Picking Up the Pieces

"Light." I knocked on her door weakly. My body was so tired, my brain was exhausted and my heart was broken, "Lightning."

I heard some quick footsteps on the other side of the door. In the blink of an eye the door was open and Lightning was there, "Hope, what are you doing up right now?" She looked at me closer and softened her tone, "Is everything okay?"

I shook my head and felt my eyes fill up again. I couldn't help but cry, "He's gone Lightning! The fal'Cie finally got what they wanted!" My head hurt so badly and at this point, my pain was so strong I couldn't even feel Light's emotions. Everything I knew came crashing down in an instant. One flash of light and Snow was gone. I think I knew his time was running out deep down, but didn't want to face it.

I couldn't stop myself and I just sobbed into my hands while Light just hugged me. An hour ago I was in bed with the man I love and now he's just a crystal statue in the main square. She let me cry and held me up when my legs stopped working. It was all too much, first Vanille was taken and now Snow is gone and to top it all off we still needed to get the people from Cocoon used to Pulse. Lightning held me until I calmed down a little bit, "You can stay the night here. We won't leave tomorrow."

I picked my head up and looked at her, "No! We have to leave tomorrow. We have to save Vanille and Snow!"

"Fine." She let go of me, "Let's get inside and get ready for bed." I wasn't sure how the people of Cocoon were able to save so many things in the end, but I was glad that Light was able to bring out some blankets and pillows. She laid out a large quilt in the middle of the floor and made two 'beds'. "You know, I've never apologized for the way I treated Snow. Sure at first I did it because I was looking out for my sister, but after I learned of you two I couldn't stop myself either. I'm sorry to the both of you. There was no reason for the way I acted." While she said this, Light laid down on one side.

I got down on the other side, "It's alright, I know that Snow would forgive you too. He really does have a big heart. He never had much love when he was a kid that is until Lebreau's family helped him out. He's got a lot of love to give and only asks for friendship and kindness." I pulled a blanket over me, "But thank you Light." I thought I heard a hum of a reply, but who knew. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I closed my eyes, but not to sleep. I focused on Snow as hard as I could. I could feel reality shifting and giving me the strange head-rush I get when I Leave. I opened my eyes and I was in this deafeningly dark place. I took a few steps only to realize I wasn't moving anywhere, or at least I thought. There was nothing no matter where I turned. If something wanted to come and get me, it could. I shut my eyes and focused on Snow again. I felt the space around me move and when I opened my eyes I was granted the same black area as before. "Snow?" I called out. I waited. Nothing, "Snow? If you can hear me, wake up!" I waited again and there was still nothing. I was getting impatient. I closed my eyes and felt around for emotion. I couldn't feel anything. "Alexander?" I said quietly.

There was a shimmer of white light and before me stood the handsome god that helped me in battle, "Yes my friend?" His voice was smooth and calming.

"Why can't I wake Snow up and bring him to me?" The more I spoke, the more I noticed my words fell like bricks into the void, like something didn't want there to be voices here.

His expression dropped, "I am not sure, Hope. This place we are in is unfamiliar to me even." He looked around and felt uneasy.

"You could bring him to me, right?"

Alexander shook his head, "I cannot. This place is sinister. A place not meant for the uncorrupt." He held out his left hand and shot a beam of light into the darkness, "This place does not allow light to travel far. It does not want light here." He began to speak quicker. "Promise me Hope, you will never return here."

"But I need to find Snow and this is where I was brought." He was nervous and almost scared.

"Promise me!" He spoke with urgency. I nodded my head, "I'm sorry, friend, but I must go. You must leave too." In a flash of light he was gone and I was alone again. I closed my eyes and woke up. I looked around to make sure I was in a safe place before I rested my head and decided to sleep.

I slept for a while. I was afraid to wake up… I was scared to open my eyes and see if what I remember was true. I was terrified that I was waking up alone. This time I was going to be by myself in the world again. I just laid on the floor with my eyes shut trying to picture myself at mine and Snow's apartment. I tried to picture myself listening to the feet on the floor as Snow's rather than the woman walking in to get me up. If I opened my eyes then it was real. If I opened my eyes then the man I love was in crystal stasis and I'm not. If I opened my eyes then I wouldn't have him.

"Hope." Light knelt down beside me, "Time to get up."

I pulled the blanket over my head, "Please don't make me." I felt my cheeks get hot and my eyes well up, "I don't want it to be real." I started crying again. I didn't even care at this point, I broke down. "I just can't keep handling this loss anymore. First it's my mom, then Vanille and now Snow." I tried to calm down to speak but the tears still seared down my face, "The only one we can definitely get back is Vanille." I balled up the blanket in my fists and cried. The pain was too much and it was only getting worse the more reality set in. Lightning pulled the covers from my face and I saw hers. When I looked at her, I knew things were as bad as I thought.

She looked at me with sad eyes, "Hope, we will get him back. I promise." She sat down beside me, "We've saved someone from crystal once and we will do it again." She started to say something else, but there was a knock on the door.

She stood up and quickly moved to the door. I felt a strong worry from behind the door, a sort of parental fear. She opened the door and it was my father, "Ms. Ferron have you seen Hope? I went to look for him in his apartment and he wasn't there." He peaked around her and saw me on her floor. He pushed passed her and ran to me. He pulled me into him and squeezed me.

I was getting really sick of crying, but he didn't have to say anything to make me crumble. He hugged me the way he did whenever something was wrong. I fell to pieces while I tried to hold on to my father, "He's gone, Dad." Saying it out loud still hurt just as much as it did the first time. I sobbed as if I was a toddler again. Every tear that fell from my eyes was a piece of my sanity leaving me. "He's gone and I- I- can't!" I began to hyperventilate, it felt like there was a building crushing my chest and I couldn't catch my breath.

"Shh, just breathe buddy. Everything is gonna be alright." He rubbed my back and squeezed me tighter, "It may not seem like it now, but I know you are going to find Snow and bring him home." I started to calm down a little bit and I was able to breathe again. "You are so strong, Hope. I am so proud of the person you are turning into, and I know you're mother would be too." I never knew my father to be like this, but it was comforting. "At first glance, I didn't understand your relationship, but seeing the way you looked at each other proved that it was true love."

I pulled away from him, "Thanks." I hugged him again. I wiped my tears and forced a smile. I felt sort of numb at this point. It felt like if I wasn't crying I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't even really feel anyone else's emotions. I knew they were there, but the feelings were muffled and distant.

"That's what I'm here for." He kissed my forehead, "If you need me, I'll be over at the warehouse." He pulled me in for one last hug and stood up. "I'm sorry Ms. Ferron for intruding like I have, but I'll be going now." He walked out the door and I listened to his feet walk along the metal and down the stairs.

I shook my head, "I don't know what to do, Light. Last night, I tried to find him. I focused on him and I Left, but I was brought to this black void. There was nothing there." I slowly stood up and walked to the door. She stood by the railing overlooking the water near the ramp. "I called Alexander, but he told me never to go back to that place. He was even scared to be there."

"Maybe he hasn't accepted his fate." She brushed her unruly bangs out of her face, "Maybe once he comes to terms with being in crystal stasis, you'll be able to find him."

I sighed, "But who knows if he will. You and I both know that he will fight every second he is in crystal to get out." I looked at her, "I just have this feeling that the gods know a way to bring someone out of crystal stasis."

"I agree, but it's probably dangerous if they won't tell us."

"I don't care. We are getting Snow and Vanille back no matter how dangerous. I'm done loosing the people I care about." Not that I was angry at Light, but I didn't want to talk about why we wouldn't be able to save Snow, so I walked down the stairs and into the main square. Part of me expected there to be a pole standing out of the corner of my eye and I'd be going home to see Snow, waiting for me with a kiss. But I knew it wouldn't happen. I felt a warm breeze brush cheek and I smelled something warm. Spicy almost. "Snow?" I looked to his statue.

The beautiful man that I love was frozen in time. I walked across the square to where he stood. Even though there was the blue-ish tint of the crystal, I could still envision every color of him. I put my hand up to his face, just to see…

I felt a surge of warmth. It was weird; I felt Snow's emotions as if he were really there. "Snow, if you hear this, please, let me find you. I can feel you right now so I know you're close. I'm going to get you out this." I felt another wave of love, Snow's love. "I love you too, forever and ever." I stepped back from his statue and closed my eyes. I focused as best I could on pulling all of the emotional energy from the people in the village. I almost forgot how hard it was to have this many feelings rushing through my body. My head began to pound and my knees felt weak. I felt something warm above my lip and I knew my nose had started to bleed. I kept drawing the emotions from as far as my mind could reach. It came up from the ground and up my legs. I could feel it enter my finger tips and crawl up my arms. I felt everything from the feral creatures to all the people in Oerba and it hurt. I felt dizzy and could hardly keep myself up. There were small tremors starting and I knew I was tapping into power I've never dealt with before. I pushed myself further and further to pull all the emotional power I could from anything living. I fell to my knees, but I kept going. I could feel my mouth start to bleed and my head felt like it was about to explode. When I couldn't take anymore and almost passed out, I pulled all into my center. I blindly reached out to touch Snow's statue and forced it all into the crystal. I felt everything drain from me and I couldn't stay awake any longer. I fell face down on the ground and was out.

When I came to, it had probably been only an hour or two because the sun hadn't risen that much further. I looked forward and felt sick to my stomach. I screamed. "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" My hands shook and I tried to stand, but my knees failed me. My chest felt like a building was crushing it and I couldn't breathe, "LIGHTNING! OH MY GOD!" I screamed out as loud as I could, my eyes filled with tears of sorrow and utmost rage. I sobbed and cried out for help, but it seemed that everyone looked at me like I was crazy. "LIGHT!" I screamed out for her, "FANG!" I sobbed and shook until I got sick and then I cried some more.

Snow was no longer there in front me. He wasn't in person and he wasn't in crystal. I destroyed him. I was never going to be able to get him back now. There was no saving him. Snow could never come back because I obliterated him. There was no crystal and no body. How could I have killed the man I love?

I knelt there crumpled up before I felt a hand on my shoulder, "You alright, son?" It was a familiar voice. One I knew I could trust.

"No." I whispered because I couldn't even bare to listen to my own voice.

The afro-haired man bent over to look at me better, "Come on. We are gonna get the others alright?" Sazh spoke softly to me and gently urged me to stand. My body was so weak I fell against Sazh for support. "Alright, hardest parts over." I felt his worry, but I just let it go.

"Daddy!" I saw Dahj running toward us. When he got in front of us he saw our faces, "What's wrong daddy?" He looked at me, "Where's your friend?"

I tried so hard to fake a normal expression. I could feel how confused the little boy was. "He went to sleep. Just like you did, remember?"

"Yeah, maybe he's dreaming of chocobos!" He smiled, "Maybe he's dreaming of you!" As soon as the words came out, they dug deep. There were good intentions behind the words, I could feel the joy he felt when thinking about his dreams of chocobos.

I smiled, "Why do you say that, Dahj?"

He furrowed his brow and thought for a second before looking back up with a smile, "Well, I saw you guys the other day holding hands. Isn't that what people that love each other do? Maybe Mr. Snow is dreaming about holding hands with you."

"Maybe." I smiled at him. We walked up toward the tree near the Cei'th stone. "So, where are we going?"

"Serah and Fang are staying up here. There was one place left by that bridge and Serah got it." Sazh finally let go of me, I guess he could tell that I was alright. "Now all we have to do is get you some food."

I wanted to protest, but I knew Sazh was right, especially if we were going to be leaving soon. I needed all the energy could muster. I played through the past twelve hours in my head to make sense of it all. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that Snow was gone. I focused on Sazh's emotions so that I wouldn't start crying again. I replayed everything over and over again. I felt as though there something odd, but I couldn't picture it. Then I remembered something that I didn't pay attention to, Snow's Eidolith crystal and something else was left behind. "We have to go back." I broke away from him and walked as quickly as my legs would allow to the square. I saw Lightning standing where Snow was. "Light?"

I saw her reach a hand to wipe her face before she turned around, she felt devastated, "What happened?"

"I tried to cast the Life spell, except I drew more power than the first time." I looked to ground, I felt so guilty, "It, umm, it didn't work."

I felt a pang of grief, just utter sadness. I looked up to see tears in her eyes, "Oh." She blinked away the tears, "Well, we are still going to find a way to bring him back." She put her hands on my shoulders and pulled me in. She squeezed me tight, "I'm so sorry you have to go through this, Hope."

I hugged her back. I thought to myself about how I've gotten a little taller since before the whole fal'Cie thing. "Is it bad that I'm getting used to it?" I gave a sarcastic laugh.

She let go and looked at me, "Well don't get too comfortable, we will save Snow."

"Yeah, I know we will, but we need to leave soon. The longer we stay here, the more danger Vanille and Snow are in." I stepped around Light to see what was on the ground. I grabbed his Eidolith and this weird amulet. "I'm sick of all this crying. We need to fight and that's what I'm going to do." I crushed Snow's crystal and something strange happened this time. When I opened my palm, a small cloud of frost fell to the ground and ice crystals formed a circle around the ground. The crystals quickly drew up into several spikes of ice and began to crack. I stepped back, I don't know what for, but I just knew I had to.

The spikes exploded and in their place stood Stiria and Nix. "Yes?" Stiria spoke firmly.

"Do you have any idea where Snow is?" I asked them.

I felt Nix grow nervous and Stiria spoke up, "We cannot sense him anywhere. We were informed that he is in a place outside of our reach."

"No, that place was not outside your reach. I went there and Alexander showed up when I called him. Do not tell me that it's 'out of your reach'. I know you know something. Tell me!" I was getting annoyed because Alexander was quick to get me out of there and the Shiva sisters didn't want to tell me what they knew, "Did you forget I can feel emotions? Nix is nervous and you Stiria are terrified. Tell me what you know."

"Hope, that place is-"

A deep, bone-chilling voice spoke, "That place is not for the living and hardly for the damned. I rule that realm, but there are corners of which I cannot see. Snow has been captured and taken to the farthest corner that realm." It was Hades.

Since I was ready to put up a fight to get information, I was a bit surprised to hear him spit it out. "Well, umm, so who took Snow?"

"Ah and there it is: the question that has wandered through each of our minds. I am sorry boy, but I do not know. There are only three beings that are capable of stealing a soul under my dominion. Zephyrus, Apollo and Hyakinthos." I felt like him telling me this information was helpful, but was going to come with a price.

I wanted to know why he would give information like this out so easily when all the other gods wanted nothing to do with this. "So, why are you giving up these answers so easily?"

"You don't think we can get him back do you? Or is it that you have rodents in your dominion and you just need exterminators?" Lightning spoke in that tone that brought back memories of Orphan.

Hades let out a dark laugh, "Whether or not you realize it, you have quite the capacity for humor." His face grew very serious, "I have no doubt that you can get him back, but the darkness will always find a way to stop you. Even I tread with caution."

"Alright, so what is this? I know it's at least a thousand years old and must have been used in magic." I pulled the amulet from my pocket and held it out.

There was a surge of panic before Hades asked, "Where did you get that?"

"This amulet and Snow's Eidolith were on the ground where he was." I pointed to the ground beside me, "Tell me what this is, I know this something you didn't want to be found. You are shocked that I have this."

Hades held out his hand and a deep purple smoke wisped away the amulet. It reappeared in his hand, making it look smaller than a coin. "This object gives the holder sight, sight of the darkness. The beholder will be able to see through the blackest parts of Tartaros."

When I heard Tartaros, I freaked out. If this was the same place as the old Pulsian lore, then only the greatest of evils have been cast there. It is the hell for those that have committed crime beyond punishable measures and must serve eternity in the darkness. This meant that the fal'Cie were sent there among other evils like the gods Ifrit and Valefor and the humans that summoned them. Tartaros was not just a place; it was a 'living' thing. I read once that the voice of Tartaros would speak to the damned in a way that they would go insane.

"Tartaros? That's where we are going? Fine by me, but is there any way I can get one of those little trinkets too?" I turned to see Fang had joined us. I was glad she was here. No offense to Light, but in some cases she was a better leader.

Hades raised an eyebrow, "Just how many of you will be going on this journey?"

"Five."

Author's Note: Hey guys, this first chapter is a little bumpy I know, but bear with me. I'm excited for this story because there will be lots of new things I will be trying to tackle and hopefully succeed with. I'm big into the fact that the Final Fantasy games work with historical names and psychological terms so I'm trying to keep up with it. I am open to suggestions so please let me know and hold on for the ride!