I've always been the smiling face,

The one you turn to with little grace.

"I don't know what to do anymore." Cried a red haired girl in front of me. She was crying because she didn't know whether to choose between two of her best friends, or just tell them, that she didn't want to choose. "It's getting so frustrating, I mean, one minute, they're joking and laughing, the next minute, they're at each other's throats fighting over me." She cried.

I just offered her a smile. She knew that's all I could do. If she wanted advise, she'd ask. But, all she wanted from me was a listening ear. A friend that wouldn't judge her. I could do that. Unfortunately, I knew this favour would never be returned. It never is.

I'm the one, who hides his pain,

As it's not associated with my name.

I sat in my room silently as I thought of a conversation everyone had earlier. "Him and the word upset? They don't go in the same sentence. Never." Claimed my best friend, it cut deep.

"Kari's right Mimi, the only time his name and the word upset are even in the same sentence is when there is a 'comforting someone because they were' in the middle." Matt added. "I know my little brother." I felt tears sting my eyes at that, as it became even more apparent to me that I couldn't show them the real me, I had to hide everything when I hurt.

I've always bottled up my heart,

Shown you the one that's a piece of art.

I forced the pain and the hurt down as she ignored me and continued ranting on about how this would be good for her. A job that allowed her to travel. She'd never be home. I hardly see her as it is, and then she just wants to distance herself from me even more. I'm tempted to say 'If you want rid of me, just say already and I'll go.'

I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I bottled it all up. Locked it away, and created a smile and forced my mask on. It was flawless. I had used it so much, it was fool proof. No one had ever seen through it. At least, not to my knowledge. Only two people truly knew me, and they were a whole city away. I couldn't just go and see them.

So, instead, I use my mask. My best piece of artwork. No one would see through it. No one could.

It hides me behind a mask,

Keeping it strong is the task.

At times, I struggle to keep the mask up, and I faked feeling ill, so I called the school, and said I wasn't feeling well. I couldn't let them see me as a mess. I spent the whole day forcing my emotions back behind the mask. But, I could see the cracks inside that mask. I strengthened it as much as possible though. I couldn't let them see my heart. Not my true one.

Although, my eyes give me away. Everyone's mistaken sadness for happiness, despair for hope, and pain for calm. It's hard to really go and say to them, I've never been happy. Not in almost ten years.

When I was three. Just before the arguments started between my parents. That was the last time I felt happiness. What a pathetic thought.

You would be horrified by my feelings,

You wouldn't understand the meanings.

Patamon confronted me today. Our bond has obviously gotten stronger. He can feel my emotions. Not something I'm too fond of in all honesty. He said he knew something was wrong, and for some strange reason or another, I broke down and spilled my guts. How I felt. How it hurt. How I hated, and despaired. I could give hope to everyone and anyone, but, I couldn't keep a drop for myself. Yet, I'm the chosen child of hope.

In my opinion, it's rather ironic. The bearer of hope, having no hope for himself. I find it a little amusing.

It took Patamon a while to understand why I was feeling the way I felt, and to be honest, he looked scared. Probably because he caught what I wasn't saying.

Friends and family, I push you away,

I can't get close, I'll want to stay.

I don't speak to my parents anymore. Although, that's more their fault than mine. I tried, for a while, but, then, I simply gave up. Matt's always busy with his band, so, the last time I talked to him was a month or so ago. My friends have been happy and haven't been coming to talk to me.

When I realised that, I realised something even more important. They were only using me. They didn't care about me, or even want me as a friend. They just wanted to use me to make themselves feel better.

I began pushing everyone away after that. Even Patamon. I refuse to get close to anyone. I've begun building a wall around myself. The only one out there that was going to help me in this cold cruel world was me.

But, I knew. I knew that if I let people in, I'd want to stay close to them and then I'd only get hurt. It's what I did with the others. They were there, and they promised me friendship, but, they never gave it. So, I removed them from my heart as friends. Same with my family. We may be blood, but we're no family. I don't want to stay, so, I can't get close.

I want to end this painful lie,

But, the only way is to die.

It was strange today. I wasn't doing anything special; I was just cutting some vegetables to make something to eat. I was making a stir fry as Matt decided that we needed to hang out as we hadn't seen each other in a while. To say the least, I wasn't keen on the idea, but, I agreed; only to stop Matt from asking questions about if I was okay.

Anyway, I was chopping the vegetables and I caught my finger, causing it to bleed slightly. The wound wasn't deep or big. It was really quite small, but it stung. It made the pain feel real. I found it fascinating. How the blood slowly came to the surface and dripped onto the knife. It gave me an idea, of how to get rid of the pain, and how to stop the lies; the horribly painful lies.

The only escape possible. Death.

Death shows me peace,

Life is my leash.

The idea of death washed over me with a great sense of calm. I didn't fear it. I was more than willing to welcome it with open arms. However, when I thought of life, I thought of a leash being held by my so called friends. Keeping me with them, just so they could use me to help themselves. The idea brought tears to my eyes.

I needed an escape from that confinement.

I needed to be set free. I needed peace of mind, heart, and soul. Only death could offer that to me. In my mind, life is a leash.

Eternal darkness makes me smile,

Pure light puts me in denial.

As a kid, I was never scared of the dark. Before the divorce I was, but, then, I learned of darker things. Darker secrets that were kept in the light. I find it funny, how people say that darkness is our biggest enemy. I didn't used to; I used to agree with them. Now, I don't. There are more evils in the light that we all just deny exist.

The darkness is a safe haven, for me anyway. It makes me smile. A real smile.

The light, it just makes me deny everything is wrong. It's denial.

I'm meant to be hope,

Strong enough to cope.

I broke down today. Out of nowhere. Somehow, Ken had noticed something was off with me and confronted me. Kept trying to pry. He had decided that today, he'd take a page from Davis's book and wouldn't back down.

I ended up admitting everything to him. The ideas of suicide and about me cutting. I found myself crying into his shoulder.

I guess, I was glad for the release. But, I can't cope with any of this anymore. The fact that I broke down in front of anyone shows me I'm not strong enough. I'm hope and yet, I can't cope with my own feelings.

I'm not that strong,

Everyone is wrong.

Ken's been keeping an eye on me a lot lately. I sat in my bedroom staring at the knife in my hand. My wrists were raw from the cold. It was a really cold day, one of the coldest this year, and I had the air conditioning on, and heating off. I, also, had all the windows in my room open.

Slowly, I glided the blade down both my wrists and watched as the blood began to flow. I was never strong. Everyone's wrong when they say I am. I felt my world darken slightly as I heard someone knock the door down. I then felt two different sets of hands grasp my wrists, just as I felt my world went black. The last thing I heard before I went under was, "TK, STAY AWAKE!" And my last thought, was that, that voice was Davis's.

My fall won't last,

And the landing is approaching fast.