Dancing with the Devil
Authors Note: Well, it's finally here! After so long working with Unredeemable Sin I have finished the tale of Axel and Roxas! This sequel starts off right where Unredeemable ended. The story starts a few days after Roxas blacks out at the end right where he wakes up. This story is written from Axel's POV. Read my note at the bottom for information concerning a follow up—which I will only write if enough people are interested.
He tossed and turned on the large bed, his face pained and confused in his sleep. I knew he would wake up soon, but now the dreams that assaulted him were memories dancing delicately behind eyelids closed to the world—memories that would never be known to him in his waking hours. As he rolled over again his back turned to me. He released a peaceful sigh in his sleep and I knew that for now the nightmare was over for him. I stood up from the armchair and crossed over to the bed, my hand moving to rub soft and comforting circles on the blonde's back.
His eyes slowly opened and he sat up slowly, turning to face me. He glanced quickly over me, panic slowly washing over him and spilling into the air around him. Every muscle in his body tensed as he looked around the large room I had moved him to. He returned his eyes to me and his entire body started to shake in fear. Had the seal not worked, or had it broken already? He was shaking as if staring Death in the face. I realized then that my wings were still out, no wonder he was shaking so horribly. With no memory, it was impossible for him to understand the meaning of the blackened angel wings upon my back.
The wings under the baggy shirt he was wearing twitched. There was no doubt in me that they felt a longing for me, a longing which filled the room—stronger even then his panic and fear combined. He may not have remembered anything, but his body sure did. It longed for me, but I knew if I went to hold him I would only scare him off more. The trembling in his wings stopped and he released a tremendous sob as he fell backwards onto the bed—so full of confusion that his normally laughable behavior did not have me laughing.
He didn't speak that night—to me or himself as he had done for so long before I had the seal set. I watched as he continued to sit there on the bed, curled into a sobbing ball. He didn't know his name, maybe he didn't even know how to speak. I longed to speak to him, I missed our long nights of conversation—when we would curl up together on the bed and do nothing but talk the entire night. That was before everything ever started, back when we took for granted that we would always be together.
When he fell tired it was like I wasn't there. He simply closed his eyes and slept. I left him with a quick parting smile—affectionate. I left the room with a determined gait, seeking out Marluxia.
The man was in his usual place—his usual kingdom. It was the small garden he had managed to grow near one of the lava pools. Of course the plants only grew because Marluxia had blackmailed Vexen into genetically modifying the plants to live off of the lava. At the moment that pink-haired fallen was hunched on the ground and using some of the little bit of angelic power he had left in him to urge the plants to produce seeds. His grey wings were flared out behind, giving me the perfect opportunity to scare the man. I stepped forward and pulled a single feather out of his right wing. Marluxia jumped and turned to face me with surprise.
"Kami-sama! Is there something you need?"
"He woke up, though he's asleep again now."
"Did you speak to him?"
"No"
"Good. The seal will stay only if none of the memories trying to regain his attention are attracted enough to break through the seal."
"Dummy version please?"
"Don't speak to him, don't touch him, and—most importantly—don't let him look you in the eyes." I could feel my entire world crash down at his words. How could I manage all that? "My power is very weak" he added.
He spoke the next day. That evening I brought him dinner on a tray, a vase on the tray with one of Marluxia's flowers. I would have to avoid the man for the next week, but it was worth it. The vase was handmade and had his name etched on the side in a fancy script. It was a gift I had planned to give him before the insanity came, and when it came I was afraid he would act suspicious of the gift so I never gave it to him. When I set the tray down on the bed on top of his lap he gave the food a quick glance before his eyes settled on the vase. He didn't notice the words because his eyes flashed up to the flower and a smile graced his face. The flower was something like a black rose that pulsed every other minute. The stem was translucent and you could see the veins within that carried the lava from the vase to the flower. He reached out to touch the flower, laughing softly at the sudden rush of energy that came from the plant. His eyes landed on the vase again and this time he saw the words.
"Is that my name?" I nodded silently. He nodded as well and went to eat. I continued to watch him silently, not even daring to think to talk to him. When he was done I went to set the vase on the bedside table, picking the tray up and walking to the door. "Wait! Won't you tell me your name?" I took a deep breath, the way he asked made it impossible to resist.
"Axel" I felt it, his terror washing over me. He remembered!
"Then you're Kami-sama. I overheard some of the people out in the hall talking about you. They also mentioned a Kami-kun and something about him being ill. Will you tell him I wish him well?" I couldn't help but to smile at the innocent tone of his voice. He wasn't that scared of me anymore. I nodded silently to him as I walked out of the room.
"Roxas wants you to get better Rox." I whispered to myself with a frown. I saw a few servants gossiping as they rounded the corner. I would have to tell everyone at tomorrow's meeting not to gossip around Roxas' room. The servants knew too much, they could always say the wrong thing.
I didn't speak to him again, and he did not speak either. The revelation of who I was seemed to have shocked him into silence. I spent the next few weeks trying to explain to little Sora why big brother Roxas couldn't be visited. Sora was damn persistent however And went as far as to come down to the Underworld and demand to see Roxas. I had no choice but to tell him at least partial truth-Roxas had no memory and was a bit skitzy around people. I was forced to let Sora in to see Rox.
I later decided I was glad I allowed Sora to see Roxas. The boy had brightened up upon seeing a new face. While he still didn't talk it was quite obvious he was happier. I saw him smile. It was a real smile, the kind which had not graced his face since before everything started. There had been smiles but they weren't real. There was always something he was hiding from me or from himself. I believe it was hiding that and pretending to be okay that finally drove him over that fine line between sanity and insanity—a line he had been dancing on since it all started.
When Sora left the boy was devastated, I tried to think of a way to cheer them up. As I was walking the halls one day the answer came to me when I passed Demyx carrying a load of books for Zexion, the elder angel barking orders for him not to drop anything.
The very next day I brought Roxas to the library. Books had always kept Roxas happy. The personal library at my mansion had become his playground and refuge during the 12 years on Earth. After everything began, when he was hiding in the mansion he spent the majority of the time in my library and every time I visited and I would bring a new stack of large books so he wouldn't run out of reading material. If there was anything that could cheer up Rox it would be the library.
When he walked in he just looked around disinterestedly and turned to look at me, speaking three words that made all my hopes of cheering the boy up fall.
"I can't read"
I leaned back on my throne with a bored look plastered on my face. At my feet the commoners were petitioning me, but I was not paying attention. My eyes scanned the crowd of demons and fallen. I spotted my target and smirked. Snapping my fingers I watched every eye in the room turn to watch the commoner that just burst into flames. The man was a murderer and a thief and this was my preferred execution method. Because demons were heat tolerant being burned alive took longer than usual, and the demon was alive for every painful second until right at the end. The man screamed once more before he fell to the ground. I smirked and looked for my next target in the sea of demons. When I could not find him I yelled instead.
"Marluxia!" Everybody in the room flinched at my tone. Marluxia hurried to the front of the crowd, his wings flat against his back in submission.
"Kami-sama?"
"Explain to me the lie you told me about your weak seal" I demanded.
" Sorry to disagree, but I did not say anything about a weak seal. I said my power was weakening. My seal is very strong, if there is anything I am good at it is my memory seals."
"Very well. Tell me—truthfully—did you mean to block even his memory on how to read?
"That's why I said my power was weakening. I no longer have the ability to to select which memories to seal and which not too, unless you want an incredibly weak seal." I sighed dramatically as I listened. I would just have to take things into my own hands. I would find a way to make Roxas happy without breaking the seal if it was the last thing I did.
Zexion suggested I being to read to him, so I did. I was right about the books being able to cheer him up, and luck was on my side since my voice did not break the seal. I did not have to wear the sunglasses I borrowed—well, stole—from Demyx because Rox was still too uncomfortable around me to look into my eyes. I had a feeling I would not have to worry for a while.
He began to open up after another week. Everyday I would bring him dinner and read while he ate. We would being talking when he was done eating. He asked a lot of questions and at first his questions were innocent enough—about the book I had read or about something he had heard the gossiping servants say—but our conversations quickly progressed to an elaborate dance around the truth.
It went something like this: he would ask me a question and I would have to think of the answer—then twist it in a way that I was truthful without really being truthful. If I told him the truth it would completely defeat the purpose of a seal in the first place and I couldn't outright lie to Roxas.
One day he asked why he had wings. I couldn't tell him the full truth, so I told him he was simply born with them. Of course his first pair hadn't grown in until he was 13, but I didn't tell him that. Why would I bother him with unnecessary details?
After that he asked why his wings were gray. I couldn't tell him the full truth there either, cause then he would have wanted to know why his first pair of wings had been cut off. So I told him they had always been that way, which was technically not a lie but it wasn't true either. This set of wings had always been gray.
Then he asked why mine were black. That was easy, they just were. No one knew why angel wings were white and demon wings were black. We were all of the same breeding, it just turned out that some of us got white and some got black, and those with different wings had different attributes. Demons tended to be more carefree where angels were uptight, demons tended to be sensitive to emotions and angels were usually dense about those kind of thins. It's just how things were.
The questions soon got harder and harder for me to answer truthfully. Who was he really? Why was he here? Who was I and why was I being so nice to him? How come he couldn't remember anything? With those question the dance sped up as I skirted around the truth.
He soon ran out of questions. The dance came to an abrupt end before shifting and changing. With a gain in confidence exuding from his aura be began to chase after me. His sudden boldness had me on edge. We spent the entire next week going 3 steps forward and taking 2 backwards the next hour, we continued to spin around topics as I tried to steer him away and he'd suddenly press forward in a way that was much bolder then before. I began to fear this new dance would become much rougher and eventually break everything that I had worked so hard to build up.
That's why I stepped back and allowed him to dance alone, lest he become bold enough to look up and catch my eyes—I knew without a doubt the second he saw the turbulent well of emotions that was constantly swimming in my eyes it would all be over.
The dance was fated to continue, no matter how hard I tried to stop it. I had given him free reign of the castle. I found he spent most of his time in the library, simply exploring the rows after rows of towering ceiling high bookshelves containing books originating in all 3 of the worlds. When I had free time I would go there to read to him. Zexion was always hovering around us, trying to be inconspicuous.
Roxas yawned as I set the book down. I chuckled and told him to go to sleep. As he left Zexion took his seat with an amused smile.
"What has you in such a good mood, Zex?"
"You don't realize do you? The seal on his memory was designed only to suppress memories. His body isn't the only thing that remembers your love, his heart does too. He's been talking to me. He's confused, he feels a tug at his heart when you're by him and he cant understand or explain it. Even after everything, it's obvious he loves you." I sighed at Zexion's next words. "It may not seem like it, but he's the same kid. Take this as a second chance."
No, he wasn't the same kid. He would never be my Roxas again, he was simply a hollow imitation. He could never be my angel without the memories that had shaped him and turned him into the person he was.
The dance would continue, but I was not dancing with my Roxas. I was dancing with the mere shadow of who he had been. A doppelganger. He was there, but he wasn't.
The next day in the library he asked me to teach him to read. I wanted to refuse but he looked at me with the Sora pout—the one Roxas had learned made it impossible for me to say no. I wondered when this Roxas learned it. So we began the lessons and the dance picked up again. As he learned to weave his way through the pages of the books I perfected my back-step and the subtle turn of the head to hide my eyes—allowing myself to remain distant and aloof without leaving him hanging for the attention it was so obvious he craved.
I didn't know how much longer I would be able to keep it going. My body longed for his warmth more and more each day. The feeling was driving me crazy.
Relief came in the form of Demyx. He became Roxas' replacement, serving the position for a few weeks before his cold feet had him running back to Zexion. We made sure Zexion never found out though.
As if to apologize for my affair with Demyx I decided to take Rox to the mansion. I had everything removed which might trigger his memories to return, everything of Cloud's and his, ever picture of the man or us together. They were all in a box in the basement—twelve years of memories that would never see the light of day again.
The dance picked up again when we were on the lawn one day. Roxas was laying on the ground with his wings flushed out behind him. As we laid out there together he had grabbed softly onto my hand, probably without even realizing it. The question came out of his mouth after a few minutes of him sitting there in quiet contemplation.
"Axel, will you teach me how to dance?" I turned to him with a curious look and he blushed a bit. I saw the invitation on the table this morning while I was having breakfast. I asked the butler to read it to me. He said we were both invited to some ball by that nice kid that came to visit me.: I sighed a bit. I hadn't planned to let Roxas go, but since he knew about it and obviously wanted to go I knew I wouldn't be able to refuse.
"Yeah, we can start tomorrow."
That year was the first time two men danced together at the Lunar Ball, but it wouldn't be the last. That night was also the night I let my guard down and stopped paying attention to the dance. It was the night Roxas came back truly and fully and it's the night I most regret in my life and yet every time I think of it I wonder if it wouldn't have just happened again at another time anyway. I can only be glad it happened when it did, because Sora was there for him. Me, I just slipped out the back like the coward Roxas used to so jokingly call me.
I do not regret having sealed his memory. It was the right thing to have done—considering the situation. I could not allow him—my precious, innocent angel—to continue wallowing in guild. I could not allow him to remember the sins spoken against him, to remember every night the horrible things done to him. So no, I did not regret sealing his memory and I still don't. What I regret was being a coward.
I have not seen or heard from Roxas since then. I do not have the courage to see him broken again. I can only sit here and continue to remember the time an angel danced with the devil—wondering if somewhere he still has that glowing flower I pinned to the lapel of his tux and wish that he is still so tightly clutching to the locket with our picture in it. Somehow I know this isn't true, but the wishful thinking is the only thing keeping me going. Sometimes it's our pretenses and lies that keep us alive.
Authors Note: Well, the saga is finally finished! Or is it?
Wondering where the end leaves Sora and Riku?
What about Zexion and Demyx?
Perhaps you have a few questions concerning where Roxas ends up.
If enough people are interested I'll write the special follow up that answers all these questions. Check out the poll on my page and vote for a follow up or not. If you have any unanswered questions that you want answered in the follow up then feel free to drop it in a review or message.