In her smile
Nara.
Nara, its temples, its narrow streets, its noisy and cheerful crowd.
It had been a while ever since he had come to Nara for the last time.
Aoshi blinked, and gazed at the blue sky above his head, blinded by the bright summer sun.
It was hard to recognize the town ; the last time he had seen it, during the civil war, the walls were covered with the blood of rioters, and crimson rivulets were slowly flowing on the tormented ground.
Aoshi had come only once, as the okashira, leader of the Oniwabanshuu ; their subbranch, a small ninja go-between, had benn devasted by the Ishin Shishi. Never would he forget the spectacle of that slaughter, he thought bitterly. His own men, taken by surprize and pitylessly murdered.
Anyway, he had never dared to come back to Nara since that day.
But times changed, and… after all, it was better to face reality. And as he had a letter - important letter - to bring to Nara, it was a great opportunity to confront the town laden with memories.
Nara had deeply changed, as far as he could feel it. The smell of fresh blood had at least disappeared. But there still was something disturbing in the surroundings, not really worriying, but… burdensome. Threatening.
Yet the crowd wasn't threatening to him : the civil war had been ended for years. It was something else, an oddly familiar sensation, and nevertheless an impression that he hadn't felt for a long time.
Maybe he was rambling, he thought, sighing in disappointement. He was already thirty-two - almost an old man. He had aged a lot, during the past few months ; the most painful had been the appearence of a few silvery hair on his temples. However, his icy blue eyes had kept their sharp, unfathomable look.
But, interrupting suddenly his musings, something - someone - bumped into his legs with a little exclamation of surprize. Aoshi turned over, his eyes severe to cure the insolent of his taste for knocking over people in the street.
Yet as he met the terrified, blue eyes of a very young girl, his expression softened - and froze when he caught a sight of the face in front of him.
Two wide blue-green eyes, like two gems shining in the darkness, and long eyelashes, standing out against the pale skin. The thin, black eyebrows, and the small nose, the red lips. Her ebony hair had once been carefully tied in a braid, but now the shorter locks were undone and fell wildly on her mischievous face, on her forehead and along her cheeks. Even her clothes were the same : the lavender shirt, the pink scarf around her thin waist…
"Misao…"
It seemed so mad, so impossible… But he couldn't mistaken ; now as he gazed at her, forgotten memories popped in his mind : pictures of Misao, his beloved little tomboy, the cheerful and oh-so-lovely girl, and the young, beautiful woman… His heart wrenched painfully in his chest. Misao, and the last time he had seen her, five years before…
But something was wrong. The girl in front of him wasn't older than four - and Misao, if she still was alive, should have been twenty-two. And time can never be turned back.
Nevertheless, the girl was staring at him, her feyes filled with inquisitiveness - and not a hint of embarassement - scanning his face with obvious interest.
He blinked, straightened his back.
The girl smiled.
"Why did you call me Misao ?", she asked the a disconcerting frankness. Aoshi nearly smiled, nonplussed.
"Huh… I guess I told it without thinking", he answered.
The girl looked as puzzled as he did, but didn't lose countenance. She was amazingly alert for a four-year-old, Aoshi thought absent-mindedly.
"My name's Shinami", she grinned.
A ghost of a smile played on Aoshi's lips, as his heart filled with bittersweet feelings. Oh, how much she and Misao were alike when they smiled…
He bowed slightly to greet the child.
"My name's Shinomori Aoshi. Pleased to meet you, Shinami."
The girl blushed in delight, then flushed when she noticed her own impoliteness as she had omit to state her complete name. She bowed just like Aoshi had done.
"Gomen nasai, my name's Suzuhara Shinami."
And, with another of her disarming smiles, she added : "Do you allow me to call you Aoshi ?"
Aoshi couldn't help feeling trapped by the bright smile playing on her young lips : but who was he not to be tenderized by that so charming girl ? He assented by shaking his head.
This seemed to be enough for Shinami, whose smile grew even bigger.
"Suzuhara Shinami…" , Aoshi repeated.
Shinami approved vigorously.
The name was vaguely familiar-souding, axccording to Aoshi, and oddly laden with regrets, though he couldn't guess where he had already heard it.
"But Okaasan told me once that my real name was Makimachi Shinami", corrected the girl.
Something broke in Aoshi's chest. Everything around him was falling apart, and he stiffened, staring wide-eyed at the giggling girl. Putting his hands on her small shoulders, he looked at her straight in the eyes.
"Shinami, what's your Okaasan's name ?"
The girls looked perplexed.
"Okaasan", she answered with no hesitation, as if the answer was self- evident.
Aoshi, because of the strange simplicity of her assertion, was obviously prey to confusion. Of course, she was only four…
"Yes, but… How does your father call her ?"
Shinami seemed to think during a moment.
"He calls her Misao", she asserted.
Misao. Her name resounded steadfastlly in his mind, hitting painfully his heart. Misao. Everything was clear, now he remembered. The man that Misao had married five years ago, did call Suzuhara. Aoshi hadn't payed attention at the moment, only wanting to forget that he had lost the one he loved, but yes, this was his name. Her name, now.
But without paying attention to Aoshi's devasted face, Shinami went on with her babbling.
"Otousan is not always kind with Okaasan… but she doesn't let him do it ! When he hits her, she fights back, and… don't tell it to anyone, but Okaasan is far stronger than Otousan ! Okaasan is very strong. And one day, I'll be as strong as she is !"
She smiled, pride and adoration shining on her face.
"Okaasan was a ninja when she was young, you know", she added, very serious.
Shinami lowered her voice, as if she was in the middle of an important confidence.
"She was a very good ninja, and she has been trained by the best ninja in the whole Japan. She told me his story thousands of times : he was mighty, beautiful, and he always thought of his friends before of himself. It's my favorite story. He was called Aoshisama. And Okaasan promised me that when I an older, she'll take me to meet him !"
A whirpool of miwed feeling overwhelmed Aoshi, catching him at the throat and torning his chest. This was too much. Giving free expression to his emotions, he wrapped his arms around Shinami, pulling her in his embrace and holding her tight against his chest, his head resting on the awry, black hair of the puzzled little girl.
The child didn't even dare to breath.
"A--Aoshi ?"
Aoshi released the young girl from his grip.
"It's just that… Tell your mother that Aoshi-sama would be very proud of her, Shinami, and very proud of you."
Joy enlightened Shinami's features.
"You know Aoshisama ? And you know Okaasan ?"
Aoshi nodded. Shinami smiled in answer.
But something behind Aoshi captured her gaze, and she jumped on her feet, rushed into the crowd, shouting.
"Okaasan !!"
She turned towards Aoshi, whose face had frozen.
"It's Okaasan ! Come on !"
But Aoshi didn't listen to her, his whole attention focused on the creature, her back turned to him. So graceful in her dark blue kimono, whose silk fitted with the beautiful curves of her body. Her black, incredibly long hair were just undone in her back, falling in silky waves on her shoulders, on her waist.
Aoshi would have given everything, anything to slip his hands in her hair. He would even have given everything just to stay there, gazing at her for eternity.
But Shinami's cries had alerted the young woman, and she turned over to find her daughter - and found two icy blue eyes gazing at her. Misao gasped, froze, unable to move.
How beautiful she was. Having traded the ingenuousness of childhood for the budding maturity of a young adult, she seemed even more radiant - except the concealed sadness in her deep, bright blue eyes. How gentle. How desirable.
Their looks met during a single second.
In a second, he tried to tell her how much every day without her had been a day in hell for him.
In a second, he tried to confess his sorrow for having lost her with his carelessness, for having hurt her so many times.
In a second, she knew all the love he felt for her. And in a second, she got the last message he would ever give to her.
Good bye.
This was the last time they would meet. But at least they had repaired the mistake that they had made five years ago : letting each other go away without saying good bye.
Good bye.
Their fleeting communion was interrputed by Shinami, who bumped into her mother's legs, asking for attention and care.
"Okaasan ! I've met a man who knows Aoshisama !"
The young girl turned over, and scanned the crowd with piercing eyes.
"But… where has he gone ?"
Misao too was looking frantically for Aoshi. Where had he gone ? She had only lost sight of him for a few seconds… He should already be there !
But Aoshi had disapperared, letting only after him a terrible sensation of emptiness in Misao's heart.
Shinami turned her look back to her mother, and stared at her with dumbfounded eyes.
"Okaasan, you're… you're crying ?"
Miao wipped the tears on her cheeks.
"It's nothing, sweet heart… I must have a dust in my eye."
Nara.
Nara, its temples, its narrow streets, its noisy and cheerful crowd.
It had been a while ever since he had come to Nara for the last time.
Aoshi blinked, and gazed at the blue sky above his head, blinded by the bright summer sun.
It was hard to recognize the town ; the last time he had seen it, during the civil war, the walls were covered with the blood of rioters, and crimson rivulets were slowly flowing on the tormented ground.
Aoshi had come only once, as the okashira, leader of the Oniwabanshuu ; their subbranch, a small ninja go-between, had benn devasted by the Ishin Shishi. Never would he forget the spectacle of that slaughter, he thought bitterly. His own men, taken by surprize and pitylessly murdered.
Anyway, he had never dared to come back to Nara since that day.
But times changed, and… after all, it was better to face reality. And as he had a letter - important letter - to bring to Nara, it was a great opportunity to confront the town laden with memories.
Nara had deeply changed, as far as he could feel it. The smell of fresh blood had at least disappeared. But there still was something disturbing in the surroundings, not really worriying, but… burdensome. Threatening.
Yet the crowd wasn't threatening to him : the civil war had been ended for years. It was something else, an oddly familiar sensation, and nevertheless an impression that he hadn't felt for a long time.
Maybe he was rambling, he thought, sighing in disappointement. He was already thirty-two - almost an old man. He had aged a lot, during the past few months ; the most painful had been the appearence of a few silvery hair on his temples. However, his icy blue eyes had kept their sharp, unfathomable look.
But, interrupting suddenly his musings, something - someone - bumped into his legs with a little exclamation of surprize. Aoshi turned over, his eyes severe to cure the insolent of his taste for knocking over people in the street.
Yet as he met the terrified, blue eyes of a very young girl, his expression softened - and froze when he caught a sight of the face in front of him.
Two wide blue-green eyes, like two gems shining in the darkness, and long eyelashes, standing out against the pale skin. The thin, black eyebrows, and the small nose, the red lips. Her ebony hair had once been carefully tied in a braid, but now the shorter locks were undone and fell wildly on her mischievous face, on her forehead and along her cheeks. Even her clothes were the same : the lavender shirt, the pink scarf around her thin waist…
"Misao…"
It seemed so mad, so impossible… But he couldn't mistaken ; now as he gazed at her, forgotten memories popped in his mind : pictures of Misao, his beloved little tomboy, the cheerful and oh-so-lovely girl, and the young, beautiful woman… His heart wrenched painfully in his chest. Misao, and the last time he had seen her, five years before…
But something was wrong. The girl in front of him wasn't older than four - and Misao, if she still was alive, should have been twenty-two. And time can never be turned back.
Nevertheless, the girl was staring at him, her feyes filled with inquisitiveness - and not a hint of embarassement - scanning his face with obvious interest.
He blinked, straightened his back.
The girl smiled.
"Why did you call me Misao ?", she asked the a disconcerting frankness. Aoshi nearly smiled, nonplussed.
"Huh… I guess I told it without thinking", he answered.
The girl looked as puzzled as he did, but didn't lose countenance. She was amazingly alert for a four-year-old, Aoshi thought absent-mindedly.
"My name's Shinami", she grinned.
A ghost of a smile played on Aoshi's lips, as his heart filled with bittersweet feelings. Oh, how much she and Misao were alike when they smiled…
He bowed slightly to greet the child.
"My name's Shinomori Aoshi. Pleased to meet you, Shinami."
The girl blushed in delight, then flushed when she noticed her own impoliteness as she had omit to state her complete name. She bowed just like Aoshi had done.
"Gomen nasai, my name's Suzuhara Shinami."
And, with another of her disarming smiles, she added : "Do you allow me to call you Aoshi ?"
Aoshi couldn't help feeling trapped by the bright smile playing on her young lips : but who was he not to be tenderized by that so charming girl ? He assented by shaking his head.
This seemed to be enough for Shinami, whose smile grew even bigger.
"Suzuhara Shinami…" , Aoshi repeated.
Shinami approved vigorously.
The name was vaguely familiar-souding, axccording to Aoshi, and oddly laden with regrets, though he couldn't guess where he had already heard it.
"But Okaasan told me once that my real name was Makimachi Shinami", corrected the girl.
Something broke in Aoshi's chest. Everything around him was falling apart, and he stiffened, staring wide-eyed at the giggling girl. Putting his hands on her small shoulders, he looked at her straight in the eyes.
"Shinami, what's your Okaasan's name ?"
The girls looked perplexed.
"Okaasan", she answered with no hesitation, as if the answer was self- evident.
Aoshi, because of the strange simplicity of her assertion, was obviously prey to confusion. Of course, she was only four…
"Yes, but… How does your father call her ?"
Shinami seemed to think during a moment.
"He calls her Misao", she asserted.
Misao. Her name resounded steadfastlly in his mind, hitting painfully his heart. Misao. Everything was clear, now he remembered. The man that Misao had married five years ago, did call Suzuhara. Aoshi hadn't payed attention at the moment, only wanting to forget that he had lost the one he loved, but yes, this was his name. Her name, now.
But without paying attention to Aoshi's devasted face, Shinami went on with her babbling.
"Otousan is not always kind with Okaasan… but she doesn't let him do it ! When he hits her, she fights back, and… don't tell it to anyone, but Okaasan is far stronger than Otousan ! Okaasan is very strong. And one day, I'll be as strong as she is !"
She smiled, pride and adoration shining on her face.
"Okaasan was a ninja when she was young, you know", she added, very serious.
Shinami lowered her voice, as if she was in the middle of an important confidence.
"She was a very good ninja, and she has been trained by the best ninja in the whole Japan. She told me his story thousands of times : he was mighty, beautiful, and he always thought of his friends before of himself. It's my favorite story. He was called Aoshisama. And Okaasan promised me that when I an older, she'll take me to meet him !"
A whirpool of miwed feeling overwhelmed Aoshi, catching him at the throat and torning his chest. This was too much. Giving free expression to his emotions, he wrapped his arms around Shinami, pulling her in his embrace and holding her tight against his chest, his head resting on the awry, black hair of the puzzled little girl.
The child didn't even dare to breath.
"A--Aoshi ?"
Aoshi released the young girl from his grip.
"It's just that… Tell your mother that Aoshi-sama would be very proud of her, Shinami, and very proud of you."
Joy enlightened Shinami's features.
"You know Aoshisama ? And you know Okaasan ?"
Aoshi nodded. Shinami smiled in answer.
But something behind Aoshi captured her gaze, and she jumped on her feet, rushed into the crowd, shouting.
"Okaasan !!"
She turned towards Aoshi, whose face had frozen.
"It's Okaasan ! Come on !"
But Aoshi didn't listen to her, his whole attention focused on the creature, her back turned to him. So graceful in her dark blue kimono, whose silk fitted with the beautiful curves of her body. Her black, incredibly long hair were just undone in her back, falling in silky waves on her shoulders, on her waist.
Aoshi would have given everything, anything to slip his hands in her hair. He would even have given everything just to stay there, gazing at her for eternity.
But Shinami's cries had alerted the young woman, and she turned over to find her daughter - and found two icy blue eyes gazing at her. Misao gasped, froze, unable to move.
How beautiful she was. Having traded the ingenuousness of childhood for the budding maturity of a young adult, she seemed even more radiant - except the concealed sadness in her deep, bright blue eyes. How gentle. How desirable.
Their looks met during a single second.
In a second, he tried to tell her how much every day without her had been a day in hell for him.
In a second, he tried to confess his sorrow for having lost her with his carelessness, for having hurt her so many times.
In a second, she knew all the love he felt for her. And in a second, she got the last message he would ever give to her.
Good bye.
This was the last time they would meet. But at least they had repaired the mistake that they had made five years ago : letting each other go away without saying good bye.
Good bye.
Their fleeting communion was interrputed by Shinami, who bumped into her mother's legs, asking for attention and care.
"Okaasan ! I've met a man who knows Aoshisama !"
The young girl turned over, and scanned the crowd with piercing eyes.
"But… where has he gone ?"
Misao too was looking frantically for Aoshi. Where had he gone ? She had only lost sight of him for a few seconds… He should already be there !
But Aoshi had disapperared, letting only after him a terrible sensation of emptiness in Misao's heart.
Shinami turned her look back to her mother, and stared at her with dumbfounded eyes.
"Okaasan, you're… you're crying ?"
Miao wipped the tears on her cheeks.
"It's nothing, sweet heart… I must have a dust in my eye."