Broken Souls
Broken Souls
He had always loved her, since he had met her, on the train to Hogwarts in his second year. He had been sitting in a compartment with Hermione, wondering where Ron and Harry were, as the door had slipped open and two brown eyes had looked nervously into the compartment. She had been asking Hermione shyly if she could join them, as she knew no one on the train and her brothers had told her to go away. Hermione had invited her in warmly, and she had come in, sat down on a seat next to the window and had been writing in her diary, silent except if she had been asked something. Sometimes, she had looked dreamily out of the window, watching the beautiful forests and lakes, just to return to her diary as if she had caught a new thought out of the landscape. That was how he had fallen in love with Ginny Weasley.
He had seen her change in behaviour in this year before everyone else did. She had become thinner, paler and lifeless in her first year in Hogwarts. He had wanted to help, but hadn't known how. He had wanted to console her, but never had had the courage. He had wanted to hold her, but had been afraid of her older brothers. So, he had had to watch her becoming more unlike herself as days passed by, helpless, concerned and afraid. As he had heard that Ginny had been kidnapped and dragged into the Chamber of Secrets, his world had broken down. It was this day that he had been sitting alone in his dormitory, weeping silently. And it was this night that his heart was lighter than in months as he had heard that Harry and Ron had had saved her and that she had been all well.
Many other months passed, months of dreaming, furtive glances and happy moments when she talked to him. And still, he had been afraid to be near her too much. He had known that all her brothers had wanted to protect her as much as they can, and this had made him loose courage again every time he had walked over to her to tell her finally how he had felt.
And then, in his fourth year, there had been the Yule Ball. He had known that he had wanted to ask Ginny, but as ever, he had been afraid. Panicking, he had asked Hermione.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," she had said. "But I'm already going with someone."
"Okay," he had answered. "Yeah, no problem, maybe I'm not going at all…"
"But why don't you ask Ginny? She hasn't been asked yet."
So, he had asked her. And she had said yes. And he had hoped against hope that this meant something, that she had liked him too.
He had ignored the glances she had shot in Harry's direction the whole evening, telling himself, as Harry was famous and a champion, everyone looked at him. Then, as he had come back from the bathroom, he had seen her talking to Michael Corner. But it hadn't meant anything; she had talked to many boys. He had tried not to see the looks on both their faces; the same as he had tried to ignore the fact that she had shot now glances in Michael's direction the whole evening.
But then, some months later, he had seen them kissing in a lonely corner in the school. His world, so easily mended after second year, had broken again. He had tried to get over it, to tell himself that there were other girls in this world, but he had known that it was not the truth; he had known that Ginny was his love.
In fifth year, however, things had changed seriously. Voldemort had come back, but no one had believed it. The whole year, he had learned, trained and tried to fill his mind with serious matters to leave no space for her. And at the end of the year, he had fought his first ever battle against a dozen Death Eaters, together with Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and a slightly mad fourth-year named Luna from Ravenclaw. It would have ended deadly for all of them if not five members of the Order of the Phoenix and Dumbledore himself had shown up. And in all his fighting, he had one primary thought in his head: saving her.
After the battle, he had felt that she looked at him in another way; he had felt that she had been impressed by his fighting in the Ministry. But after this year, his world had changed: he had become more pessimistic and realistic, and so he had known that she didn't feel romantic for him. He had tried in sixth year more than before to drive her from his mind. But as much as he tried, he couldn't have helped but to shoot glances at her, to search the sky for her flaming red hair when she played Quidditch. And as he had seen Harry kissing her in front of everyone, he had wanted to hex him into oblivion just for touching her. Some weeks later, however, there had been this battle at Hogwarts; again, he had fought his hardest, to defend his school and to save her.
But then, the incredible thing had happened: Dumbledore had been murdered. As he had seen his teachers, fellow-students and friends break down because of this news, he had known that he had to fight, that the world of wizards was about to fall and that the few ones who had the courage had to rebel and to fight.
And so, in his seventh year, as the Death Eaters had taken over and the school hadn't been Hogwarts anymore, he had re-formed the DA, as leaders with Ginny and Luna. Together, they had rebelled against the Death Eaters. Anytime, when Ginny had done anything and the Death Eaters had searched someone to blame, he had taken full responsibility, taken detentions for her and suffering the Cruciatus Curse to shield her from any harm. Then, Luna had been dragged away, and Ginny, who had now lost two of her best friends as Hermione hasn't come back to school, had been utterly depressed and rebellious at the same time. It had been more and more difficult to take detention for her, but he had done it anyway, resistant against the pain he had to endure.
On the evening before the Easter holidays, they had been sitting together in the common room, drinking illegal Firewhiskey. Ginny had been sad and concerned because of Luna, Harry, Ron and Hermione, as they hadn't known if anyone of them was still alive or not. And as she had been really drunk, she had kissed him, desperate, sad and searching for comfort. He had kissed her back, although he had known that it wasn't real, that she didn't love him. Nonetheless, he had hoped with every sense that it meant something.
On the next day, she had told him that it had been a grave mistake, that she loved Harry and will ever love him, and that they should forget what had had happened.
"But I love you," he had answered desperately. "I have loved you since I know you, and Harry hasn't even realized how beautiful and good and pure you are until last year…"
"I'm so sorry." had been her respond.
She hadn't come back after the Easter holidays.
He had fought on nonetheless, until he had realized that it was time to go. Since then, he had fought in the underground, for his parents, his friends and for her. Until they had come back. Until everyone had come to Hogwarts, to fight the last battle, to fight for freedom. And, although they had suffered and had lost many friends, they had won in the end.
And now, two years later, he watched her marrying Harry. She had never looked more beautiful as on this day, and he sighed. He had known that he couldn't have her, but it was still a torture for him. As the ceremony was over and everyone went to dance, he saw Luna standing alone in a corner, watching Ron and Hermione dancing. He walked over to her and saw a single tear running down her cheek.
"Hey Luna," he said, feeling sympathetically. He had always thought that Luna was secretly in love with Ron.
"Oh, hello." she answered, slightly distracted. "How are you?"
"Not bad. But I simply hate weddings. Especially…" his voice trailed off. He was surprised as she took his hand for a moment and gave it a squeeze.
"It's alright. I know that you love her." With a glance at Ron, Luna sighed. "I don't like weddings either…"
"Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked.
"I'd love to." she responded with a little smile.
Together, they walked to a little lake, not talking very much but simply enjoying the company of the other. As they stood there, watching the ducks and swans and feeling the sun on their faces, it was as if the sun didn't just warm his body, but his inner self too. He took Luna's hand and looked at her, seeing her smile and knowing that she felt the same.
It was in this moment that Neville felt his soul mend. As he looked at Luna again, she wasn't the great love of his life. And he knew that he wasn't for her, either. But it was a beginning.