A/N: Hey everyone! So I'm back on FF! If you recognise my name from a long time ago if you began reading 'Through My Eyes', I'm terribly sorry for writing this and not adding chapters after a ridiculously large break but I promise to have the next scene up in a matter of days/weeks so if you're interested, watch out for that!
Soooo... what can I say about this fic...well, I've gotten really into the character of Nessarose due to the pyschological (wow, big word) depth she has. Although most of us will always say the is the greatest character in Wicked, I'm beginning to find on days when I'm into thinking (they don't happen often so I decided to write this on one of those days) that I find Nessarose and Glinda, may I add, the most humane characters and the ones we can relate to at certain moments in our life. Because, well if we're honest, can we always be as selfless as our green girl?
By the way, that's not justification for any bad thing Nessa and G(a)linda do! I dislike Nessarose very much and think she's a selfish brat but everbody has reasons. I also find Galinda to be a meanie and Glinda to sometimes be not as good and innocent as people make out but that's what I like...today, anyway.
Phewww...that was really deep for me. I'm a bit emotioned out. My head hurts. So with that, on with Nessa's denial filled day! :) (that smile is the last real one you'll see for 500 words...)
Deep in my heart I'm concealing,
Things that I'm longing to say.
Scared to confess what I'm feeling,
Frightened you'll slip away.
You must love me.
'You Must Love Me'- Evita: The Motion Picture Music Soundtrack
He wasn't looking at her.
She had chosen her best dress this morning in the hope of surprising him, but aside from his usual 'good morning, Madam', which she hated, he had not even glanced in her direction. But he had a busy day planned so she was sure by lunchtime he would be back to his usual self and they'd be perfect again.
Maybe he was still feeling a bit jealous that a trainee minister from Iz had come to discuss business yesterday. Yes, that was it. When they were alone, she would set him straight that it was just work. He was the only one for her.
And maybe, he'd finally say the same thing about her in reply.
Nodding to herself in a satisfied manner, she made sure that her hair had not been disturbed by her morning walk with Lynette. She would have much preferred Boq to have taken her, that would have made it much more bearable. Lynette, though kind and well meaning, was not exactly what her dear father would have called 'up to scratch'. She tended to favour brawn over books and chattered about all the young male servants she had seen that day. But at least she did not include Boq in her childish fancies. Otherwise she would find herself dismissed like her predecessor who decided to take an interest in him. She had caught them talking in an empty corridor and although dear, naïve Boq said profusely that it was just a friendly conversation, she saw something less innocent in his blonde companion's eyes.
So Bryony or Brenda or Brigetta packed her bags the next day.
No hair having been misplaced, she admired her reflection. Everyone always called her tragically beautiful. 'What a tragically beautiful face…she's looks so like her mother', they'd always say. She had never known her mother, she died giving birth to her but looking at the family portrait of her father and mother (she was told Elphaba wasn't included because she was too young but when she had mentioned this to her renounced sister, Elphaba had let out a very undignified bark of laughter and said 'of course, too young…that, and that fact people couldn't know I existed') Looking back at her image, she once again agreed with them.
Yet she couldn't help but wish that she could just be 'beautiful'.
If it weren't for this chair….
Boq had never called her beautiful.
But their relationship was a secret, so he couldn't go and proclaim loudly of his affections to the whole land. They each had to keep their facade for now. Boq was just better at keeping his feelings hidden than her, it didn't mean they weren't there. But since her father had…passed on, she had become more determined to reveal their relationship to everyone soon. Especially with the news of the engagement between Fiyero Tiggular and Glinda Upland. Sweet Glinda did not have as much ancestry as the Captain, but look how happy everyone was about them and how happy they were! She hoped she and Boq could have a relationship like that. She could just see it now, the guests, the fine dresses and most importantly, everyone looking at her enviously, wishing they could be her. Jealousy rather than pity for once.
Elphaba wouldn't be happy. She had noticed the way her estranged sister had looked at the Winkie Prince before she departed for the Emerald City and disgraced the entire family name. She deserved the heartbreak. If she hadn't been so selfish, she would have become respected and not been so much of an embarrassment for their father. Oh she missed her dear father so much and it was all her wretched sister's fault. The shame he felt upon hearing what Elphaba had done had demolished his decrepid heart. Added to his weakening state of health, he never stood a chance. May the Unnamed God rest his soul in peace.
But he would still be here if it weren't for her. Boq had been forbidden to mention her sister's name. He had never asked why because he understood. He had always been understanding. She needed him with her. They would be together.
Only a few months more. Wait until your father is just a fond memory. Just a little more time. You will be together. Always.
He still wasn't looking at her.