Disclaimer: Do I own Harry Potter? I wish!
That suffocating void in his chest was still there.
It had been there in the Hospital Wing, when he'd gone to visit Ron and Hermione. He had visited them to check up on how they were doing. Though also, secretly, he had hoped for comfort from their company. When the two turned out to be accompanied by Ginny, Neville and Luna, Harry had thought that they could surely drown the icy gusts in the depths of his void with warmth. But as Ron taunting Umbridge with the mock of centaur hooves gave no amusement to Harry, he realized he was wrong.
After he'd left the Hospital Wing—being intercepted by an angered Malfoy (for his pathetic father being imprisoned) and his stupid cronies, a vindictive Snape and a kindly McGonagall, whose addition of Gryffindor points gave Harry no joy whatsoever, because of that damn void—he headed over to Hagrid's hut. Harry had been hoping that Hagrid could be what he was seeking, a gust of warmth in his cold, numb chest. A distraction from reality. It was no use.
So, Harry found himself sitting on the edge of the lake, watching the Giant Squid indulge in the sunlight by emerging every now and then from the shimmering depths. Being alone in his stifling dormitory had been maddening, deepening the void; upon leaving Hagrid's hut, Harry had glimpsed the lake shining under the sun, almost as if it were winking at him. His feet had moved on their own accord, and when he's sat down on the riverbank he had hoped that the suffocating void in his chest would be filled with the chirping birds, the trickling waterdrops from the squid breaking the lake's surface, the breeze murmuring reassuringly against his skin…
No such luck.
The void was as hollow and cold as ever. It would remain that way because Sirius was gone. Dead. As this reality slammed into his stomach yet again, Harry resisted the urge to bawl right there and then, right in front of the bloody Giant Squid and its carefree little life. Choking back his sobs, Harry swiped furiously at the tears prickling his eyes, threatening to spill.
Everyone had, much to Harry's relief, avoided topic of conversation regarding his late Godfather. He had no wish to speak about it. In fact, Harry wanted to forget about it. To be blissfully unaware, like when he hadn't even known of Sirius Black's existence. He felt a twinge of guilt when he wished he had never met Sirius in the first place, believed him to be a murderer, just so he wouldn't have to go through the pain of loosing him. As soon as he thought that, Harry banished it, disgusted at himself. But he had still thought it and that only made the void deeper. A strangled cry of frustration escaped his throat.
"The pollen from flowers are actually unborn fairies trying to latch onto any surface possible to grow a new home before they are born. That's why they irritate your nose and throat." A dreamy voice drifted from behind him.
As soft as the voice was, it had broke Harry out of the dark depths of his confusion and made him jump so violently that he tumbled forwards—right into the shimmering lake. The water shattered around him like glass. His plunge being as brief as he could make it, Harry scrabbled at the blue for air, and then he clawed at the surface of the riverbank. A pale hand extended towards him. Grumbling, Harry took Luna Lovegood's hand and allowed her to help him get back onto land. Her expression was as infuriatingly serene as ever, save for the amused glisten in her eyes. It was then that Harry's glasses, that had been clinging onto him desperately for dear life, fell lopsided on his face. Blurry Luna and the hazy green world behind her were almost calming. Luna corrected the glasses on his eyes, and Harry blinked.
"What are you doing here, Luna?"
"I saw the Giant Squid and wanted to talk to it, but it was already conversing with you." Harry couldn't help it. He snorted. For the first time since Sirius' death, a surge of amusement coursed through his veins. Oh, how refreshing it was, though it lasted only a nanosecond.
"Talk about what?" He found himself asking.
"Just small talk. Like, for example, how the Merpeople are faring." A half-hearted laugh weaselled its way out of Harry's lips.
"They're probably annoyed that I just fell into their home…" Initially it was supposed to be a joke. But then, Harry contemplated how it must be like and intruder breaking through the roof in the Muggle world. The comparison made him feel suddenly rather sheepish.
"They live at the bottom; a little splashing shouldn't be much of a bother." Luna airily dismissed his statement. The melody of Hogwarts' Grounds occupied the silence between the two. Harry cleared his throat as Luna's eyes scrutinized his face unabashedly.
"Well, I'll give you and the Giant Squid some alone time." Harry said, smiling a little. It wasn't forced, like every post-Sirius smile had been.
"You look like you need something, Harry." Her statement made Harry shift uncomfortably, turning his gaze from her to the sky above. An owl sailed by.
"I need to get rid of Voldemort before he continues to hurt more people." He ground out, ignoring the sudden icy gust in his void.
"No, that's not it," she said, as if solving a particularly difficult riddle. Chancing a glance at Luna, he noticed her pale eyebrows were furrowed in contemplation. "I suspect it has something to do with Sirius Black." Harry's blood ran cold. No-one but Dumbledore had dared talk about his late Godfather, and Harry had smashed all he could in his Headmaster's office when the old man had offered that he knew what it felt like. If Luna uttered those words, he would howl like a crazed baboon, race into the Forbidden Forest and dance stark naked for any dangerous creature to see.
"Well you suspect wrong." Harry told her firmly, before turning his back to her and heading to the castle. He really didn't fancy losing his mind, and when the idea of dancing naked in the Forbidden Forest crossed it, he knew his sanity was in a very worrying position indeed.
As he walked up the stone steps, his mind wandered to the deep void in his chest again. The void had always been there, since he was old enough to comprehend what his parents' death meant. After Cedric Diggory's death, the void gaped wider. Then with Sirius gone…Harry believed that if he were to drop a rock down his void he would never hear it drop at the bottom. The emptiness was threatening to engulf him, and it was driving him mad. Luna was only partially right: Harry did want something, but it wasn't only to do with Sirius.
As he headed to the staircases, Harry nearly yelped in shock when he realized Luna had been trailing him the entire time. Resisting the urge to yell, Harry took deep, calming breaths as he regarded her and her irritatingly serene expression. Those eyebrows weren't furrowed anymore, and she seemed undisturbed by her thoughts. Harry had a bad feeling she'd come to a conclusion, and a partially accurate one at that.
"I'm tired, Luna. I'm heading off to my dormitory." When she showed no sign of moving, he added, as an afterthought, "it's in the Gryffindor tower, just in case you've forgotten."
"Oh, no, I haven't forgotten, Harry." She replied brightly, grabbing his hand and yanking him into a direction that was certainly not Gryffindor tower.
"Luna—wha—where—stop, Luna!" A stream of spluttered words left Harry's mouth to deaf ears. Finally, she stopped outside an all too familiar corridor on the seventh floor, with the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy across from it. The room that they'd been using for Dumbledore's Army for this whole year.
"Why are we standing outside the Room of Requirement?" Harry questioned, feeling a sense of apprehension for whatever was formulating in the Ravenclaw's head.
"You tell it that, Harry." Luna commanded dreamily.
"What?"
"What you need is imbedded very deep in your mind…the room can help you come to terms with what it is." Harry gaped at her. Could she see the void?
Then, he eyed the wall. He walked up and down three times. Harry Potter knew what he wanted.
He wanted to fill the suffocating void in his chest.
He wanted to come to terms with death.
A large, oaken door appeared on the wall.