Summary:"Again?" They both thought before mission to obtain the suppression drugs for Mado. They both thought of what happened last time, Touka being held back from fighting and Kaneki having his head slammed. Maybe this time when they talk they'll actually say what's on their mind. Post Re: 117 TouKen
/*******
Amon and Touka were still in Re: waiting for end of her shift. As their conversation progressed Amon gave in and decided that after they closed up shop he would try to visit Mado and depending on how it went, Touka would the following day. Everyone was relieved that Mado had finally woken up, it meant their latest mission wasn't all for nothing. Having someone as strong as Amon on their team just gave them a bonus. At the same time that there was relief there was also tension revolving around the former investigators. Their plan was for these meetings to encourage less of that tension.
Seeing the time, the pair could finally make their way out the door. Usually, Touka would head upstairs and sleep at this time but everything in Goat had been riled up lately, which is to be expected. Along with accompanying Amon until to see Mado, she would like to get the chance to see the comrades and friends who made it back one more time and console those who were injured.
Touka took out some to-go cups from the top cupboard. They often were not used since most customers enjoyed their beverages out of ceramic cups. But these Touka kept for her friends so she could give them a pick-me-up on a day like today. Where mostly everyone was tired and resting from the previous adrenaline rush of battle. The little extra caffeine could help them gain a bit of energy to finish out their day. Or in Kaneki's case, help him stay up through another night.
She knew where he was right now, locked away in his study. Touka could see the toll being leader was taking on him, even from afar. Not that this was much different than when he went off on his own, trying to take control of everything by himself. She knew that if there was anyone that was able to lead and create peace, it was him. But even the greatest leaders needed to rest and it didn't seem like he was doing much of that lately. They didn't get to spend much, if any, time together since the team came home from the latest mission to get the suppression drug. She briefly longed for the time when things were simpler back at Anteiku. But, as she told Amon before, as long as he comes back home, things'll be alright.
So if anyone needed a pick-me-up it would definitely be Kaneki, and if it gave her an excuse to see him, that would be extra. Also, if Touka was going to cheer him up then she might was well bring more for anyone else she meet. As she handed Amon a few cups she thought it was interesting how things had changed over the years. Where before they would be running for their lives from this man to now where she was exchanging casual conversation after expressing their honest opinion about the situation.
Touka left Amon at the door of the medical ward, dispersing the beverages along the way except for one. When she arrived at the One-Eyed King's door she knocked lightly waiting for the verbal signal to come in.
"Hey, I'll be quick, I figured you could use some coffee," he looked tired as usual, she wondered how often he'd been sleeping lately. It didn't seem like he was headed anywhere soon so she should probably let him work instead of distracting him. In Kaneki's mind there were flashbacks from when she gave him coffee after he first got back. She was calm at first and then slammed his head on the counter so that way she felt better.
"Oh, thank you," he flashed her a small smile, "actually I remembered you wanted to talk after we got back. Sorry, I've been pretty hung up, but since you're here we can talk."
Before she walked in she decided that she wouldn't bring it up if he didn't. They didn't have an operation planned so there wasn't a rush to have a conversation. She was hoping for a time when things wouldn't be so hectic around the base so they could have an easier time to talk. Now that he brings it up to her it's hard to brush it off for later.
"Why do you not want me to fight?"
"Huh?"
"Why do I have to be communications? You knew Koma would want to stay behind and you let him. Why couldn't you have him be communications and have me fight?"
"Touka, I didn't mean it to make you feel like I don't think you can fight, I'm sorry."
"Then in the next mission you better put me in a group that does."
"I can't do that."
"Why not? I don't get it. You're treating me like I'm useless and you know damn well I'm not."
"Touka, you're not useless, I know you can fight well, you always could."
"If you know I can fight well then put me in a group that will fight."
"It's not that simple."
"Yes the hell it is. You're contradicting yourself by saying you think I can fight but yet you won't let me." At this point Touka was almost yelling out of frustration. He was making no sense and not giving her good enough answers to see his way.
"No, you don't get it." Finally he was at the point where he could do nothing but voice his honest, complete thoughts. He held her face between his hands, staring at her in the eye, "Touka, please, for my sanity's sake, agree to stay safe."
She opened her mouth to speak but be cut her off. "I can't do it. I'm motivated enough for my cause but at the same time, I don't know if I could go through with it if something happened to you. I know you can defend yourself, I know how strong you are. That doesn't mean I'm not going to worry about you. No matter what happens in a fight, I'm going to constantly want to know how you are if I know there's a possibility of you being in danger. I'm barely keeping this whole group together, I can't stand the thought of losing you along with everything else I might in the next fight. I can live without getting everything that I want in this fight but there's only two things that I can't debate and that seeing this cause through to reality and you making it out in the end. Please, stay back. Just for me?"
Touka could just stare at him, both liking and disliking his statements at the same time. Though dislike was mostly due to her stubborn nature wanting to be involved in future operations. If there was anything to take out of this speech was that she now knew from his words that she meant just as much to him as he did did to her.
"For now," she agreed not being able to help but sympathize with those pleading eyes, "but you'll need me later."
"Of course, I'll always need you. But when the time comes for you to fight, you'll be right by my side."
"Still, how does it make you think I feel, when I can't see you, just barely be in contact, while you have a target on your back. You won't allow me anywhere near you to help. It's the exact same thing except you are in the midst dangerous position of all. I'm not useless, I can fight as well as our toughest members."
"I know, I know. It's selfish. I'm still begging you, be my strength. Because this is one thing I can't do. It may not be fighting, but I'm not strong enough to do it." Kaneki's hands were still holding her head. It didn't seem like either of them noticed the small pull of gravity between them
Touka sighed, she wasn't done, there would be some way for her to fight alongside him. The sigh turned into a whisper, "I still don't like it."
"I know, I'm sorry," returning her tone their heads tilted to the side synchronously. The gap between their lips finally closed. A moment they had both been waiting for had finally come. For once their conversation went the way they wanted it to go. No holding back for the other's sake. No other emotion to control them into doing something else. The cycle of disappointment and beatings had finally been broken.
"Well it's about damn time," a voice broke their concentration on one another. They turned to source of the voice who happened to be Nishiki.
"Get out of here, four-eyes."
"Don't leave the door open," he muttered down the hall about something along the lines of knowing she was going to propose. Touka was going to respond but didn't see much of a point now that the moment had already been ruined. It seemed like she wasn't the only one who thought that as she saw Kaneki sigh in front of her. What made it even worse was that he couldn't remember how loud he was talking just before, he really didn't want the whole organization to hear his confession.
She saw the look that flashed across his face, "Why don't you take the rest of the night off? You look like you could use some sleep."
"No, there's still some things I need to take care of."
"Idiot, it's going to take longer to do them if you're fighting sleep. Just pick up where you left off in the morning."
He didn't need that much convincing since he was beginning to nod off before she walked in. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "You'll have to come with me though."
"Deal."
/*******
Banjou was currently searching the halls for Kaneki. At first he assumed that his leader was oversleeping again and could easily be found in his quarters. Not that he blamed him, Kaneki always seemed to be the type of person you could always find awake at any hour of the day. Either answering someone's questions or researching with his nose in a book. However there had to be times where he crashed and they had to send someone to find the One-Eyed King to wake him up, usually after exhausting events like Chocula. If anyone needed to recover after fighting constantly, it was him.
However, surprisingly the King couldn't be found in his normal places, prompting a scavenger hunt for Banjou. Out of ideas he comes across Touka door, Hinami accompanied by Ayato heading towards him from the opposite end of the hall. They exchanged a casual afternoon greeting before passing.
"By the way, if you happen to run into Kaneki, send him my way, will you?" Banjou figured at this point he'd take any help he could get.
"What do you mean?" Hinami asked, "He's in the room right next to you. It's faint, but it's definitely Onii-chan."
Banjou eyed Touka's door for a brief second. It was the middle of the day, it would be fine to check in with those two. He remembered back when Touka asked Kaneki if they could talk when they got back, if there wasn't any yelling or sounds of something breaking then that was probably a good sign that for once their conversation was going well.
He tapped on the door a few times before turning the knob, slowly opening the door to a crack. Not intending to intrude, but rather make it easier to talk. However he didn't make it that far. Through one eye he could see his King's form on the bed off in the corner of the room laid on his back. Curled into his side was the blue-haired girl the room belonged to. Their lazy gazes fell upon him before muttering a harsh "get out" together.
Quickly closing the gap, Banjou turned around to face the two teenagers. "They seem… busy, I'm going to come back later."
Catching onto what the older man meant was met with mixed reactions. Hina's face lit up into a smile expressing how exciting it is for her Onii-chan and Onee-chan to be finally together. Ayato had more of a sick and angry expression, not wanting to know any more on his sister's activities.
In the room the couple could hear Hina miss excited squeal with an inner groan. Kaneki shifted to his side facing Touka, "I think this time I'm going to ignore it until the situation settles itself down." She didn't respond as she ran her hands through his white hair smiling.
/*******
A/N at this moment in time, consider this a oneshot. This is more or less an outlet to express my thoughts on what is currently happening in the manga. OOC, I know, and I'm sorry. I was going to keep this in my personal archives but I felt like sharing it… for now at least. If you need a chapter for reference it's Re: 104