Jacob… come back to us please…
I sit perched at the edge of the cliff, eyes steadily staring at the seas as they toss and turn restlessly on this chilly spring evening. The sun is slowly dropping from its heightened position within the sky, lazily slipping to slumber as darkness kisses the farthest corners of the earth. It has been two months since I last saw him and my heart aches. Jacob had always been one of my closest friends and he was the only one who truly understood what I was suffering. He knew what it was like to love someone who did not love you back, and I had been angry for weeks that he had left without taking me. As days faded into evenings and weeks melted to months, however, my grudge faded and I was left with the dull reminder of solitude. Sympathetic gazes and forced hugs have lost their luster – they never could erase the pain. A listening ear is impossible to find. I am left alone – I am left with nothing.
The invitation came in the mail a few days ago. I had noticed it on Billy's countertop when I brought him some soup from my mother. White and elegant, defined by lace and femininity – it was so unlike Bella and I knew the pain it roused within both Billy and me. It was a union that brought such dread to our tribe; also a cold reminder of the loss of Jacob Black because of it. How unfair was life? I made no mention of the invitation nor did Billy, but I did wonder if he had somehow found a way to tell Jacob. His name was plastered in calligraphy across the envelope; yet another harsh reminder of the truth. It angered me then, it angers me now. What audacity could Bella possess to be so brash as to invite them? She had been selfish to this point; could a simple invitation heal the pain?
Bitterness engulfs me as I watch the ocean, my wolf form resting in a position where I am lying upon my stomach, head upon my front paws. If anyone else was in wolf form before, my mental musings have driven them elsewhere for I find myself without interruption. I am grateful; as much as I am lonely, I do not wish for more criticism. The pack is exhausted with my mourning – first it was over Sam, now Jacob. The stitches are still lacing my heart together, after what happened with Sam, but the wound is mending, melting together into a whole portion once more. Jacob's departure has not torn the stitching but stretched it slightly – losing my lover had been difficult enough, losing my friend was a blow to the gullet.
Does he ever think of us anymore? Has he forgotten…forever…?Dreading the worst – that my paw print upon his timeline has faded to dust – I shudder. I am nothing but a figment of one person's past; can I cope with the notion of being another? I try not to consider this, but the thought refuses to leave my mind. As I wallow in this sulking for well over an hour, I am suddenly bolting upright in shock when someone else pries their way into my thoughts.
If I didn't know any better, I'd think you'd have lost your best friend.
I freeze, chest stalling as I try to inhale. I am on all fours now, staring at the moon – wondering how I had missed its ascent into the sky. What? Who…who is that? Seth? I am unsure, because it could be anyone. I believe I know, but I dare not think it! It cannot be! But as he responds, I feel my body explode into a joy so foreign to me, I am unsure my throbbing heart can handle it.
You pine for me yet do not welcome me? I cross the borders undetected; some watchful alpha you serve.
Leaping into movement, I am running toward the scent that now overpowers me like a tidal wave. Notorious for being the fastest of the pack I focus on tracking, following that familiar scent for which I had been longing. My best friend, could it truly be? Yet as he materializes in the distance, standing within the foggy shadows of dusk, I feel my heart soar, simply soar to the heavens like a free bird. Jacob, if you are nothing but a dream I dare never wake, I growl as we collide, my body never ceasing movement until I hold him in a doggy embrace; chest to chest with my head opposite his. I am so glad you are back, it has been unbearable dealing with the pack in your absence. I swear to God, you ever do that again I will flay you and feed your manhood to the leeches. I am growling and almost laughing and completely overwhelmed.
His throat rumbles in deep laughter; a sound I have missed. I think I will stay then, is the response for which I had been dreaming, watching as he pulls away from me, tail wagging nonstop. I hear there is plenty of excitement to come, though? It cannot be that boring without me. I bristle at the thought, glancing away. He kids about this – he must know of the invitation, the wedding. How can he be so carefree then? I envy him, and he reaches out to nip my shoulder. My time away has served me well in clearing my mind; I often thought how nice it would have been for you, perhaps, as well.
I snap back, biting his shoulder far harder than he had plucked mine. Then you shouldn't have selfishly left me here alone, I groan at him. I was stuck facing Sam alone and everyone would gripe about me mourning him, me mourning you. I would have killed them all if Sam didn't snap at me for thinking such hostilities toward my 'brothers.' I am clearly irked and my tail no longer wags. I am glad he is back but, as he well knows, a grudge from Leah Cleartwater is not easily erased. I am glad you are back though, you punk, I finally relent, licking the area – just once – where my teeth had marred his skin.
I am too, actually, he admits. I did not want to come at first, even when Billy contacted me. But – I guess I wanted to prove to everyone that I was okay, that I was mature enough to handle the whole ordeal. I don't deny thinking she's making a huge mistake but who am I to cast that judgment? I study him, somewhat impressed. He has grown since he left; physically too, it would appear. The limber wolf before me is in perfect shape. I almost thought I would return and find you gone. He admits this and my eyes widen, head tilting to one side.
Why would you think that? Where on earth would I go?
Anywhere but here, is his answer. As terrible as it sounds, I was almost irked to see you were still here, clinging to hope. There is so much beyond La Push, Leah; a world so – extravagant. I think it would help you so much to explore…rather than mourning over how badly Sam hurt you. You deserve better, you deserve more…
I am almost touched, had he not struck a nerve. Fine, I'll leave if you cannot handle bearing the burden of my thoughts then. Nobody else can. I am spitting fire from my eyes, glaring at him before I turn and lunge forward, preparing to run. He is before me, though, in a heartbeat; landing on all fours in my path. We collide and fall to the ground and there is a struggle. As fast as I am, he is stronger and I find myself submitting as he stares into my eyes from a position above me, pinning me to the ground.
Never, ever think that, he tells me finally. You are no burden to me, my friend. Come, let's go find Billy. He will be elated to see us both I'm sure. He said you've been keeping him company.
I sigh, relieved when he finally lets me get to my feet. Still agitated I snort, but slowly follow his lead as we make our way to the Black residence. Suddenly the night seems a bit bright as I follow the moonlit path in his wake.
Finally… you are home.