Full Summary: Somehow they had made a horrible mistake that was second to a giant meteor crashing into the planet and ending all life (for some reason that was oddly specific), but at the moment he wanted to be anyone but Cloud Strife as he looked up at Rufus Shinra with a blank expression and said ; "You want me to dress as a girl and sneak into an all female department that would skin me alive if I was ever discovered for personal amusement?"

And despite Cloud's intense glare the Vice President smiled and replied, "Exactly."

AN: Just a little side project to give me a break from Dollhouse

Anyways I don't own anything (disclaimer) and here's a warning for a possible Sephiroth-o-sexual relationship, fourth wall breaks and lots of inappropriate humor.

Chapter 01:

The Unfortunate Difference Between Girls' and Fangirls'

Somehow they had made a horrible mistake that was second to a giant meteor crashing into the planet and ending all life (for some reason that was oddly specific), but at the moment he wanted to be anyone but Cloud Strife as he looked up at Rufus Shinra with a blank expression and said; "You want me to dress as a girl and sneak into an all female department that would skin me alive if I was ever discovered for personal amusement?"

And despite Cloud's intense glare the Vice President who smiled that serpent smile and replied: "Exactly."

How he could barely grasp how he got into this situation in the first place was beyond him- but somehow his last name being Strife should've clued him in that once he left the small, sleepy desolate mountain town of Nibelheim he would have some serious misfortune on his hands after he applied for the elite military group SOLDIER at the Shinra Power Electric Company but...

"Of course if you are discovered we'll explain the mishap and the Vice president will take full responsibility for his actions." The man in the neatly pressed suit further explained, sending a questioning frown to his superior. "And you will be compensated for any injuries."

"With insurance?" He asks hopefully. Only SOLDIERS got insurance, but it wasn't too much to hope for, was it?

Judging by the way his alleged 'long-lost' relative barked out a laugh, insurance was too much to expect out of a billion Gil company that was essentially bent on world domination. "Can I call family rights and punch him in the face too?" He tried, figuring maybe Shinra was backwards like that.

"Of course not, little brother," Rufus took on a light tone as if he were scolding a child. "You have to prove your worth for insurance."Apparently, any threats were ignored, though the man who was presumably from the western country of Wutai sent him a sympathetic stare.

Right now, he really hated his life.

Originally the sixteen year old had ment to talk to the secretary about the small mistake they had made for marking him down as a girl which eventually lead to being escorted by Tseng in a blur and the blonde haired blue eyes white suited COO who had discovered that Cloud Strife was distantly- as distant as Shiva and Irift could be on a geological map- related.

Or as Rufus stated; brothers.

Though he had been raised an only child he was sure wanting to see a younger relative crossdress for shits and giggles was borderline sadism. "It won't work." He protested.

"It'll work." His (perverted and sadistic) supposed brother smiled that sickening sweet smiled and ruffled Cloud's hair. "I expect Tseng will prepare you for your mission, so off you go."

"I'll fucking kill you." Cloud promised with a sweet smile of his own as Tseng began to lead him away.

"I love you too Cloudy." The vice president smiled with a wave and the door closed behind them while Cloud glared furiously at the Turk. "You're not actually going to make me go through with this are you?"

Brown eyes feel on him and the Turk- that was what they were called if he recalled correctly- who remained indifferent. "Yes. I'm not privileged to got against the Vice Presidents' orders. However ridiculous they may seem."

Somehow, Cloud had the feeling that the Wutain was being chatting and nonchalantly inquired; "so he does things like this often?"

A calculated stare was cast Cloud's way and the man swiftly replied; "this way." Leading them through the lobby where the cursed secretary who had sent him to Rufus before stared passionately at her computer as if the meaning to all the world's questions were splayed across her screen.

Oh gods, this was actually happening.

The revelation sunk in when he stood before a clothes maker in the slums that smiled down at him enthusiastically and debating with his daughter. "Kill me." He begged.

"Don't be ridiculous, you'll knock em dead!" The daughter bounced, holding out two pairs of woman's undergarments that could rightfully be classified as string, and she asked; "so, lace or pink?"

The better question was which one he could strangle himself with when the day was over. He wasn't exactly masculine like the walking picture definition, General Sephiroth, who was the most acknowledged member of SOLDIER and essentially it's poster boy, but that didn't mean he wanted to walk around in- oh gods how does someone even walk in those!

His eyes widened when the father produced a pair of high heels. "For dancing." He shrugged.

For dancing!? What kind of masochist would wear those things to dance!? Ugh, suddenly he was starting to sympathize by the way his ankles ached even thinking about wearing those devil contraptions. Gods he was going to wear those things!

"I'm going to kill myself. See you all in whatever damned afterlife there is." He waved, stepping away from the two and about to leave, but Tseng who had be silent since arriving said; "something else please?"

The father and the daughter pouted, but reluctantly put away the heels when the door slammed open. "Who wants to look pretty!?" A brown haired woman- oh, no that was definitely a man- demanded, wearing high heels and a purse strapped onto his arm flamboyantly. "Oh no darling, that's just not you.." She- he, said towards the clothes the shop owners were putting away.

"Uh...can I die now?" He begged, sticking out his lower lip with a pout.

"Don't be silly darling! The first time is always the hardest." He nodded sympathetically while Cloud wondered who the hell was this guy.

Apparently all of Midgar just totally ignored pleas of suicide and threats of violent murder.

"Now, what have you always wanted?" The man bent slightly, placing his hands on his knees and smiling at Cloud.

What he wanted? What he wanted was to get into the SOLDIER program- the male portion- and become stronger than the great General Sephiroth... But..."piercings." Those were cool. He had thought about getting a few after he got into SOLDIER.

"Piercings! I got it!" The brown haired transvestite grinned and turned to the shopkeeper. "He's gonna be a bad girl!"

You hear that readers? That was the sound of his soul seeping out of his body.

"Yes! Belts and buckles!" The daughter squealed, continuing her happy prattle with her father as he sat himself down at a sowing machine.

"What about studs?" The daughter pitched while Cloud glowered murderously at Tseng.

"I forgot to ask your name darling." The cross dresser grinned, working his hand through Cloud's wild blonde hair.

"Cloud." He grumbled, shifting his glare to the person in front of him.

"Awe that's perfect! You'll be the bad ass Claudia! You'll knock em dead with that glare!" He laughed.

Kill me ...now.

He let out a sigh- since the torture was finally over and he was in a loose tank top with a belt lopsidedly slung around his waits, cargo pants that reminded him if the ones SOLDIER wore, except a pair of knee high boots went over the pants with a few buckled straps on the sides. Studying his reflection in the mirror he prodded at the ring on the corner of his lip, then the two circular metal pieces on the end of the bar in his eyebrow.

"Body jewelry is not regulation." Tseng said, two shopping bags of clothes in his arms.

"Fuck off. If I'm dressed like this I at least deserve to wear whatever I want." Clpoud snapped, sending him a vicious glare the Turk barely blinked at.

"Of course." He replied flatly.

Somehow Cloud had the impression that Tseng was secretly enjoying his misery.

The female military branch iof Shinra was slightly smaller due to the controversy of having female soldiers, but frankly Cloud didn't care because he personally knew two women who were bad ass with a rifle and another who was learning martial arts...though he hadn't seen Tifa since that night on the water tower.

Stepping into his assigned dorm he saw three other girls already unpacking their suitcases.

Gods this was really happening.

"Yo." A tall girl with muscular limbs gave a lopsided smile with her lazy greeting, light blue hair and deep golden eyes to go with her dark skin Cloud noted with envy that she was taller than him. "Name's Azul." She extends a hand and Cloud shook it, noticing her firm grip.

"Cloud- I mean Claudia." He quickly corrected himself, chanting that Azul could probably break his back with ease.

"Nickname?" She grinned, stretching her tall from on her bottom bunk leaving Cloud the top bunk.

"Yeah." He managed to toss his bag on the bunk above her as she responded: "cool. Call me blue, if ya want. But don't fuck with my shit, okay?"

Nodding, Cloud shifted his gaze to the other two girls one who had her lond black hair braided over her shoulder and glasses reflecting the light of her screen. She was...remarkably short.

The second girl was a brunette, she had the kind if heels that made Cloud's ankles hurt and she sent him a dark glare before she shoved her suitcase away in her trunk.

"Do you think this is possible?" A voice inquired as an image of a silver haired man in the middle of a scandalous position with a red haired man...oh my gods... Cloud stared blankly at the computer screen, looking past it to see the bespectacled girl staring at him with more indifference than Tseng.

"Maybe." He managed, avoiding the picture. Because he knew exactly what the drawing was- or rather who the drawing was centered around; General Sephiroth and Genesis Rhapsodos. He had only heard rumors and whispers of things like that back in Nibelheim...but it was kind of hot.

She made a grunt of acknowledgement and closed her computer, spinning on her heel she rubbed her hands together as she faced Cloud. "My name is Maya, I advise not to use my computer without my permission."

"Well if we're doing introductions," the brunette spoked up producing a few sheets of paper, "I'm Rachel, and this is a list of rules and a schedule so we can interact as little as possible."

Cloud blinked down at the paper. She was joking...right?

"This ain't cool man- I get some if this, but the rest is bull shit." Azul frowned, meeting Rachel's glare.

"I have to concede," Maya nodded slowly, pushing up her glasses with a finger. "Some of thses rules are inconsiderate while the schedule is irrationally arranged to only benefit you." She rubbed her hands together again. "I think... No never mind."

"Yeah, I'm not so sure about you guys but I'm pretty sure Momma didn't potty train my ass to take a shit at five hour intervals." Cloud deadpanned, handing back the paper. "You guys can have the bathroom first though."

"Yeah, have at it bro." Azul nodded, pulling out a music player with large headphones. Gods everything about this chick was super sized.

"Agreed." Maya nodded, sweeping the room with her eyes before reopening her computer and typimng away at the keyboard.

Scoffing Rachel walked out of the room, her heels clicking on the floor and door slamming behind her.

Well...this was boring...

"What are you writing?" He peered over Maya's shoulder to look at the paragraphs on the screen and instantly regretted it when she gave him a grin that would even sent the Silver General himself to the psych ward.

"My one true threesome fanfiction." Oh Gods that grin was a whole 'nother kind of crazy.

"Fanfiction?" He repeated, reading the paragraph she had scrolled to.

Sephiroth frowned, leaning forward slightly to press his lips gently against the inner thigh of-

"OH MY GODS WHAT KIND OF PERVERT READS THIS STUFF!" Cloud roared, flailing weakly as he tumbled off the bed. Summoning whatever meager courage he had lefty he reminded himself that if he couldn't handle a little fanfiction, then how could he handle the training program?

Genesis shuddered, tugging on the long silver strands while Angeal pressed his board chest to Sephiroths back and his hands traveled down to-

"I CAN'T DO IT!" He cried, his face burning red, and Maya gripped his shoulders firmly.

"You can do it Claudia! You can read the fanfiction!"

Deeply moved by her words Cloud stubbornly glared at the screen.

Sephiroth smirked as Genesis writhed beneath him and tossed hhis head back with a moan, Sephiroth's fingers-

"I couldn't do it." He fummed, sitting in the corner and hugging his legs to his chest.

Azul and Maya nodded understandingly, while Maya groped Cloud's chest Azul patted his shoulder. "First times are always the hardest." She offered.

"If you want I have some lighter stories if you want to work your way up." Maya pitched.

"How long have you've been writing?" Cloud tilted his head curiously.

"A few years but...no never mind." She shoom her head and rubbed her hands together.

"No, I want to know." He argued, grimacing as Azul slapped Maya's hand away from her own chest.

"Well... it's just like I want to do something different from BL." She admitted. "I'm a fan of horror and psychology."

"Sounds cool."

"You don't think it's weird."

"Nah man," Azul shrugged, " you do whatever the hell you want."

"Yeah, its not like Shinra's gonna court martial you for writing some serious horrorshow." Cloud grinned.

"Horrorshow..." Maya repeated with a grin. "I like the sound of that."

AN:Started: 06/18/2015

Finished:06/19/2015

So the term 'Horrorshow' was a nod to Cpl. Hicks story Invictis (which Is really amazing BTW)