At first, Blaine was ecstatic.
Kurt and Sebastian had never really gotten along, and even when the three of them started dating, they would usually be focused on Blaine rather than on each other. So seeing them start spending more time together after discovering their mutual love for different cultures and old books, made Blaine's day.
It all started when they discovered a small coffee shop that was joined to a library. That morning the two of them had spent a good three hours together reading and drinking coffee. They had only returned to their shared apartment at noon, immediately telling Blaine all about the coffee shop Cόmodo.
"Blaine, you won't believe what we found today!" Kurt had yelled as soon as he stepped into the delicately decorated apartment.
"We got lost, like we always do when following Kurt around New York City and —"
"Hey! We weren't lost, we were just being adventurous and discovering unfamiliar places," Kurt objected.
"Kurt, just admit it, we were lost," Sebastian smirked.
"Anyway! We found this Spanish coffee shop that is joined to this antique library where you can just order coffee and read. Isn't that fabulous? The two best things in the world in one place."
"Kurt, I'm offended. I thought Blaine and I are the two best things in the world." Sebastian made a point of pressing his hand to his chest and letting his jaw drop open in mock outrage.
"Sebastian, quit fishing."
Even as the two of them were telling him about the coffee shop, they weren't speaking to him as much as to each other.
It was summer and the holidays had started a week ago. They had more time than ever to spend time together. While they all had jobs, they were only part time.
Blaine had been happy when they started going to the coffee shop together. Even encouraged it. But suddenly that was all they were doing. Going to Cόmodo. And when they weren't at the coffee shop they were either at work or talking about being at Cόmodo.
Blaine saw them grow closer. Before they were never really interested in sex with each other unless Blaine was there, but now they often went at without him. In fact, it had been two weeks since he had been intimate with either of them. The pain was starting to become unbearable.
First Blaine had ignored it. He told himself that he was just jealous and that it was a normal reaction.
Now, though, the pain couldn't be ignored. It was growing with every day that went by without either of them really paying attention to him.
And it wasn't like they were completely ignoring him. Their interaction with him was just less intimate and more superficial.
Kurt would say I love you, but it would sound distracted and automatic.
Sebastian would kiss him goodbye, but it was more of a peck than a kiss.
This is new for them, he told himself as he stepped into the apartment after a long shift at the diner. They're only just discovering each other. Give them time.
"Hey, guys, I'm home," he called out to them.
"We're in the kitchen."
He followed the smell of hot Hawaiian pizza into the kitchen and found his boyfriends busy setting the table.
"Hey, we thought we'd just order in tonight. That Okay?" Sebastian asked as Blaine dropped his bag on the counter.
"Fine by me," he said leaning in to kiss him. I deserve that much. Wait. Do I?
Kurt came to hug and kiss him, and soon they were seated around the table sharing little anecdotes of their day.
Well, they were sharing. Blaine felt so far removed from them, like there was a wall between them that blocked him from their view. He shrank into himself, feeling more insecure than ever before.
"I'm ready to go to bed," Kurt yawned. "For a holiday, my day was way too long."
"Same here, I'll join you," Sebastian said, already following Kurt to the bedroom without a glance back at Blaine.
They don't want you any more.
After watching The Avengers, Blaine decided he can no longer avoid going to bed. He always made sure that he went to bed after they had gone to sleep, finding the cuddles and loving looks shared between them too intimate. He felt like an intruder, a third wheel. Also their sleeping arrangement has changed. Blaine had always been the one in the middle because he was the smallest and the only one who didn't feel claustrophobic being squeezed between two bodies. In fact, he had loved being squished in the middle. It was his favourite place in the world. Kurt and Sebastian had preferred this sleeping arrangement because they didn't have to deal with each other. Kurt always complained that Sebastian breathed weird at night and that it would keep him up, while Sebastian claimed Kurt moved too much.
But since discovering each other, Kurt slept in the middle and the two of them would whisper and giggle together.
Again, they didn't ignore Blaine, they just didn't make that much of an effort to include him.
And that was something that made everything hurt even more. Suddenly including Blaine required effort. It was no longer easy flowing conversation where everyone could speak and listen effortlessly. Blaine could no longer relate to what they were discussing, and since that was all they spoke about, he was left out.
Slipping under the duvet on the left side of the king sized bed, Blaine glanced lovingly at the two cuddling figures. No matter what, he loved them with all his heart. He would do everything for them. He wanted what was best for them. And maybe the three of them together didn't fit any more. Maybe what's best for them is for him to leave.
He quickly kissed them on the cheek before making himself comfortable. Laying there he thought about what would happen if he left. Would they be happier? He'd always thought that the three of them would stay together forever.
He cursed that coffee shop. None of this would have happened if Cόmodo didn't exist.
They would still love me.
The next morning, Blaine decided he will try harder for them to see him.
I can't leave without a fight.
He made a breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes, freshly cut fruit with yoghurt, and orange juice.
"Oh my Gaga! You're the best," Kurt gasped as he rushed into the kitchen. His hair was in disarray and his eyes still bleary from sleep.
Sebastian quickly followed. "Did I forget another anniversary? Because I'm quite sure I put all the important dates in my calendar."
"No, I just thought we should have breakfast together. You guys have been off at that coffee shop all the time and I feel like I haven't really seen you."
Be subtle, Blaine, subtle. They probably haven't noticed that they have spent all their time together and you don't want to sound like you're accusing them of something. You'll just make yourself look clingy. No-on likes clingy, he told himself.
"Oh, yeah. Didn't even notice," Sebastian yawned.
I know. It hurts that you didn't.
Kurt must have noticed the sadness in Blaine eyes because the next thing he said was: "You should come with us!"
"Yeah?" he asked hopefully.
Is this out of pity?
"Sure, it'd be fun. I'm sure there are books you would enjoy," Sebastian mumbled around a bite of scrambled eggs.
It was decided, then. After breakfast, they headed out to Cόmodo for coffee and books.
He should have expected it.
Breakfast and hanging out wouldn't change anything. He still felt like an intruder.
He wondered how he never noticed how good the two of them look together. Both of them so slim and styled. Their bodies complementing each other perfectly. Sebastian wasn't as gentle and doting with Kurt as he used to be with Blaine. But there was affection and admiration in he demeanour towards Kurt. He was still snarky and sarcastic, mind you, but it didn't have that scathing undertone. And Kurt, Kurt snarked right back with an air of superiority that he had mastered being bullied as a teenager. However, it was easy to see that Kurt didn't feel threatened by Sebastian. Their insults were playful and never hurt anyone.
Maybe that's my problem. I'm always so easily hurt. They're both so sharp tongued and just let insult roll off their back. But I always take it personally. I'm just too weak.
Having finished his shift at the diner, he grabbed a snack from the fridge.
Kurt and Sebastian should be home, too, as they finished earlier than him. He decided that he had subjected them to enough of his presence; he went to the guest room to watch a movie.
I'll talk to them later. It's time I told them how I feel.
When later arrived, Blaine steeled himself and softly treaded to their bedroom.
And froze.
He heard moans. Panting.
Pushing the door open, he opened his eyes (when had he closed them?) and saw two writhing figures making love to each other.
"Seb, ah! You're the best at this. Oh Gaga!"
"Kurt, you're so beautiful. The most beautiful man alive."
Shame and embarrassment heated his cheeks as he closed the door. He'd known that they do this without him. But seeing it, made it all so very real. There was no denying the fact that he was no longer needed.
How could I have been so stupid? How did I fool myself into believing I was an equally important part in this relationship?
You're the best at this.
The most beautiful man alive.
Those words hit a chord deep within him. He'd known that both this statements were true about Kurt and Sebastian, but always hoped he was a close second. But now, shards of doubt started to pierce his heart.
That night Blaine packed an overnight bag and slept in the guest room.
"... would he sleep here?"
"I don't know. Maybe he just fell asleep while watching a movie?"
As he slowly came to consciousness, he could hear his boyfriends' worried whispers. Tears immediately formed in his eyes, and, not wanting them to see him cry, he pretended to still be asleep.
"I don't know. I smell something fishy."
Try as hard as he might, he couldn't stop a tear from escaping. He hadn't let himself cry about this. About how lonely and unwanted he felt. How undesirable.
"Sebastian, he's-he's crying."
Gentle hands stroked his cheeks and wiped away his tears.
"Blaine, come on. We know you're awake." Sebastian pointlessly kept on wiping the tears that wouldn't stop falling.
Fluttering his eyes open, he saw Kurt and Sebastian sitting on the bed looking down at him with twin frowns on their forehead.
"Blaine, what's wrong?" Kurt asked.
But he couldn't speak. Seeing them so concerned for him, made him realise how much he missed being noticed. He felt a bit like an attention whore. But he pushed that feeling aside as his boyfriends laid down beside him, and simply revelled at the feeling of being cuddled again.
How did I survive almost three weeks without this?
"Blaine, please talk to us," Sebastian pleaded. He hated to see Blaine cry. No-one else's pain made him ache as deeply as Blaine's. Not even Kurt. Blaine had this way of curling up in a ball, his face creased with heartache as if it physically hurt him with his fist pressed to his mouth as if to keep the sobs and words in. It was a habit born from living in his parents' house where he was expected to cry silently. Alone.
"Blaine." Kurt was close to tears himself seeing Blaine frame wracked with the sobs that escaped his tightly closed lips. "Please. What's wrong?"
"Let him cry." Taking Blaine in his arms, Sebastian said, "Let it out, Blaine. You don't need to be quiet. Come on, let it out."
Those words were all it took for Blaine to let go. Sobs seemed to wrench themselves from his chest. He was heaving and gasping.
Kurt wrapped himself around Blaine and Sebastian. Why did it take Blaine falling apart to notice something was wrong? The fact that he still didn't know what was wrong, didn't make him feel better.
When Blaine had calmed down, Kurt and Sebastian shared a look. It was time to find out what could warrant such an outburst.
"Blaine, mon petit papillon," Blaine smiled at his favourite pet name. "What's wrong?" Sebastian whispered.
No words were spoken.
"Come on, love," Kurt said.
"You still love me?" he whispered, his eyes already closed to steel himself for rejection.
"Blaine, what are you asking?" Sebastian replied rather outraged.
"Whether you still love me. Whether you still want me."
"Blaine, you're retarded if you think there is even a possibility that we don't love you," said Sebastian. "Ow."
"Don't say that, Sebastian! You're not making him feel better." Kurt looked Blaine in the eye. "Do you think we don't love you?"
A nod.
"Blaine, why?"
"Just tell me the answer!" Don't leave me in suspense.
"Of course we love you! Is this because I don't say it often?" Sebastian enquired, already making a mental not to get over himself and say it more often.
"No. No, I always knew before even when you didn't say it."
"Before? Before what?" Kurt asked.
"Cόmodo."
"Before Cόmodo? What does Cόmodo have to do with any of this?"
Silence.
Kurt was thinking. He thought about Cόmodo. About the last couple weeks. It struck him like a slap to the face. He can't really recall spending much time with Blaine in those weeks. He doesn't remember being intimate with him. Talking with him. Cuddling. Kissing. Any of the normal interactions between people in a relationship.
"You were always hanging out at Cόmodo and I was here. Alone."
"Oh, Blaine! I'm so, so sorry. We got so caught up finally falling in love with each other properly that we completely froze you out."
Realisation dawned on Sebastian's face.
"Shit. Shit! No, no, no, no. We didn't completely leave you out. We didn't!" He was up pacing, his hands running through his hair the way he only did when he was frustrated, anguished or angry.
Quickly he jumped back on the bed, holding Blaine who was back to crying.
"Why didn't you say anything?" he accused.
"I wanted to. I did. But first ignored my feeling because you were finally getting to know each other properly and I was happy for you. I know you already loved each other. But you needed time to fall in love with each other the way real boyfriends should."
"Blaine, you know you shouldn't bottle up your feelings," Kurt admonished.
"The two of you together are so hot. You don't need me. I tried! I tried to get you to notice me. But I know that I'm easily forgotten. So many people have forgotten me. I just thought you would be the two people to never forget me. I was stupid. So stupid," Blaine spoke in a whisper and tried to hide away his blushing face. He was so embarrassed.
What was I thinking?
"Blaine, you aren't stupid. If anyone is stupid, then it's us for not noticing. We love you, Blaine. We shouldn't have ignored you. We should have made time for you."
"Seb's right. We should have made time for you. It's just, I never knew how amazing Seb is." Kurt looked at Sebastian adoringly. They shared a smile. This didn't go unnoticed by Blaine.
"It's fine, guys, you don't need to say those things. I've thought about it and maybe it would be best if I left. It would be better for all of us. You could just focus on each and wouldn't have to struggle to find time with me, and I wouldn't feel so unwanted. You don't need to hold on just because you're afraid of hurting me. I'll be fine by myself. I'm used to it." Blaine stood up and got the overnight bag out of the closet. It had everything he needed: clothes, toothbrush and toothpaste, money, water, some toiletries, shoes, his iPod, etc.
"What are you doing? Blaine, you can't just leave!" Kurt rushed to Blaine's side while Sebastian closed and locked the door.
"I don't want to compete for you attention."
"You don't have to, Blaine." Sebastian enclosed Blaine in a hug partially to comfort but also to keep him from leaving. "I love you, mon petit papillon. So much. I'm sorry we ever made you feel otherwise. We want you. We love you. You're important to us."
Joining his two boyfriends in a group hug, Kurt continued, "You would leave an aching hobbit sized hole in our hearts if you left. I know the last three weeks make it appear as if we could live without you, but really we were bound to notice our mistake soon. Yesterday's breakfast with you made me realise how much I missed you."
It was all too much. Hearing those words of love made Blaine's knee's buckle. Kurt and Sebastian held him up, though, and carried him to the bed.
"Do you really mean it?" He looked up at them with so much longing swirling in his brandy eyes.
In lieu of a verbal answer, Sebastian leant down and kissed him soundly as Kurt started to mouth at his neck and gently slipped his hand under Blaine's shirt to caress his spine.
Blaine trembled at the loving touches. It's been so long.
"You've got goosebumps." Sebastian noted. He knew that Blaine only got goosebumps when he felt extremely aroused. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat at the thought that Blaine hasn't been touched in such a long time that he became aroused because of a mere touch.
When he looked up, Kurt shot him a pained look, signalling that the same thought had run through their heads.
Silently they came to an agreement.
It was time to show Blaine just how much he was loved.
Kurt pulled Blaine's shirt off and Sebastian immediately trailed feather light kisses from his lower back up to his hairline, following the mini mountains of his spine. Blaine's spine was extremely sensitive, the lightest touch making him swoon.
"Sebby, I love you, too," Blaine gasped, arching his back.
Kurt pulled down Blaine pants, noticing that he hadn't changed into his pyjama pants the night before, before tenderly trailing his lips up and down Blaine's inner thigh.
"Kurt," Blaine breathed.
Because this is what he needed most.
Being touched, being caressed so adoringly was the most effective way to show Blaine he was loved.
Quality time was a close second. But nothing touched Blaine's heart as deeply as physical affection.
So they touched him. Their fingertips tracing the dips and hills of his body while lips brushed against the contours of his face.
There was complete silence. Even as a tear rolled down Blaine's cheeks, no words were exchanged because they knew it was a happy tear.
They knew they still needed to talk.
But in that moment no words were needed.
