed from under her pen onto the paper that held her precious memories of Narnia that she knew it must be true. And she knew that she would see everyone again in the Real Narnia.
Satisfied, Susan placed her pen gently down for the first time in months. 5 years she had slaved over the entire tale, and finally the end was here. Susan, now in her late 20s, felt extremely exhausted as the burden was gone from her shoulders. She wished so badly that she would be allowed to return after her task was done, but once again Aslan guided her. 'Time,' the Lion's great voice purred in her mind, 'time has more in store for you, dear one. Soon, you will return.' Susan closed her eyes, silently thanking Him and continued her life the way it should be.
'Grandma, grandma! We're here!' Susan smiled as she heard her little granddaughter shout enthusiastically as she ran into the wide embrace of her loving grandmother. 'Hannah! Dear one, look at you! How you have grown!' Susan picked the child up and went to greet her son, inwardly wincing at the pain the action incited in her back. Her once raven black hair was now snowy white, but was as soft and silky as it had been in her youth. Her lined face still bore the beauty that made her legendary in Narnia and her eyes were filled with tranquillity and peace that came from the knowledge that she would be home soon. But first, she would greet her family and enjoy the remainder of her time with them, for she knew, felt in her bones that her time was coming. 'Soon, soon' the wind whispered and she smiled, content.
It was in the middle of the night when Susan awoke suddenly. She could not tell what exactly it was that made her sit up in bed as if awakening from a dream, but as a silent breeze blew into the room with closed windows, tears of joy slipped down her face. It was time.
Silently, she slipped out of the bed she shared with her husband of 30 years and went to stand by the windowsill. She stared at the pale face of the moon looming before her, fancying that she could see Aslan roaring, His great mane billowing about him.
A bright light filled the room, and Susan turned to see a door that shined with a brilliant glow. She walked slowly to the door, not worrying that the bright light might wake her slumbering husband, for she knew that the light was for her eyes only. Hand on the worn, almost familiar doorknob; she turned to drink in the sight of her beloved one last time, mind whispering 'soon'. Then Susan walked through the door and was engulfed in the light, and the door disappeared, as if it never were there in the first place.
As Susan opened her eyes to the bright daylight that nearly blinded her, she felt younger, reinvigorated. As if she was young again. Slowly, unbelieving, she raised her hands to the light. Her hands, that were pale and wrinkled and wrought with faint blue veins were now soft and strong and smooth once more. Susan's eyes filled with tears; she dared not believe it. Could it be.. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, walked forward and slowly, let her shining blue eyes finally flutter and awaken from their long, long slumber.
And for the first time in many years since she stopped believing, Susan truly saw.
She saw the bright emerald of the soft grass that tickled the soles of her feet as she curled them beneath her. She saw the brilliance of the bright rays of the Sun who beamed sunnily through the fluffy, dove-grey clouds in the sky. She saw the trees bending and swaying, saw the laughing Dryads peek out from their hiding places to bid her welcome. She saw three golden heads bobbing delightedly as they ran and tumbled and stumbled from atop the gently rolling hills she could see before her. She saw the Great Lion smile at her, with love, she thought beaming, suddenly feeling so very warm and cozy.
As the Pevensies were reunited with tears and laughter and shouts of joy, and as Susan's old friends the Beavers, Mr Tumnus, Oreius, Caspian, Trumpkin, Trufflehunter, Reepicheep, Aravis, Cor, Corin, Doctor Cornelius and even Eustace and Jill and Professor Digory and Polly and so many more laughing people, glowing with absolute happiness surrounded her and enveloped her in hugs and chatter, and as the People of Narnia came rushing to welcome their wayward Queen home, and as Aslan, true King of Narnia and son of the Emperor-beyond-the-Sea stood over them all and encompassed all of Aslan's Country within his great roar, Susan finally saw what she had refused to see for years.
She was home.