Dexter: Season one of the hottest new show now to hit your screens! My name is Dexter. My last name, you don't need to know. Let's get on with this, shall we?
-flashes to scene of boat-
Dexter: Over the next 12 weeks, 13 unlucky maggots will compete on this boat, the S.S. Le Cruise El Kill! They'll compete in disgusting challenges, battle harsh elements all over the world, and try to survive the judgement of their fellow maggots, in order to win 1 million dollars! -mutters- applicable to taxes, welcome to HIGH SEAS!
-opening theme-
Dexter: -steps in front of the boat- I think we should meet our lucky "contestants". -smirks-
-a large man steps down from a bus-
Darren: Hey, great to be here, the name's Darren -looks at the boat- Not exactly what I was expecting but okay… -walks over to Dexter-
Dexter: Darren, Buddy! Welcome!
Darren: Thanks I guess.
Destiny: -steps off of the bus- What's up homies! Destiny is in the house!
Darren: -looks at her uneasily- You're loud...
Destiny: Better to be loud then a stupid idiot -scowls at Darren-
Dexter: The luscious Destiny! Much louder than expected, but welcome!
Destiny: Both of y'all irritate me… -walks over to the side as the next contestant gets off of the bus.-
Elec: So I'm finally here huh… Not too bad I guess
Cecelia: Jack, move it! *Pushes him*
Elec: Cecelia why? AND IT'S ELEC NOT JACK!
Cecelia: You were born with the name Jack; I won't call you by some silly nickname like, "Elec."
Elec: -under his breath- I hate you so much…
Dexter: The sibling team of Elec and Cecelia! Not my favourite people, but welcome to the boat! I'm sure everything will work out.. For the worst!
Cecelia: You are as annoying as Jack, Dexter.
Elec: No, he is as irritating as you, Cecelia! And don't call me that!
Cecelia: What, Jack?
Elec: OF COURSE I MEAN JACK!-Pounces on her-
Destiny: You two are starting to get on my last nerve! -grabs Elec as Darren grabs Cecelia-
Dexter: My ratings are going up a lot at the moment! Anyways, the next contestant is Sandy.
Sandy: Hello, everyone! It is really nice to meet all of you, and I hope we all become good friends! -to herself-
Dexter: Ugh, too sweet! -pushes Sandy away- Next we have Jake.
Jake: Argh! Give me your booty!
Destiny: No, this booty too bootyful for you!
Jake: Not you, that beauty over yonder!
Cecelia: Who me?
Elec: Hey, stop hitting on my sister! She is not worth it.
Cecelia: Shut up! -slaps Elec-
Dexter: Now we have a pirate… Who casted this show?!
Jake: I'm not a pirate ya scallywag
-Dexter scowls at him-
Dexter: Right… Next we have Sarah!
Sarah: -talking on her phone- No, Carlos. If you cannot get me a part in that movie, then what good are you?
Dexter: Um, Sarah?
Sarah: Carlos, no I don't care about your sick friend, I am paying you to get me a role in that movie! -walking to the side-
-Destiny steps towards Sarah and snatches her phone-
Sarah: Excuse me!
Destiny: Excuse what? You skinny, annoying, Ah I don't give a flying-
Dexter: Anyways, next is Richard!
Richard: What a lame group of people. I have enough money I could make you all disappear.
-Dexter looks at him dumbfounded-
Dexter: And I run a show to give out a million bucks. Now who's richer?
Richard: Me, after I win, take the million and sue you for putting me with these things.
Cecelia: -confessional- So Richard is a tool… Ugh… I sometimes wonder what is going on with people's heads. Though to be fair, he's better than Jack...
Destiny: I can tell we gonna be fightin' white boy!
Richard: Did you just speak to me? Oh god, what are you?!
Dexter: Stop being racist! It is killing my ratings! Next we have your average jo, Scott!
Scott: Hello, how is everyone doing today?
Elec: I'm great! you?
Scott: I am normal.
Elec: Oh… Um, okay?
Dexter: A sane person finally! Next up is Mickey! Oh god no…
Mickey: Haaaay guys!
Dexter: Go away!
Richard: Stop being homophobic, it's bad for your ratings. -snickers-
Destiny: Heeey boy!
Mickey: Gurl, I love your earrings!
Dexter: Moving on… Rosalind everyone!
Rosalind: -sighs- Why am I here?
Sandy: Nice to meet you. My name is-
Rosalind: I don't care…
Dexter: Um, what? Next, we have Rachael
Rachael: My daddy lied to me! This place sucks. -glares at Dexter- Get me out of here, now!
Dexter: No can do. Your daddy signed a contract.
Rachael: I hate you all!
Dexter: Cool. Lastly, we have Darnell.
Darnell: Snotty white girl, go get my bags.
Rachael: Excuse you?
Darnell: You heard me.
Dexter: Enough of the fighting, for now… -looks to the camera- This is the cast of High seas! -walking as the others follow him onto the boat- This is the main deck. This is where all the eliminations are held. If your team loses, you will choose someone to take the life raft of loserdom!
Richard: I will not sit in that disgusting thing!
Dexter: Then don't get voted off… Moving on -walks into the next room- This is the dining room! -camera turns to take a look at it all-
Everyone: Wow, so cool!
Dexter: I bet it is, and inside this area, are a few extra rooms for team meetings, or alliances that will backstab someone. You name it.
Destiny: Where is the bathroom?
Dexter: To your left.
Destiny: -walks in as she sees a camera.- Is that a camera in the bathroom?!
Elec: Do I have to sleep with my sister?
Mickey: -hugging Elec- Nah, you can sleep with me. You have a nice bod.
Elec: -pushes Mickey away- Um, no thanks.
Cecelia: -snickers-
Jake: That be the laugh of a thousand mermaids.
Cecelia: What did you just say?
Jake: That be the-
Cecelia: I don't care.
Darren: Oo, a chick with an attitude, I like.
Cecelia: -looks at Darren and blushes- Y-you do?
Elec: Gross, my sister is in lo-
Cecelia: -Punches Elec- Shut up, Jack.
Scott: Is it normal to have a video game room on a boat?
Sandy: Why, yes it is. -to herself-
Dexter: No, guys sleep in one room, girls in another room. That room that Scott is in is indeed the arcade and video game room.
Destiny: Dang, if I wanted any of this I would have to rob that store across the street.
Richard: You filthy mutt!
Destiny: Excuse you white boy?
Darnell: Rich boy; care to fight a guy instead of a girl you punk?
Richard: Animals, begone.
Destiny: -confessional- Oo, that white boy gonna get a good beat down real soon.
Dexter: Quiet! Now follow me, -walking to the back- The beds are two stories above us, but since I am too lazy to walk there, you all will have to look from here. My quarters are right here, bother me when I am off the clock and you will be thrown overboard. One last thing. There is a cargo room in the basement, so if you commit murder, put the bodies in there.
Destiny: Good to know -smiles evily at Richard-
Dexter: Now, we will be setting off for China, and in the mean time. Do not bother me, Do not talk to me and most of all stay away from me. You all can put your luggage in your room and explore the boat and meet people. I will announce the teams when I feel like it.
Rosalind: Isn't he a breath of joy?
Darnell: Says the Goth girl.
Rosalind: Whatever.
Dexter: Care to fight a guy instead of a girl, punk?
Sarah: -on her back up phone- Carlos, did you sign me up for this show?! You suck! I cannot believe after all I have done for you! -confessional- F*ck you Carlos. When I win the money, you get none of it!
Jake: So where be the fine lady heading off to?
Cecelia: Um, away from you.
Elec: Aw, what's the matter sis can't handle your pirate lover?
Cecelia: Cute… -gives Elec a nasty stare and walks into Darren- Oops, sorry.
Darren: It's cool. I heard that this pirate was bothering you, want me to take care of him? -Stares deep into her eyes-
Cecelia: -blushing- N-no he's okay.
Elec: -confessional- Ugh, those two disgust me. I like Jake, he seems like a cool guy… After you get past the pirate act…
Mickey: Why can't I sleep with any of you?!
Darnell: 'Cause none of us are gay like you.
Mickey: -winks- I can change that, hun.
Darnell: No thanks.
Scott: This doesn't seem normal.
Mickey: -slaps Scott- You aren't normal!
Scott: -confessional- I'm not normal? I have been practicing how to be normal since the age of 7.
Rachael: I get the cool bed on top. I am the prettiest, the coolest and the best.
Sarah: I am not in a mood right now. -texting Carlos angrily- I call this bed, and if you don't give it to me I'll-
Rachael: -punches Sarah unconscious- I guess you will take the floor then. Nice phone! -takes Sarah's backup phone-
Jake: Argh, what do ye think ye doin ya scallywag?
Darren: -laughing- Okay let's stop the act, Jake.
Jake: This be no act matey.
Scott: -hollering from the guys room- Get away from me Mickey!
Cecelia: What is going on over there?
Elec: Sounds like Mickey is trying to get laid again.
Cecelia: Really?
Elec: What? I call it as I know it.
Darren: -confessional- I need to get rid of Jake and Elec. They are going to be holding me back from getting an alliance member I can use for the contest. -end confessional- I think we should go check on them.
Cecelia: -blushing- Y-Yeah. -confessional- He is so cute. I know I just met him, but he makes my day perfect! I need to get rid of Jake and Elec, because they will keep me from getting the man of my dreams.
Destiny: What's the matter, white boy? Can't handle a beat down? -beating Richard-
Richard: Stop hitting me you filthy mutt!
Destiny: Boy, you do not know who I is. I is Destiny Douglas Jacory Jackson Jones.
Richard: What kind of a name is that? -pushes Destiny away as he flees the scene.-
Destiny: -confessional- Oo, he lucky he ran. He was about to get murdered. That white boy getting another beat down later.
Sandy: Where are we going?
Darnell: Wherever this boat takes us.
Mickey: I hope it takes us to a gay strip club.
Sandy: Uh, why?
Mickey: So I can dance with the men there.
Sandy: Oh… -to herself-
Dexter: -over intercom- Attention worms. We are arriving in China soon, so go to the cargo room!
Sandy: I have a bad feeling about this.
Darnell: Don't be a wimp.
Sandy: -confessional- Darnell is rude. Unfortunately for him, I am a master at getting revenge.
Sarah: -wakes up- What happened? -looking for her phone- Did Rachael steal my backup phone?! -confessional- These people can take all of my phone, because I came prepared. I have over 5,000 phones stashed in my bag. -pulls out a third one- Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go cuss out Carlos again.
Elec: Ugh, when will we get there?
Cecelia: Calm down, Jackie. When we get there you will know.
Elec: I like Jack better… -confessional- My sister is the worst. She is going to make living here a total bummer.
-scene changes to the cargo room-
Richard: Ew, there are roaches on this boat.
Destiny: You are a baby.
Richard: -confessional- That animal has offended me more times than anyone else I know. If she doesn't stop, I will have to pay the host to kick her off of this boat.
Rachael: Oh, look who finally woke up from her nap.
Sarah: -glares at Rachael- Carlos, I am going to call you back. -hangs up- Why are we down here?
Dexter: -over intercom- So I can blast you to china via my whacking system! -demonstrates by pushing them out of the boat and into the water near the coast of some foreign country south of China.-
All: AAAAAH!-they splash in the water-
Rachael: My hair!
Richard: My clothes!
Destiny: My booty!
Jake: Where be the booty?
Destiny: Excuse you? -slaps Jake-
Sarah: Carlos don't switch to Spanish, because you know I speak Spanish too.
Rachael: Ugh, is she going to be fighting with that guy all day?
Darnell: No, she has already done that.
Rachael: Shut up!
Sandy: Guys, where do we go?
Mickey: I can sense a gay bar to the north.
Elec: Wait, what?! -confessional- I'm not homophobic, but this guy is the definition of a stereotype gay guy.
Darren: Cecelia, I will carry you on my back, so you don't tire yourself out.
Cecelia: Aw, thanks!
Elec: -confessional- He is still going after her? This guy is the weirdest, craziest -bleep- I've ever met! Not that I care about Cecelia or whatever -giggles-
Sandy: What are the teams?
Dexter:-over walkie talkie he gave the cast- First part of today's challenge is running to the food court. That is how we will decide today's teams.
Richard: What food court?
Dexter: One in Hong Kong. The name may be closely related to what I just said.
Darren: -pulls Cecelia and Rosalind onto his back- Let's go!
Cecelia: Why is Goth girl here?
Rosalind: Why are we all here? -sighs-
Scott: I don't think it is normal to be running this fast.
Mickey: I can carry you if you want. -winks at Scott-
Scott: No thanks. -runs ahead-
Mickey: -confessional- These guys are all straight! I came here to find a real man too…
Rosalind: Do you guys like music?
Darren and Cecelia: Yeah?
Rosalind: Good. -starts blaring music as Cecelia falls off of Darren's back-
Cecelia: Ow!
Darren: -covering his ears- Gosh D*mn, Rosalind, turn that sh*t off!-picks Cecelia up-
Rosalind: Whatever… -walks ahead-
Elec: No, dude, why didn't you leave her to rot?!
Darren: Why would I? She is beautiful.
Cecelia: I-I am?
Darren: -smiles- Totally! -confessional- Not. Ugh I hate acting nice to her! I need her for my alliance though, and she is the only one, besides Mickey, who will join…
Sarah: Soy un p*rra(perra)? Me puiste en un programa para idiotas como tu!-screaming at Carlos in Spanish-
Rachael: Why is she speaking the devil's language?
Destiny: Girl, you is not that messed up.
Richard: Obviously she is, animal. Do you understand me?
Destiny: -Punches Richard in the nose- What did I tell you not to do?
Richard: I don't care, it is worth it!
Destiny: You gonna get your butt whooped! -beats Richard up-
-Darren lifts up the two of them and stares forward dumbfounded-
Darren: -confessional- I would carry them all, especially the ones I need for the alliance, but if i show my true strength too early… It would not be good for me, but for now, I don't require immunity. -smiles at the camera-
-scene switches as the campers arrive sweating and out of breath-
Dexter: What took you people so long? I already know who is on what team based on the drama I have been seeing. Team one is the Stormy Seas and its members are: Elec, Cecelia, Darren, Mickey, Scott, Rosalind and Jake. Team two is the Mighty Magma and they have: Destiny, Richard, Darnell, Rachael, Sarah and Sandy.
Sandy: These teams are not even!
Dexter: Life's not fair, get over it. Now for your first challenge we will be having a Chinese food chow down competition! Each round we will serve grosser and grosser foods and the teams must eat it all. If you do not stomach it in a minute, or you are the last to stomach the food, then you are out. and to make it fair, Scott, you must sit out of this challenge. Now bring out the first gross dish, fried donkey!
Destiny: -confessional- Say what?! The Chinese do not eat this stuff!
Dexter: Time starts… -watches the contestants faces- NOW
Rachael: Here goes nothing -shoves it in her move in one scoop and almost gags-
Sandy: -swallowing the donkey- Just like my mother makes it.
Richard: Oh my god, I am on a team of freaks! -runs out of the room screaming-
Dexter: Richard is out of the challenge. 30 seconds remain and 5 of you still have to eat it.
Mickey: No I am not eating this. -walks away-
Dexter: Well, times up! from 12 to 10 now. Next dish is three chicken hearts. Now go!
Sandy: This can't be legal. I would know, because unlike these morons, I brought a law book. -evil chuckle-
Rosalind: -gets up and leaves- This is boring…
Destiny: -swallowing the hearts as she throws them back up- Ew!
Dexter: If you vomit, you lose.
Destiny: You never said that?!
Dexter: Oops.
Destiny: grrr -walks to the loser bench-
Dexter: And, time! Oh, Sandy isn't done, so she loses.
Sandy: I was reading the law book.
Dexter: That won't help you, I have a signed contract.
Sandy: What?! You sneak! How could you put that stuff in there?!
Dexter: Whatever, now we have 7 left and from the SS we have Jake, Cecelia, Elec and Darren against Darnell, Sarah and Rachael! Who will win? Find out after a message from our sponsors!
Jennifer: This episode of High Seas is brought to you by, Jenny's apple up the butt restaurant! If it existed, an apple up the butt will make it "extra" tasty!
Dexter: Welcome back! I am on the loser bench with Scott Sandy and Destiny. The only three losers to actually stick around… The others are being transported back to the ship.
Scott: I never lost though…
Dexter: -laughing- Sure you didn't. Next we have grasshopper salad with a cockroach smoothie!
All: Ew, what?!
Dexter: Go!
Elec: This is too gross…
Cecelia: I have to agree I'm done. -goes the the loser bench-
Elec: I'm not! -swallows everything down, as he pukes it back up.- Nevermind… -limps to the loser bench-
Rachael: I am a princess I do not eat bugs, nor do I sit on a bench for losers! -storms off back to the boat-
Jake: This be mighty tasty, lads.
Sarah: You are as nasty as Carlos… -calling a new manager- Hello? Is this Courtney? Yes, I need a new manager. Where am I? On some reality tv show my old manager put me on. What? You've been on a show similar to it? Total Drama? That seems familiar…
Dexter: Time! Sarah didn't finish neither did Darren! Final round, Jake vs Darnell! You both have to eat…
Jake: I eat anything! It be time to say thy prayers.
Dexter: Shush, anyways, you both must eat shark meat!
Jake: What?! This be mutiny! A pirate never eats seafood that could eat him!
Dexter: Do you give up?
Jake: Yes I surrender…
Dexter: Then Darnell wins for the Mighty Magma!
MM: Yeah Darnell! -cheering-
Elec: We lost? What are the odds?
Darren: -confessional- Now he's gonna talk like that, seriously?! No-one here deserves to go to the end with me… I need them, so it is time to suck it up. My first target? You will just have to wait.
Cecelia: I'm so sad we lost…
Darren: I agree. I think we need to vote Mickey off.
Scott: I am with you 100%. He is too unaccepting of us.
Cecelia: Yes! I agree, will you date me Darnell?!
Darren: What?
Cecelia: Sorry…
Elec: -coughing- Loser.
Cecelia: Shut up, Jackie…
Jake: Since ye probably don't want me woman, I will vote with ye.
Elec: Same. As long as I don't get voted off…
Darren: Then it's a given, We vote Mickey?
Elec: -confessional- As if. I'm voting Cecelia off for ruining my life!
Darren: -Confessional- Soon, I will have a whole team alliance which guarantees me immunity until the merge. My job is to pick the people who don't stand by me off of this show.
-back on the boat:
Darren: So it's agreed we have an alliance?
Cecelia Jake Elec: Yes sir!
Darren: Great!
Rosalind: Yeah, sure…
Dexter: Welcome contestants, to the first Boat Room Ceremony, EVER! You sorry losers failed to stomach the food, now you have the stomach the water after I push on off, now VOTE!
Darren: -confessional- Definitely, Mickey, the first of all the victims.
Mickey: -confessional- I vote... For Darren, you made a mistake pal and I have a long memory!
Dexter: Okay the votes are cast, time to see who is getting kicked off. First to receive Jenny's Apple Dessert, Scott!
Scott: -Takes a duck on a stick- woohoo!
Dexter: Cecelia, Elec, Jake, you too
-All three take a duck and eat as they watch-
Dexter: Rosalind, you too
Rosalind: Ahhh good.
Dexter: And the final stick goes to…
-Darren and Mickey look at each other-
Dexter: Darren.
Darren: -sighs- Ahhh safe for the first week!
Mickey: What… why? I was… so amazing. Whatever, none of you are gay, so I have no purpose here if I cannot f*ck a man.
Darren: But you never shut up
Rosalind: -looks at her nails- Annoying
Cecelia: Sorry…
-mickey takes the life raft of loserdom and head to the edge-
Scott: WAIT! You can't leave yet!
Mickey: Why not..?
Scott: -grabs his hand as he smiles into Mickey's eyes- I didn't vote for you
Mickey: You… didn't?
Dexter: Come on, this is only a half hour show -confessional- I am like so confused..? One minute they hate each other, now this? Uch…
-Dexter picks up Mickey and throws him over board-
Scott: -shouting- I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU!
-Mickey floats in place as the boat drives away-
Scott: -confessional- He's gone huh? First eliminated…. -tries to hide tears-
Darren: -confessional- Scott better watch out. After this backstabbing, he's my next victim.
Dexter: WOAH! Finally someone who is serious about this, how will this play out for Scott? Could Darren's alliance be the end of everyone else? Find out next time, on an all new episode of HIGH SEAS!