DISCLAIMER: George Lucas owns all. George Lucas is God. I am merely a sprite playing with his creations. Title courtesy of Matchbox Twenty.
SPOILERS: Well, if you haven't read "Dark Tide: Ruin" this story will make zilch in the sense department.
RATING: G
You will carry on.
Luke picked up the data pad again. The Eye of Palpatine.
The memory of the asteroid ship was buried deep. He still hadn't told Mara about what had happened there. It was a hidden memory. He didn't want Mara to know about Callista.
Sometimes he didn't want to know.
He knew that the two women had met and even conversed before, but Mara didn't know what Callista had meant to him. Lots of men and women had a past they didn't want their spouse to know about, but to Luke it felt like a perpetual lie.
He loved Mara; he had for years. But no one could ever replace the way Callista had made him feel. She had reminded him about being a Jedi and what the meant. She had made him smile and live his life like he loved it.
Even after thirteen years, he still remembered the pain of her leaving. He had sought closure ever since he had waved goodbye to her. He wanted to tell her that he'd learned the lessons she'd taught him and that he would still fight for her to regain the Force.
But he knew she would just smile at him sadly and wave to him again.
He wondered about her, from time to time. Whenever he visited the Temple and Yavin rose over the horizon, he could see her on the room, hear her laughter, smell her hair. Or on cold nights when Mara was gone, he would look to the stars and wonder if she'd found a home.
He hoped and feared that one day he would feel her through the Force again. He wanted to know she was alive but he wondered if he could not go looking for her. Happily married or not, he had never been more alive than in the arms of his lover that should never have been.
Now that he wasn't searching her to pursue their relationship, he wondered if she would stop and take the time to talk to him. He wanted to know if she still wanted the Force back, if she had gotten married and started a family, or if she had taken up a hermit's life in her quest to become at one with the universe.
If he saw her again, he hoped that he could hug her without feeling that desperate, unending need to keep her in his arms forever.