Erik was grunting above Charles, holding his hips tightly to him. Charles' head was tilted back, mouth slightly open and a look of concentration on his face. Erik had moved to kiss along Charles' neck, nipping down on the soft skin, making sure to earn a moan from the younger man below him. He was starting to lose himself in the moment when Charles grunted and let his legs fall to the bed, obviously upset.
"Just stop Erik, it's not going to happen tonight..."
It took Erik a moment to process before he pulled out of his lover, gently laying next to him, holding him tightly. Charles was tense and Erik's hands moved to gently massage his shoulders.
"It's alright Charles. It's not your fault.. It's my fault your like this."
Charles said nothing. Just lay limply against Erik.
"Charles? Baby..?"
Still the younger said nothing. It seemed like hours before he rolled himself over to look up at Erik.
"I'm fine. Really. It's all fine, Erik..."
The German smiled as his lover trailed a finger down his side, moving to kiss him softly.
"How about... you come here and I can..."
Charles leaned forward and murmured into Erik's ear, moving to nibble at the lobe. Erik's eyes widened and he moved to kiss Charles, carefully pressing him donw into the bed and moving up to straddle him. Charles immediately moved to start sucking Erik's tip, hands resting on his thighs. Soft moans slipped from the metal bender's lips as he slowly pressed himself into Charles' mouth. The telepath merely opened his mouth to take more, going further until Erik's tip hit the back of his throat. Then his tongue set to work, swirling around Erik before moving to deep throat him. Erik's hand curled in Charles' hair, starting to thrust violently into his mouth. Charles only moaned, sending vibrations up his length.
'I'm gonna cum...'
The thoughts echoed around Charles' head and he smirked.
'Give me all of it. I want it all.'
It took less than a moment for Erik to cry out his lover's name, cumming hard down his throat. Charles' leant back to suck on his tip, sucking him dry. Erik moved to collapse onto the bed, shifting to hold Charles tightly in his arms. The two men settled down together, eventually falling asleep in each other's arms.
..
In the morning, a large crash distured Eriks's sleep; his eyes flickered open only for him to hear groaning. He was alone in the bed which meant only one thing. Charles had tried to get in the bath and had missed. Erik stretched and got up, heading into the bathroom to scoop Charles up and kiss the small cut on his head where there was blood.
"Don't fall asleep in the water whilst I get the first aid kit. Deal?"
Charles chuckled and let himself sink under the hot water, eyes closing as he relaxed into the porcelain. Erik moved to the cupboard, grabbing the green box before sitting in Charles' wheelchair to reach him better.
"What have I told you about waiting for me to get up so I can help you?"
"You sleep for ages after sex. I got bored after the first hour."
Erik chuckled and gently wiped the wound with an anti-sceptic wipe before sticking a small plaster over it, leaning down for a kiss. The truth was, Erik tried to help Charles as much as he could because he was guilty. Had he listened to Charles, not killed Shaw, not tried to set the humans at war with each other... Charles would be walking and would be completely fine. Not paralysed and stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He looked down at the brunet in the water, just laying there looking peaceful. Erik knew it was just a charade. He was the only one that the Englishman would let see just how much he had been affected by the accident. Charles always insisted it was an accident, althought Erik would never believe him. It was his fault his precious lover was like this. Charles tried to hide his pain around Erik; he didn't like him seeing because he always saw the guilt build up in his eyes. And it made Charles feel terrible. Erik's thoughts were passing by him, twinged with guilt. In seconds, Charles had grabbed Erik's hand and pulled him down to kiss him hard.
"Not your fault, Erik. It was not your fault. Stop blaming yourself or this is just going to eat you up inside and I don't want to lose the man I love because of an accident."
Erik looked into Charles' eyes and knew immediately that he didn't blame him. He needed to remind himself sometimes. Remind himself that the love of his life didn't hate him. Erik moved gently, kissing Charles again before gently slipping into the water with him. The bath was big enough to hold both men and they just lay there in silence for a while before Erik nudged Charles up to start washing his hair.
..
"It was not your fault Erik will you just stop it?"
The desperation in Charles' voice immediately struck guilt into Erik's heart as they stood at opposite ends of the library.
"I redirected the bullet. I flung it. It hit you. Moira didn't aim at you, I redirceted her shot straight at you. That makes it my fault straight away. I am the reason you're going to be stuck in that god for saken wheelchair for the rest of your life. Me. No one else. Me."
Charles was silent as he stared up at Erik, neither of them dared move in the silence that followed. However, the telepath couldn't hold his gaze and he ended up staring down at the floor.
"Erik... Please.. I don't blame you. I blame myself. I should have gone with you onto the submarin-"
"STOP IT."
Charles winced as Erik's words echoed around the room.
"You have done nothing wrong. So please stop. It's my fault... I'm going out."
"Eri let's just talk about this-"
"There's nothing to discuss."
Erik's words felt like a knife to Charles' heart as he turned and walked out the library. Charles' mind followed him through the house and out the door. The moment he knew he wasn't coming back, Charles let his tears flow.
..
The bar was dark. Dingy. The kind of bar Erik preferred. No annoying little punks who would get drunk and spill their drinks on everyone. He looked around in the gloom before leaning over the bar and ordering another whiskey. As he leaned back in his chair, the seat next to him became occupied. He looked over and nearly dropped his empty glass upon seeing Charles. No. He peered a little closer. This man's eyes were brown and his hair was too light. He wasn't his lover. The man seemed to sense him staring and he looked over.
"May I help you?"
"You look a lot like my ex."
Ex. The word echoed in Erik's ears as he spoke. Did that mean he felt like the relationship was over? He didn't know what it meant. But what he knew right now was that the stranger next to him was taking a good look up and down, smiling over a glass.
"You're rather handsome for a bar like this, no?"
"Just because I'm handsome doesn't mean I can't like guys. Isn't that a good one for the male team, though?"
The stranger flashed a smile. A dazzling white smile.
"I'm Patrick."
"Erik."
They shook hands and sipped their drinks in silence for a moment before Patrick cleared his throat.
"So what are you here looking for? If you have an ex, a rebound is what your looking for? Correct me if I'm wrong."
Erik should shake his head and walk out. Go home. Go home to his boyfriend struggling to get something for dinner or to get a drink. Unable to get in and out of bed. The alcohol was making his head buzz.
"A rebound bout sounds pretty good. I take it you're volunteering."
"Oh I would love that. You know, I have a place not too far away. As long as you're ok with slipping out silently in the morning. I'm a physiotherapist you see, I have an appointment at 8am."
"Oh trust me, I can sneak out of there. You won't even know I'm gone yourself. Your client won't even know I'm there."
The two men stood, their lips meeting. Erik held him tightly against him before letting go for Patrick to lead the way.
..
Falling onto the bed was the point of no return. Erik lost all sense of reality. All he could think about was Patrick underneath him as their lips moved as one. Their hands were roaming over each other and clothes were starting to be tugged off. Erik's hands had found Patrick's belt and hurriedly opened it. There was no care, no love behind this. Just alcohol-fuelled lust. It was nothing like the calm love making Erik had grown used to. He missed this.
"You know, I don't normally do this."
"Definite 'this'. Peter."
"Men I've just met."
"Am I that strange?"
It didn't take long for their clothes to fall to the floor and for Erik to turn Patrick over. He immediately got onto his knees and Erik stopped for a moment. He could still stop this. He could still walk away and go home to Charles. But he leaned forward and pushed his fingers rather harshly into Patrick's mouth, moaning as he started sucking them. He moved to kiss along his shoulder blades before pulling his fingers out, harshly pushing one of them into Patrick. The man below him moaned and with ease, Erik quickly pushed a second finger in, scissoring and twisting them violently. Patrick wasn't complaining. He pushed his ass back towards Erik moaning, begging for more. And more came with a third finger, pushing deep into him. He brushed past Patrick's prostate making the man yell out. He smirked and pulled his fingers out, lining up. With a groan, Erik slammed straight into him.
..
Charles shot upright with yell. Groaning, he rubbed his face before looking at the empty space next to him. Erik still hadn't come home. He peered at the clock and frowned. It was well into the early hours of the morning. With difficulty, he shuffled along the bed and carefully tugged himself into his wheelchair. He was sure the metal would be cold against his legs and reached for one of the sheets to wrap around his legs. Carefully, he wheeled himself out to the hallway and downstairs, down the ramp. He headed into the kitchen and managed to manoeuvre around and get a drink. He finished it and headed back upstairs into the en suite. He ran cold water into his hands and splashed it against his face before trying to lock onto Erik's thoughts. He managed to find them... Just as a surge of pleasure tinged them. Charles froze. He recognised that surge. Was Erik... With another guy? No. He wouldn't do that. Yet ever since the accident, Charles hadn't been able to do anything like that for Erik. There was a chance, but it was slim. 17%. Feeling his thoughts beginning to tinge with guilt, tears pooled in Charles' eyes.
"No..."
..
Erik woke up the next morning, Patrick already gone. He must have slept in. He glanced at the clock to see it read 8:30. That was bad. Charles would be worrying.
Charles.
Erik shot upright, guilt spilling around his body like a poison in his veins. How could he have done that with Patrick? How could he do that to Charles? Hopefully, he wouldn't know. Hurriedly, he got dressed, getting up and almost pounding down the stairs before he walked calmly. He stopped to kneel down and tie his shoes when he heard something he really wasn't expecting to hear.
"Well, Mr. Xavier-"
"Charles, please."
"Well, Charles, what you've mentioned is actually a symptom of PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder. I imagine things at your household have been very stressful and maybe even rather angry?'
Erik knocked gently on the door, slowly opening it in and peering in. Charles was in his wheelchair, staring out the window. Patrick stared at Erik as if he had grown an extra head. He cleared his throat and moved to sit next to Charles.
"I found your note, baby."
"I didn't think you would... What time did you get home..?"
"I slept in Raven's old room, I was completely drunk. Sorry to interrupt. Please carry on."
Charles stared at him for a while before he turned back to Patrick.
"Yes, the household has been... Rather tense since the accident."
Erik looked down at the floor, hands twisting.
..
Charles had noticed the footsteps on the stairs just before Erik had come in. Had noted the slight limp his physiotherapist had. It didn't take much to put it together with the things he found last night. He was pretty sure everyone in the room could hear his heart break. Yet Patrick was still going on about his injury as if Erik and he hadn't slept together last night. Charles swallowed and watched him with watery eyes before stopping him.
"Please... Could I go outside for a moment. I don't feel way... I think I would do well from some air."
Patrick nodded and Charles started wheeling himself out. Erik stood to open the door for him, yet, Charles knew he wouldn't follow him out. The door clicked shut behind him and he stopped.
"You used me as a cheat. You're dating someone in a wheelchair and you cheated on him!"
"I was drunk and you knew. You knew I had someone. Deep down you did."
The was silence from inside as Charles pursed his lips.
"Alright. I did. But you shouldn't have told me he was your ex."
"I was drunk. I know I shouldn't have said them now."
"Charles knows, Erik. Did you not see his face when he saw you walk in? He knows that you cheated on him. I suggest you start making it up to him."
"He doesn't know. If he knew he would say something. Please don't try and cause trouble."
"Me cause trouble? This is your fault!"
Charles heard enough. He moved so his wheelchair hit the door and their conversation stopped. The door was opened quickly and Erik smiled at Charles as he wheeled himself back in. He faked the smile back, pulling the brake on his chair as he got into place, sitting and listening to Patrick.
..
That night, Charles was reading in bed, trying to read the gentle thought of Erik's that slid by. However, they were much too quiet. His eyes flickered up as he walked in from the bathroom, drying his mouth as he slipped into the bed. Erik didn't move to cuddle up to him.
"Hmm, Erik?"
"Yes, liebe?"
"You didn't come home last night. You never lock the door behind you when you're drunk and it was locked when I left this morning. So where were you?"
"I stayed at Alex's."
"But you said-"
"I know what I said."
The abruptness of the statement shocked Charles, causing him to look up from his book, eyes wide.
"Sorry. I'm just angry with myself. How about we just get some sleep?"
Charles nodded and marked his place in his book, setting it on the bedside table.
"Will you hand me my painkillers?"
Erik's hand reached on the side and handed it over before he curled up. Charles watched him as he took two with his water before laying down in darkness as Erik turned the lights off.
..
Erik was reading something in the library, more than likely German. Charles was just watching him from the doorway. He couldn't believe Erik had done that to him. He looked down at his unmoving legs, hidden under a blanket and tears rose in his eyes once more. Of course Erik had cheated on him. All Erik was used to was sex and Charles couldn't give him that. It made sense that he'd go to someone else for it. Charles probably would end up doing it to. That just led to more questions. Had it happened before? Was Erik going to do it again? No. Erik loved Charles. He knew that much. He had just been angry and drunk. It was just a one night stand. Just a one night stand. Nothing more. There was no reason for Charles to worry. He had heard a few thoughts from Erik. That it had meant nothing. He was satisfied with that. Slowly, Charles forced a smile onto his face and wheeled over to the desk.
"Erik, love."
He turned to smile at Charles, leaning in to meet him for a kiss. The younger male slid his arms around his lover's neck, holding him tightly.
'I love you.'
Watching Erik's eyes fill with guilty stabbed Charles to the core.
..
Erik was having issues. Charles was asleep and he seemed like he wasn't waking up any time soon. He could go to the bar- Stop that thought right there. Just the though of doing that again made him feel physically sick. He could have seriously hurt Charles because of that. It was a stupid idea. One of the worst he had ever had. And yet the urge to find someone and rut around a bed for a while... It was overwhelming. It wasn't long before Erik was up and silently getting dressed, making sure not to hit Charles' wheelchair as he did before leaving and making his way back to the bar. He hated himself for this. Despised himself. Yet... He couldn't seem to help it. He sat at the bar and ordered a whiskey, eyes scanning the crowd. He did a double take when he spotted Patrick on the dance floor, swallowing hard when he made his way over.
"You're here again? You disgust me."
"I disgust me. So. Wanna fuck?"
Patrick grinned and moved in to kiss Erik, putting his drink on the side.
"I thought you'd never ask."
He took his hand and beckoned him to follow to the bathroom.
..
Charles had heard Erik leave. Had sat up and called after him. Whether he had heard him or not... Charles didn't know. He swallowed as he sat there in bed, staring at the ceiling. Was Erik... Out with Patrick again? Is it possible that he would do it again? Charles shook his head and moved to get up, falling heavily onto his hip. He grunted and with effort, eventually managed to pull himself into his chair, wheeling downstairs. He pulled the brake up as he sat in the living room with a book.
After about half an hour of reading, a tug in his mind caught his attention. That same pleasure surge tinted Erik's thoughts and Charles took a few breaths. So Erik had gone out again. Tears pooled in his eyes as he stared at the fire that was barely burning in the hearth. He wanted to throw the book into it. Throw whatever he could reach into it. He wanted to scream and shout, he wanted this hell to be over. He wanted Erik to come home and make him feel loved. Yet he couldn't. He couldn't beg Erik to come home right now. Not when he was out trying to replace the one thing that Charles couldn't give him. He wiped at his tears and stared down at the book in his lap before darkness overtook his vision.
..
Erik had recovered rather quickly from the pleasure coursing through his body and had bid farewell to Patrick, walking him to his offices to ensure he got home safely. Erik had lingered outside for a while to make sure a light went on before turning around and making his way back to his own home. He could barely look at himself in window reflections as he walked, turning his attention to the stars. Was Charles asleep? Or had he woken to find Erik gone? Was he on the floor, fallen, unable to get up? Erik groaned and picked up the pace. He couldn't leave Charles home alone like this, it drove him insane with worry. The guilt that filled his veins was toxic and it made him sick. He hated himself. He couldn't stand himself. He was hurting the one person in the world that he loved, that showed him love back. And yet, Patrick was doing the same thing that Charles did. Erik was torn. Yet, staying with Charles seemed like the best thing to do whilst he sorted the mess out in his mind; how could he leave him alone? Paralysed, unable to do most things for himself? Scared.
The front door opening probably woke Charles up if he had been asleep. Sure enough, Erik felt a soft probing in his mind and heard the tenative, sleepy voice of Charles.
'Erik..? Is that you?'
'It's me, mein Liebe. Where are you?'
'Living room.'
So he had woken up. Erik made his way through to the living room, leaning in the door way and drawing the wheelchair to him. Charles let out a sleepy giggle and Erik leant down to kiss him. Hard. He slipped his arms around the telepath and carefully carried him upstairs to collapse into bed with him, nuzzling his side.
..
A loud knocking on the door woke Charles. Groggily, he sat up, looking around in confusion before nudging Erik awake.
"Are you two love birds still asleep?"
Pietro appeared in the room and Charles shrieked, grabbing at the duvet. He hated when Erik's son did that. He felt exposed. The sound of Charles in distress woke Erik up in mere moments. He sat upright, ready to throw anything metal in the room at whoever had scared him. He slowly calmed down as he registered that it was Pietro. Groaning, he lay back down, arms looping around Charles' waist.
"What are you doing here? You're with your Mother this weekend."
"Yes but Wanda pissed her off again and she dropped us off on your doorstep."
Charles groaned and hid his head under the duvet.
"Erik, take them out. It's fine with me. I'll be fine on my own until you get back."
'I am normally...'
He finished his sentence in his head before rolling over to half curl and try and fall back asleep. He just wanted to sleep, to try and forget what had happened last night and go back to that unconscious bliss. He felt the bed shifting and he cracked an eye open to watch Erik get out of bed and head over to start getting dressed. Some of the conversation drifted back to him but it made little sense.
"The usual 'I hate humans' routine."
"That's getting worse."
"She hates them. Mom suggested Charles teaching her stuff."
Charles seemed to shoot upright, eyes bright.
"Teach her? Me?"
Erik looked back at him.
"Charles... Don't you think you should work on yourself for a while..? I mean sure it's a great idea but you're not in your right state of mind still. I can still see it... Mein Liebe if you wish to teach Wanda then I won't protest but, I think you should work on yourself for a while."
Charles knew what Erik was saying. He wasn't good enough to teach her. Not how he was. Yet, had it been before his accident, Erik would have told him to go on and do it. To teach her and probably even Pietro too. Charles pulled the duvet back from himself.
"I suppose you're right..."
He went to get into his wheelchair and let out a yell as it moved and he threw his hands out, ready to hit the floor. Erik yelled and had thrown his hand out to try and catch him.
In the next moment, Charles was sitting in the chair, panting from the shock. Both Erik and Charles looked over at Pietro who was behind the wheelchair.
"Try setting your brake when you get out of it next time."
Erik seemed panicked, Charles was resting his hand over his heart.
"Thank you, Pietro."
He scruffed Charles' hair before appearing at the doorway.
"We should go before Wanda tries to start a world war."
Erik grunted and moved to kiss Charles' forehead, hugging him tightly before getting up and grabbing his jacket. Charles watched them go and curled up the best he could before heading into the bathroom to get ready to go to Patrick's for his next session.
..
Charles had exhausted himself at Patrick's. Just even trying to move his feet took a lot of effort and he just wanted to curl up and fall asleep. No such luck. Pietro and Wanda were at each other's throats and Erik wasn't even trying to break them up.
"HEY HEY!"
Both teenagers stopped and turned to face Charles. He could have sworn he saw pity in Wanda's eyes.
"I'm surprised you don't want revenge against the humans for putting you in a whee-"
"It wasn't the humans who did this to me, Wanda. It was your Father."
In that moment, Charles could hear the malice in his voice; the tone hinting at anger. Pietro glanced at Erik who had visibly stiffened. It was the first time Charles had accused Erik of being to blame, and the taste left in his mouth was horrendous.
'I didn't mean it like that...'
'Right. Of course you didn't.'
'Erik...'
Yet the metal bender didn't seem interested. He turned his attention fully to his book, ignoring the telepath as he begged him to talk. After a while, Erik stood, closing the book having finished it and going to the library to allow himself to break down in guilt.
..
Pietro was playing ping pong with himself over the kitchen table, using a pot as a paddle. It was making an awful noise and it woke Charles up from where he was sleeping in the living room. Slowly, groggily, he wheeled through.
"Pietro. Stop. Please. You're murdering my head."
He appeared at the edge of the table, looking guilty.
"Sorry, Pops."
Charles froze, as did Pietro. Charles had been dating Erik for a while and had been almost a surrogate Father for both Pietro and Wanda for a while but neither of them had ever really acknowledged Charles as a Father. Pietro scuffed his foot on the floor, stopping immediately when there was a squeaking noise.
"I, uh..."
"It's fine, Pietro. If you want me to be your Father... I would love to be a Father figure to you."
The two shared a gentle smile before Charles wheeled over to pick up his ping pong ball, chucking it back to him. He caught it and smiled.
"Where's your Father?"
"He went to see our Mother. Try and smooth Wanda's recent paddy over."
A strange red glow filled the room and Charles stared at it for a moment before he cleared his throat.
"Wanda don't try to attack your brother."
He turned around and watched her, licking his lips as she glared at him from the doorway.
"Don't you ever think that I will be a daughter to you."
"I never thought Pietro would consider me a Father. I don't expect you to start calling me Pops or Dad or anything like that. If you want to, then it will be your choice and I will not influence it in anyway. However, if you are going to be staying in my house with your Father, I do request that you try and keep your 'I hate humans' feelings to yourselves. Some of my best friends have been humans and if it were not for your human mother, you would not be alive."
Wanda stared at her feet, shamefully.
"I suppose I offer her an apology."
Pietro was suddenly by her side, giving her a tight hug and Charles smiled.
"I'm sure when your Father gets back from visiting her, he'll take you. Or he'll take you tomorrow."
Wanda frowned.
"Why did he go to see her?"
"Apparently he went to apologise for your behaviour."
Pietro shrugged.
"It's what he told me. 'If he wakes up before I'm back tell Charles I went to apologise for Wanda's behaviour. I might be home late.'"
"Huh. Guess there's a first for everything."
Charles stared at the floor before wheeling himself out the room, heading upstairs with slight difficulty. Pietro watched him on the ramp before moving to help him, feeling pity for the man.
"I can hear your thoughts Pietro. I do not need your pity... I don't deserve it."
Once he was at the top of the stairs, he nodded at the silver haired boy, heading to his study to sit and write for a while, trying to ignore the pleasure tinting Erik's thoughts.
..
Erik shuffled into the house at about 9, moving into the living room, almost amazed to see Wanda and Pietro getting on without one of their childish, sibling fights. Slowly, he moved into the room, making the pen Pietro was using to write with lift into his own hand.
"Hey!"
"Where's Charles?"
"Pops is upstairs in his study. I didn't hear him come down. Uh he seemed upset when I said you'd gone to Mom's."
Erik's heart warmed to hear his son refer to Charles as his Father. He gave him a smile and ruffled Wanda's hair, chuckling as she grunted before making his way upstairs. He made his way to the study, knocking gently before opening it to see Charles asleep with his head on his desk. Carefully, he wheeled Charles to the bedroom, settling him on the bed. His deep blue eyes flickered open and Erik found himself staring into them before leaning down to kiss him. Hard. Charles immediately linked his arms around Erik's neck, pulling him down to him, moaning softly in his mouth as things began to get more heated.
'Shit. I need you.'
'No you don't...'
Erik pulled away to see the betrayal sitting there in Charles' eyes. He swallowed hard before pulling away. Charles looked away from Erik's face as he tried to get his attention. Erik slowly sat down on the bed.
"How long have you known..?"
"First night it happened. How did you think you could hide it from me, Erik?"
"Look, it just kind of happened and then... We just... Carried on."
"It's fine.. I don't.. I don't blame you. I can't really do anything in that department."
Erik looked at Charles with hesitation.
"What? I don't."
Erik dared to ask.
'So... it's ok?'
'Whatever you want, dear.'
Erik slipped under the covers, kicking his shoes off and moved to encase Charles in his arms.
"Will you send the kids to bed? I forgot before I came up. I know it's early but I want to settle down with you."
'Pietro, Wanda, your Father says bed.'
The two laughed at the shrieking and groaning from the lower floor, moving to settle down for the night.
..
Charles was sitting in front of the mirror, brushing his hair. He watched Erik sitting up and watching him from the bed. He offered a simple smile as he got up to get dressed, leaning in to kiss Charles' cheek.
"I'm dropping off the kids at their Mother's. She's calmed down enough to have Wanda back. Pietro just follows."
'And go out...'
Charles caught the thought and merely nodded, continuing to brush his hair. Erik squeezed his shoulder, continuing to get dressed in silence before turning to him.
"Are you sure... Sure that it's OK? Because it seems morally wrong. Even in situations like this."
"I said it's fine Erik."
He nodded and kissed Charles hard before leaving the room.
"It just hurts when you're with him instead of trying with me..."
The words echoed around the room as the front door shut.
..
Patrick hadn't been at the bar that night. Erik had managed to find a relatively attractive guy by the bar and had chosen to go back to his house. They had fooled around a few times before they had eventually collapsed next to each other. Erik held the man, Ian he thought his name was, close to him as they settled down. As they lay there, Erik couldn't help but think about Charles. How he was betraying him. Even with his permission, it felt wrong. Erik grunted and moved away from Ian. He peered over at him before rolling over. Erik dressed as quick as he could, hurrying out the stranger's apartment. Charles needed him right now. He needed to be there for his lover. He couldn't believe how he would just selfishly leave Charles alone and spend his time with his physiotherapist instead of him. Erik made himself sick.
He was hurrying down the street before he almost ran into Patrick outside of his office.
"Erik... Are you alright?"
"No. I need to get home."
"Erik what's wrong? Come on talk to me. Ignoring the problem won't make it better."
Erik was silent.
"I'm a monster. I can't believe I left Charles alone and went out fucking other men... He knew he found out... And he gave me his permission but I just.. I need to get home. I need to let him know it's over, that he's the only one... I just can't believe I did that... Why did you let me carry on? Jesus, Patrick. You're meant to be helping him not help his partner add more hell into his life."
Erik pushed by rather violently as he lurched forward, starting to run. It was all clear in his mind now. He should have been trying to help Charles, trying things with him. Loving him. Tears welled up as he sped up, not caring that his lungs were burning not caring that everything in his body was screaming at him to stop. He didn't stop till he was running up the drive way, leaning in the door way to lean over and pant. The moment he caught his breath, he slammed the door open.
"CHARLES?"
..
All the lights were off. That wasn't unusual at this hour. What was unusual was the lack of heat in the house. That there was no gentle probing at his mind to make sure it was Erik. He swallowed and went to get a drink to quench his parching throat before running up the stairs.
'Charles... Mein Liebe... Where are you?'
Erik poked his head around the doorway to their bedroom, heart flickering when he saw that the bathroom light was on. Slowly, he walked through, in case Charles was asleep. What he saw when he opened the door broke his heart.
..
Charles was slumped in his wheel chair, hand dangling down towards his empty painkiller tub. A scream escaped Erik's throat as he ran to him, gently shaking him, sobbing whilst he did so.
"Charles... Charles... Wake up. Please wake up."
His skin was cold and it caused Erik to scream again, this time at himself. He sobbed against Charles' body, barely able to breathe. He could hear something rustling against him and slowly pulled away to see a delicate sheet of paper between them. With shaking hands, he reached forward and gently took it, unfolding the crisp edges.
'My darling Erik,
I am so sorry. I never wanted to do this but I just cannot carry on. I need you hear. I have no one but you. Not since Raven left to move in with Azazel. You were all I had and you pushed me away. I understand that you have needs and I apologise. I apologise that I wasn't the man you wanted. I'm sorry that, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't be normal again. I'm sorry that after what happened I wasn't the man that you wanted or the man that you needed. I understand now that I could never be the one to hold you down. I'm sorry you felt that you couldn't leave because you felt like it was your fault that I was paralysed. I never blamed you Erik. It was an accident.
Just know that, I will always love you, no matter what you think. I will always love you. I will always be watching over you, mein Liebe.
Charles.'
The paper had dark spots on it, proof that Charles had been crying when he was writing it. Tears pricked in Erik's eyes once more, hot and heavy as they poured out, stealing any breath he had left. Another scream erupted from his throat as he sobbed into Charles' laps.
"I always loved you Charles... I was just blind and never saw it... I'm so... I'm so sorry..."