Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or the song.
The Ultimate Betrayal
Last time I held you
You held the cards and I was
asking for anything you had
you saw it coming
but you didn't tell me and
next thing everything turned bad Lindsey stood just inside the door to their apartment, a bag full of clothes at her feet and eyes glazed over with anger. Her fists were clenched by her side, a conscious effort to control any emotion that was threaten to be exposed, besides rage. Bobby stood at the opposite side of the room, brought pathetically to his knees, begging for her forgiveness. But she'd heard it all before, from different men throughout her life; drunkenness was never an excuse for being unfaithful. It was the ultimate betrayal. You got the car and I got the brake
I've had as much as I can take
My heart can't handle anymore
All the kings horses and all the kings men
couldn't put me back together again
so I laid in broken pieces on the floor
so don't come back for more "Wait!" Bobby's voice was suddenly stronger, out of desperation rather than any form of control. He held his breath as Lindsey broke her stare with the floor and looked up to meet his eyes. She released her clenched fists to reach back for the door handle, petrified that the tears that were threatening to fall would eventuate. "Please Lindsey. You're carrying my child; you can't just walk away from me." "Maybe you should have thought of me last night." "Can you just give me a chance to explain? Please?" He had tears glistening in his own eyes, staring down the barrel at complete loneliness. Losing everything he ever needed and wanted. "Just tell me who she was. An old girlfriend?" Her voice caught in her throat and suddenly she didn't care. He'd hurt her and he should know, just how deeply. "I.umm.I don't know who she was Lindsey. I never even asked her name." "You bastard." She picked up her bag, swinging it over her shoulder as she slammed the door behind her. Blindly rushing out of the building, she bumped into people and tripped over objects that were completely invisible as the world blurred through her tears. She arrived at Helen's, bordering on hysterics, necessity far outweighing her pride. "Lindsey?" Helen's eyes widened and curiosity immediately took hold. But suddenly, act first and ask questions later, seemed more relevant. She held the door open and waited; gently taking hold of Lindsey's forearm when she failed to move. "Where's Ellenor?" Lindsey whispered, her voice barely audible. "She's out. I don't know where. It's okay." This time Lindsey allowed Helen to lead her inside and over to the couch. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" "Can I sleep here tonight?" Lindsey replied, seemingly ignoring Helen's question and curling up on the couch, drawing her knees to her chest. "Like you even have to ask! You know you can. Was it a fight with Bobby Linds? Is that what happened?" Lindsey stared straight ahead, bringing trembling hands to her face. She was shivering despite the heated apartment and Helen quickly covered her with a blanket. "I'm going to get you some tea okay." Rushing into the kitchen, Helen immediately picked up the phone dialling Bobby. Receiving the familiar message of their answering machine, she left a desperate recording. "Bobby! What the hell is going on? I've got Lindsey here and she's a mess, I need to know what's happened? For Christ's sake, pick up the phone if you're there!" She waited a few more seconds and hung up; more confused then ever. By the time Helen returned to the lounge, Lindsey had fallen into a restless sleep; wet, salty tracks still evident on her cheeks. She slept only for a few hours though, waking to find her heart still broken and love destroyed. Sleep refused to come again and she stared blankly into the darkness until the sun peaked over the horizon and Helen quietly slipped out of her room, hoping to find Lindsey still asleep. "Can't sleep?" "Nah. What are you doing up Helen?" At least she was speaking, a significant improvement on the night before. "What are you talking about? I'm always up at this time!" Lindsey smiled ever so slightly, late nights and early mornings it came with the territory of being a lawyer. "In the mood to take advantage of this freezing morning and talking?" "He cheated on me." Lindsey said simply, without hesitation. Hours of silent thinking had numbed her pain, if not hardened her heart. "What?" "He got drunk and slept with a woman who he didn't even know. That's it. End of story." "Lindsey.I.I don't know what to say. Are you sure?" "He told me. So, yes. I'm sure." "The baby." Helen trailed off. "We'll be fine." "I'm so sorry." Helen engulfed her in a hug, but she pulled out of it, refusing to submit to the lump that formed in her throat. "I wrote this. It's a letter to withdraw from the partnership. They can either buy me out or sell to someone else. I don't care anymore." Lindsey held up a white envelope, already addressed and stamped. "I don't think you should do anything just yet." "I've got a good rep. I can get a better job, anywhere in the country. Maybe this is fate." "It's your decision." Lindsey nodded and walked out the door, pulling a long coat tight around her as the cool morning air hit her. She walked to the nearest post box and didn't hesitate before slipping it in. Last time I saw you
you didn't see me from
the sidewalk south side of town
I called your name with a whisper so
you wouldn't hear me and turn around Lindsey gasped and froze as she saw the familiar image of her husband walked on the opposite sidewalk. Her controlled demeanour melted and a single tear fell down her right cheek. It didn't seem fair. She loved him more than life itself and he'd hurt her. How could life possibly be so cruel as to make her leave the man she worshipped. The man she'd planned a future with, conceived an unborn child with. What sort of twisted act of faith, would take that away from her and tear her heart into a million different pieces? Part 2 You got the car and I've got the brake
I've had as much as I can take
My heart can't handle anymore
All the kings horses and all the kings men
couldn't put me back together again
so I laid in broken pieces on the floor
so don't come back for more It was two days later when Lindsey finally decided to brave the office. Her watch read 8:09pm, late enough for her to take the chance that it would be empty. Glancing around her hotel room, she took a deep controlling breath. It wasn't uncomfortable to live in; quite beautiful really, it just wasn't home. Her hand lingered and rested on her slightly swollen abdomen, she had a doctor appointment in two days and had been using it as an excuse to stay in Boston. Truth was, Lindsey didn't have anywhere to go; it was hard to admit, even to herself, but her entire life was in this city. She was well past the age where she could run home to her parents, plead youthful ignorance and curl into their open arms. Being with Bobby and focussing intently on her work in recent years, she'd lost contact with her friends from college; so that option was also ruled out. Staying with Helen was too uncomfortable with Ellenor living there; too many questions Lindsey couldn't bring herself to face. She shook her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts and picked up her keys rushing out before she had a chance to change her mind. It wasn't until she parked her car near their building that her stomach knotted up and her pulse raced. What if Bobby was working late? Facing him, suddenly her greatest fear. If she saw him again and the memories of their love came flooding back, she knew she might forgive him. But he didn't deserve to be forgiven, not this time. "Just get out of the car, walk to the office, and get my stuff and leave." Lindsey spoke out loud, disgusted by her sudden weakness. She got out, slammed the car door and headed for the elevator. ~&~ Bobby was working late as he had done the past few nights. It didn't matter though; his guilt and loneliness followed him wherever he went. His court appearances had been little more than pathetic and whispers were circulating around the office. Nobody knew the full story but their theories were closer then they thought. He heard a key in the front door and he glanced up, confusion etched into his forehead. Everyone had left more than two hours before and it was unusual for them to return to the office. He rose from behind his desk, his shirt untucked, sleeves rolled up and tie undone, hanging loosely around his neck. "Lindsey!" He gasped, seeing her as soon as he walked out of his door. She glanced up at him, just staring at him for a few seconds, not trusting her voice. Breaking the gaze, she rushed towards her desk, throwing everything on it into a cardboard box. "I got your letter Lindsey. I haven't told the office, because I'm refusing to accept it." "You can't do that Bobby. I can leave whenever I wish." Her voice came out cold and emotionless. "You're the best we've got. Without you, we might as well all pack up and leave." "Don't be ridiculous. I was the last to join the partnership and you were doing fine before me." "Doing fine? Lindsey, come on. You know we were struggling before you joined." "I'm so pleased you want me back just because I'm a good defence lawyer, Bobby. I guess I was right, our marriage meant nothing to you." "Lindsey. I love you. We were so happy together, the child inside of you proves that." She came to a photo on her desk, her and Bobby at their wedding. "Yeah. We were happy.once." "We can be happy again. You just need to give me another chance, give us another chance." "I can't be with someone I don't trust." She choked on her last words, stopping and struggling to regain some composure. "I'll earn your trust back Lindsey. I'll do anything you want me to do; anything at all." The last time I thought of you
Was in this song and I
Can't get you out of my head
But I'm not stupid I can
Just walk away and
I'll break my own heart instead "No Bobby. I promised I wouldn't do this; I promised I wouldn't take you back." He took a few steps towards her, wishing he could take her in his arms and wipe away her tears. He was never going to cheat on her again; he wasn't even going to drink again. "I hurt you Linds, and I know that. You have to know that without you and our unborn child, I'm nothing." "I don't know what you want me to say? I can't just forget what you've done." A wave of nausea swept over her and she reached out to steady herself on the desk. She was relenting and Bobby knew it; her voice was softening and her eyes had lost their coldness when the tears started. "I don't want you to ever forget what I've done. If you take me back, I want you to remind me every day of how lucky I am to be a part of your life." He had to swallow the lump in his own throat; he was so close to having her back. "If you ever do anything like that again, there'll be no second chances." He smiled for the first time in days and reached out to pull her into his arms. "No. Don't Bobby. Not yet." "Okay. You're calling the shots, anything you say." The nausea hit her again and this time she paled and closed her eyes, swaying slightly. "What is it? What's wrong?" "I just feel a little faint, that's all. I'm fine, don't touch me!" She roughly snatched her arm out of his grasp, reaching for the desk again as her legs started to give way. "Just sit down for a minute. I'll get you a glass of water." Bobby pushed her chair in behind her and watched as she sunk into it, her face seeming to lose more colour. He rushed back with a glass of cold water and sat on the desk in front of her. "Drink some on this." Lindsey made an effort to reach her hand out, but she barely got it out of her lap and it was shaking too bad to grip anything. "Let me, please." Bobby said softly, holding it to her lips, where she drank a little. "That's enough." She murmured, not daring to open her eyes to the spinning room. "I think I should take you to the hospital." "No! Just let me sit here for a few minutes and I'll go back to my hotel room." "Come back home. Please. I'll sleep in the spare room; I just want to take care of you. Be there in case you need something." She was feeling to sick to object, all she cared about was lying down. "And if you're still not feeling well in the morning, I'll take you to the doctor." "Okay. But I'll stay in the spare." She was breathing deeply and unevenly, a slight sweat on her forehead. "We'll organise it when we get home. You just stay here while I pack up my stuff. Okay?" She blinked her eyes, not having the energy to move a muscle. Bobby was ready within minutes and came out of his office to find Lindsey hadn't moved. "Do you want me to carry you?" "No!" She pulled herself out of the chair and leaned heavily on the desk. She hated to admit it, but there was no way she could walk to the elevator without leaning heavily on Bobby. "Okay. Just lean on me then." He wrapped an arm around her waist and she gripped the back of his shirt in her fist. It was slow and Lindsey was barely able to stand, but they made it to the car eventually. "How are you feeling?" Bobby asked gently as he put the key in his ignition. "Take me home, please." Part 3 It's been Too many nights Of being with
To now be suddenly Without. (Jewel)
Lindsey rolled over and glanced at the small, digital alarm clock on the bedside table.
3:44am
Bobby had won, despite a creditable protest from her and she was in 'their' room. It didn't feel anything like her room anymore. She cringed, thinking of the countless times they'd made love in the room, in the bed. Her head was still spinning slightly and an invisible force pounded against her temples. Her eyes closed involuntarily, but sleep never came. Images and conversations ran constantly across her mind and it refused to shut down.
"Tell me we're going to make it Bobby. Tell me, you'll love me forever."
"I love you now and I'll love you for all of eternity Linds."
"I love you too."
But they were only words, their depth of meaning worth only in the person that lay behind them. And that was nothing. She cursed herself for being weak and vulnerable, walking away, only to be drawn back by his humility. She couldn't decide if he was being endearing or arrogant. Her heart pleaded with her to have faith in him, yet her detached mind saw only his conceited attitude. He expected her to forgive him, he had the audacity to believe she could once again trust in till death do us part. 3:56am Bobby had long since given up on sleeping that night. He had tiptoed into the kitchen; careful not to wake what he thought was an asleep Lindsey. He avoided using any appliance that may make a detectable noise and settled for a bottle of mineral water. "Don't touch me!" He shivered as he remembered the harshness in her words, more than matching the pain in her eyes. He had known he'd hurt her, but suddenly the extent of it was becoming clearer. If only he could remember 'the' night. They'd fought over something. He couldn't remember what now. Lindsey probably could, she always remembered things like that. He could recall slamming their apartment door and storming out onto the street. He had still been dressed in his work attire, although his tie had been loosened and his top buttoned undone. He had only walked for five minutes before wondering into a bar and ordering a drink - a cocktail for some reason, something fruity with a cherry on the side of the glass. Strange, he generally only drank beer at a bar and on occasion, wine to complement a meal. He couldn't remember much after that one drink, although, something continued to draw his memory to the bar staff. Had it been one of the women serving him that he had pursued and consequently took to a hotel room. A quick flash of music, a blond woman and leather envisioned him; but he still couldn't understand it all. Nothing about that night made any sense. 4:09am Lindsey tried pulling the covers around her and curling into a pillow, but still, sleep refused to come. She was becoming tired and frustrated as she continued to reminisce, yet, nothing was helping her to find peace. The visions alternated between her most cherished memories with Bobby to the fights they'd had in the past few days. "I'll earn your trust back Lindsey. I'll do anything you want me to do; anything at all." Why couldn't he make it easy for her? Why couldn't he walk away and play the egotistical, asshole role? Because he loves you. That didn't explain why she couldn't walk away from him. Why did she have to come back to the apartment? Why did she have to give him some sign of hope? Because you love him.
~&~ Lindsey opened her eyes; taking a few seconds to comprehend where she was and regather the previous nights events. A quick glance at the clock informed her it was almost midday, yet she had slept for no more than six hours. Ironically, it was probably more than she'd slept the last few days collectively. Slipping out from under the comforter, she set her bare feet on the polished floors and stood. She felt slightly light-headed, but the empty feeling in her stomach indicated to her to eat something nutritious. Opening the bedroom door, she peered cautiously into the living area; not expecting Bobby to be there, but still slightly apprehensive. The blankets, which had covered the sofa, were now folded neatly and draped over the arm, while a half empty bottle of water stood abandoned on the kitchen bench. Almost by instinct, she reached into a cupboard and withdrew a box of muesli, before pouring it into a bowl. Reaching towards the fridge for some milk, she momentarily stopped, snatching for a note that had been stuck with a magnet. Lindsey, I had to be in court at 11:00am. It's probable I will be there all day. I was hoping we might be able to talk over dinner tonight. I've been thinking, a lot, and there are some things that I really want to discuss with you. But no pressure. If you agree, just leave a message on my cell telling me where and when, and I'll be there. Take it easy today, Love, Bobby. Suddenly her appetite was suppressed, but she forced herself to consume half of what she'd intended on eating. After a long, warm shower she was beginning to feel stronger and less fatigued; not perfect, but far better than the night before. Within two hours she was outside and climbing in a cab, heading to a popular café to meet Helen. ~&~ "Hey Lindsey. Sorry I'm late. I've just about had enough of court for one day. How are you doing?" Helen rushed to sit down at a table Lindsey had already settled in. "I'm okay. I take it you've had a bad day?" "Not too bad. I was up against Bobby in a small assault case. It was over with in a couple of hours." "Who won?" "We did. Not that we should have. Bobby was far from his best." Lindsey's gaze fell to the table, she had little response for Helen. "He's only got himself to blame." She finally spoke quietly. "So what's the latest? Are you still staying at the hotel?" "Sort of." "What do you mean sort of?" "Short version. I went to the office; Bobby was there; we talked; I almost passed out; we went back to the apartment and I slept in our room while he slept on the sofa in the spare. He was gone before I got up this morning." "Are you staying there?" "I don't know. Some advice would be good." Lindsey smiled slightly and sipped on her mineral water. "It's your decision Linds. But you have to talk with him, find out the entire story." Helen shrugged her shoulders, trying to read what Lindsey wanted her to say. "He wants to have dinner tonight." "But?" "I don't know. I just don't want to hear him say how sorry he is. It doesn't change anything. If that's all he has to say, then I'm not sure if I'm willing to take him back. And besides, I'm still not feeling well and I don't want the same thing to happen as last night." "Maybe you should pay a visit to the doctor Lindsey. Make sure everything's okay with the baby." "I have a scheduled appointment tomorrow; but what about tonight? Do I go or not?" "I think you should. But that's only my opinion. What harm can it do to hear him out?" "I guess. If anything happens, can I hold you responsible?" Lindsey grinned and her eyes showed a slight hint of the energy and enthusiasm that was characteristic of her. "Not a chance! You take advice from me, then you pay the price!" Helen shot back, trying to remain serious but laughter betraying her. ~&~ Bobby it's me. Dinner at that Italian restaurant around the corner from our apartment. Around 7:30. Try not to be late. ~&~ Bobby was sitting patiently at a table for two in a quiet corner of Costelli's when Lindsey arrived at 7:38pm. He had taken the liberty of ordering them both a mineral water and he played nervously with the lace on the white tablecloth as he waited. Lindsey walked towards him, dressed somewhat reserved in a long black dress and heavy coat. She was seated before Bobby was alerted out of his reverie and his stomach turned. "I'm so glad you decided to come. I was afraid you had changed your mind." He smiled casually and tried to read her body language, but couldn't. "Helen convinced me that I should hear your side of the story. Not that I even owe you that." "Helen?" "Do you have a problem with that?" "No. Of course not. Umm.I ordered you a water. I hope that's okay." "That's fine. Look Bobby, I don't want to do the whole small talk thing. How about you just tell me what you wanted to tell me and we'll go from there." "Okay. It's actually something that I want to show you. I've been wondering why I can't remember anything from.from that night. And when I came across this, I don't know. It might not be accurate and it may not apply; but I think it could explain what happened." "Show me what?" "It's a newspaper article from the today's paper. It was even second page news." "Just show me." LOCAL BAR LINKED TO FAILED DATE RAPE DRUG In a series of cases presented to police yesterday, it appears a group of young female bartenders have used a new date rape drug to spike the drinks of unsuspecting males. The young women, whose names are yet to be released to the media; were in for a harsh reality check when the drug caused temporary impotence. Expects say the drug was most probably designed for use by men on women and not the vice versa. Police are continuing their investigations and charges are expected to be laid. "You're kidding right? You don't actually expect me to believe this?" "I don't know. It just seems a little coincidental doesn't it?" "I asked for the truth Bobby! Not some load of bullshit you've picked up out of some tabloid." "Just think about it and let me explain." "No. Until you're ready to admit you've made a mistake Bobby. That this was all you and there was no excuse for it; I don't want to hear from you again! And don't think I'm the one leaving the apartment. You can get your shit out of there tomorrow while I'm out. I never thought you'd stoop this low. I never knew you at all." "Lindsey! Wait!" Lindsey was out of the restaurant before Bobby even had the words out, leaving behind a crowd of eyes staring intently at him and whispering about this supposed stranger. Part 4 Without a hint of hesitation, Lindsey walked determinedly into their apartment, using all of her self-control not to slam the door behind her. Her breathing was deep and the light-headed feeling had returned, but she shrugged it off and walked directly to the wardrobe she shared with Bobby. Opening a suitcase she carelessly threw as many of his clothes as possible into it and stopped only once, when emotion threatened to overcome her. With clenched teeth, she fought back the lump in her throat and the tears that welled, before finishing the 'packing'. Zipping the suitcase up, she dragged it to just inside the front door and stood there staring at it for a few minutes. Subconsciously, she played with the ring on her wedding finger; once she became aware of it, Lindsey gave a disgusted look and pulled it off her finger. The tears that she had successfully withheld only minutes before ran quickly down her cheeks. She knelt on the floor and re-opening Bobby's bag; she placed it on top of his clothes. The gold band was blatantly obvious as it lay on top of a black suit coat, a patronising reminder to Bobby for what he was in the midst of losing. With her hands to her face she walked back into their room, closing the door behind her and retreated to the bed. With tears falling on to her pillow, she eventually cried herself into a restless sleep. ~&~ Bobby had gone into the deserted office to regather his thoughts before heading back to the apartment some time after midnight. Quietly turning his key in they lock, he took only two steps before kicking his foot on the suitcase. He reached for the light switch, squinting as the room was illuminated and moving the suitcase to the side. He walked slowly and silently to their bedroom door, his hand lingering over the handle. Finally he turned it and opened the door a crack, allowing the light from the lounge to fill the room a little. He sighed deeply, watching Lindsey turn in her sleep, her knees pulled up to her chest and chin tucked in. With a glance around the room, he opened the door wider and slipped inside, almost tiptoeing to the bed. Kneeling on the floor beside where she lay, Bobby just sat watching her for a few minutes, guilt filling his heart as he noticed her tear-stained cheeks. He eventually reached up and trailed his fingers down her face. Lindsey gave a soft groan and straightened out, as if his presence brought her sub-conscious a sense of comfort. Opening his hand, Bobby laid an open palm over Lindsey's exposed hand, using his thumb to feel the bones and tendons of her hand. "Hmmmm." Lindsey's eyes flickered and she opened them to find Bobby staring at her intently. "I'm sorry. I was just.leaving." Bobby pulled his hands back and stood. "Bobby?" Lindsey called out weakly, as he was about to slip out their bedroom door. "'What is it Lindsey?" "Something's wrong.I don't feel good." She started breathing in shallow quick bursts and Bobby rushed back to her side. "Are you pain?" He asked to which Lindsey shook her head. "What is it then?" "Everything's blurry and spinning. I can't breath properly." Lindsey gasped out, her eyes full of fear. "Just calm down and I'll take you to the ER." Bobby leaned over to help her out of bed, removing the covers and helping her to sit. "Okay?" "Get your suitcase." Lindsey muttered and Bobby gave her a confused look. "What?" "Just get it." Her voice was breaking and her hands trembled. "Okay." Bobby nodded and rushed out and returned with the suitcase, laying it next to her on the bed. "What do you want Lindsey?" "This." Lindsey opened it and produced their wedding ring, holding it up for Bobby to see. "I'm sorry." She whispered, closing her eyes as another wave of dizziness overcame her. "Here." Bobby took the ring and slipped it on her finger, leaning over to linger a kiss on her forehead. "Let's get you to the hospital." Lindsey nodded and reached up to wrap her arms around Bobby's neck whilst he drew her to her feet. She gripped his shirt in her fists and buried her face in his chest for a minute before Bobby tilted his chin down and whispered in her ear. "Are you okay? Can we go?" Lindsey nodded and took a deep shaking breath, before letting Bobby lead her out of the apartment.
The Ultimate Betrayal
Last time I held you
You held the cards and I was
asking for anything you had
you saw it coming
but you didn't tell me and
next thing everything turned bad Lindsey stood just inside the door to their apartment, a bag full of clothes at her feet and eyes glazed over with anger. Her fists were clenched by her side, a conscious effort to control any emotion that was threaten to be exposed, besides rage. Bobby stood at the opposite side of the room, brought pathetically to his knees, begging for her forgiveness. But she'd heard it all before, from different men throughout her life; drunkenness was never an excuse for being unfaithful. It was the ultimate betrayal. You got the car and I got the brake
I've had as much as I can take
My heart can't handle anymore
All the kings horses and all the kings men
couldn't put me back together again
so I laid in broken pieces on the floor
so don't come back for more "Wait!" Bobby's voice was suddenly stronger, out of desperation rather than any form of control. He held his breath as Lindsey broke her stare with the floor and looked up to meet his eyes. She released her clenched fists to reach back for the door handle, petrified that the tears that were threatening to fall would eventuate. "Please Lindsey. You're carrying my child; you can't just walk away from me." "Maybe you should have thought of me last night." "Can you just give me a chance to explain? Please?" He had tears glistening in his own eyes, staring down the barrel at complete loneliness. Losing everything he ever needed and wanted. "Just tell me who she was. An old girlfriend?" Her voice caught in her throat and suddenly she didn't care. He'd hurt her and he should know, just how deeply. "I.umm.I don't know who she was Lindsey. I never even asked her name." "You bastard." She picked up her bag, swinging it over her shoulder as she slammed the door behind her. Blindly rushing out of the building, she bumped into people and tripped over objects that were completely invisible as the world blurred through her tears. She arrived at Helen's, bordering on hysterics, necessity far outweighing her pride. "Lindsey?" Helen's eyes widened and curiosity immediately took hold. But suddenly, act first and ask questions later, seemed more relevant. She held the door open and waited; gently taking hold of Lindsey's forearm when she failed to move. "Where's Ellenor?" Lindsey whispered, her voice barely audible. "She's out. I don't know where. It's okay." This time Lindsey allowed Helen to lead her inside and over to the couch. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" "Can I sleep here tonight?" Lindsey replied, seemingly ignoring Helen's question and curling up on the couch, drawing her knees to her chest. "Like you even have to ask! You know you can. Was it a fight with Bobby Linds? Is that what happened?" Lindsey stared straight ahead, bringing trembling hands to her face. She was shivering despite the heated apartment and Helen quickly covered her with a blanket. "I'm going to get you some tea okay." Rushing into the kitchen, Helen immediately picked up the phone dialling Bobby. Receiving the familiar message of their answering machine, she left a desperate recording. "Bobby! What the hell is going on? I've got Lindsey here and she's a mess, I need to know what's happened? For Christ's sake, pick up the phone if you're there!" She waited a few more seconds and hung up; more confused then ever. By the time Helen returned to the lounge, Lindsey had fallen into a restless sleep; wet, salty tracks still evident on her cheeks. She slept only for a few hours though, waking to find her heart still broken and love destroyed. Sleep refused to come again and she stared blankly into the darkness until the sun peaked over the horizon and Helen quietly slipped out of her room, hoping to find Lindsey still asleep. "Can't sleep?" "Nah. What are you doing up Helen?" At least she was speaking, a significant improvement on the night before. "What are you talking about? I'm always up at this time!" Lindsey smiled ever so slightly, late nights and early mornings it came with the territory of being a lawyer. "In the mood to take advantage of this freezing morning and talking?" "He cheated on me." Lindsey said simply, without hesitation. Hours of silent thinking had numbed her pain, if not hardened her heart. "What?" "He got drunk and slept with a woman who he didn't even know. That's it. End of story." "Lindsey.I.I don't know what to say. Are you sure?" "He told me. So, yes. I'm sure." "The baby." Helen trailed off. "We'll be fine." "I'm so sorry." Helen engulfed her in a hug, but she pulled out of it, refusing to submit to the lump that formed in her throat. "I wrote this. It's a letter to withdraw from the partnership. They can either buy me out or sell to someone else. I don't care anymore." Lindsey held up a white envelope, already addressed and stamped. "I don't think you should do anything just yet." "I've got a good rep. I can get a better job, anywhere in the country. Maybe this is fate." "It's your decision." Lindsey nodded and walked out the door, pulling a long coat tight around her as the cool morning air hit her. She walked to the nearest post box and didn't hesitate before slipping it in. Last time I saw you
you didn't see me from
the sidewalk south side of town
I called your name with a whisper so
you wouldn't hear me and turn around Lindsey gasped and froze as she saw the familiar image of her husband walked on the opposite sidewalk. Her controlled demeanour melted and a single tear fell down her right cheek. It didn't seem fair. She loved him more than life itself and he'd hurt her. How could life possibly be so cruel as to make her leave the man she worshipped. The man she'd planned a future with, conceived an unborn child with. What sort of twisted act of faith, would take that away from her and tear her heart into a million different pieces? Part 2 You got the car and I've got the brake
I've had as much as I can take
My heart can't handle anymore
All the kings horses and all the kings men
couldn't put me back together again
so I laid in broken pieces on the floor
so don't come back for more It was two days later when Lindsey finally decided to brave the office. Her watch read 8:09pm, late enough for her to take the chance that it would be empty. Glancing around her hotel room, she took a deep controlling breath. It wasn't uncomfortable to live in; quite beautiful really, it just wasn't home. Her hand lingered and rested on her slightly swollen abdomen, she had a doctor appointment in two days and had been using it as an excuse to stay in Boston. Truth was, Lindsey didn't have anywhere to go; it was hard to admit, even to herself, but her entire life was in this city. She was well past the age where she could run home to her parents, plead youthful ignorance and curl into their open arms. Being with Bobby and focussing intently on her work in recent years, she'd lost contact with her friends from college; so that option was also ruled out. Staying with Helen was too uncomfortable with Ellenor living there; too many questions Lindsey couldn't bring herself to face. She shook her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts and picked up her keys rushing out before she had a chance to change her mind. It wasn't until she parked her car near their building that her stomach knotted up and her pulse raced. What if Bobby was working late? Facing him, suddenly her greatest fear. If she saw him again and the memories of their love came flooding back, she knew she might forgive him. But he didn't deserve to be forgiven, not this time. "Just get out of the car, walk to the office, and get my stuff and leave." Lindsey spoke out loud, disgusted by her sudden weakness. She got out, slammed the car door and headed for the elevator. ~&~ Bobby was working late as he had done the past few nights. It didn't matter though; his guilt and loneliness followed him wherever he went. His court appearances had been little more than pathetic and whispers were circulating around the office. Nobody knew the full story but their theories were closer then they thought. He heard a key in the front door and he glanced up, confusion etched into his forehead. Everyone had left more than two hours before and it was unusual for them to return to the office. He rose from behind his desk, his shirt untucked, sleeves rolled up and tie undone, hanging loosely around his neck. "Lindsey!" He gasped, seeing her as soon as he walked out of his door. She glanced up at him, just staring at him for a few seconds, not trusting her voice. Breaking the gaze, she rushed towards her desk, throwing everything on it into a cardboard box. "I got your letter Lindsey. I haven't told the office, because I'm refusing to accept it." "You can't do that Bobby. I can leave whenever I wish." Her voice came out cold and emotionless. "You're the best we've got. Without you, we might as well all pack up and leave." "Don't be ridiculous. I was the last to join the partnership and you were doing fine before me." "Doing fine? Lindsey, come on. You know we were struggling before you joined." "I'm so pleased you want me back just because I'm a good defence lawyer, Bobby. I guess I was right, our marriage meant nothing to you." "Lindsey. I love you. We were so happy together, the child inside of you proves that." She came to a photo on her desk, her and Bobby at their wedding. "Yeah. We were happy.once." "We can be happy again. You just need to give me another chance, give us another chance." "I can't be with someone I don't trust." She choked on her last words, stopping and struggling to regain some composure. "I'll earn your trust back Lindsey. I'll do anything you want me to do; anything at all." The last time I thought of you
Was in this song and I
Can't get you out of my head
But I'm not stupid I can
Just walk away and
I'll break my own heart instead "No Bobby. I promised I wouldn't do this; I promised I wouldn't take you back." He took a few steps towards her, wishing he could take her in his arms and wipe away her tears. He was never going to cheat on her again; he wasn't even going to drink again. "I hurt you Linds, and I know that. You have to know that without you and our unborn child, I'm nothing." "I don't know what you want me to say? I can't just forget what you've done." A wave of nausea swept over her and she reached out to steady herself on the desk. She was relenting and Bobby knew it; her voice was softening and her eyes had lost their coldness when the tears started. "I don't want you to ever forget what I've done. If you take me back, I want you to remind me every day of how lucky I am to be a part of your life." He had to swallow the lump in his own throat; he was so close to having her back. "If you ever do anything like that again, there'll be no second chances." He smiled for the first time in days and reached out to pull her into his arms. "No. Don't Bobby. Not yet." "Okay. You're calling the shots, anything you say." The nausea hit her again and this time she paled and closed her eyes, swaying slightly. "What is it? What's wrong?" "I just feel a little faint, that's all. I'm fine, don't touch me!" She roughly snatched her arm out of his grasp, reaching for the desk again as her legs started to give way. "Just sit down for a minute. I'll get you a glass of water." Bobby pushed her chair in behind her and watched as she sunk into it, her face seeming to lose more colour. He rushed back with a glass of cold water and sat on the desk in front of her. "Drink some on this." Lindsey made an effort to reach her hand out, but she barely got it out of her lap and it was shaking too bad to grip anything. "Let me, please." Bobby said softly, holding it to her lips, where she drank a little. "That's enough." She murmured, not daring to open her eyes to the spinning room. "I think I should take you to the hospital." "No! Just let me sit here for a few minutes and I'll go back to my hotel room." "Come back home. Please. I'll sleep in the spare room; I just want to take care of you. Be there in case you need something." She was feeling to sick to object, all she cared about was lying down. "And if you're still not feeling well in the morning, I'll take you to the doctor." "Okay. But I'll stay in the spare." She was breathing deeply and unevenly, a slight sweat on her forehead. "We'll organise it when we get home. You just stay here while I pack up my stuff. Okay?" She blinked her eyes, not having the energy to move a muscle. Bobby was ready within minutes and came out of his office to find Lindsey hadn't moved. "Do you want me to carry you?" "No!" She pulled herself out of the chair and leaned heavily on the desk. She hated to admit it, but there was no way she could walk to the elevator without leaning heavily on Bobby. "Okay. Just lean on me then." He wrapped an arm around her waist and she gripped the back of his shirt in her fist. It was slow and Lindsey was barely able to stand, but they made it to the car eventually. "How are you feeling?" Bobby asked gently as he put the key in his ignition. "Take me home, please." Part 3 It's been Too many nights Of being with
To now be suddenly Without. (Jewel)
Lindsey rolled over and glanced at the small, digital alarm clock on the bedside table.
3:44am
Bobby had won, despite a creditable protest from her and she was in 'their' room. It didn't feel anything like her room anymore. She cringed, thinking of the countless times they'd made love in the room, in the bed. Her head was still spinning slightly and an invisible force pounded against her temples. Her eyes closed involuntarily, but sleep never came. Images and conversations ran constantly across her mind and it refused to shut down.
"Tell me we're going to make it Bobby. Tell me, you'll love me forever."
"I love you now and I'll love you for all of eternity Linds."
"I love you too."
But they were only words, their depth of meaning worth only in the person that lay behind them. And that was nothing. She cursed herself for being weak and vulnerable, walking away, only to be drawn back by his humility. She couldn't decide if he was being endearing or arrogant. Her heart pleaded with her to have faith in him, yet her detached mind saw only his conceited attitude. He expected her to forgive him, he had the audacity to believe she could once again trust in till death do us part. 3:56am Bobby had long since given up on sleeping that night. He had tiptoed into the kitchen; careful not to wake what he thought was an asleep Lindsey. He avoided using any appliance that may make a detectable noise and settled for a bottle of mineral water. "Don't touch me!" He shivered as he remembered the harshness in her words, more than matching the pain in her eyes. He had known he'd hurt her, but suddenly the extent of it was becoming clearer. If only he could remember 'the' night. They'd fought over something. He couldn't remember what now. Lindsey probably could, she always remembered things like that. He could recall slamming their apartment door and storming out onto the street. He had still been dressed in his work attire, although his tie had been loosened and his top buttoned undone. He had only walked for five minutes before wondering into a bar and ordering a drink - a cocktail for some reason, something fruity with a cherry on the side of the glass. Strange, he generally only drank beer at a bar and on occasion, wine to complement a meal. He couldn't remember much after that one drink, although, something continued to draw his memory to the bar staff. Had it been one of the women serving him that he had pursued and consequently took to a hotel room. A quick flash of music, a blond woman and leather envisioned him; but he still couldn't understand it all. Nothing about that night made any sense. 4:09am Lindsey tried pulling the covers around her and curling into a pillow, but still, sleep refused to come. She was becoming tired and frustrated as she continued to reminisce, yet, nothing was helping her to find peace. The visions alternated between her most cherished memories with Bobby to the fights they'd had in the past few days. "I'll earn your trust back Lindsey. I'll do anything you want me to do; anything at all." Why couldn't he make it easy for her? Why couldn't he walk away and play the egotistical, asshole role? Because he loves you. That didn't explain why she couldn't walk away from him. Why did she have to come back to the apartment? Why did she have to give him some sign of hope? Because you love him.
~&~ Lindsey opened her eyes; taking a few seconds to comprehend where she was and regather the previous nights events. A quick glance at the clock informed her it was almost midday, yet she had slept for no more than six hours. Ironically, it was probably more than she'd slept the last few days collectively. Slipping out from under the comforter, she set her bare feet on the polished floors and stood. She felt slightly light-headed, but the empty feeling in her stomach indicated to her to eat something nutritious. Opening the bedroom door, she peered cautiously into the living area; not expecting Bobby to be there, but still slightly apprehensive. The blankets, which had covered the sofa, were now folded neatly and draped over the arm, while a half empty bottle of water stood abandoned on the kitchen bench. Almost by instinct, she reached into a cupboard and withdrew a box of muesli, before pouring it into a bowl. Reaching towards the fridge for some milk, she momentarily stopped, snatching for a note that had been stuck with a magnet. Lindsey, I had to be in court at 11:00am. It's probable I will be there all day. I was hoping we might be able to talk over dinner tonight. I've been thinking, a lot, and there are some things that I really want to discuss with you. But no pressure. If you agree, just leave a message on my cell telling me where and when, and I'll be there. Take it easy today, Love, Bobby. Suddenly her appetite was suppressed, but she forced herself to consume half of what she'd intended on eating. After a long, warm shower she was beginning to feel stronger and less fatigued; not perfect, but far better than the night before. Within two hours she was outside and climbing in a cab, heading to a popular café to meet Helen. ~&~ "Hey Lindsey. Sorry I'm late. I've just about had enough of court for one day. How are you doing?" Helen rushed to sit down at a table Lindsey had already settled in. "I'm okay. I take it you've had a bad day?" "Not too bad. I was up against Bobby in a small assault case. It was over with in a couple of hours." "Who won?" "We did. Not that we should have. Bobby was far from his best." Lindsey's gaze fell to the table, she had little response for Helen. "He's only got himself to blame." She finally spoke quietly. "So what's the latest? Are you still staying at the hotel?" "Sort of." "What do you mean sort of?" "Short version. I went to the office; Bobby was there; we talked; I almost passed out; we went back to the apartment and I slept in our room while he slept on the sofa in the spare. He was gone before I got up this morning." "Are you staying there?" "I don't know. Some advice would be good." Lindsey smiled slightly and sipped on her mineral water. "It's your decision Linds. But you have to talk with him, find out the entire story." Helen shrugged her shoulders, trying to read what Lindsey wanted her to say. "He wants to have dinner tonight." "But?" "I don't know. I just don't want to hear him say how sorry he is. It doesn't change anything. If that's all he has to say, then I'm not sure if I'm willing to take him back. And besides, I'm still not feeling well and I don't want the same thing to happen as last night." "Maybe you should pay a visit to the doctor Lindsey. Make sure everything's okay with the baby." "I have a scheduled appointment tomorrow; but what about tonight? Do I go or not?" "I think you should. But that's only my opinion. What harm can it do to hear him out?" "I guess. If anything happens, can I hold you responsible?" Lindsey grinned and her eyes showed a slight hint of the energy and enthusiasm that was characteristic of her. "Not a chance! You take advice from me, then you pay the price!" Helen shot back, trying to remain serious but laughter betraying her. ~&~ Bobby it's me. Dinner at that Italian restaurant around the corner from our apartment. Around 7:30. Try not to be late. ~&~ Bobby was sitting patiently at a table for two in a quiet corner of Costelli's when Lindsey arrived at 7:38pm. He had taken the liberty of ordering them both a mineral water and he played nervously with the lace on the white tablecloth as he waited. Lindsey walked towards him, dressed somewhat reserved in a long black dress and heavy coat. She was seated before Bobby was alerted out of his reverie and his stomach turned. "I'm so glad you decided to come. I was afraid you had changed your mind." He smiled casually and tried to read her body language, but couldn't. "Helen convinced me that I should hear your side of the story. Not that I even owe you that." "Helen?" "Do you have a problem with that?" "No. Of course not. Umm.I ordered you a water. I hope that's okay." "That's fine. Look Bobby, I don't want to do the whole small talk thing. How about you just tell me what you wanted to tell me and we'll go from there." "Okay. It's actually something that I want to show you. I've been wondering why I can't remember anything from.from that night. And when I came across this, I don't know. It might not be accurate and it may not apply; but I think it could explain what happened." "Show me what?" "It's a newspaper article from the today's paper. It was even second page news." "Just show me." LOCAL BAR LINKED TO FAILED DATE RAPE DRUG In a series of cases presented to police yesterday, it appears a group of young female bartenders have used a new date rape drug to spike the drinks of unsuspecting males. The young women, whose names are yet to be released to the media; were in for a harsh reality check when the drug caused temporary impotence. Expects say the drug was most probably designed for use by men on women and not the vice versa. Police are continuing their investigations and charges are expected to be laid. "You're kidding right? You don't actually expect me to believe this?" "I don't know. It just seems a little coincidental doesn't it?" "I asked for the truth Bobby! Not some load of bullshit you've picked up out of some tabloid." "Just think about it and let me explain." "No. Until you're ready to admit you've made a mistake Bobby. That this was all you and there was no excuse for it; I don't want to hear from you again! And don't think I'm the one leaving the apartment. You can get your shit out of there tomorrow while I'm out. I never thought you'd stoop this low. I never knew you at all." "Lindsey! Wait!" Lindsey was out of the restaurant before Bobby even had the words out, leaving behind a crowd of eyes staring intently at him and whispering about this supposed stranger. Part 4 Without a hint of hesitation, Lindsey walked determinedly into their apartment, using all of her self-control not to slam the door behind her. Her breathing was deep and the light-headed feeling had returned, but she shrugged it off and walked directly to the wardrobe she shared with Bobby. Opening a suitcase she carelessly threw as many of his clothes as possible into it and stopped only once, when emotion threatened to overcome her. With clenched teeth, she fought back the lump in her throat and the tears that welled, before finishing the 'packing'. Zipping the suitcase up, she dragged it to just inside the front door and stood there staring at it for a few minutes. Subconsciously, she played with the ring on her wedding finger; once she became aware of it, Lindsey gave a disgusted look and pulled it off her finger. The tears that she had successfully withheld only minutes before ran quickly down her cheeks. She knelt on the floor and re-opening Bobby's bag; she placed it on top of his clothes. The gold band was blatantly obvious as it lay on top of a black suit coat, a patronising reminder to Bobby for what he was in the midst of losing. With her hands to her face she walked back into their room, closing the door behind her and retreated to the bed. With tears falling on to her pillow, she eventually cried herself into a restless sleep. ~&~ Bobby had gone into the deserted office to regather his thoughts before heading back to the apartment some time after midnight. Quietly turning his key in they lock, he took only two steps before kicking his foot on the suitcase. He reached for the light switch, squinting as the room was illuminated and moving the suitcase to the side. He walked slowly and silently to their bedroom door, his hand lingering over the handle. Finally he turned it and opened the door a crack, allowing the light from the lounge to fill the room a little. He sighed deeply, watching Lindsey turn in her sleep, her knees pulled up to her chest and chin tucked in. With a glance around the room, he opened the door wider and slipped inside, almost tiptoeing to the bed. Kneeling on the floor beside where she lay, Bobby just sat watching her for a few minutes, guilt filling his heart as he noticed her tear-stained cheeks. He eventually reached up and trailed his fingers down her face. Lindsey gave a soft groan and straightened out, as if his presence brought her sub-conscious a sense of comfort. Opening his hand, Bobby laid an open palm over Lindsey's exposed hand, using his thumb to feel the bones and tendons of her hand. "Hmmmm." Lindsey's eyes flickered and she opened them to find Bobby staring at her intently. "I'm sorry. I was just.leaving." Bobby pulled his hands back and stood. "Bobby?" Lindsey called out weakly, as he was about to slip out their bedroom door. "'What is it Lindsey?" "Something's wrong.I don't feel good." She started breathing in shallow quick bursts and Bobby rushed back to her side. "Are you pain?" He asked to which Lindsey shook her head. "What is it then?" "Everything's blurry and spinning. I can't breath properly." Lindsey gasped out, her eyes full of fear. "Just calm down and I'll take you to the ER." Bobby leaned over to help her out of bed, removing the covers and helping her to sit. "Okay?" "Get your suitcase." Lindsey muttered and Bobby gave her a confused look. "What?" "Just get it." Her voice was breaking and her hands trembled. "Okay." Bobby nodded and rushed out and returned with the suitcase, laying it next to her on the bed. "What do you want Lindsey?" "This." Lindsey opened it and produced their wedding ring, holding it up for Bobby to see. "I'm sorry." She whispered, closing her eyes as another wave of dizziness overcame her. "Here." Bobby took the ring and slipped it on her finger, leaning over to linger a kiss on her forehead. "Let's get you to the hospital." Lindsey nodded and reached up to wrap her arms around Bobby's neck whilst he drew her to her feet. She gripped his shirt in her fists and buried her face in his chest for a minute before Bobby tilted his chin down and whispered in her ear. "Are you okay? Can we go?" Lindsey nodded and took a deep shaking breath, before letting Bobby lead her out of the apartment.