A/N: Quote-fic
I had this Quote as a post-it on my desktop... ANYWAY; Here goes!
LIFE
Life changes every minute of every day.
It's inevitable, something always happens if you want it to or not.
You lose friends.
Sev was meant to stick by me. He told me he loved me.
You gain friends.
The Marauders were there. They picked up the pieces of me when I fell and shattered.
You realize your friend wasn't ever really your friend,
I could see Sev had been changing, I'm not blind! I just thought that because he never did anything bad to me that maybe I could overlook it. Just for a little while...
Then he called me that word. After all those times he told me he didn't care! He tried to apologise, said it was a heat of the moment thing. For once, I wasn't willing to look over it. I can't stick by someone who will publicly insult me and then try and get out of the blame.
and that person you used to hate can make a really good friend.
James always checked on me. He always made sure I had what I needed. He'd make me smile even if I wanted to be mad. I don't know how I ever hated such a kind, loyal boy.
You look for love.
James and the rest of the Marauders were wonderful friends. I just couldn't shake the feeling I wanted more; more than having four brotherly figures, more than just friends. That was when I realised, I wanted love. Real love, the kind you see in movies; ridiculous inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-you love.
You find love.
Amos said he loved me. I was overjoyed. James kept telling me to be careful, that Amos was a known heartbreaker. I wouldn't listen. I was too happy to be cautious.
You lose love.
James didn't say I told you so when I barrelled into the Heads' common room, tears streaking down my face after patrols one night. It had been a week since Diggory said he loved me. I was on my patrol when I heard someone scream from an empty classroom. I found Diggory and some other ditzy Hufflepuff going for it in an old charms classroom.
You realize all long that you've been loved.
That night when I found Diggory and that Hufflepuff girl, I fell asleep on James' lap once I couldn't cry anymore. I was just drifting off to sleep when I swore I heard him say "I love you Lily, if only you'd see that I am still here. I love you differently than Pete, Rem and Sirius..." He fell asleep soon after saying that. I suddenly didn't feel like sleeping. I kept my eyes closed and listened as his breathing steadied. I listened to his heart beating, the constant drumming.
I'd always had this funny feeling around James; it was like being sick in the stomach, my palms got sweaty and I couldn't think straight. Before we became friends I used to swear it was what hatred felt like. But I became friends with him and this feeling just kept intensifying.
Is this what love is?
You laugh.
Being friends with Sirius Black is honestly the most hilarious thing. They say laughing is the best medicine; Sirius Black is the laugh doctor.
I constantly found it hard to breathe; all of the Marauders were so entertaining. I was their Marauderette; it's easy to play pranks when you've got both the head Boy and Girl on your team.
You cry.
Voldemort's death eaters went after me in the summer. I managed to get away; my parents weren't so lucky. Petunia had been out visiting the Walrus and was quick to blame and disown me when she found out. I had nowhere to go. I apparated to James', it was the first place I thought of. Sirius already lived there with them; Mr and Mrs. Potter were just pleased I went to them and not some muggles. Every night for a week I had nightmares about my parents' death and each night I found myself wondering down the hall to James' room just to feel safe. I never went in. Just walking to the hall outside his room made me feel better, it always smelt of him.
You laugh so hard that you cry.
I spent my summer days hanging out with the Marauders at James' house, teaching them about muggle things. They had no clue what was going on and it was hilarious just to watch them and hear what they thought the simplest of appliances may be.
You do this, you do that.
One night, the nightmares had been excruciating, just walking to James' room didn't help to calm me down. I was shaking and sweating, tears streaming down my face. James woke up as soon as I barged in. He just held me. He didn't try and tell me he was sorry for what had happened or any of those cliché things people say when someone close to you passes away. I fell asleep in his arms as he stroked my hair and drew relaxing little circles into my back with his fingers.
You really wish you hadn't done that.
Neither James, nor I had heard Sirius thundering towards James' room the next morning. He barrelled in and started to yell. It took him an extra second or so to realise I was there, in James' bed. AAAWWWKKKWAAARRDDD!
I really wish I hadn't done that.
You then learn from that and are glad that you did.
Within the next few days after the "waking up in James' bed" incident I was going crazy; my feelings for James had sky-rocketed and I needed to tell him. I crept into his room another night, he asked if the nightmares were still there. I plucked up all my Gryffindor courage right then and told him I loved him. Boy am I glad I did, there was a wonderful snogging session and I felt a huge weight taken off my shoulders. I loved James and he loved me. We were in love.
You have your ups. You have your downs.
The nightmares still come every so often. I have good days and bad days. It's nice to know that James was there and will always be here when I need him.
You see good movies. You see bad movies.
I introduced James to movies, he insisted on watching some of the stupidest movies of all time. I showed him my favourites and just because I liked them; whether they were girly or not, he watched them with me.
You wonder if your life is just one big movie.
Sometimes I wonder if it's too good to be true, if my life is just a movie, if it's just the product of someone else's imagination.
You look at others and wish you were them.
I see sisters walking through the streets with their parents, whole families. Sometimes I wish I was them. I feel alone.
You then realize who they are and are glad that you're you.
When I see those families, I look back at the Potter's (and Sirius), I look at the Marauders. I realise I'm not at all alone. I have three boys who love me like a little sister, substitute parents who treat me like their own and I have a boy who loves me more than life itself and in turn I love him back with all my heart.
You love life. You hate life.
Some days I'm perfectly happy, some I just want to punch something. I guess that's what life is, an endless rollercoaster you can't seem to get off.
In the end you just find yourself happy to be living life, no matter what's thrown at you.