Silhouette
The Nine Lives of a Shadow
By Perfect Image
Eleven to Twenty
Tick, tick, Boom--
- For three he plays, for three he strays, and for the last three he stays-
~English Proverb~
::Chapter One::
Ages Eleven to Twelve
Sky Shadow
They were twins, and for the first times in their life, they weren't. Roxas was Roxas and Sora was Sora and if someone called them Sora and Roxas or Roxas and Sora someone was going to die.
The two boys (for they were not them or they or the twins any longer – at least, not aloud) still shared the same room, the same television set with the slightly dusty screen and the same two beds pushed together for sympathetic cuddles whenever one had a bad nightmare (for the two boys were not adults no matter how much they whined that they were).
However, Roxas was now skateboarding while Sora spent most of his time divided between video games and his two best friends. Roxas cared more for fighting than Sora did, but they both still got into playful scuffles – both with each other and other people. And, and – Roxas was into wandering while Sora stayed close at home, with friends, with family, with his security blanket. And they became so totally very different people when Roxas heard them: the whispers.
Roxas wanted to know what those whispers meant: sweet and silky, sharp and edged, panicked and dripping with blood yet to be spilled. Sora cared only when Riku, his best friend longer than Kairi, moved beyond their border of happiness, past the pristine brick wall (that was really metal made to look like brick from far away) that surrounded the city, past the guards with their shiny red bandanas wrapped around their heads like crowns pushed down too tight.
Then both Sora and Roxas wanted to go, so badly. Sora, to visit his friend. Roxas, to find the truth hidden behind those ugly steel sheets painted over to look whiteeggwhite. And they were denied, which was good because otherwise the story would be over and there would be no Shadow or Raven or uncovered truths and fallen tears. The end would be boring then.
Their parents knew though, their grandparents knew, and the rest of their family over the age of fifteen (for that was the magic number, you see) knew. Better to punish them and therefore protect them now rather than see their guts splattered across the ground with hearts torn out of mutilated bodies broken far too soon and bloodbloodblood…
-----
After that, things returned to normal. Roxas actually joined Sora's group of friends, bringing with him Hayner, Pence, Olette – friends from the skate park – and Sora would be lying if he said that didn't help with his loss of Riku. But Kairi was there, and Kairi made it all better in the end – as did the arrival of the twins' uncle's wife's children.
Their names were Namine and Cloud, and Namine was the same age as Roxas and Sora but Cloud was older, yet everything was ok because the school they went to housed every age from five to eighteen so the fourteen-year-old that was Cloud stayed with them until he found friends of his own. Then the twin boys were a part of a group and it was a good group, as Sora said, because they were the perfect mixture of creativity and intellect and physical fitness and humor and weirdness and seriousness and everything that made the world appear bright and beautiful instead of muted and dull and nothing.
And, as Namine (for she thought in ways that even solemn Roxas couldn't) stated halfway through that year, it was like they were all one person and Sora was the heart and Roxas was the silhouette that kept all of them together in one tight-knit bunch with no danger of the insides rushing out and being lost. Sora said this was so and Hayner made such a strange face as he seconded Sora's opinion that the group burst out laughing and nothing more was said of Namine's comparison.
Roxas wouldn't even look back upon that time later on when he could only survive on memories because that moment wasn't a memory but the day he became something other than Roxas and it was glorious and beautiful and he'd be lying if he said such a thing didn't affect him later when everything was so fucking fucked up one couldn't even laugh at how the young man hissed it but rather nod in somber agreement because like hell someone was going to disagree with someone that could destroy anyone and feel no pain and only duty.
Roxas took this new role and fitted himself into it, no longer mischievous and willful but wise beyond his years with his boring qualities (so said the eleven-year-old Sora that was really only a child still) heightened to the point that suddenly the world was dirty and disgusting in certain patches but the rest was still like a butterfly's wings. And neither of the twins knew that such a simile would ever ring with such horrid truth but it did and at the time both were still too new and deaf to the obscenities that weren't but should have been to hear such things. They didn't know their world was only sparkles and light sliding through tinted plastic that wasn't plastic, was too fragile and easy to snap to be plastic, and they didn't know that when holes tore through that world that some human qualities would still remain like dust smudged into the creases of skin and between the cells, being absorbed into the skin to hide until the light shone again and picked up the reflecting shards that had once been parts of a butterfly wing.
-----
Roxas was watching television in the den that was actually just a room with only three walls and a giant square of empty space where the fourth should have been when Sora came in. And Sora didn't say anything which made the blonde suspicious simply because Sora was the sky and Roxas was Sora with an 'X' stuck in the middle because he hadn't been planned but a girl had been and she would have been some stupid name like Rain just to make it fit with the legend of the phoenix and the dragon and long-lost lovers ready to meet in the next life and be together even if in some parts of the city it was a sin. So Roxas set the remote down after pressing the mute button so hard the pad of his thumb was the color of flushed heat, and he turned to face his older twin fully (because it was then that he acknowledged that Sora was older, would always be older – never stopping to think that the clock might just stop).
But Sora didn't say anything still and Roxas lifted up his beating thumb to his mouth and took the soft skin between his teeth with brow furrowing as he watched his brother focus on the television set for a moment before reaching toward the remote with hand hanging in midair until Roxas picked it up and passed it to the brunet. And Sora fiddled with it for a moment before pecking two of the numbers and setting it to the news station. Then Roxas paled and Sora felt the bile rise in his throat once more as what he had seen just moments before came into sight once more.
There was the wall that blotted out the bad things and kept the inhabitants of the city that had no name and was merely called the City safe and cozy with no idea of what lay beyond. Here was the gaping hole, swarming with red-headed soldiers that looked more like ants than anything else. Everywhere else was carnage. Located directly across from the gate Riku had gone through, this part of the wall was most likely to be broken if they were made angry. There was proof of their wrath wherever the camera swooped. Smoking buildings and corpses lay untouched except for the giant hole where their hearts should have been. Those bodies would be burned, though, and memories of that horrific time would fade.
However, for now, the sight was like a sucker punch in Roxas's stomach, and his insides churned sickeningly. The woman on the screen showcasing the most terrible scenes was guarded by hounds of a kind Roxas had never seen before, but he knew they weren't right. If a giant cat mixed with the leanest of wolves this might be the result; Roxas averted his eyes when some light was shined directly on one of the hounds that wasn't a hound as one of the bandana-heads passed by, combing the area once more for survivors or clues. He still saw the pools of blood red disturbed by a tiny dot of black right in the center, strangely human and utterly unnatural eyes.
Sora stumbled out of the room, leaving Roxas to curl up on the carpeted floor and shove his face against the thick material, hiding his revulsion and struggling to control the urge to puke. Somehow, the remote had ended up falling facedown when Sora abandoned it to tear out of the room and the volume was now on full-blast.
"This morning, around nine o'clock, a group entered the wall through its weakest point, coming in and killing all who saw them. It is unclear what their reasons were for doing such a thing, and officials are still searching for clues. Currently, the eastern side of the city is closed from all civilians though, and all those in Sector Six are presumed dead. All relations are directed to head to the city hall where bodies will be housed until the end of the month, at which time they will be burned whether someone has claimed them or not. "
When his parents found him, Roxas was still facedown on the floor, scrunched up into a little ball and laughing weakly, keening in such a way that it came out as twisted chuckles. And Sora wasn't much better off, huddled in the boys' room with all the pillows surrounding him and whimpering weakly in such a way that he seemed to be sobbing but his eyes weren't red and the only liquid was blood dried upon his lips from where he had bitten them until they bled metallic red. Neither of the twins wished to eat that night and school was out of the question. Therapy came up but their rather conservative grandparents felt that seeking an outsider's help was foolish and dangerous so both were sent to bed and no therapist visits were planned.
Whenever Roxas looked back on the past afterwards, he wondered if things might have been different if there had been therapy. But then he remembered that what happened afterward would have driven anyone to insanity and madness of the worst kind to where you're seeing things that were never there and hearing things that never existed and feeling blood boil inside your veins that was never yours and the world is a giant weaving of blackness and tiny pinpricks of light unless you're in Hell. Because, in Hell, the only place you can go is up while trapped in that cage of earth and gravity and heat you can fall or rise or simply disappear.
-----
In December of 3012 on a plane that might have once been planet Earth Sora and Roxas were scheduled to turn twelve. However, they still had three more months to go. And the city that was simply called the City was now beginning to enter winter since fall was short and the seasons were measured by temperatures. Snow was falling and that meant winter and that was how it had been done for over three centuries so like hell someone was going to be a jackass and try to change that now.
Winter meant for the boys what summer means for those that love the beach. Snow was coming and one day in October the flakes started falling while Sora and Roxas were walking home from school and Sora fell down in the grass that was soon going to be covered by whiteness and laughed. It was a desperate laugh because life at school was more subdued since Olette's family had been a part of Sector Six, and they were all dead and burned and gone. She herself was lucky to have spent the day at Kairi's house so she had only seen their faces when it came to identifying them. She now lived with Namine and Cloud's mother and stepfather as an adoptive child; this meant she was also a part of Sora and Roxas's family which greatly thrilled Sora.
Roxas stared down at his older brother with something akin to pity before forcing a laugh from his throat as well and also falling to the ground. There they stayed until the large flakes were thick upon the ground and the sun was dying a violet-red death and their breath came out in such large puffs of transparent gray that soon the two were breathing just to see which could make a larger cloud.
That was the first time Roxas ever saw a Shadow. It was out of the corner of his eye, and he never saw that same Shadow again. But he learned of her name, tracked her down only to learn she was dead. A lithe gray shape the color of ashes from a multiple of cremations with blood splattered across her blunt muzzle and the body of a great cat. She had been a Scout and it wasn't until near the end that Roxas learned she had also been a traitor. That blood had been from her more humane kin, the ones that had not yet bled blue. But, she stopped and observed him with the sightless eyes of one without hope or want. Then, gravely, for she had never known kindness beyond the wall, she bowed her head to him and continued on when he turned to watch her fully – only to see actual shadow where there had once been a Shadow.
It was only when Sora called to him, soft and as tentative as any prey animal, was it that Roxas returned to what he was doing – packing up his various school supplies that had been abandoned in the futile attempt to escape the tension that had been coiling tighter than a bowstring ever since the massacre of the sixth sector.
And Sora would be a damned liar if he hadn't admitted later on that he was frightened in that moment, for he had seen something animalistic and sickening in Roxas's eyes before the mist had dispersed and he was actually Roxas again. Maybe, if Sora had said that the creature was a Shadow – because he had heard of them the day of the massacre because it had been Sunday and Roxas was boring and didn't want to go out but Sora did and went by himself – things might have been different and there might not be a scar on Roxas's chest from where his heart had nearly been torn out. But the other scar would still be there and the tombstone would stay there because not even the words of one's brother can change the world when everything starts crashing down and going to seed in the worst possible way.
-----
On their birthday, the boys turned twelve and both were gifted with material items that didn't mean that much and much more priceless things that couldn't be held but merely felt. Sora received a kiss from Kairi and Roxas was almost given the same by Namine. Except, Roxas was upset that Sora had drifted so far away from him that he would actively participate in such an act and he told the brunet so later on that night after the party turned sour and Namine went home in tears.
The boys might have come to an actual fight if Cloud hadn't arrived at the door then and said in such a tone that made Sora step away and made Roxas step forward that the other blonde was needed outside for a moment if that wouldn't be too much trouble.
They ended up wandering away from the house but it didn't matter since Cloud was fifteen and Roxas was twelve and therefore one step closer to adulthood. At first, they stayed on the main roads, avoiding the few cars that were out driving in the otherwise slumbering neighborhood. Then, with narrowed eyes, Cloud motioned for Roxas to follow him down a side road and Roxas couldn't remember what was said but he did remember what Cloud said when they returned to Roxas's house. "Don't let the darkness take your soul. In the end, it doesn't matter if your heart beats or not so long as you have your soul."
Because Cloud was old enough and now knew of the City's outskirts and the secrets that lay slumbering in the darkest parts of the world that currently filled Roxas's consciousness. But he didn't tell Roxas about it and blamed himself later on when he first saw the tombstone. That didn't stop him from committing atrocious sins. Of course, Roxas wouldn't be aware of those sins until the end and when compared to his owns they weren't even that bad so Roxas forgave him. After all, those swamped in darkness will look for others similar to them in order to alleviate some of their pain and suffering by casting it onto the other person.
At three-o-two in the morning on the day of December twenty-first Roxas blew out his twelve candles and inhaled the smoke.
Happy Birthday – Roxas, Sora.
Perfect Image: A new story, a new alternate universe. There will be pairings, but don't expect Roxas to actually end up with anyone. This is more of a tragedy and character exploration than actual romance. There will be nine chapters in this story and some will be short while others will be long – it's quality, not quantity. Please note that there will be some character death in this as well as disturbing imagery. If at anytime you find yourself uncomfortable with this story, please click the little X in the upper right-hand corner. I am not forcing you to read this. Reviews are nice but not necessary. Please enjoy the story.
Disclaimer: No characters from Kingdom Hearts are considered mine and I do not claim them as mine. The story and concept are mine, however, so if someone wishes to write a story (or create an RPG) based upon the setting I've developed, please remember to credit me.