I don't own anything except the writing.
Falling. Falling was the only sensation Oliver felt before jolting up into a sitting position. A feeling that always made his skin crawl up his spine and his fingers twitch whenever he thought about it. Everybody had fears, just not as surreal as his. He knew that it was normal to feel fear, that it was okay to convulse when watching a scary movie or shiver when a creaking noise crept in, but it always made him tremble to the bone when he thought about his number one fear; Falling.
Oliver cupped his face as he regained consciousness of reality. He touched his own image, feeling the creases of his forehead, the wrinkles next to his eyes and the scruffiness of his stubble. He folded his arms, his vibrant green eyes lost in the distance. He wondered if this was what feeling desolate was like. He had 5 years on an abandoned island to feel that lonely but a part of him always knew he would come back. But this time, this time was different. This time he had chains locked on his arms so that there was no sense of escape. He knew that there was no more hope for himself, that no one was there to save him this time like the helicopters that brought him back home to his family, the family he crushed.
Oliver lay back down on his bed, looking up at the ceiling of his room at Nanda Parbat. He stroked his hands over the fabric of his bed sheets, realizing that something was missing, that something was horribly wrong. He closed his eyes, wishing that he would sleep once more so he could leave the cruel world and into his dreams, where he knew that there, he could feel no pain. No more suffering. No more torment. He wanted to be back into the deepest crevices of his mind, where not even Ra's Al-Ghul could hurt him. Oliver pushed his head back into his pillow, his eyes open and blank, desperate for a minute for his head to be silenced by the only thought that flooded his mind. Felicity, a threat more formidable than Merlyn, maybe even Ra's. The threat of love. Love is weakness, as so he thought. He thought that love would be the only thing holding him back from victory. Even though that when there is no victory if there is no happiness, and where is the happiness when there is no love.
Oliver looked over the grandfather clock standing idly by in the corner of his room. He squinted his eyes to scan the numbers on the circular face of the old timekeeper, his eyes traced the outlines of the clock face, trying to make sense of the fine sticks that circulated the clock over the vast clouds of darkness swallowing his room. After a brief minute he rolled his eyes in defense before slamming back down on the warm embrace of his bed. An embrace he had yet to get used to, unlike the ones Felicity gave him. He closed his eyes, his mind rewinding back to the moments he had with his 'Girl-Friday', all the laughs and smiles they shared but would only fade away. The bond they had were something of that of a movie, but alas he would only take her for granted. It took him so long, so damn long to realize what it was like without her; Falling. With all those thoughts, Oliver felt the grief overwhelm him again, he couldn't believe that he would never get to see his family and friends ever, that the closest thing he would have to family and friends was the League of Assassins. No more Felicity, no more Diggle, no more Roy, no more Laurel and even no more Thea. Oliver closed his eyes. wishing for some sleep just so that he could black out from the world that collapsed all over him so quick that it took him so long to realize it.
To no avail, Oliver turned and twisted in bed begging, pleading, praying for a moment of slumber. He looked over to the left side of his king-sized bed, looking over the window, watching the moon shine over the glistening desert sands of the brutal land of Nanda Parbat. He looked over at the black night sky, observing all the bright stars watching them float over the atmosphere like angels. He sat up, glaring at the dark evening sky begging whoever was up there for a chance, a moment, a choice. A choice to be who he wanted to be, a chance to go back in time to fix the horrible choices he made, a moment to be happy. He felt a tear pass his cheeks down his neck into the light fabric of his shirt. He looked up deeply into the celestial representation of angels wishing for a second chance with Thea, with Roy, with Merlyn and most importantly, one last chance with Felicity, a chance he would keep so deeply into his heart. If he ever got one more moment with her, he knew it would be a moment he would cherish.
Oliver felt another tear fall down his eyes. He silently wiped them away trying to hold back more tears. He slowly crept his hand out onto his bedside drawer and lifted a small piece of paper off the top of it. He looked at it and felt his heart shattering so badly that for a moment, he thought he could hear the light cracks himself. He lay back down on his bed and closed his eyes, his thumbs stuck tightly onto the miniature piece of card as if it was a rare treasure. His mind desperate, he felt a whimper rise up his throat and for the first time in so long, he did something that he never thought he would do again. He prayed.
"God, please." He begged before kissing the minuscule little square-shaped fragment of paper.
He closed his eyes and drowned himself in his pillow before letting a sob seep out of his mouth. Only now, for the first time in his time as an adult, did he let himself cry. He let the tears run down freely as he gripped his bed sheets in desperation, he felt his eyes burn from the salty tears and he felt his pillow flood filled with tears. He let everything out, from the death of Sara Lance to the moment Felicity said her final goodbye. He thought of Roy, of Diggle and most importantly Thea.
Before he calmed down and finally dozed off. He let out a shaky breath before mumbling, in the smallest faint voice, so quiet no one could hear even millimeters away from him.
"Felicity, without you, I'm falling"
A/N
Haha, still getting used to this. It was just a short thing I wrote when I was bored, hope you liked it! I'd love it if you left a review, telling me what I should improve on or whatnot.