So this 'fic lives again! (which is a good or bad thing depending on your perspective) I made some minor grammer corrections to these early chapters, but I'm sure there are still mistakes. When I say, 'minor AU-changes', I could more accurately say: "I've turned the time-line into swiss cheese and that I will omit some minor characters and plot-lines completely". If ever there was a 'fic that deserved an apology to Rumiko Takahashi it is this one. This 'fic is written for an american/european audience and therefore cultural/linguistic conventions are westernized, since I do not have a deep enough understanding of Japanese culture, and would bastardize it even if I tried to respect it.

Both, Either, Neither

Prologue

Holiday at Jusenkyo1

When all was said & done wasn't as big a transformation as you might have expected. I mean when tossed an under-developed black-haired tomboy into a pool of spring water and an over-developed red-haired tomboy jumps out screaming at her father, it doesn't have quite the same effect as if you had thrown, say, a boy into that same spring. Still it was not horribly surprising that both father and daughter were just a little bit hysterical… particularly since neither Genma Saotome nor his sole offspring, Ranko, had any experience reading the manga that chronicled their lives or the countless tales of fan-fiction that it had inspired and, as such, were somewhat unfamiliar with water-related transformations.

Of course the guidebook might have helped, but that was in Mandarin, and our esteemed reader, with his superior knowledge of the Ranma-verse, knows how much Mandarin Genma Saotome can read. Of course, Genma at the moment was not as astonished by his daughters abrupt 'ripening' as he was with his own transformation from a balding middle-aged man to a mammal with much greater hair coverage, as well as an increased appreciation for the subtle delicacy of bamboo shoots.

Least confused of the three, err… mammals, present at this auspicious occasion was our honorable Chinese guide, ever-ready to regale Jusenkyo's commonly unfortunate visitors with a "very tragic story". But he was somewhat confused, seeing as how this had been one of the few possible varieties of spring-diving that he did not expect to naturally lead into one of his "very tragic stories".

So he removed his hat to scratch his head and said, "That very strange there. Normally for one like you, honorable miss, that spring not do anything".

To which Ranko, who was at moment looking down her shirt, now much tighter than before, replied, "You call this nothing!".

Well of course not, but we all know (or at least all of us fan-fiction writers tend to assume) that the spring-of-drowned-girl normally doesn't curse the already female with a new body. Which in the guide's words is' "This, honorable miss, is spring-of-drowned-girl, very tragic story of girl who drown one thousand, five hundred year ago, now anything fall in spring take form of girl; honorable miss is already girl, normally not get curse with this spring … you would like maybe show spring-of-drowned-man? Is very tragic story … and nice curse, too! cause lots of amusing situation, works great at parties!"

While Genma, having figured out the pattern of these cursed springs and their tragic stories, was nodding a vigorous ascent, his approval was overridden by an irate Ranko screaming who drug him off screaming, "Oh, I think we've had quite enough, thank you, honored guide, but we will not be visiting the-spring-of-drowned-man or the spring-of-drowned-carrier-pigeon or for that matter the spring-of-drowned-anything. I would like to go home now, DAD!"

And so it was that father and daughter left Jusenkyo forever, forsaking the springs which had both cursed and had the potential to un-curse father and daughter. But that's another story. In particular, it's the one I was planning to write after this stupid protracted prologue idea I came up with.

Another Way to Switch Genders2

Meanwhile, above a small restaurant in a ward of Tokyo, a tall slender girl with long brown hair was becoming a boy. Not utilizing any water what so ever, but rather a long strip of white cotton binding and a school uniform. Ukyo Kounji was to, all friends, neighbors, and acquaintances, a reasonably nice boy who was somewhat withdrawn and an extremely good cook.

But Ukyo remembered a time when 'he' had been 'her' and 'he' rather missed 'her'. When that idiot Genma and his son had come along 'she' had disappeared forever. 'His' fathers daughter was dead now, and his 'son' wanted nothing more than to have his revenge on 'her' runaway fiancé.

Actually, Ukyo, wanted anything but revenge. For Ukyo, a unique blending of culinary and martial arts was enough to life and Ukyo could care less about 'him' or 'her'. If anything, Ukyo missed 'Ranchan', because back then life didn't really care about 'him' or 'her'. 'Ranchan' and 'Uchan' were better friends then Ukyo would ever make. If for no other reason than 'he' had a secret to keep now.

Ukyo finished rapping the clothes around 'his' chest and pulled 'his' shirt over them and sighed. 'He' honestly hoped he would never find Ranma, never actually have to take revenge for something Ukyo didn't really care much about anymore. 'But still', the okonomiyaki chef thought, 'I kind of miss him'.

Lost on the Freeway Again3

A black haired figure in a yellow spotted bandana was running down what he hoped was the Chuo Expressway. That would be leading him southwest, which was the general direction of China where that cretin Saotome had run off to.

"Lost on the freeway again…"

Or course it was certainly plausible that this was the outer Tokyo loop and he was just running in circles. And those folks in kilts he'd run into at the last gas station left him with a nagging suspicion that this might actually be the M74 running out of Glasgow. Which wouldn't be the end of the world since that was still more or less the right direction for him to be headed, since if he was in Glasgow, China would be to the South East.

"Looking for a means to an end…"

Of course if he was on the A82 Fort William, than not only was he on the other side of the planet, he was headed in the complete opposite direction of where he wanted to be going. Stupid Ranma. If he had just shown up like he was supposed to, he wouldn't have had to be following him all over the glove like this.

"I've got a wound I know will never mend…"

Instead he'd be wandering the globe still trying to get to his backyard. Oh well. Maybe he'd find Ranma, maybe he wouldn't. If he found Ranma then he could finally have his revenge. If that was really what he was looking for, after all.

"Lost on the Freeway again."

Hating Hate4

"ARGH!"

Damn those bricks. You always ran out of them before you stop being angry. Then you got mad at the bricks for being broken. It was self-defeating really. But what was a girl to do when it was her only outlet?

Akane collapsed to the floor. She was tired of Kuno's crap. Tired of the damn hordes of boys. She'd wished once that she could be popular, that everyone would like her. Somehow she didn't think it would turn out this way.

Half the school loved her. They threw themselves at her like Lemmings off a cliff. And she had to beat them off day after day. It was frustrating. The other half of the school hated her. Well, Yuka and Sayuri didn't, but everyone else did. They thought she liked the attention. Jerks. Couldn't they see how sick of it she was?

'I want the girls to like me and instead they hate me.'

'I hate the boys but they all love me'

'I wish something would make this all seem worth it.'

1) Everyone loves footnotes, right? I'm borrowing just about everything in this 'fic. Don't sue me. This title references a Dead Kennedys song for no good reason.

2) Borrowed from the Meat Puppets, I know I'm not supposed to post lyrics, but it's only four lines, okay? I sing this song when I'm sad.

3)This title doesn't reference a song because, although I thought about referencing "Lola" by the Kinks, I couldn't figure anyway to make the title work. Which reminds me of the fact that Gary Kleppe rewrote the lyrics to "Lola" as "Ukyo", which I found to be fairly amusing. If you're new to Ranma ½ fanfiction, you should check out his fairly extensive collection of 'fics, as well as Rakhal Stormwarden's Penultimate Ranma ½ Fanfiction Index, to try and find some of the good stuff from before this site came to dominate the Fanfiction community.

4)This title references a Suicide Machines song, also for no good reason.