Hello, I'm the Psychic Mind, here with a To Aru Majutsu no index fanfic for your (I hope ) reading pleasure. Good luck!
Disclaimer: I don't own To Aru Majutsu no Index
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A Day's Jaunt
Prologue
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It was a pleasant morning when Tsuchimikado Motoharu's cellphone started ringing. He diverted his attention from his breakfast to answer it.
"Hello, hello, nyaa.", was the singsong response.
"And a good morning to you too, Tsuchimikado-kun", the voice of Laura Stuart answered.
Tsuchimikado considered it a personal triumph that he did not betray how much her flat tone of voice disturbed him at that moment.
"Archbishop! Lovely to hear from you, how's England?", he replied, full of enthusiasm.
The Archbishop, however was not quite as perky. "OK, Tsuchimikado-kun, there are a lot of things I'd like to talk to you about, but I'll start with this." Her voice got lower, and several degrees more frightening. "Like, for example, those Japanese lessons you gave me."
"Ahh, I see, are you planning on recommending me to your friends, well for a fee I can certainly…" He was cut off by a sound that reminded him a bit of an angry cat. He imagined that he could even hear her hair bristling behind her. "Don't play with me! I know that you deliberately sabotaged my Japanese!
Oh. That.
A smile on his face, Tsuchimikado made a sound of deep disbelief. "Sabotaged? Whatsoever could you mean, Archbishop?" Again, Tsuchimikado congratulated himself mentally on just how innocent he sounded. Again, the Archbishop was having none of it.
"Don't joke. You taught me some weird way of putting words together. Even that Aleister is making fun of me, not to mention half of London!"
Responding with yet another theatrical gasp, Tsuchimikado had to refrain from laughter. Wouldn't do to piss off the Archbishop that much, after all. And besides…he was having too much fun.
"Archbishop", he responded in what he liked to think of as his 'Lecture' voice, "Japanese is a language that has some degrees of personal freedom. As long as it's grammatically correct, it'll work. I simply taught you a method befitting one of your stature.", he said, all while keeping a perfectly straight face and letting nary a quaver of humour enter his voice.
"Liar!" she replied "Stiyl said that it sounded like Old Japanese, but wrong. That guy even had the nerve to be condescending to me! And besides, who told you to teach me like that anyway?" she all but roared.
Really, this was too much fun, he snarked quietly.
Coughing slightly, he got back on the phone. "Archbishop, I'm genuinely sorry about any discomfort this may have caused you. If you have a problem, might I suggest prayer. The Lord hath all the answers…" he held the phone away from his ear to avoid listening to the ranting she was undoubtedly giving. Giving it a good five seconds, he put the phone back on his ear.
"… listening to me, Tsuchimikado-kun?" she was saying.
"Yes, Archbishop", he dutifully replied. There was a pause where he was sure she was considering if he was actually listening, but she soon put it off.
She sighed slightly. "Anyway, did you finish up the investigation on William Orville's movements before he came to Academy City?", she asked.
There was a pause before he responded. "Yes, he seemed to have been in Rome for a brief period before running around dealing with some issues in Prague." He said.
The Archbishop considered this. "And what about after he left?" she asked.
"Nothing as of yet. It seems he has connections with a lot of small magic cabals and freelance mages. Any of these could have helped him out." Tsuchimikado responded.
The Archbishop gave a smile on the other end of the phone. Troublesome, but then he always had been.
She was cut off from her musings by Tsuchimikado. "Kanzaki nee-chin is still in Japan following up some leads, right?", he pressed.
"Yeah, she is, why?", she countered, surprised by the question.
Tsuchimikado looked at the envelope that he had just received in the mail yesterday. "Ah, just a present", he said in a singsong tone.
"A present?", she repeated. Then she smiled. "That's nice of you, Tsuchimikado-kun. Carry on", she replied in the same singsong tone.
In three separate locations, three separate people sneezed.
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"That test was a doozy, huh, Kami-yan?", Tsuchimkado Motoharu asked later that day, during lunch.
"Yeah, yeah", was the lazy response of a certain spiky haired high school student, the aforementioned Kamijou Touma.
Tsuchimikado smiled. Touma, who happened to be looking that way, stiffened at the sight of that smile. Whenever Tsuchimikado started smiling like that, Bad Things happened.
Various memories of the unfourtunate situations that Kamijou had been involved thanks to Tsuchimikado's trickery ran through his mind at light speeds.
After staring at him a while, Kamijou sighed loudly."Alright, Tsuchimikado, what is it this time. Just let me know alright.?", he said in a voice that tried so very hard to be bored, but really wasn't.
Tsuchimikado put down his lunch and stared quizzically at Touma. "What's what, Kamiyan?", he askeed.
A vein started popping in Kamijou's head, followed by two more in quick succession.
He snarled softly. "Stop screwing with me!", he said in a furious whisper. "What sort of situation have you got me involved into this time, hmm?"
Tsuchimkado continued gazing at Touma as if he didn't have a clue of what he was talking about. "Kami-yan", he began gently "did Index bite you on your head too hard or something, because you're rambling and people are noticing."
He gestured at the rest of the lunchroom, who had begun to look at Touma as his rant got progressively louder and louder.
Kamijou blushed and sat down. "Ahh, sorry. I thought you might have involved me in something again."
A sad look appeared on Tsuchimkado's face."I can't believe it. You don't trust me, Kami-yan?", the spy replied in a broken voice.
…
The silence was all the response that Tsuchimkado needed. 'To think that after everything we've been through together, even Kami-yan can't trust me anymore." he lamented.
Kamijou Touma is many things. Brave, kind and generous. However from time to time, he's also a sucker of epic proportions.
"Alright, alright, I'm sorry, I trust you, I trust you, OK?" Kamijou said quickly, lest any unsavoury rumours start up.
"I knew I could count on you, Kami-yan", a brilliant smile lit up Tsuchimikado's face. "Now then, if I could ask you to…"
Kamijou leapt out of the seat so fast one would suspect that it had been lit on fire.
"Aha! I knew it! What do you have planned?", he shouted.
Tsuchimkado looked around the lunchroom. "Kami-yan, you're making a scene again", he whispered.
The triumphant look on Touma's face slid off as he, once again, looked around the lunchroom and winced as he saw the stares everybody was giving him. He could almost smell the rumors.
He started laughing awkwardly. "Ah, Tsuchimikado-kun just won a bet with me and I was a bit upset, that's all", he said with an embarrassed smile on his face.
With that explanation, the glares stopped, and Kamijou returned to his seat, to receive a small, mocking clap from Tsuchimikado.
"Wow, you got better at lying, Kami-yan~", he recited in a singsong voice, as he tapped his nose. Touma responded with a very rude hand gesture.
"Save it, Tsuchimikado. Just what do you want me to do?", he asked flatly.
"Wow, so direct. Kami-yan is getting more mature." Tsuchimikado laughed, before pulling out an envelope and handing it to him.
Touma took the envelope in his left hand gingerly. Tsuchimikado blinked.
What, did he think I was giving him some spiritual tool so he used your left hand… Jeez, Tsuchimikado thought in consternation.
Meanwhile, Touma opened the envelope and pulled out a ticket. "What, World of Fun?"he asked dubiously. "What's with the shitty name?
Tsuchimikado shrugged. "Hell if I know. Anyway, I got this ticket in a giveaway, but I have a job that day, so you can have it instead, Kami-yan."
"Seriously", Kamijou asked in a dubious voice.
Tsuchimikado sighed. "Yeah, seriously. I'll even ask Maika to watch Index for you while you're out alright?
"Well, when you put it like that" , Touma mused..."Thanks, Tsuchimikado!"
Kamijou finished up his meal and left the lunchroom. As he left, Tsuchimikado, who had been eating at a more sedate pace, chuckled deep inside.
A sucker's born every minute...
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Later that day, in a relatively nice bed and breakfast in Nara, a phone was incessantly ringing, which was really annoying a certain magician.
With a growl, she threw off the covers, and grabbed the phone. "Hello?", she asked, somehow keeping herself calm.
Pity that this didn't fool the fool on the other end of the line, "Ah, Nee-chin, did I wake you up? So sorry", the voice of one Tsuchimikado Motoharu replied.
One of the Saints chosen by God, and the recently reinstated Supreme Pontiff of the Amakusa Catholics, Kanzaki Kaori, sighed.
"Since it's you, I'm almost sure that you knew I was asleep, and waited till then to call me", she remarked.
…
"Why is it that everyone thinks that I'm always scheming something?" Tsuchimikado asked as he raised his arms to the heavens in irritation.
"Because you're you."
Faced with such a ruthless reply, Tsuhimikado can only keep quiet. "Man, you really must have been sleeping, for Nee-chin to be so mean. In any case, did you get the thing that I sent to you in the mail?
"Mail?"
Tsuchimikado rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I bet that you didn't bother to check the mailbox at that motel, right?"
She flushed. "Well, it isn't as if I'm staying here long…"
"Even though I said I would be sending you something? Basically, you went to sleep and forgot all about it, right?"
Guhh!
At the indistinct sound, Tsuchimikado laughed under his breath.
Is it a bad thing that I like messing with people so much?
He thought about for a second.
Nah!
He returned his attention to the conversation. "Nee-chin, could you please get the envelope?'
Grumbling a bit, she put on a robe, went to the mailbox, and returned to the phone.
"Now what?"
"Now what?", he repeated in amazement." You open it!"
"So this isn't one of your pranks, then?"
"You're still going to open it, so why bother asking?" he queried. She laughed, an unpleasant little laugh that set Tsuchimkado's hair dancing. She was a Saint after all. "I haven't forgotten the previous incident, you know. I'm just asking, so that if it is a prank, I can make you suffer even more for lying about it."
He swallowed. This might blow up in his face, rather unpleasantly.
"Just open it", he directed. Rolling her eyes, the Saint did just that. What she saw in the envelope made her still-rolling eyes widen.
"This is… Is this it? Are you serious?"
He sighed. So melodramatic. 'It's nothing to get so serious about, Nee-chin. It's a nice change of pace for you, and besides, I need to give you some info anyway. I could send it to you, or you could sneak in and get it, but wouldn't it be fun to actually enter Academy City without sneaking in? Just for a change of pace. Stiyl found it fun."
"But.."
"No buts, nee-chin. You're not due back in London till Tuesday, so a little fun mixed with work, won't kill you."
She looked at the ticket inside the envelope again. World of Fun? "What's with the stupid name?
It took a fist in the mouth that time to stifle Tsuchimkado Motoharu's laughter. Luckily for him and his little plot, Kanzaki noticed nothing.
"Hell if I know", he responded. 'Well, are you coming or not?"
Kanzaki started pinching the bridge of her nose. "Well…"
The recent incidents with Aqua and her reassuming of the position of Supreme Pontiff came to her mind. Maybe she did take life a tad bit too seriously. A little fun never killed anybody…most of the time.
She smiled. "OK, I'll go. Thank you, Tsuchimikado"
Said trickster smiled at the formal thanks. "No need for thanks between friends, Nee-chin"
After putting down his cell phone, he looked at the device in his hands.
Another minute, and here's the other sucker.
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And here's the prologue of my new story, folks!
This was originally going to be a oneshot, but I decided to split it into the prologue here, and the rest of it.
Please read and review! Flames will be used to fry chicken for my lunch, and constructive criticism is always welcome.