A/N: Happy Christmas! I wanted to write something small for Christmas and at first I just wanted it to be completely fluffy, but then it started gaining a plot and so this happened. Let's pretend Rachel didn't go on the gay cruise and instead went back to Lima, because I honestly don't see Rachel Berry missing something as important as the opening day of the Les Mis movie. A healthy understanding of Les Mis would also be beneficial before reading this.
It was too early. Quinn hadn't been up this early on Christmas morning in ten years. Yet there she was, walking to the movie theater with Rachel Berry a little after 7 AM in the freezing cold.
She had wanted to just have a normal Christmas with her mother; sleep in, have her favorite Mickey Mouse pancakes, open a couple presents, and watch a movie with her mom. She even offered to have Rachel join her; just because Rachel was Jewish didn't mean she couldn't enjoy the day. But no. Les Misèrables could not wait, not even until later in the morning, and since Quinn had never been able to deny Rachel anything, especially when she put on her adorable pout, Quinn was roped into going with her.
Rachel, not wanting to take away Quinn's Christmas entirely, had them both wearing Santa hats. When Rachel had shown up at her door at the early hour, Quinn was so annoyed that she suggested Rachel wear an elf hat instead to match her height. This had gotten her a comment to stop acting like Santana, and a light punch on the shoulder as she came out the door.
She flat out refused to wear the hat, claiming it would look ridiculous, but her refusal could only last so long.
At least the hat kept her ears warm.
"Do you want to sing a Christmas song?" Rachel asked brightly.
"No."
"But Quinn! It's Christmas!" Rachel was practically bouncing.
Quinn sighed in defeat. "What do you want to sing?"
"Oh! Dashing through the snow-"
"That's not a Christmas song," Quinn stated flatly.
"Fine," she huffed before jumping into another song. "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens-"
"Still not a Christmas song."
"You're such a pessimist!" she cried, threading her arm through Quinn's and burying her face into Quinn's side.
Quinn felt her face redden and she was reminded of why she was doing this. It had taken a while for her to admit it, about three years of denial and slow acceptance of her sexuality, but she had feelings for Rachel. They weren't platonic, and they weren't going away, no matter how much she had tried by throwing herself into relationships with guys.
"It's so cold," Rachel said, holding onto Quinn tighter.
"It's winter. It's supposed to be cold."
"Thank you for that remarkable piece of information, Quinn. I never would've known without your insight on the matter."
Rachel's sarcasm brought about half a smile from Quinn. "You know it wouldn't be cold if you had just let us drive there."
"But then it wouldn't be authentic!"
"What in the world makes walking a mile in the cold while wearing Santa hats authentic?"
Rachel gaped at her for a second. She had clearly just thought Quinn would go along with it and not question her. "Do you really want a dissertation on Les Mis? I go to a performing arts school, I could talk all day about Les Mis."
Quinn laughed. "You could talk all day about Les Mis without going to NYADA."
"True."
"But yes, I would much rather prefer a dissertation of Les Mis in the warm comfort of my house," she confirmed as they approached the theater.
"Too bad because we're having a Christmas adventure!"
Quinn sighed, shaking her head. Who was she to put a damper on Rachel's excitement? Then they got closer to the theater and these thoughts came to a screeching halt. "Rachel."
"Hm?"
"What time are we seeing Les Mis?"
"The first showing."
"What time is the first showing?"
"Ten," Rachel murmured.
"Ten?!" It wasn't even eight."It's dark in there! The theater isn't even open yet!" Quinn broke away from Rachel to sit on the sidewalk. Burying her face in her hands, Quinn contemplated whether it was worth just walking home and walking back later.
Rachel, after a bit of hesitation, sat down beside her. "I brought hot chocolate," she said, offering Quinn a thermos.
Quinn looked up at her. "Why?" she asked with a hint of desperation in her voice.
"Well I thought it might be cold and we could use-"
"No, why are we stuck outside the theater in the cold, hours before the movie?"
"Seeing as there wasn't a midnight premiere to stand outside in the cold for last night, I thought this would make up for it," Rachel explained. "By the way you're looking at me, I'm starting to wonder if I made a good decision."
Quinn shut her eyes, trying to rid her face of the angry expression she was sure she was wearing. "I'm not mad at you."
"Really?"
"I just wish you would've let me sleep a couple more hours."
"You go to Yale, surely you're used to missing sleep," Rachel commented. Confident that enough time had passed and Quinn wasn't going to lash out at her for coming a couple hours early, Rachel cuddled up to Quinn.
"I was kind of hoping to catch up on all that lost sleep over Christmas break. Looks like that's not happening with you around," Quinn teased.
"Oh please. This is the only day you've had to get up early since coming back."
"What about just yesterday, when you showed up at my house with the 10th Anniversary and the 25th Anniversary concert dvds of Les Mis?"
"We had to prepare for today!"
"We didn't have to watch both of them! And we sure didn't have to watch them before noon!"
"Okay, but that was one time!"
"What about the day before when-"
"Why do you have to be such a Grinch, Quinn?" Rachel questioned lightly.
"How do you even know who the Grinch is? You don't celebrate Christmas!" Quinn was well aware that they weren't seriously fighting, but she wasn't letting Rachel off the hook that easily.
"I don't have to celebrate Christmas to know who the Grinch is."
"So you're telling me that as a child your fathers read you 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas', even though you're Jewish?" Quinn asked, skeptical.
"Of course not. In kindergarten, Santa came to our school and read various Christmas stories to us, that one included," Rachel explained.
"And let me guess: you went and complained about lack of Jewish consideration, and Santa never came to read at school again."
"Never again," she confirmed.
"I know you so well."
"So I heard it through Santana that you're dating a professor at Yale," Rachel said out of nowhere.
Quinn froze. She was going to kill Santana. "That might have been true at the time."
"Is there a reason that I never heard about him?" Her, Quinn mentally corrected.
"What does it matter? I ended it right after Thanksgiving break." Truthfully, Quinn had only dated her professor because she bore a stunning resemblance to Rachel and she had managed to convince herself that it was the closest she would ever get to having Rachel. That was until Santana had called bearing the good news that things between Finn and Rachel really were over, and it wasn't just some petty fight that Rachel was being overdramatic about in her emails. She finally had her opening, and there was no way she was going to miss it by being tied down to a Rachel Berry lookalike.
"It matters because I tell you everything and I get nothing from you but a bunch of falsities! We're supposed to be friends, Quinn! Best friends!"
"And we are!"
"Then tell me about him."
Quinn took a deep breath. Was she really going to tell Rachel the truth? Well it might help her in the long run if she did, she rationed. "First off, she's a girl."
Rachel didn't gasp or laugh or do anything. She merely nodded and prompted Quinn to continue.
"She teaches my Psychology class. Well, I guess she taught it since the semester's over and I won't be taking the next course. But after a couple classes, she stopped me as I was walking out and said to me, 'you are the biggest repressed lesbian I have ever seen'." Quinn laughed at the memory of that day. "Then she asked me out for coffee and I said yes."
"So you are a lesbian?" Rachel asked.
Quinn nodded. "Yes. Does that bother you?"
"Not at all! I just never expected it from you. I mean, we fought over boys for two years," she rambled, and Quinn smiled at the old Rachel making a reappearance. Underneath all the sexy New York fashion was still the old, dorky Rachel who wore animal sweaters and talked in paragraphs. "But yeah that's good, finally realizing your sexuality. Did you ever even think you were gay before then?"
"Yeah, I might've had a small crush on a girl during senior year," Quinn lied. She was in love with a girl during senior year; the crush came in the two years before as she tried to rid herself of it.
"Oh really? Who?"
No. It wasn't time. Quinn couldn't tell her yet. So she dodged the question. "I thought we were talking about my professor?"
"Yes, yes of course! What was she like?" Rachel was all ears, and Quinn realized she had just dodged one trap to run straight into another.
How was she supposed to explain this without making her professor sound exactly like Rachel?
"She's really smart." Was the best she could come up with.
"Well most professors are," Rachel teased.
"She really helped me figure out everything. Some upperclassmen told me she always picks one student from her class, declares them the 'problem child', and fixes them," she shrugged. She had went through more than enough to be considered a problem child.
"So her way of helping you was by dating you?"
Quinn smirked. "I think that was considered more of a perk."
"Why not just date a girl your own age?"
"Now that I've got all my problems fixed and I've 'overcome my repression' as Rebecca put it, I can."
"Good! Got your eye on a certain girl at Yale?"
"No, actually," Quinn admitted truthfully. The girl she had her eye on was snuggled up with her, looking absolutely adorable in a Santa hat. "But enough about me. What about you? What's going on with your love life?" She really didn't want to have to hear about Finn or Brody or, God forbid, some new guy, but she didn't really want to talk about herself anymore and risk something slipping out.
"Nothing new since the last email. I don't see Brody as being a lasting fixture in my life. He just doesn't feel right, but he's the only friend I have at NYADA at the moment so I'm just going to live in the now and enjoy it while it lasts. I mean, what's the harm in making out with someone every once in a while?"
"So friends with benefits?" Quinn suggested, hoping that was all they were and that the opening was still there. She could handle friends with benefits.
"As long as the only benefits you are referring to are kisses and dance help."
Quinn smiled. The opening was still there. "Good."
"Why is that good?" Rachel asked, her face scrunched up in confusion.
"I just don't get very good vibes from this Brody character."
Rachel laughed. "You've never met him!"
"I don't need to meet him. You've told me plenty about him," Quinn assured her. She knew more than enough about him.
"Well maybe if you came to New York sometime you could reevaluate your opinion on him."
"I don't see that happening," she said quickly without thinking.
"And why not? You've never come to visit me in New York!" Rachel huffed. "Why did you buy train passes if you never plan to use them?"
"I…" Quinn was lost. She couldn't just tell Rachel that it hurt too much to visit with her and see her always fawning over some guy. The tickets had just been the easy way out. Quinn had wanted to sever all ties and forget Lima, but most importantly Rachel, because she was engaged for God's sake. Yet she couldn't do it. She found herself buying train tickets instead, hoping that one day Rachel would just wake up and realize she was in love with Quinn, and Quinn wanted her to have a way to get there when she realized it. Buying one for herself just made it less suspicious. So no, she couldn't tell Rachel any of that. "I think the theater's open now. Let's go."
Quinn practically ran inside, not sticking around to wait on Rachel. She couldn't run for long though, which meant Rachel was upon her in less than a minute. She had done nothing but delay the inevitable.
"Our movie still doesn't start for another hour. You're not avoiding me, Quinn Fabray," Rachel stated as she came in behind Quinn, taking her hand and steering her to the tables. Once they were settled at a table, Rachel started in on her again. "Please tell me why you haven't come to visit me."
She looked around for something else to talk about, settling at last on the emptiness of the theater. "I'm surprised you aren't singing 'Empty Chairs at Empty Tables' right now," Quinn commented, trying her best to change the subject.
"There's still time before the movie- you're not changing the subject!"
"I've just been really busy with school and making friends and clubs," Quinn tried, using the excuse that had worked on the others at Thanksgiving.
Rachel was silent for a moment, and Quinn almost thought she had gotten away with it. Almost. "You know, I don't think that's true, Quinn. I'm sure you have been busy, what with going to an Ivy League school, but I don't think that's the reason you haven't come to visit me. Otherwise you wouldn't have avoided this question."
"Can't you just drop it?" she pleaded. "I'll come visit you next semester, okay?"
"Okay," Rachel nodded. "I will. But just know that if you haven't come to visit me by Spring Break, I will be making my way to New Haven to drag you to New York. You can't work yourself to death."
Quinn laughed, relieved. "Alright."
"Now we can sing 'Empty Chairs at Empty Tables'."
"We?"
"We."
"Quinn let's go!"
"What? It's not over yet!"
"I have to pee!"
"And I have to come with you?"
"Yes! What if I get kidnapped?"
Quinn stood up, pulling Rachel up as well. "Make this quick though."
"I will," Rachel confirmed, leading the way out of the dark room and toward the bathrooms. "I can't believe it doesn't have an intermission! This is Les Mis! It needs an intermission!"
"Most movies don't have intermissions, Rachel," Quinn stated as they entered the bathroom. "I think that's just for theatre."
"Here, hold my purse." Rachel put her bag in Quinn's arms before entering the stall. "Well they should! How am I supposed to make it through a three hour movie with my tiny bladder?" Rachel asked from behind the stall door.
"Maybe not drink the largest size drink they have?" Quinn suggested with a smirk. Rachel had insisted on getting the biggest drink so she wouldn't have to miss a single second to go get a refill. She unfortunately hadn't thought of the fact that this would increase her likelihood of having to pee during the movie.
Quinn heard a flush and seconds later, Rachel walked out of the stall. "I do not appreciate your sass."
She just shrugged. "It comes with being my friend."
Quinn couldn't concentrate on the last half of the movie. She was a bit too preoccupied in seeing the parallels between Eponine, Marius, and Cosette with her, Rachel, and Finn respectively. She had really tried to get Rachel to understand her feelings for her over the last semester of senior year without directly doing anything to avoid being a homewrecker, but it hadn't worked out. Rachel had almost gotten married and Quinn had almost died. In a way, she was Eponine, always loving Marius but having Marius forever be blind to her feelings even as she died. Rachel would be Marius, falling in love at the drop of a hat but never realizing his best friend was in love with him.
As she thought about it, she realized that while Finn was Cosette in her scenario from senior year, Brody could very well be the next Cosette. Rachel said she didn't think he would last, but who would've thought Finn would last that long? It could start all over again, and Quinn would have to relive it if she didn't do something about it. She didn't want to be Eponine and have a secret unrequited love, where instead of telling the person she loves her true feelings, she ends up dying from a stray shot and singing a song about rain. None of that was appealing to her.
She didn't want to live Les Mis. She would much rather live through a musical with a happier ending for her, like Hairspray or Grease. Why did it have to be a musical anyway? She didn't care if it made her the stereotypical lesbian, she wanted a life like Imagine Me & You, dammit!
The credits started to roll and Quinn looked over to find Rachel crying, just as she had cried when they watched the Les Mis concerts just yesterday. Quinn let her cry, wrapping an arm around her to try to comfort her.
"That was beautiful," Rachel whispered after a few minutes.
"It was," Quinn agreed.
"Okay, we can go now," she said after letting out a shaky breath, standing up. "I'm sure I look like a complete mess."
"Not at all. You're still beautiful."
This had Rachel turning around as they were halfway down the aisle, her face scrunched up in confusion. "Do you have your contacts in?"
"Yes, I do," she frowned. Why couldn't she give Rachel a compliment without her questioning it?
Rachel shook her head, smiling. "Whatever you say."
They were about halfway back to Rachel's house when Quinn couldn't take it anymore. Rachel, trying to keep warm was pressed up against Quinn's side as close as she could get, and Quinn was sure they looked like a couple to anyone passing by. She couldn't go on being Eponine. She had to tell Rachel before she lost her nerve.
"Rachel I need to tell you something," Quinn admitted, stopping them on the empty sidewalk.
"What?" she asked, clearly confused.
Quinn took a deep breath before diving in. "You were right when you said earlier that I was avoiding telling you why I hadn't come to New York. And the reason is…"
"Yes?"
"I like you, okay?" she blurted out, finally having found the words. "More than just friends and for a while now and it would've been selfish of me to come see you."
Quinn tried to read Rachel's expression, but it was completely blank, something she was sure that Rachel had picked up in a NYADA acting class.
"Oh."
"And that movie made me realize I'm the damn Eponine to your Marius and I don't want to be Eponine! I can't handle watching you fall in love with guy after guy until I die!" Quinn felt the tears coming. She probably hadn't had enough sleep and was letting her emotions get the best of her, but she didn't care at the moment. All she cared about was getting everything out into the open.
"You… You're not Eponine," Rachel said at last.
"Well yeah, not anymore. Now that you know I can hardly be considered Eponine."
"Not before either, because Marius never had feelings for Eponine," she stated quietly.
Quinn froze, wondering if she was taking what she had just heard the wrong way. "So you..?" she prompted.
"Something stopped me from marrying Finn that day and something has stopped me from truly connecting with Brody. And I'm pretty sure that something is you," Rachel explained, taking Quinn's hand in hers.
Quinn closed her eyes, trying to make sure this was real. It couldn't be real. Eponine didn't get her happy ending. When she opened them, Rachel was still there, smiling lightly at her. "I don't even know what to say. I didn't expect this to happen."
"Maybe you should kiss me then?" Rachel suggested.
Quinn smiled, leaning in. Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe she wasn't Eponine after all.