Forgive Me
Summary: What exactly did Sam feel when Dean was letting him know how disappointed he truly was? And what did he confess to purify his soul? *Season8 spoiler alert*
Time and again I have broken your trust.
Time and again I have proven you wrong.
Time and again I have wavered from our path.
Time and again I have hurt you.
Time and again the worst thing I have done is disappointing you.
Ever since we were kids, I have never been able to reach your expectations. I have always been the one to let you down. I have seen that look, the disappointment in your eyes so often that it's etched in my mind. It's one thing that I will never forget. I know that despite all this, you worry about me. A lot more than you should, but that's because you're my brother. I know you love me and will do anything for me, but you also remind me whether I'm capable of doing the same for you. Deep within me, I know I'll. I know I have. But some of my actions have broken your trust; and I have hurt you too much.
I heard it in your voice today, I know you were trying to pass it off as a joke, but the moment you said it, I knew. You had never voiced his feelings before, but in that moment, both of us knew.
As I sit here in this dark closed cabin, I can't help but think of what you said.
"Alright, well, I'm spit balling here but if I were you uh…Ruby? Killing Lilith. Letting Lucifer out. Losing your soul. Not looking for me when I went to Purgatory."
And when you said, "For starters," I knew you had far too much on your mind.
You don't know dear brother; don't know how much I regret hurting you. The truth is: I deserve you not trusting me. I deserve you turning to Castiel, and then to a frikking vampire! I can hardly imagine the hurt I put you through as I see you distance yourself away from me.
"I used to be the kid who believed in God, I used to be the one to pray and ask for forgiveness, but somewhere along the line, I stopped. But I'm back, I need to be. The last time I was here, I asked you to forgive me for killing for the first time. Well, my priorities have changed now…the only thing I want you to forgive me…is my greatest sin…letting down my brother. I don't care if I die today; I just want to be forgiven. I just want some peace in the end; this regret is too much for me to bear…I'm sorry…forgive me please."
Drawing a deep breath, feeling a little light, I walked out.
"…and we have got Crowley in there tied and trussed. Now if anybody needs a chaperone while doing the heavy lifting, it's Sam."
Hearing these words from you, the sudden calm was all gone. Even if God decided to forgive me, I knew you never would. You didn't trust me enough, you expected me to fail again. I knew you thought I would ruin all of it and let hell loose…again. That's why you wanted to stay, to keep an eye on your little trust breaking good for nothing brother.
You don't know, Dean…you don't know how sorry I'm.
Forgive me, Dean, I wanted to say.
"You should go…" was all I ended up saying.
AN: I know it's pretty late, but I finally got to see the final episode of Supernatural Season 8 (Sacrifice), and OMG guys! It was so emotional! I got to say, its one of my favorites! I couldn't believe how most of the things turned out. The whole tension between the brothers was heartbreaking, and Crowley (Applaud), even though I hate him I simply love him. He's totally witty and badass, now that he is more human? I wonder how that is going to turn out in the next season. And hell, Metatron! Ugh, Castiel! He always tries so hard to make things alright but he is so stubborn. Why did he have to go back to Naomi's lair? Why? Now that his essence, his grace is taken, I wonder how he is going to be too! It's strange isn't it, both a demon and an angel are as human as they can get! Crowley with humanity (Sorta?) and Cass without his essence and grace…phew! I gotta say, it was one heck of an episode, fit to be a finale!
I didn't enjoy season7 too much, except for the last episodes, but season8 was a total ride. All with the Men of Letters, meeting Harry Winchester, Abbadon, Naomi, Demon and Angel Tablets, and the list goes on! All the things possible had been unleashed here. And so much emotional drama…
I loved the Sam&Dean sequence in the end, when Sam finally tells Dean what he confessed and how they finally talk! It made me cry. Dean's simple, "Just let it go," 'I'm here for you little brother,' hanging along every line, too much emotion for me guys.
And what an end! It was a spectacular sight, I loved it!
"Angels…they're falling."
I really have no idea how the next season is going to turn out, and am I the only one or you think that God is going to return? At some point, he has to, right?
Okay, I guess I got a little carried away with this author's note, but yeah! I hope you liked reading both the story and AN.
Please review guys; I would love to hear your response and reviews! =)