Title: When A Life Ends, Unfairly.
Genre: FRINGE
Pairing: Peter and Oliva
Rating: T… Slightly depressing though.
Timeline: Olivia is dead (set during any of the many possible universe timelines).
Spoilers: None, it's more of a general feel.
Summery: Peters reflection on Olivia's death. Peter P.O.V – not first person.
Disclaimer: No, not mine… but I like playing. So JJ and Co, forgive me the infringement.
A/N: WJOBSESSED planted the seed for this one quite some time ago, but my muse just did not nurture it until… okay not going there… She's still too upset. Peter in a dark place is better than…
Written: September 2011 edited October 2011
Word Count: 1 849
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They say that love will put a bounce in your step, a glide in your stride, and that no matter what you face, the day is easier, life is easier to face when there is someone who loves you.
This he could vouch for… Because, since the day she had walked into his life, having subsequently turned it upside down, his life had suddenly started to mean something to him. His days were no longer there only to be gotten through, or to survive whatever situation he'd carelessly, once again, managed to get himself into.
When exactly he had fallen in love with her, he could never pinpoint. It was just one of those things that one day sneaks up behind you and then wakes you behind the head, hard. It's the day you realize that life without a particular person in it, just didn't make any sense. For him it had been the first time he stood over her prone body… the first time she returned from the other side. He'd been consumed by the crippling thought that he'd not even had a decent chance, that he would never have the answers to his what ifs, would never know what it would have been like to be loved by her…
He has never been able to determine if it was because she had managed to pull one over him or if it was her passion and commitment to save someone she loves, that had drawn him in. All he knows for certain is that half way through their first week together he had found himself inexplicably drawn to her, and that the other half of that same week he'd spent trying to talk himself out of it… They were polar opposites, they could never mesh, she had forced his father onto him… having along with that tossed out every conception he had ever had of the man who had raised him, for the earlier part of his life at least.
Olivia had shown him what one would willing put themselves through, for those they love. What sacrifices could be made in the name of love. And that unlike some corny Hollywood scrip, that there were people who would literally sell their souls and trust the devil to help those they love… at that stage trusting Walter had been akin to trusting the devil, well in his eyes at least. But even he would be willing to broker a deal with just about any and every divine entity known to man, if only it could bring her back.
He has on a few occasions in the past, stood next to her prone body.
The first time was when he'd realized what he stood to loose, if he ever lost her. He still remembers the sense of despondency and disbelief that overcame him, his unwillingness to accept the extent of her condition or to accept the doctor's diagnoses… Even Walter had been unwilling to heed to the man's words. But mostly, it was how his heart had dropped to his feet when Rachel had told him that Olivia had liked him. That had made it even harder to accept.
At that stage it had been difficult enough for him to fathom that he would never again meet her green eyes, that he would never again have to listen to her demands or have to share in Walter's crazy theories. What he had felt back then, had been negligible when compared to what he was feeling now… having shared with her what they had.
But back then, after she had woken, he had promised himself that he would somehow, if given the chance take it and not have to wonder about the what ifs.
That said, Olivia could often plough headlong into something with the single-minded determinedness of a maddened elephant, just more graceful, leaving everyone to follow in her wake, and although at times had felt like he could talk some sense into her, he knew there was just no way of stopping her once she'd set her mind on something. Her passion and commitment to her job as well as the protection of others had always been the forerunner, and finding the opportunity to approach her always seemed less important. There had been times when he'd wished he could just stop the world, forcing her to get off it for a while and to actually LOOK at him… and when considering the things he'd since seen and experienced, he was certain that had he been faced with the question, Walter would have had some probable theory on how it could be achieved.
Yes, he had felt betrayed when they had withheld his origin from him, angered by what Walter had done. It had hurt to think that after everything Walter had done to her that she would side with him on something. But he has since then come to realize what one would be willing to do in order to keep the ones you love close. He knew that it had not been easy for her to do. He also knew that he would have done the same if their roles were reversed, because it had been due to Walter's love for his son that had given them the opportunity to be together.
It was on his return to the other side that he'd realized, the hard way, that even in a world that contained a copy of her, he could not be happy unless he was with her. He'd felt empty, alone, like he did not belong. He'd thought it would be different, that he could walk away from her, from Walter, and the injustice of a reality that had not been his in the first place.
When she had arrived at his doorstep, he had been more that ready to follow her back to her side. Because at that moment, the moment their lips connected for the first time, he knew what it felt like to be complete that with her was where he belonged.
He'd always fought the memories of the months that followed after that, not wanting to remember the roller coaster of emotions he'd suffered in such a short period of time. It had possibly been the worst mistake he'd ever made in his life, one he'd regretted for months after that. But knowing that his heart had desired what it desired, and that it had at that stage only wanted Olivia, whenhadhenotwantedherforhimselfinthetimetheyweretogether? And back then there had not been anybody or anything that could have prevented what followed… He still felt like a lovesick fool for having fallen for her as fast as he had, but it had seemed so perfect… It had been everything he had wanted, and then some. At least until that dreadful moment when reality had come crashing down and left him to try and salvage a relationship he'd thought couldn't be salvaged… ever.
That had been the second time he'd found himself at her bedside… feeling utterly lost, and berating himself for not having noticed.
But Olivia had a heart the size of the world, and an ability to forgive that had astounded him. The emotional turmoil he'd suffered after her second return, he would suffer again any day, if it could bring her back…
He still remembers the combination of anticipation and dread that filled him when she'd led him upstairs that night. The trancelike sense that had filled him as their clothes came off… and how unbelievably surreal and right it had felt when their bodies had truly connected for the first time. The indescribable sense of elation that had filled him, both then and every time after that they'd made love.
They had moved through the milestones of a relationship with almost seamless grace. It had been the only time in his life that things had just seemed to fall into place.
She had still taken the brunt of the risks, and it was on those evenings that he had clung onto her a little more desperately whilst they'd made love. When he'd needed to confirm that she was still alive… She'd known the reasons behind his behaviour, and had never called him on it, at times having done exactly the same when their situations had been reversed.
He had treasured the evenings she'd lain next to him with her head on his shoulder, basking in the afterglow and the others presence after having indulged in a lengthy lovemaking session. Where no cases had interrupted them and they were just Peter and Olivia, friends, lovers and if one was a romantic… soul mates.
Those were the evenings that validated what they had been fighting for, what they'd been trying to save… if not only for themselves, for those who knew what it was to love as deeply and to be loved in return… those who knew what they would be willing to sacrifice in order to protect that love.
As he looked at her, he knew that all he had left now was the memories of their love… the late Sunday mornings and almost sleepless nights spent in passion, because that often was what they had needed in order to cope with some of the monstrosities they had faced. He remembers the times she'd slowed down, if only slightly, to indulge them in their relationship, and how that had somehow maintained an elusive balance between the worlds.
Thatwasuntilnow, he though finally as he gazed upon her lifeless body… knowing that this time she wouldn't be coming back to him. That there were only so many ways in which one could cheat death, and Olivia had had her far share of them… having tried just one time too many.
They were maintaining her body in some state of suspended animation, whist trying to extract whatever information they could from her brain. Nina had allowed him access to her, in some attempt to help soothe the gut wrenching pain he'd endured by her death. But every time he left the room… another piece of his soul died, as it continued to cry for her.
There was nothing that could change that, he'd lost all interest in life… looking again at her face, seemingly peaceful as if she was merely sleeping.
Nina touched his shoulder, hoping to draw his attention. He knew that he should leave, but couldn't bring himself to. He turned to look at her, noticing the disk she held out for him to take.
'These are Agent Dunham's memories of you.' Nina said as Peter took the disk from her, 'no one has seen them, it's only fitting that you should have them.'
Peter simply looked at the disk, incapable of believing that it could contain the memories of the most important person in his life. Taking a deep breath in order to cope with what was to happen now… with her memories extracted, Olivia would be disconnected from the equipment. She would die a second time for him.
He once again looked at her, WhyOlivia?Why?Weweresupposedtospendtherestofourlivestogether,togrowoldtogether.Youwerenotsupposedtoleavemeherealone…
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