Chapter One: The Cycle
"I melted into the dream as if I had always been there. I knew where I had come from; I knew where I was going."
―Chelsie Shakespeare
As Kagome laid there in the cool waters of the potion that had stripped her of her soul and given it to Kikyo she felt a strange sort of calm. Her soul had left her body, to inhabit one she had already left behind long ago and in its absence something inside her stirred. By rights she should have been an empty vessel now without a soul to guide her and incapable of thought. The problem was that while her body could not find the will to move in the absence of her spirit, her mind, stirred and her thoughts flowed as if a dam had broken inside her mind.
Reincarnation was a cycle of death and rebirth. What you once were dies, and is given over to a new spirit to add to the soul that is reborn into a new life. Life and death, one always giving way to the other in a never ending loop. You are not supposed to remember what you were before; it defeats the purpose of rebirth. It is supposed to be a clean slate, the lives you had before have ended and you can never be who you once were. That is not how reincarnation works.
Yet, as she laid there, her body all but a corpse from having her soul torn from her…Kagome's thoughts ran wild. "Freedom isn't free at all, that it comes with the highest of costs. The cost of blood." She felt the words, in her mind she spoke them and yet her body's lips did not move to give voice to them. The words were foreign, not Japanese, and yet she understood them as if they were always her own.
"It is not a question of what a Spartan citizen should do, nor a husband, nor a king. Instead, ask yourself, my dearest love, what should a free man do?" A man's face flashed through her mind, her husband, her king, rough and strong as clear as if she could reach out and touch him. Her body remained frozen as a life she should have never remembered flashed through her mind. A life of blood, of loss, of war, of love, a full life, a hard life, and a life she had lost long ago.
Her mind shuddered, her blood ran cold and then another life invaded her mind. This one a gilded cage married to a man who could never love her and yet it was what she longed for most. Then a man, a brave man, a man that could not love her either but looked at her seeing another who he loved with a passion she could barely comprehend. "Peace is made in such ways." The words felt wrong, she knew that it was a lie as she spoke them but she had no other choice.
His voice rang through her mind, "Slaves are made in such ways. The last time Longshanks spoke of peace I was a boy. And many Scottish nobles, who would not be slaves, were lured by him under a flag of truce to a barn, where he had them hanged. I was very young, but I remember Longshanks' notion of peace." The words struck her deeply as they had then, this man, the powerful, savage, intelligent, man was one whom she would learn to love. Yet he could never love her as he had another, and she would have to settle for finding comfort inside his arms.
His screams for freedom rang through her ears and the words she whispered were felt yet remain unheard as her body remained immobile. "You see? Death comes to us all. But before it comes to you, know this: your blood dies with you. A child who is not of your line grows in my belly. Your son will not sit long on the throne. I swear it." She remembered a child, her son, her prince, that proved her words true and overthrew the man she had married just as his father had tried to do.
A life, a life of cages, of loneliness and loss. A life she had left behind with a sad smile on her face. Two lives she remembered living, two lives meant to have stayed lost and yet here it was inside her head. She was Higurashi Kagome, Japanese fifteen year old who had fallen down a magical well into the past and she was so much more than that now. Now that she remembered those lives she had left behind and yet she was Kagome.
Then flashes of another life, a life of pain, a life of constant fighting, she could feel the sword in her hand as familiar as a long lost friend and a battle. This life was different, it was not done, she was still fight, at least a part of her was still fighting and parts of it was unclear. Only a name, Midoriko, and a deep feeling of an everlasting duty. She was so tired, so very tired, and then that life slipped from her grasp leaving only an echo of it in her mind.
As it left her Kagome felt only confusion, her life as Midoriko had ended, she had died and yet it was not done. How could that be? Whay could she not remember it as she remembered her life as Queen Gorgo, or Isabelle? Then another life sucker punched her and she was falling into her mind. A Life as a doctor, trying to heal the sick and dying from the diseases she fought so hard against. A life as a small child, cut short by a man with a gun and bent on revenge. The lives made her dizzy, she felt sick with them, heavy with grief and slowly Kagome began to lose herself to what she once was.
Then it all stopped, Kagome desperately tried to put herself back together as she was before but parts of her were changed. As she felt that desperation, it spurred her into action, her body's eyes opened and she saw her most recent lost life flash behind her eyes. Inuyasha, the pain of his betrayal, her love twisted into hatred as she slowly died and then she was waking inside a hollow body. Not dead any longer, yet not alive, she reclaimed her lost life but that was wrong.
Her life as Kikyo was done, it was gone, she was no longer that woman as she was no longer Gorgo or Isabelle, and yet she was of them. Kagome felt Kikyo's glee as she watched her fire an arrow through her eyes at Inuyasha, desperate to hurt him as he had hurt her and Kagome knew she couldn't allow it. Now that her mind had moved her body she used that strength to call back her soul to where it belonged! She pulled on the thin connection until she felt her soul begin to return to her.
Her soul was large, for inside it was the soul of Gorgo, the soul of Isabelle, a fragment of Midoriko, the soul of Doctor Hiro, and so many other lives that had combined into her own soul. It was new, her soul that was Kagome, but it was also old now. Her mind was filled with all that she had once been and all that she was now. It was overwhelming and before she could gather the last bit that was Kikyo back into her she lost consciousness. That fragment of her soul that carried Kikyo ran away from her and she could not stop it.
It was only a small piece of the whole, yet it made her ache from the absence and she could only hope she would be able to recover without it. Reincarnation was a cycle, of death and rebirth. When you lost a life you gained another, as a clean slate, untainted and inexperienced. She had been Kagome before this, just Kagome, a teen with a heavy burden to bare. Now she was more than that, she was a Queen, a Doctor, a servant, a peasant, a warrior, a healer, and so many things. The lives she had lost had returned to her, crowding her mind, twisting her views with experiences she had lost but now regained.
She was not Kagome, not anymore, and yet that was who she was now. She could no more give up her life as Kagome than her life as Gorgo, she was both, and yet she was none of them now. There is a reason you do not remember you past lives, a reason those lives stay hidden from you within your soul but now she remember. Now, she could not forget again. Kagome wondered what she would be when she awoke from her comatose rest. Who would she be? What would she become?
A.N.: So this has been buzzing around my head for a few days. It never settled right with me that you could get Kagome from a reincarnation of Kikyo. I mean Kikyo was an elegant woman that was gentle and noble during life. Yet, she was selfish and cruel in asking Inuyasha to change for her. I always thought it was strange. Then I thought about reincarnation, well, if Kagome was a reincarnation of Kikyo it stood to reason that Kikyo wasn't the only one. After all reincarnation was a cycle, it never ends, and Kikyo couldn't have been the start of it all otherwise why did Kagome have such a large soul?