Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight saga as you should all know. I, obviosuly, despise this but I get over it by writing fanfics of it. Thank God for that, right? Any original characters belong to me, obviously, but other than that it's all Stephenie Meyer's.

Warning(s); This is not going to be my usual PG-rated story because of the language, sexual innuendos, sex references, nudity, and alcohol/drug use. I'm not trying to encourage anyone here, it's just for the purpose of creating a character. This fanfic is also AU, AH (sadly, yes) and canon relationships (the intimate ones) for all you who love the original pairings. Now I totally made you aware if everything.

Author's note: Yes, I am pretty aware that this type of story isn't exactly for my age from the type of thing you see in this first chapter but I assure you with ease that I am most definitely not going to do sex scenes. I just simply must get all those sex innuendos out there into the world since I can't seem to stop using them this summer. And since I can't seem to keep updating regularly I decided to grace you with this new story. I'll get around to all the stories it's just that I had to write this out. I hope you enjoy it. The person who reviews first will have the next chapter dedicated to them and they will totally be awesome. That review will just have to be...nice.

MM.

Story:

I stared at the gorgeous man next to my mother. His hair glimmered in the sunlight that was flitting through the window. His eyes were the color of lively green leaves and I was practically putty there and now. For a few seconds I let myself go, voluntarily sinking in the fathomless eyes that belonged to the angel.

Renee cleared her throat and skimmed her eyes over the contents of my room. Not only was there rubbish everywhere but there was also a naked guy sleeping on my bed along with Jess, my best friend.

"Bella, this is Edward." Mom's voice was stiff, with only a slight glimer of emotion. Great, I had gone a bit too far this time. Hell, I'd too want to impress the god before me if I had the chance. Heck, who wouldn't?

"Bella." Edward nodded curtly, amusement flitting through his composed demeanor. His voice was like bells, an amazing sound to the ears. And by god, did that voice alone make me hot. And I wasn't even wearing that much.

I blushed and looked back at the mess that resembled my room. It had been like that for the past week while my mom was away. She should have called to check up on me but I guess she was too busy fucking this god to think about me. It's true, in the presense of this true motherfucker it wasn't hard to forget about everything. For me anyway.

The guy who was occupying with my bed along with Jess groaned and tried to get up. His hairy legs were tangled up in the sheets and something that didn't look too far off from puke with covering his left hand. Sometime during the night he must have felt too lazy to lean over to the puke bucket but I was proud of myself for being able to hold my liquor pretty well all week and that meant, of course, that I had barely thrown up.

"We'll meet you at breakfast once you've cleaned up." I nodded glumly in Mom's direction. Once she and Edward had cleared out of my room I opened the door quietly and checked for the 'Do not disturb' sign. I could have sworn that I had put it on the handle. Sure enough I found it on the ground just a little bit aways from the door. It was in clear view and so was what was written on it. 'Do not disturb' was scribbled out with a black marker and instead it said 'Sex ia like fractions, it's improper when the bigger one's on top'. I grinned at the sex joke and guessed it was Jess. The mathermatical jokes were always hers I thought.

I stepped back into my room and remembered that I was getting a buzz and exactly why. Oh, right, Sex God in the place. I quickly walked over to my big window and threw the curtains apart. For a second I was blinded by the white light. Slowly, my eyes adjusted as I backed up.

The back of my knees hit the frame of my bed and I fell back on top of one of the two bodies occupying it. A groan escaped Jess's mouth as she tried to push me off her, kicking me in the ass in the progress.

"What the fuck Bella?" Before I could respond she uickly turned her head and leaned over the frame so that the puke bucket was right beneath her face. I grimaced as the vile came out her mouth. Ew.

"Get up! There is a fucking gorgeous man in my house -and Renée- and I need to get this place cleaned up!" I pushed Jess so that she ended up tumbling out of the bed. When she put her arm out to stop herself from falling on her face it landed right in the bucket with the mixeed puke.

"Jesus! That reaks." She slowly got up nd made her way ove rto the door that lead to my small bathroom. I heard the water being turned on in the shower and knew that it was time to wake up Nameless-Dude from his beauty sleep.

At first I just shook his arm and hoped that he was somewhat of a light sleep but I got not luck. I tried pinching his nose but it didn't work either. I wasn't too keen on spilling the puke all over him as it would just have gotten my bed more messy so I ended up getting my old baseball bat. I pocked him lightly in his ass and then got the idea to pock him in his grapes. That just got me thinking about the Sex God's members. I hoped that my imagination was doing him and them no justice.

"Ah, what is that? Jess, I told you not to do that. And what the hell...?" I snickered as I saw a familiar face come up from the sheets. None other than Mine Newton had slept in my bed the whole night long. Thank God I didn't take Jess up on the offer to have that threesome.

"Mikey. Nice to see you up so bright and early but Renée's home with her new boyfriend and I'm not sure that you want your mom finding out about this." When I was finished I was happy to see an obliging Mike spring up from his position. He barely noticed his lack of clothes and so just ran around trying to gather up all his belongings. I spotted his boxers a little bit under my bed and decided to help him a little. I picked them up gingerly and played with them with my fingers, waiting for him to notice.

Once he did he flushed a bright red and ripped them out of my hands. I giggled and turned around, giving him my ass to stare at. I smirked as I heard him moan. This was so what he had dreamed of since he found out about playboy magazines and got those grapes.

"Is there any way out of here that your mom won't see?"

"Sure. Out the window." Mike gave me a look as if to say 'Stop messing with me' but I just put my hand on my hip and pulled my supermodel pose. It was my way of saying that I was being serious -as serious as I could get.

"No other way? Like if you could destract her I could get out the back way?" I sighed. This was the way Jess always went even though she couldn't care less if Renée told her mother of her doings in our house. She couldn't be half assed for shit like that. I nodded and looked around for whatever I might have worn the night before.

All I found were shorts that could have worked as underwear, a t-shirt with a middle finger on it, and a little overcoat vest. I put them on and snatched up my black stiletto boots. I didn't bother with anything like make-up or brushing my hair -which Jess said always looked like sex hair from my lack of brushing it too much- and turned back around to face Mike. He was still naked.

I smirked and walked over to him. "Mike, you might wanna put on your clothes just in case my mom walks back in here. But don't worry; I saw plenty." Mike blushed again and hastily put on his almost forgotten clothes.

Jess soon came out of the shower with nothing on. Mike's jaw slacked and his mouth fell open so that three popsicles could have been fit in no problem. Jess smiled sweetly and walked around collecting her clothes. Without consolting me she stepped out of my room while trying to put on her clothes.

Mike followed on after her like a puppy and I soon followed suit. I completely forgot about Edward and Renée and breakfast.

"Christ Jesus!" The was a clatter of knives and forks from the kitchen. I raced over to see what had happened and came to a standstill once I discovered who my mother was blessing.

"Nah, Mrs. S. I'm just Jess." Jessica's slightly slurred voice cut across my giggles, and the clatter Renée was making while picking up her fork and knife. Mike stood next to me, having forgotten his wanting Renée not to know he was there. Hah.

"Would be so kind as to put on your shirt, Jessica?" My giggles increased as Jess gave a huff and put on her shirt. Through her hazy mind her had put it on backwards and so from what my mother could see it said 'Please pay up when you stare at my cheeks'on the shirt.

"Well, I better be off now. Bye, Mrs. S, Sex God." I had hardly noticed the Sex incarnate sitting across from Renée but now that Jess had pointed him out it was hard to look away. It was the intake of breath from Renée that drew my eyes away from his body.

Jess had gone up to the back door and opened it. The light breeze threw her hair over her shoulder so it was a clear view of what her shirt said on the front; 'I flash people like there's no tomorrow!' I smirked at the saying and looked back at Sex God. Sex Incarnate is better.

He had a smirk on his own face and, by God, did I nearly melt then and there. I felt a buzz go through me that made me thrilled at the prospect of his being here. I could always stare at him. Without shame, of course.

"Bella, are you going out?" Renée almost seemed to long for my presense to leave the house. I thought about it. Even in a drunken haze Jess could walk a straight line perfectly and Mike looked like I'd be the last person he'd like to be seen with. I nodded anyway. What good would it do to stay inside if I could only stare from afar at Sex Incarnate. It might be nice if he was actually giving me his smirk as we did naughty things...

"Then go and buy some doughnuts at the bakers. No chocolate for me, like usual, and Edward? What type do you want?"

I averted my eyes to look at Sex Incarnate's face. His smirk was still there and his voice only made him seem sexier to me. "I'll take sugary one." His voice came out husky and I almost fainted. Dear God he likes his dughnuts all sugary. Yet, the better to lick his fingers seductivly!

I smiled. "Sure." I turned towards the door and made to follow Jess and Mike out. I nearly stopped at the sight that God prized me with next. Sex Incarnate turned his head in my direction and with his smirk still there he winked at me, flashing the sexiest face I ever saw.

So as I walked out the door and was on my way to the baker's I made my ultimate decision. This Sex Incarnate was to be mine.