Okay… Second TMM fic.
Contains MasaIchi (mostly one-sided), some KishIchi… and of course some RyuIchi. May also contain hints of shoujo-ai (girl x girl), and possible hints of one-sided shounen-ai in the later chapters.
…Therefore… DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE A HOMOPHOBE.
Rating: M. (If not now, then later… I think. Tell me if I should rate it lower.)
Also, I really do not know what categories I should put this in… Because it isn't exactly romance, but there's still a lot of it… And there's also gonna be drama. (I think.) …And action.
…
Some parts of this one are loosely based on my own life, and I mean some parts. Not the ones involving guns, blood and murder (durr…), which I think is pretty obvious. But some other stuff. I'll leave it to you to guess what.
… And it most likely will NOT be updated often… Gomen. ;;;
And another thing: I'm Swedish, so don't kill me for all the grammar errors you'll probably find.
…Btw. I AM still working on Strawberry Dessert. XD;;; It just goes forward verrrry slowly.
Disclaimer: I don't own TMM. If I did, Masaya would NEVER get Ichigo. smiles sweetly
Suing is not appreciated.
She, and…
Chapter 1
She and her life
There was laughter. Always laughter and silly jokes. But more than anything there were misunderstandings. Not from her part - she knew perfectly what it all was about - but from her friends and family. They wouldn't have known what she had been through, even if she had told them. For them, all there was to do was to stand up and fight it. But it wasn't that easy.
It was never that easy.
Once she had pitied herself, but now… she was just so tired. She didn't even have strength to do it. She had nothing.
"Ichigo, phone!" The voice belonged to her mother. She could almost see her, anxiously waiting with the portable phone outside of her room, tip-toeing around as if she'd break something if she wasn't careful enough.
Ichigo stared at the ceiling with wary eyes from her curled-up position in her bed.
"Who is it?" she asked the woman outside with a faint voice.
"It's Masaya."
"Tell that two-timing bastard I don't want to talk to him," she said harshly, putting a bit more power into her words.
"But-"
"No buts!" She almost cried.
"…Okay… Ichigo…"
With a sigh of relief, she heard the sounds of her mother's light steps slowly go away.
That was right… Masaya didn't know either. He had no clue. And she didn't want to see him or explain anything to him, because it hurt so much.
It hurt so damn much when she had seen him kiss another girl, and on top of it one of her best friends. She had been crying back then, standing completely still, with the tears silently trickling down her cheeks. She hadn't made a sound, even when the kiss deepened, going from innocence to passion. Until that cursed sob escaped, and Masaya turned around in surprise, facing her with shock evident in his handsome features.
It was the last drop.
He never knew how much stress it put on her shoulders.
"…Ichigo?" It was her mom again.
"Yeah?"
"Please remember to take your daily walk."
"…I do remember, I just don't feel like it."
"Please, it's important for your health…"
"…Fine. I'll go out."
On the other side of the door, Ichigo heard her mother make a small approving noise, before disappearing again.
That was another thing she disliked; her mother always worried herself sick over her daughter, and wanted to do everything for her health – even if it meant to be hated by her. And hated her, she did, even when she loved her.
Ichigo had to write everything she did in a small book that her mother could see anytime. For example what she ate, if she had been out, how she was feeling. And the whole thing was depressing. Like her whole life was being controlled by her mother and one small book.
Her freedom didn't mean a thing. Not as long as she was alive.
She used to imagine she was happy to keep going, but in the end it was all just a cruel illusion. And the world crashed down on her harder than before.
A lot happened, and she didn't want to think about it. And yet, the pictures kept pouring into her head; the laughs, the expectations, the tiredness and all the anger.
And the gun.
She had only once in her life held a gun, and she had fired it. She had known how to fire it. It scared her how little she felt when she killed a man, it scared her that she knew how to do it. It scared her that the cold metal object had felt like a part of her, like a second nature.
She didn't care if anyone found out, she was already being looked at like a freak, and a time in prison would not do much difference compared to her current life.
But it still frightened her, and therefore, she kept quiet.
Again, her thoughts were disrupted by her mother, who gently knocked on her door and almost desperately murmured some silent sentences to herself.
"…Masaya is at the door! He refuses to go home if he can't see you!"
Ichigo didn't reply, but listened as soft steps, almost like a mouse's, hurried down the stairs, and the equally soft voice belonging to that person started to talk.
"Gomen, Aoyama-kun. She doesn't feel very well, she…"
Ichigo snorted bitterly when another familiar voice began to reply.
"Do not trouble yourself, Momomiya-san. I'll talk to her."
There was a pause.
"Tea?" her mother finally spoke up after a few minutes silence.
"Yes please, if it isn't too much of a bother."
Not too long after that, she heard sounds, and identified them as her ex-boyfriend's. He was on his way to her room, for sure.
Angrily, Ichigo made sure that her door was safely locked. She grabbed her keys, her warmest sweater and a black muffler, before putting a pair of winter boots on.
Maybe it was a rash decision, but that way at least there was no need to listen to that cheating bastard's so called "explanations", and she could avoid that heavy head ache she knew she'd have afterwards.
She pushed the window open, trying to make as little noise as possible.
"…Ichigo…?"
Swinging one leg over the windowsill, she gave him the finger, even though she knew he couldn't see it.
"…It was only a kiss."
Only a kiss…? Who the hell did he think he was!
She swung her other leg over.
I t really was freezing cold outside.
In one swift movement, she had grabbed a firm hold on the rain gutter. As soon as she did that, she realized she had forgotten her gloves, because her hands stung with cold pain. But oh well… it was already too late to go back and get them.
Smoothly, she proceeded to make her way down.
Content with that fact that the boy's voice had been quieted by the thick walls of the house, she landed steadily on two feet.
Then she ran.
She ran as far away as her legs would carry her.
The cold made Ichigo shiver. If she had known it would be this bad, she would have brought an extra sweater or jacket. She dug her face deeper into the fluffy, warm muffler.
Spotting an empty park bench, she thought that she'd give anything for a cup of hot cocoa now. She sat down, after carefully wiping the snow off, hugging her knees to keep her warmth.
Taking her surroundings in, she realized she was a bit lost. She had never seen this part of town before. Either that or she just couldn't recognize it because of the snow that covered everything.
"Well shit…"
It was already sunset, she noticed.
Masaya would probably come looking for her…
"I'd better get going…"
Maybe she could sneak in from the back?
If not, she could just make a run for it again, after snatching some warmer clothes and some cash, of course.
Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder
"Ichigo-chan…? Is that you?"
She spun around so fast that it almost was embarrassing.
It was only one of her old classmates.
"…Hey there… Kish." She flashed him a half hearted smile.
"Whoa, it really is you. Wasn't too sure, since I haven't seen you since you quit coming to school with us."
Ichigo tensed up. Then she relaxed again, and snorted. The green haired boy definitely acted out of character. … And he just had to mention school, hadn't he?
"It isn't like you were going much anyway."
He looked mildly insulted, but apparently let it go.
"Ne… Ichigo-chan?"
"Yeah?"
"Mind telling me what happened? I really want to know why you quit school…"
Ichigo stood stiff. "You wouldn't understand even if I told you", she murmured.
"How can you know that if you're not letting me try?" Kish retorted angrily.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Fine!"
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, before Kish spoke up again.
"So… How are you and Masaya doing?"
How ironic that he'd bring it up now.
"Don't ever mention that prick's name again, please."
Ichigo knew that the boy was secretly happy under his blank surface. He had had a silly crush at her for as long as she could remember.
"… Sorry to hear that."
"No, you're not."
She could practically see him bouncing around, screaming: "That's great! Fucking excellent! Splendid, lovely, great!"
"…No, you're right. I'm not."
"I knew it…" she muttered.
"Personally I thought he didn't deserve you."
"Damn right he didn't."
"…So… What did he do?"
"The usual."
"Cheating?"
"Yup. And now he's trying to get me back."
"Do you want him to?"
"No, it's fucking annoying. He just doesn't get it. I ran away because he just had to come banging on my…" Realizing her slip, she paused. "Oh, fuck…"
"You ran away from home?" He looked shocked.
"Yeah… So what?" she grunted in response.
"Nothing… You just surprised me. Aren't your parents worried?"
"I don't care if they are. Dad's a workaholic and mom just wants to control my life."
"… Right... Do you have any place to stay?"
"No, not yet."
"I can let you stay over till you find something, you know."
"… No thanks, since I doubt my virginity will remain intact if I take that offer."
"Hey, hey! I'm not that much of a bastard!"
"Really?" Ichigo glared at him. "Can you really say that after forcing me to kiss you so many times?"
"… Err… Look, I swear not to do anything, alright?"
"Can I really trust that?"
"Yes."
"Deal. … But if you try anything funny, I'll kick your balls off."
"Che… I promised, didn't I?"
"Yeah, you did. So what? I'm just giving a warning."
"One that is very unnecessary…" he grumbled. "I already know how hard you kick."
"I thought maybe you had forgotten."
Kish ignored her words and changed subject. "…Want some noodles before we go home?"
She sighed, tiredly. "Sounds like a plan."
"So…this is your place?"
It was huge for being an apartment. There was a lot of light, and wide windows to let it in. A few well made pieces of furniture were tastefully decorating walls and floor.
And it was cleaner than expected.
"Yup."
"Nice."
"I know."
"Ne… Kish?" Ichigo felt uncomfortable.
"What?"
"Do you have any newspapers or a computer around here I could borrow?"
"Yeah, sure… Why?"
"I think I'm going to need a job."
"Hey, you know I'm letting you stay for free."
"Yeah, but it isn't right. I feel like I'm imposing on you this way. Besides, I still need money for buying clothes and stuff."
"You're not imposing…!"
"I know, I know… but… I need to feel I'm not too. And I need to come out and get contact with people too. Can't hide for the rest of my life, you know?"
"…At least wait a couple of days, until you feel a little better."
"Yes, mom."
"Hey!"
Ichigo stuck her tongue out at the boy. It amused that he could bring out her more childish sides at a time like this. It was probably good for her that she chose to accept staying with him.
But still, something bugged her… Why was Kish living alone like that, in such a luxury apartment? It could be that he had extremely rich parents, but somehow she doubted it, if not for anything else, then for the fact that he still went to a completely ordinary school. Most parents wanted their kids to go to the best school they could afford, and this… was definitely not the most suitable place according to most people from the higher class. That school she had been going to… She shuddered. It was famous for its many gangs, bad teachers and bad attitudes. It was mysterious how anyone could manage to keep his job there, including the principal. It was simply a school you'd only go to if you couldn't afford any better. And yet… Kish went there.
Ichigo made a mental note to ask him about it later if he didn't tell her himself.
"Ichigo-chan! …Hello! Earth to Ichigo-chan!"
Suddenly aware of the fact that Kish was trying to get her attention, she sighed and turned around, questioningly raising one eyebrow.
"I'm going out for a bit. I have something I need to take care of…"
"Okay. What are you going to -?" Ichigo didn't get to finish her question, because Kish pretended that he hadn't heard it, and continued as if she hadn't said anything.
"Feel free to look around, take a shower or whatever you want."
The girl sighed again. "None of my business, right?"
Kish looked at her for a second, his eyes meeting hers. Perhaps it was just her imagination, but for a moment, it seemed like a flash of regret swept over his face. However, it disappeared so quickly she wasn't even sure it had been there at all.
"Anyway, there's a spare futon in the room over there. Don't stay up waiting for me."
"You're acting out of character again."
Kish eyed her sceptically, which was something Ichigo almost had been sure he couldn't do. "Do you want me to pounce on you every time I get the chance then? If that's the case, I think that promise was a bit unnecessary."
"No, that's fine, thank you. Besides, I didn't mean that part anyway. Before, you seemed to be more…"
"Childish?" Ichigo bit her lip and nodded. "…Well, sorry…" His expression softened a bit. "Time changes people."
"I know", she murmured. That was something she knew herself, all too well.
"Listen, don't stay up because of me. I'll be late. Okay?"
"Okay…"
"Good!" He smiled. "See you tomorrow then."
"Yeah…"
After that, he grabbed his coat and left, carefully locking the door for her.
And Ichigo felt emptier than ever before.
She was alone again.
And surprised, she realized that she hated it.
Twelve hours later, when it was morning, Ichigo popped her head through the kitchen door with a bright smile plastered all over her face.
"Morning!" she said to her old classmate, who was sitting down at the table, calmly sipping some coffee.
"Morn -" He choked on said coffee, as he saw what she was wearing, or rather the lack of what she was wearing.
"Don't walk around in your underwear like that!" he spluttered after getting finished coughing.
"What…? It's not worse than wearing a bikini, you know", she replied cheerily. "And you already promised not to pounce on me, so it shouldn't be a problem, should it? Plus, I have a t-shirt too."
"…You really enjoy torturing me, don't you?" He was trying his best not to stare at her slender, creamy legs – and the lime green pair of panties she was wearing.
"Of course."
"You're evil."
"I know."
"So… what are you planning to do today?" he changed the subject, concentrating hard on his coffee, or what was left of it.
"Look for a job."
"Hey!" Kish's head snapped up, only to notice that his favourite girl was staring intently into his eyes.
"You said you'd wait till you felt better", he said weakly.
"Trust me; this is as good as I can possibly feel right now…"
Kish groaned, knowing that the girl's determination wasn't something he could win against.
"Whatever. Just be careful not to get anything too stressing."
"I will."
"And get some breakfast first."
She whined. "Aw, no… I'll only barf if I eat anything now."
"You feel sick?"
"Yeah, kind of." She smiled.
"It's almost as if you're pregnant…" Kish muttered darkly.
Ichigo glared. "How can I be pregnant if I'm still a virgin? Asshole."
"How can I know you're not lying?" He smirked.
"I have no fucking reason to lie about that!"
"Can't be too sure…"
"You're nuts are so gonna get it if you say anything like that again!"
"Get what?" he asked playfully.
Ichigo, realizing what he was thinking about, fumed. "Perverted asshole!"
"Whoa, I hear they get really fiery when they're pregnant. Maybe Masaya really did knock you up…" he mused, expecting more yelling from Ichigo's part.
Only that it was completely silent.
He raised his head once more, this time in shock.
He was sure he had heard a sob.
And true, Ichigo stood there, her liquid ruby eyes flooded with tears. Her whole body was shaking, her hands desperately clutching the edge of the table. With another sob, they flew up to hide her tear streaked face instead.
"I thought… I told you not to… mention that two-timing prick in front of me."
She looked so vulnerable that it hurt Kish to look at her.
"I'm sorry, Ichigo", he whispered, "so sorry."
To be honest, he thought the girl had just been angry with Masaya, and that they would get back together in no time at all. He never understood that she really had loved him, and that that love was the cause of her not wanting to hear his name ever again.
She loved him.
She loved him, Masaya, and it hurt Kish, hurt him so much.
Because either way, no matter if they got back together, or if they didn't, he could not get to her heart. Because that heart was already broken in two pieces, one resting with the one who had betrayed her, one with herself. Because half a heart was not enough to love with.
"…Even if you feel sorry, that doesn't help one bit!" she half yelled.
"I know, okay? But I really am."
"Yeah… I know…" she sniffed.
"Listen… You need to get over him. Either that or forgive him…" He knew he was hurting himself by saying the latter, but it didn't seem that important.
"…I know. But how can I ever trust someone who has already betrayed me?"
Kish secretly felt relieved when she said that. "Then get over him."
"I can't…" That stung.
"Look, forget it for now. I'll help you look for a job." He sighed for, what he was sure was, at least the fifth time that morning.
"Okay…"
Meanwhile, Mrs. Momomiya had a talk with Masaya. Her face, just like Ichigo's, was wet from crying, and there were a few more wrinkles in her face. And no matter how much Masaya tried to calm her down, she wouldn't stop crying. He himself felt like doing so, but he couldn't do that in front of her. Someone had to be strong there.
"Momomiya-san, I'm sure she'll come back. If not, I'll find her."
The woman didn't hear a word he said. Her hands, that held a teacup so hard that her knuckles whitened, were shaking. "I knew she'd do this one day, I must have driven her too hard, I should have worked harder to send her to another school than that damned place… It was my fault. She isn't coming back. I knew how she felt, and I drove her so hard. I didn't care about her feelings. I didn't want her to make the same mistake as I did. I wished she wouldn't have to learn the hard way, but it was wrong, so wrong… so wrong… It was my fault! I only have myself to blame, I was so stupid -" and she continued to ramble, putting all the blame on her own mistakes.
Masaya felt his throat go dry. He couldn't care less about the woman, but Ichigo was missing, and she constantly reminded him of it.
Ichigo. The first girl he had ever felt attracted to for real, the first one he ever considered a real girlfriend. She was so innocent and pure, had her own ideals and was smart. And he wanted to be her first, one and only. No one else could have her, for she was his, even if she didn't realize it herself.
For her, he had even been planning on dropping his habit of cheating. He had thought she would run away if she ever found out, and he was right. He knew this, now that the damage was already done.
"Momomiya-san." She still didn't hear him. "Momomiya-san!" No reply. "Momomiya-san!" He roughly took the teacup from her hands, seeing as it had started to crack.
"Huh? Aoyama-kun?" She blinked away a few tears.
"You were clutching that cup so hard I was afraid it would break." He added a small smile. "We wouldn't want a bloody mess at the carpet now, would we?"
She looked very pale all of the sudden.
"I promise Ichigo will be fine."
"Thank you…" she whispered hoarsely.
"What about this one?"
"No, it's says that they need workers who are used to dangerous jobs."
"Well, I am."
"Listen, I'm not letting you work there, okay?"
"Why do you have to approve?"
"Because it's my apartment you are borrowing."
"Fine. I won't take it."
"What about this one? Seeking model around age sixteen. The pay is high."
"No, look at the side note. It's nude photos."
Kish smirked. "Well I wouldn't mind."
"I bet. Being the sick, twisted bastard you are."
"I'll take it as a compliment."
"…This isn't going anywhere."
They had been sitting in Kish's living room for two hours already, with papers spread all over the floor. And the only reason they were still there was Kish's… original way of thinking. He didn't want her to do anything too hard, and the only jobs he found for her himself were very questionable.
"Hey, I think I've found something."
"It's not anything perverted this time, right?"
"No, actually it isn't. It's a café." He handed the ad over to Ichigo.
She raised one eyebrow. "Café Mew Mew? A cosplay café?"
"Yup, seems nice enough, doesn't it?"
"…Yeah. The pay is good too. But what's with the side note? 'You need to know how to aim'."
Kish shrugged. "Ask them about it when you get there. It probably doesn't matter anyway. You've always been great at it."
There was a flash of a gun in her mind. She flinched at the memory of a bullet burying itself between a stranger's eyes. Luckily, the boy didn't seem to notice. "…Yeah", she murmured, trying to put an emotionless mask on.
"Then, Café Mew Mew it is."
Current Inspiration Music: Prince of Tennis OST, Noir OST.
Nyaa! Eight pages! In just two days! (happy) I think that's my new record.
Oh well, that probably won't continue. But review and it might help (winks)
…Actually, they'll help a lot. XD