A/N: I do not own either the song which is performed by Carrie Underwood and is on her 2007 album, carnival ride. Also the characters used belong to Eric Kripke. Remember man law #7: You Poke it, You own it.
It was two weeks after the day she turned 18
all dressed in white, going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat,
six pence in her shoe
something borrowed something blue
and when the church doors opened up wide she put her veil down trying to hide the tears oh
she just couldn't believe it
she heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands
Jess was only seventeen when he left, she remembered him leaving, she remembered begging him to come back to her and to make her his wife. She stood at the door of the church in her dress, it should have been white, today should have been a happy day, not sad. Her wedding day was here, but it wasn't a wedding that was taking place. She was barely eighteen, two weeks ago had been her birthday and now she was saying goodbye. Sat beside her in the passenger seat of her car was the box that had all the letters that he'd sent to her, she even had his letters that she'd sent to him after his personal effects had been returned to her. She hadn't fully come to understand what was happening, she was sad, but she hoped it was a bad dream. It had to be, she was going to be a bride. She pulled her net veil over her face and walked through the church doors, tears pouring down her gentle face.
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I cant even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Jess sat at the side of the coffin, the black wood covered in the flag as her tears finally stopped falling for now. She couldn't imagine life without her Sam. Why wasn't he here? Why did he leave? She wondered now what her forever would have looked like, would they have had a boy and named him Simon? Would he have been brave to a fault like his father, would Sam have suited grey hair? Her forever played out in front of her eyes until she lived every moment, it felt real and the funeral was wrong and didn't exist. The funeral was just a dream it had to be, there was no way this could be happening to her, she was too young. Far too young to have loved and lost, she was too young to know this pain.
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt
then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
then they handed her a folded up flag and
she held on to all she had left of him oh and what could've been
and then guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart
The words of the preacher washed over her and it felt wrong, she wanted to stand up and yell that Sam was still alive and the body in the box wasn't her Sammy. She didn't because deep down underneath all her walls she knew it really was Sam, she wasn't ready to face life without him just yet. Nothing really settled in her heart until she heard the song that had been picked out for him and she cried softly. It wasn't exactly traditional, but very little about Jess and Sam was. They were so young, but yet they were so in love. Everyone sang as they played the song, it was such a sad song, she never remembered ever feeling so much sadness when she heard the congregation sing 'Fields Of Gold'. She figured they'd have played Amazing grace, but this seemed to fit much better, no doubt Sam would be in Heaven now. She was barely there as the remaining members of her fiancée's corps folded the flag that had been carefully laid over his coffin. She clung onto the flag after she received it as if it was her only link with her love and what could, what should have been. Then the guns let off their last shot and each single bullet felt as if it had pierced her heart and for the first time since receiving the news she wanted it to be over, she wanted to join him. She wouldn't though, it wasn't what she believed in, but she understood why people would react in such a way when the love of their life was no longer here.
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Everyone had left to go to the local roadhouse where there was a wonderful wake being laid out, but Jess remained by the coffin clutching the flag. She couldn't imagine life without her Sam. Why wasn't he here? Why did he leave? She wondered now what her forever would have looked like, would they have had a boy and named him Simon? Would he have been brave to a fault like his father, would Sam have suited grey hair? Her forever played out in front of her eyes until she lived every moment, it felt real and the funeral was wrong and didn't exist. The funeral was just a dream it had to be, there was no way this could be happening to her, she was too young. Far too young to have loved and lost, she was too young to know this pain.
Dean was standing beside a tree, trying to hide from the congreagation, he hated funerals. He'd seen too many of his family committed to the ground. When he was four, his mother was buried, then his father when he was eighteen and now his little brother. He didn't want everyone elses pity, in fact he wanted to know what happened to his brother so he could help Jess, by avenging her fiancées death. As he walked up to the coffin he heard her talking to the coffin and the body which laid inside it.
"Oh Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go, I was counting on forever, now I'll never know." Jess sounded heartbroken as she spoke to her Sam. Dean felt his own heartbreak as he heard the pain in the young girls voice, she should have been partying with her friends, not stood here with the weight of the world on her shoulders.
"Jess?" Dean approached her, his dad's leather jacket wrapped around himself for warmth and perhaps comfort. Perhaps the saddest thing for Jess when she saw Dean was knowing that Sam had a look of him, with his hair cut short he did look more like his brother than the two boys would ever have admitted.
"I can't believe he's gone. Do you think he suffered when he died?" Jess asked softly, the truth finally hitting her. The question sounded wrong on her young lips, she should have been asking for fake ID so she could go out for a drink, not asking if Sam suffered when he died. Dean could only imagine how much she'd had to grow up in the weeks since she knew of his death.
"I've heard that they were ambushed and as soon as Sam went down he was gone. He wouldn't have suffered as he died and if he was able to have one last thought before he died, it would have been of you." Dean reassured her, it was what she'd wanted to know, but knowing it madeit hard to deal with. Knowing that his death was almost instantaneous made her acknowledge that he wasn't ever going to come home to her again. In that moment Dean had his arms full of a distraught young woman who had loved his brother to the point where everyone knew they were menat for each other. He just held her until she'd cried all her tears.
"I just miss him so much Dean." She sobbed despite her tears having rum out a moment ago.
"I know Jess, he was loved by everyone, most of all by you. We all miss him, but we'll see him again one day, he'll probably have grown his hair again and be driving the poor angels mad up there." He had to try to lighten the moment and it worked a little, but they both knew that if Sam was in heaven then everything Dean had said would be true. Sam liked to play pranks, and he hated being bored, something told Dean that he would have to be careful these days. As he pondered this idea of Sam being a prankster that honestly would put the Marauder's to shame, he couldn't help but let a tear that he had been holding in break through the barriers he'd put up and slide down his cheek.