Gary Stu: Hogwarts' Finest!

In the true spirit of bad Gary Stu fics, I did not run spellcheck or read this fic for grammar errors or typos! Let the games begin!

Summary: Gary Stu, who is smart, likeable, and perfect in every way, enters his first year at Hogwarts! You guessed it; this is a parody of bad male original characters.

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Gary Stu was a muggle, but he had always been different. When he was a baby, sparks flew our of his fingers. When we was five, he discovered he could use magic without a wand. When he was eight, he realized he could read minds and communicate telepathically with his pet llama.

"Ooooh, you are such a spweshial widdle boy!" his mom would cry, every time he lit the fireplace by waving his fingers. Of course, Gary was a different than most muggles, and his teachers and classmates didn't understand him. "That's okay, my widdle Gary! I know you are a wonderful widdle boy!" his mom cooed again.

It all made sense on his 11th birthday, when Gary received his Hogwart's letter. But Gary's letter was more than the "form letter" most potential students got. It had a note from Dumbledore himself! Mr. Gary Stu, you are simply the finest, most talented, most wonderful, most amazing wizard I have ever seen. Someday, you will defeat Voldemort!

Most pleased with himself, the brooding loner who yet somehow maintained his cheerful personality headed off to Hogwarts that fall- after collecting supplies with Hagrid, of course.

***

On the way to Hogwarts, Gary impressed his new classmates with his natural magic ability (he didn't even bother to purchase a wand) and telepathic communication (yes, now he could communicate with humans- but they couldn't hear his thoughts, or course). "Whoah, you are so cool, even if you are a brooding loner!" said a young boy. Everyone else agreed, and the girls secretly swooned at his *dashing* looks.

When he got there, Dumbledore ushered him to the front of the line. "Students, this is our special new student. His name is Gary Stu, and he doesn't need a wand and can communicate telepathically! He gets to go to the sorting hat, first!" The students cheered, and every single house wanted the incredible Gary Stu!

Wow, the hat said. You are brave. You are cunning. You are studious. And finally, you're gentle and kind. I have no idea where to put you with such marvelous qualities for every house! Oh, wait, the last name is Stu? Of course, I have to put you in GRYFFINDOR!

"Hooray!" The Gryffindors yelled enthusiastically.as Gary joined the table.

"Come sit with us!" Harry yelled, as Hermione gave up her chair and sat on Harry's lap to free up space.

"Yeah!" Ron agreed.

"Hi guys, I'm Gary Stu, and I have very special powers, but I'm very modest, of course."

"Of course," Harry replied. "My name's Harry Potter, and I'm a fifth year. These are my friends Ron and Hermione."

"Yeah," Ron said. "Harry is very special, and he's going to beat Voldemort someday!"

"Whoah, you guys are sooooo cool!" Gary said.

"Well, you're such a cool fifth year, we're going to let you hang out with us," said Hermione. "I can help you with your homework, too!"

"DUDE!" he cried. "YOU GUYS ROCK!"

***

After the feast and the tour of his new living quarters, Dumbledore called Gary to his office, alone with Harry and Draco Malfoy.

"Harry and Draco, I have some difficult news to tell you," Dumbledore said.

"What is it?" Harry asked, while Draco sneered at Harry and Dumledore, but gave a huge smile to Gary.

"Well," Dumbledore began, "You two have always been the fabled ones who would eventually beat Voldemort. Especially you, Harry. Unfortunately, I made a mistake. It's actually young GARY here who is going to defeat Voldemort sometime soon."

"Really?" Draco replied and grinned at Gary. "You are so cool, Gary! I knew it would be you!"

"Yeah, Gary! You rock!" said Harry, not minding at all.

"You two are okay with this?" Dumbledore asked Harry and Draco.

"OF COURSE!" they replied, high fiving Gary. "Gary is so cool and amazing and special that we don't care!"

"But...I want him in Slytherin!" Draco cried.

"No way! He's ours!" yelled Harry back.

"Mine!"

"No, Mine!"

Meanwhile, Cho Chang entered the room. "What are you guys talking about? He should go to Ravenclaw!"

The argument continued, and Gary finally left. Everyone stopped the argument for a minute, to smile and cheer for Gary.

***

"You know, Gary," Hermione said a few days later at lunch, "Have I every told you that you are unbelieveably handsome for an 11 year old?"

"No, you haven't," said Gary, flexing his oh-so-buff muscles. "But thanks!" he cried oh-so-modestly.

"Gary, I know I'm a nerd, and I've had pretty much no interest in boys over the past four years," Hermione continued. "I'm also four years older than you. But, would you like to go out with me?" she asked, blowing a kiss.

Before he could respond, Ginny Weasley stood up. "Wait a minute, Hermione! He's MINE!"

"No, he's MINE!" cried Lavender and Parvati.

Seamus Finnigan stood up. "You know, Gary, I don't normally swing this way, but you are so hot!"

Other girls came over from the other houses, including Cho, Pansy, and Padma. Fleur teleported back from her other acadamy just to fight over him. A food and bitch fight commenced and continued between the girls and Seamus.

"Wait a minute!" Gary called, and everyone stopped to listen to his *swoon* sexy voice. "Why don't I make you all my girlfriends?"

"Perfect!" Everyone cried, and for the rest of his time at Hogwarts, Gary constantly had several horny girlfriends hanging at his arm at once.

***

For the next few months, everything went overly smoothly for Gary. For one, he had the best grades not only of the first years, but of the entire Hogwarts' school! Yes, people whispered in the halls, he was smarter than Hermione Granger, and he helped her with homework!

Every single teacher liked him and ooohed and ahhhhed over his extroardinary special talents. Even Snape discovered himself to be extremely fond of the Gryffindor and actually took off points when his Slytherins did something he felt hurt the prize pupil.

Of course, none of the Slytherins actually ever did. Everyone's love of Gary drew the four houses closer together. He may have been technically a Gryffindor, but everyone considered Gary "theirs." He hung out with first and seventh years alike, and everyone wanted to be his friend. He was that special and cool.

Then, one day soon before winter break, Voldemort appeared! "Harry, it is time for our final controntation," he announced.

"Nuh-uh!" Harry explained. "See, I'm not the guy who's supposed to fight you. We had it all wrong! This is Gary Stu, and he' snice talented, and special. You will never defeat him!"

"G-g-g-Gary Stu?" Voldemort gasped nearly fainting. "I-I remember his birth! I tried to kill him, and he not only resisted the killing curse, but he brought back long dead relatives in the process! NOOOOO!"

It was too late for Voldemort, though. Gary had arrived with Dumbledore just in time, because, his timing, just like everything else he did, was impeccable.

"Kill him, Gary!" Harry yelled in encouragement, with Ron agreeing and Hermione swooning. The whole rest of the school came, yelling "fight, fight!"

"Before we fight, young Gary, I must tell you something!" Voldemot cried.

"What is it, evil one?" Gary said, not at all frightened, of course. "Oh, wait! I can read your mind! You're-"

"That's right! Gary, I AM YOUR FATHER!"

"Nooooooooo!" Gary screamed, while the whole school gasped.

"That's right!" continued Voldemort. "I had an affair with Draco's mother, and we produced you! I tried to kill you, and it didn't work! Then, we sent you to live with a muggle family, so you would never know!"

"No! You must come back to good, Voldemort! I can read your mind! There's good in you!" Gary cried.

But it was too late. "Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort cried. Dumbledore came crashing down and died.

Tears came to Gary's eyes. "Look, my father," he said, walking tenderly up to him. "You have killed a wonderful man. Please, see the error of your ways!"

"NEVE-" Voldemort began to yell, and then Gary hugged him. Suddenly, the love between father and son could be felt throughout the whole school. Voldemort began to cry.

"You have broken the curse that made me evil, Gary!" He sobbed. "Now, I am back to good!" They continued to embrace while the whole school cheered.

"You are such an awesome half brother!" cried Draco.

After they broke the special hug, Gary used his special telepathic powers to raise Dumbledore from the dead. In fact, his power was so strong that he managed to raise Cedric, James, and Lily, too.

"Mom! Dad!" Harry cried happily, as he rushed to hug them and then Cedric. Voldemort was officially turned around, and everyone was happy. That day, all his girlfriends wanted him more than ever, and the guys certainly wanted to be him.

***

After the holidays, the revived Dumbledore called Gary to his office. "Gary, congratulations on turning your father around," said Dumbledore.

"Thanks sir!" Gary cried.

"And, I have other special news for you," Dumbledore continued on. "You are so amazingly smart and talanted that I am moving you to the seventh years' class for the second part of the year. You are going to graduate in just one year! It's a new Hogwarts' record!"

"Whoah! That's so cool!" Gary said, agreeing and shaking Dumbledore's hand.

So, for the rest of the year, Gary continued to be an awesome, perfect seventh year. He was so good he somehow telepathically absorbed everything he missed in the years of school he skipped. Yes, he was now at the head of the seventh years' class.

Voldemort became a frequent presence on campus, and everyone, including Harry, loved him now since he was Gary's father. Harry's parents also came often, and Cedric was reinstated and finished his seventh year with Gary. Draco tried to spend lots of time with his "totally cool little half brother" and fully regretted that he hadn't been placed in Slytherin. Hermione, Ginny, Lavender, Padma, Cho, and Parvati continued to hang off his arm, along with all the other girls. Seamus also tried, but Gary was not into that sort of thing because he was a sexy, hetero babe!

Finally, graduation day came. Everyone sobbed, especially Harry, that Gary was leaving so soon. Ron led the males kissing his feet, while Hermione led the girls kissing him on the lips.

"We will miss you, Gary Stu! You are truly Hogwarts' finest student ever!" said Dumbledore as he speech for the seventh years. Naturally, he forgot about all the other graduating students.

And so Gary graduated, and his father and he became partner Aurors, stopping all the crime he saw. Gary eventually also became head of the ministry and the best teacher at Hogwarts. He also married a wife who was as beauitful as he was handsome, and they had 10 children, five boys and five girls, all just as perfect as Gary himself. Of course, he saw about 100 other women on the side.

Gary lived to be 1087 years old, but eventually, his life did come to an end. His legacy, however, did not. He would always be remembered fondly throughout the wizard world and the most amazing, incredible, babealicious, talented, brave, and every other positive adjective that existed in the dictionary.

THE END

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Author's notes: I've seen a lot of parodies of "Mary Sues" in Harry Potter but never one for Gary Stu. Male OCs seem less common generally, but when people make them, they're just as bad as Mary Sues. As a result, I spawned this parody. Forgive the spelling and grammar problems, and I truly did not even read this fic over a second time. This was my first true Harry Potter fic, and I hope to write more in the future.