Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
This is the first installment of the 2009-2010 holiday season ficlets. Five ficlets, three universes.
This is from the same universe as the "Halloween Guy Fawkes Day 2009" mini series.
This was written for St. Nick's day.
I do not own or claim to own CSI: Miami characters. This is fanmade and I make absolutely no profit off of this. I do this for my own amusement.
***
Gift Exchange
"Merry Christmas!" Rick chimed, bursting into the CSI break room with his arms full of beautifully wrapped boxes, "I brought presents".
Eric and Ryan exchanged a confused look. True, the team often has a gift exchange every Christmas; but Stetler has never been a part of it.
"What are you doing here, Stetler?" Calleigh groaned, looking up from her hot cocoa.
"Yeah," Natalia joined in, "who the hell invited you?"
"I… brought… presents," Rick stammered, helplessly. He knew that he wasn't welcome around CSI, or most other places for that matter. "I thought that we… could… exchange…" Rick's voice trailed off as Calleigh, Natalia, Ryan, and Eric glared at him.
"I'll exchange a present with you, Stetler!" Valera said from her position at the break room table.
The other CSI's looked at her like she had just turned several different colors. Truth is, she had been eyeing up the packages in Rick's arms and noticed that the largest one had her name on it. Valera was hardly one to pass up an opportunity such as this.
"I didn't expect you to do this though," she said, digging around in her purse/bag, "but I still have something I could give you".
She pulled out a large and beautifully wrapped candied apple, covered in coarse sugar. Smiling, she dangled it in front of Rick, like a carrot in front of a donkey.
"Thank you," Rick smiled, carefully letting her present drop onto the table beside her. He let the other five presents drop onto the counter; they were getting a little heavy.
Valera tore the bows and wrapping paper off the box, opening it and dipping her hands inside. Much to the other CSIs' surprise, she pulled out an incredibly adorable and fluffy white teddy bear. Rick smiled happily as her face lit up.
"Aww," she squeaked as he hugged it, "He's so cute! He needs a name".
"Name him after me!" Ryan chirped, quite amused by what he was witnessing.
"No me!" Eric joined in, playfully shoving Ryan.
"What about me?" Stetler said with a pitifully hopeful smile.
Calleigh burst out laughing at Rick's suggestion, almost falling out of her chair in a fit of hysterics. Natalia followed suit, unable to keep herself from pointing at Rick as she did so. Ryan and Eric chuckled in the corner as Rick's face flushed in embarrassment.
Valera smiled as she looked down at the bear, "You know what? Just for shits and giggles… I think I will name him 'Stetler'".
"Really?" Eric asked.
"Yeah," she shrugged, playing with the bear's ears, "I think it suits him… thank you, Rick".
"You're quite welcome," Stetler grinned as he opened his candied apple.
"Wait… Wait…" Ryan said, crossing towards Stetler and Valera, "I don't get it. Are you two going out?"
"No".
"Then you must just have a thing for her, because she got the biggest present," Ryan concluded as he tried to stare Rick down, "am I right?"
"The size and quality of your presents," Rick sighed as he bit into the apple and approached Ryan, "are negatively correlated with how much crap each of you has given me in the past year. Valera gave me the least amount of crap, therefore she gets the present of higher quality. But then… we are all scientists here, I'm sure I do not need to explain any further on how negative correlations work".
"You mean, 'how obediently we went along with your ridiculous investigations'?!" Natalia snapped.
"And guess whose present I put the least amount of thought into," Rick smirked.
Ryan looked at Rick. Then at Valera, who was cuddling her new teddy bear. Then at Natalia, who was grumbling at how unfair Rick always is. Then back at Rick.
The room watched as Ryan grabbed a plate and carefully arranged various Christmas cookies on it from the trays around the room. He garnished the pile with a piece of fake holly that he ripped off some garland hanging on the glass walls. Spinning around and with a lavish bow Ryan presented the dish to Rick.
"Merry Christmas, Stetler," Ryan said, flashing a cheesy grin.
"Thank you, Ryan," Stetler mused, this game was more fun than he thought it would be.
He handed Ryan a slightly smaller box, of which he immediately opened.
"Hey!" CSI Wolfe exclaimed, pulling out a Toblerone, "it's filled with chocolate!"
"Gimme piece!" Valera said playfully, reaching her hand out.
Ryan snapped off pieces of the chocolate bar and threw them to each member of the team. Eric examined the chocolate, turning it about in his fingers. Perhaps Stetler wasn't all that bad after all… at least… today.
"I don't have any present to give you," the Cuban finally said as he approached Rick, who was dusting cookie crumbs off his candy cane themed tie, "but I guess I could pay you… right?"
Rick smiled and nodded as Eric pulled out his wallet and started sifting through it. It was at this time he wished that he hadn't been buying lunch from the vending machines for the past week. The smallest bill he had was a 20, which he reluctantly handed to Stetler.
He pouted as he was handed a little envelope in return. Whatever was in it had better be good. He pulled it open and revealed two tickets for the January Steelers vs. Dolphins game. His face lit up, so did Ryan's as he saw the contents over Eric's shoulder.
"And you're going to take your best friend," Ryan chimed as he wrapped his arms around Eric's waist, "right?"
"This was very generous of you, Stetler," Eric smiled, temporarily ignoring Ryan's plea for attention.
"No it wasn't," Rick shrugged, "I got you nosebleed section and Dolphins are going to lose".
"Fifty bucks says they win by twelve!" Ryan snapped, suddenly feeling very defensive.
"What do I have to keep telling you about gambling, Mr. Wolfe?"
"Can I pay for Calleigh's present too?" Eric interrupted, shoving Ryan away from Stetler before they got to fighting.
"Another crisp 20 should cover both Calleigh and Natalia," Rick smirked, not expecting so much cash to be coming his way, he really just wanted some food.
Grumbling, Eric forked over another Jackson and was handed two small boxes. Normally, Rick would have thanked them and made his way up to IAB to figure out how to spend the 40 dollars he just got. But no, he wanted to see their reactions to the gifts he had so lovingly picked out for them. Besides, he needed to give them instructions for that one last present he needed to give.
Calleigh pulled open the blue snowflake pattern wrapping paper and carefully opened the lid of the box under it.
"Dah A-Loh!"
"Jesus!" Calleigh nearly fell off her chair, dropping the box on the table.
A little nervous, she slowly peeped back into the box. Looking up at her was a gray Furby with a white Mohawk and belly. The gears all too audibly whirred as it blinked at her with its big blue eyes and wiggled its ears. Carefully, she lifted the little thing out of the box getting a good look at it in the light.
"May-may!"
"I'm not your 'may-may'," she said sternly, already not liking it.
It emitted a demented little laugh before promptly falling asleep. Valera buried her face in the teddy bear to keep from laughing too loudly; Calleigh seemed pissed off enough as it is. Ryan didn't care, and nearly fell on the floor in a fit of hysterics. Bullet Girl glared at him, considering chucking the furry piece of hardware at his head.
"I think it's cute," Natalia piped in, scratching it behind its ears and waking it back up.
"Ah-May!"
Calleigh shoved it back into its box and closed the lid, holding it shut as she heard the muffled sound of a Furby singing to itself.
"Yeah, very funny, Nat," she grumbled, "what did you get?"
Shrugging, Natalia tore open the wrapping paper and opened the lid of the box. Inside were socks. But not just any socks. They were knee high red and green striped toe socks. Not able to find words, she simply held them up.
"Christmas socks!" Rick said, as if that explained everything that has ever happened up to that moment.
"Who the hell wears socks on Christmas?" Valera giggled.
Ryan pouted before mumbling quietly, "I wear socks on Christmas".
Natalia remained silent. She was wondering if any word had ever been invented to fully describe how ugly the socks were. After a few moments she gave up trying to make up the word she needed.
"These are worse than your ties, Stetler," she finally said.
He only grinned and shrugged before handing another present to Valera.
"I have work to do, so I'm putting you in charge of this," he explained, "make sure your Lieutenant gets it".
"Doesn't H have to give you something?" Eric asked, hoping he didn't just throw away 40 bucks.
"Lieutenant Caine," Rick smirked, "has already paid me in full".
With that, Rick waved a little goodbye to the CSI team and walked back to the elevators to return to his third floor office. The team exchanged glances with each other, only one thing now on their minds.
"Open it," Calleigh urged Valera, "I gotta see this".
"No, it's for H. He can't be too long before he realizes that we're all hiding out in here".
"Don't be a spoil sport," Natalia rolled her eyes, "you're not actually going to just do what Stetler tells you… are you?"
"Of course I'm gonna do what he tells me," she retorted, "I don't want to get socks next year. Besides, I think it'd be more fun to guess what's in it. I think it's dirt".
"Garbage".
"Socks".
"Sand".
"Small dead animal".
Everyone looked at Ryan, who had made the last suggestion.
"What?"
"That's disgusting, Ryan," Calleigh shuddered, "That just reminds me of that one time when my dog killed a small rabbit in the middle of the night. I heard her barking outside so I went out to get her. It was really dark outside so I didn't notice the carcass until I stepped right on-"
"-Mmmm!... Boring!"
Everyone stared at the Furby box that interrupted Calleigh.
"You shutup!"
"Oh… okay!"
***
About twenty minutes later, the team was still in the break room. They were all gathered around Calleigh's Furby, which had recently begun to malfunction. It was emitting a bizarre gibberish, more so than usual, and at unearthly pitches. Calleigh grumbled as she flipped it over, only to confirm that she needed a screwdriver to take the batteries out.
"I'm sure Eric will be back with a screwdriver in a few minutes," Natalia reassured her as the Furby's ears twitched uncontrollably.
"Hit it!" Ryan whimpered, the thing was starting to look very possessed.
"I HAVE been hitting it".
"Hit it harder!"
At that moment, Horatio finally came into the break room, wondering where his team had vanished to. "What the hell is going on?"
"It's evil!" Ryan declared, still going on about the Furby.
"I'm gonna shoot this thing if Eric doesn't get back soon," Calleigh growled, shaking it violently.
Horatio looked at the Furby, then at the teddy bear, then at the chocolates, then at the socks. "Where did you get all this stuff?"
"Stetler gave it to us," Valera smiled, suddenly remembering Horatio's present.
"Sergeant Stetler gave you guys all this?" Horatio smirked, quite amused.
"He got you something too," Ryan chirped, nudging Valera to give the present to him.
Horatio couldn't help but to smile as a small box wrapped in forest green paper and a deep red ribbon was placed in his hands. He turned it over, wondering if he should open it.
"Open it!" Calleigh urged, as if to answer his internal question for him.
The redhead looked around at the pleading eyes of his team. Sighing deeply and smirking as he finally decided to give in and began to pull off the ribbon. As soon as he did that everyone crowded around him to get a good view of whatever was inside.
"You guys are making me claustrophobic," Horatio observed, stopping to glare at them.
Realizing how few molecules of air were between all of them, the CSIs backed away from their lieutenant, although they still tired to crane their necks to see what was inside.
Horatio rolled his eyes as he pulled off the green paper. He lifted the box right up close to his eyes, so only he could see the contents. And what he saw made his pale cheeks turn several vibrant shades of red.
"What is it? What is it?" Ryan begged, literally jumping up and down.
"Nothing," Horatio blushed, "don't you have evidence to process?"
"Don't you have a present to show us?"
Ryan cowered slightly as his superior give him a stern look, his bright blue eyes flashing. Knowing that this was a fight that he couldn't win, he quietly slinked out of the room. Natalia followed him, knowing that Horatio probably thought the same of her (if not worse) as he did of Ryan. Valera sighed and reluctantly followed suit, she may be Stetler's favorite, but she knew that only Calleigh and Eric could possibly have that standing with Horatio.
"Can I see?" Calleigh pleaded, batting her eyelashes.
"No".
"Why not?Wwhat is it?"
Horatio gave her a look that just screamed Nice try, but you didn't honestly think I'd fall for that, did you?
She shrugged, it was worth a shot. She picked up the Furby, who was still jabbering on, and stalked off to the ballistics lab. Horatio rolled his eyes and returned to his office, hoping that nobody would bother him about the present anymore.
***
The redheaded lieutenant stepped into his glass office and placed the package down onto his desk before plopping down behind it. He stared at the box and chuckled for a few moments before he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Rick's number.
"Hi Horatio" Rick came in from the other end of the line, the smirk audible in his tone.
"You're evil".
"You've been talking to your team again, haven't you?"
"Yeah, except I don't need my team to know that it's true".
"It made you blush, didn't it?"
"Rick, you really risked a lot. I mean, what if they opened it?"
"That's why I put Valera in charge; I knew that she wouldn't have that".
"We could have been completely exposed to our departments in one of the worst ways. You know you we can't have anyone figure out what's really going on between us".
"But we weren't. So calm down. Did you even get a good look at them yet?"
"No," Horatio muttered, eyeing up the package, "but I'll do it now".
The redhead put the entire box in the closest desk drawer, making sure that it would be impossible for anyone from the halls to see the contents. He finally completely removed the lid, only to feel the blush fill his cheeks again.
There, sitting in his drawer was a small bundle of Polaroid pictures, bound together with a bit of thin red cloth ribbon. The one on the top was of Rick, lying completely nude on a bed that was dressed in light green linens. He was holding a pear, as if he was contemplating it. In the white space under the picture were written the words "Day One".
"You're blushing," Rick commented as he heard his lover's breathing grow erratic.
"I am," Horatio couldn't help but to admit, "I trust there are twelve of these".
"Yup".
"Why am I afraid to see day ten?" Horatio smirked as he pulled the ribbon off the bundle.
"You should be even more afraid to see day eleven".
"Oh dear God… Rick… tell me that you didn't do what I'm afraid you did".
"I'm kidding, Horatio. I didn't… I didn't. I thought about it, but I just couldn't do that to such a beautiful instrument".
"Thank you," Horatio breathed a sigh of relief as he closed the drawer, deciding to look at them later, "They look professional. You take them?"
"No, I know someone who works part time at Oxy's. She's a photographer by trade; it's just that the economy didn't treat her studio very well".
"You spend way too much of your free time in that 'toy' store. I'm not sure if I like it".
"I wish you would come with me one time".
"For the last time: no. I can't be seen setting foot in that place, I'm on the news too often and people will recognize me. And if they see us walking in together, they would come to the only logical conclusion".
"You're making me pout, Horatio. Don't I even get a 'thank you'?"
"I'll thank you in my own way tonight," Horatio smirked, "And I'll finish looking at them later, I have a lot to do today".
"Day five's really pretty".
"I said I'll look at them later".
"I'm wearing all the gold jewelry we could find and am sitting on a golden dining room chair in front of a gold table. My legs are splayed open, one foot on the ground and another on the edge of the table. The background is black as pitch and there is a soft focus that just makes me glow and the gold shine".
"That's enough Rick," Horatio whispered, his pants suddenly feeling quite tight.
"Of course it's not a real Prince Albert," Rick continued, "I don't think I could just suddenly switch and make you top from now on".
"Rick!" Horatio gasped, his face getting quite pink, "That's enough! I'll thank you later".
"I know," the IAB sergeant smirked, "I was just making sure that you would".
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
And here's your holiday bonus…
The rest of the photos… in case you wondered.
Day Two: Rick wearing nothing but an opened white silk shirt and his trademark smirk. He's in front of a white background with two doves flying by
Day Three: He has on nothing but a straw hat as he lounges in a hen house. Eggs up in the nest he's closest to. He's petting one of the hens as he chews on some wheat
Day Four: He lounges on a black fainting couch which stands in front of a large black bird cage. Four little yellow birds are perched throughout the picture, one on Rick's hand, one on his shoulder, one on the cage, and one on the sofa.
Day Six: He lies in the tall matted down grass, the standing blades curving slightly towards him. His arm is lazily raised so his hand is about at head level. Between his head and hand is a small nest of goose eggs.
Day Seven: His clothes have been thrown onto a rock by the edge of a pond that he is lowering himself into. His fingertips brush against the water's surface, lovingly caressing it.
Day Eight: He's sitting on top of a large metal milk canister. He rests an old-timey milk bottle on his knee, looking up at the camera as if he had just been distracted away from something very important and private.
Day Nine: He is hanging upside down on a pole in a bedroom (that's not what it means by "Nine Ladies Dancing", Rick!)
Day Ten: The only picture shot from the back. Rick seems to be lost somewhere between a leap and a stride as he jumps/steps from stone to stone across a small brook (*shrug* he didn't really know what to do here).
Day Eleven: Overhead shot. He lounges atop a grand piano, a rose lying across the keys. He is holding a glass flute over his chest.
Day Twelve (because this shit's getting kinda old): He stands next to a snare drum, his back foot on a raised platform to give the camera a ¾ view. In his hands are two drumsticks and there is at least one ring on each of his fingers.