Here's my attempt at the oh-so-awesome Drapple...
Draco burst into Hermione's Head Girl quarters, sobbing.
"Hermione! She left me! My darling..."
Hermione sighed. She'd known this relationship just wasn't meant to last, but what could she have done? She'd warned Draco that apples were whores, letting anyone devour them whenever they pleased.
"What happened?" Hermione asked, patting his back and awkwardly handing him a tissue (which, unfortunately, was patterned with apples, making Draco burst into a fresh wave of tears.)
"She- she ran off with that filthy Muggle...Steve Jobs...she said she'd rather be a model for his company than be with meeeeeeeee!" Draco howled.
"There, there... you know there are lots of other fruits that would love to go out with you..."
"But- me and my apple had a special connection! Ever since I bit her last year...in sixth year!"
"Oh...well..."
"NOOOOO!" Draco howled, catching sight of Hermione's laptop. "LOOK! She's already there! With- with the bite I took... forever signifying our unrequited love...YOU'RE A TRAITOR, HERMIONE!"
"Ahh. Well. Okay, then..."
Next Day
"HERMIONE! MY BANANA LEFT ME!"
Hermione sighed. Draco, it seemed, would never understand the dangers of falling for fruits.