This was a project I started LONG ago. It was inspired by Rucka Rucka Ali's High Day and my curiosity of Perry getting stoned. Enjoy.
It was 9 in the morning and a beautiful, clear day. Phineas and Ferb sat underneath their usual tree, in the shade, thinking about what they should do before the summer ends.
"Well, Ferb, another day of summer, another day closer to school."
Ferb nodded in agreement.
Meanwhile, Candace was staring at the two under the tree, citing her delusion of busting the boys from performing another creative stunt.
"I will catch you two," she said staring at the two before pacing around her room. "When I find out what you're planning I'll catch you, and BAM! I'll prove I'm not crazy." She started to disprove her opinion by giggling like the determined, or demented, teenager she is.
"Hey. Where's Perry?" Phineas asked.
In the living room, Perry was asleep on the couch before his wrist communicator beeped. He switched it on to see his major on the screen.
"Agent P," the major said in his gruff voice. "Something strange has happened with Dr. Doofenshmirtz. We haven't heard from him in a while. Last time we've heard of him, he was buying 30 pots for plants. It's not necessarily evil but it may have a connection to his disappearance. Report to me immediately when you find out something. Monogram out."
Perry sprung into action, taking his fedora out of nowhere and wearing it before going down a secret compartment in the fireplace before appearing out from the chimney in his hover car, past the two brainstorming boys.
"Well, I got nothing." Phineas said which got a nod from Ferb as a response.
After a few second silence, Phineas suddenly asked his step-brother, "Wanna make out?"
Ferb shrugged nonchalantly before Phineas lunged at him in a passionate kiss, pinning the green-headed boy on the ground.
After 10 seconds of the tongue wrestle between the two lip-locking boys, Phineas pulled away and he and his brother sat upright against the tree as skipping footsteps were heard from the driveway.
The gate to the backyard opened and their friend, Isabella, appeared from behind. "Hey, Phineas," she said in her cheery voice. "What'cha doin'?"
Phineas, looking bored with Ferb, replied with, "We're still brainstorming. We'll call you if we got something, kay?"
Isabella nodded before skipping towards the gate to the driveway, "See you around then,"
When the sound of skipping was out of earshot, Phineas proceeded to spontaneously continue his make out session with his British step-brother.
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated.
As Perry rode his hover craft, he saw his palm tree headed doctor's daughter, Vanessa, in the front entrance.
Vanessa stood outside the apartment, waiting for her father to go take her wherever he wanted her to go. Her impatience was shown through feet tapping and checking her watch constantly.
Perry landed beside her, stepped out of the car, and then the two exchanged a one-sided vocal greeting with a two-sided smile.
"What has he done now?" Vanessa rolled her eyes as she asked the small teal colored mammal. "He told me he was going to take me somewhere and told me I should wait outside. I've been waiting out here for 20 minutes and my dad hasn't shown up yet."
Perry was surprised. He was told that the doctor hadn't been heard of in a while.
He was about to enter the building before Vanessa stopped him.
"Can I come, too? I kinda want payback for him leaving me out to wait for a long time."
But alas, Perry shook his head. The doctor hadn't been heard of from the agency and was heard from by his daughter. Something wasn't right and he needed to know alone.
Even though Vanessa couldn't read the platypus' mind, she knew that something wasn't right with what he's facing with and that it may be best if he faced it alone.
"Fine," she said, "but if you're not back in half-an-hour, I'm coming in."
Perry smiled a suave smile before nodding and entering the building.
A black-and-white freeze frame of Vanessa standing outside the apartment door after Perry went inside was shown with a red caption underneath that said, "Make a bitch wait outside day"
As Perry entered the elevator, he stood against the opposite wall of the vacant pulley that took him up to Heinz's room, lost in thought.
As he thought of every bit of information his major and Vanessa he had received from, he wondered about the pots for plants. Didn't the doctor have enough? Wasn't he unable to grow a plant? So why? Why 30 pots for plants?
Ding. The sound of the elevator stopping on his nemesis' floor broke Perry out of his minor meditation and with a determined look on his face, he ran out of the elevator to the doctor's apartment room door.
As he got closer to the door, he noticed a vile stench that made his face green and his stomach swim. Slowing his run to a walk, he eased himself to the door, holding his breath a bit before opening the door to be greeted with smoke. He slammed the door shut in alarm.
Fire!? Perry thought as he released his breath, Did Doofenshmirtz FINALLY created a machine that bursts itself into flames!?
Holding his breath again, he opened the door and closed it quickly, crouching down on all fours to avoid the smoke. He looked around to notice something very peculiar:
There was no fire.
Perry crawled towards a window and opened it, freeing the smoke that was contained in the apartment.
After the room aired out. Perry stood up again. The smell didn't fully subsided, but it disappeared a bit. He let out his signature chatter to call out the doctor. The response, however, got the fedora wearing animal agent to quirk his brow:
It was a high pitched giggle that sounded like it was trying not to laugh, coming from the palm tree headed doctor's bedroom.
Perry gingerly crept up to the bedroom and opened it swiftly so the door couldn't creek.
Just like the main room, the bedroom had the intoxicating toxic smoke flying right out, spreading throughout the room before disappearing into thin air.
As the smoke began to disperse, he entered it with caution, in case there were traps planted. Even Perry didn't know why he didn't think of investigating the rest of the apartment for traps. Then again, Perry was always trapped in the doctor's presence. Maybe the lack or the belief of the lack of his nemesis messed it up, who knows?
Perry chattered again, and again he got giggles as a response. This time the giggles were emitting from the closet.
Perry went towards the closet, curious and afraid of what lied behind. When he opened the door he found out that he had every right to be afraid.
The doctor sat on the floor of the closet, hugging his knees to his face, his hair looked messier that it already was, he was wearing his trademark outfit without the white lab coat, and his eyes... They were red.
Heinz made a small scream before rolling on the floor, laughing. The platypus obviously startled the doctor and Perry jumped back at the random scream.
Perry was now confused and frightened. His nemesis' eyes were red and he was giggling. Does Doofenshmirtz need medical attention? Poor doc looked like he was going to bust a lung laughing.
The laughing was dying down. It was still there, but enough left for him to speak.
"Perry the platypus?" He asked. "Oh shit, I thought you were someone else."
Perry gave the doctor a look that demanded an explanation.
Heinz sat up, the laughter finally dead.
"I'm sorry, Perry the platypus," He said apologetically. He turned to look at Perry and yet the platypus looked at the floor on his right, unable to look back. Those eyes... Were they natural? "I suppose you want an explanation as to why I was in the closet."
And more, Perry thought.
"You see it started out with my daughter Vanessa,"
Perry's eyes widened. She's part of this?
"A few weeks ago I had a feeling that something was up with her. Like she was hiding something from me."
Perry rolled his eyes. That's called being a teenager.
"That same feeling told me to look through her backpack and I found some marijuana. So, being a dad, I was about to call the cops on her ass, but I didn't as I had a random flashback of everyone in high school. I'd see them going behind alleyways and smoking weed. I never went near it because the kids, they wouldn't let me. So I spied on them from time to time to see where they got it from and I learned a few new words. As years went by I learned more and more about it, street and book wise. So, as a father, I had a responsibility to throw her in prison so the police could punish her so I don't have to.
Curious as to see what this drug does, I took her bong from her bag and tried it. As you can tell, this is what happened."
Perry then gave the doc a stern look.
The doc sighed in response. "Look, Perry the platypus I'm too stoned to do evil."
Perry then walked away. This was almost a waste of his time.
Before he left the room, however.
"Wait, Perry the platypus!" The doctor exclaimed, stopping Perry in his tracks. "Before you leave, can you have one hit with me?" Doofenshmirtz held up a sunset orange bong to Perry, who gave him a look that said, "Are you serious?"
"Oh come on! It's not like you have anything better to do today. All I'm asking for is that you take one hit; it's not going to hurt you."
Perry gave him an "I don't know," look.
"I'm giving you a day off. I know you agents pretend to be mindless animals when you get home. That and it's just a hit. It's like trying something new: You'll never know until you try it." The pot obviously messed up his ability to think and lowered his vocabulary.
Perry gave him an "If-I-try-it-will-you-shut-up," look as a response.
"Oh absolutely," Doofenshmirtz replied.
Perry rolled his eyes again before putting his lips around the bong.
Doofenshmirtz had a giggly look on him. His nemesis was actually going to take a hit. This is kind of a victory for him "Put your finger in that hole down here," Perry did as he was told.
Doofenshmirtz then took out a sky blue lighter from his pants pocket. "Ready?" He asked Perry.
Perry gave him an impatient nod before the lighter lit the weed in the bowl and Perry inhaled.
Perry just took his first hit...
Two Bowls Later.
Perry and Dr. Doofenshmirtz were sitting across from each other, mirroring the same laid-back pose, both of them donning stoner eyes. Strangely enough, the doctor was wearing his pharmaceutical lab coat, completing his outfit.
This scene turns into another black-and-white freeze frame with the caption, "We we we getting high, kids"
The two were giggling like crazy as the smoke that lingered in the bedroom air consumed them both, mentally.
"You know, Perry the platypus," Doofenshmirtz said before lighting the drug and inhaling it through his daughter's bong. He then exhaled and coughed a small cough, "I looked up this kind of weed on the Internet. Like I said, I know this stuff because I followed those kids. This is called 'purple keef' and, again, according to the Internet, this ain't cheep."
There was another freeze frame moment and a caption that says, "Everybody's smokin' on purple keef, no cheep shit." was underneath.
"We could sell the shit for money," Doofenshmirtz said.
The two were giggling a bit at the idea.
"Oh my god, I just thought of two things, one: Oh shit, when did this got on me?" As Doofenshmirtz tugged on his lab coat, to show what he meant by "this." Perry laughed, mentally calling his frenemy an idiot. "And two: I've just invented a new song."
Perry looked interested as Doofenshmirtz lit up the bong for Perry having him inhale, exhale, and cough before the doc stood up and got his giggly ass all the way to the living room.
Perry felt different: He felt alive and like he was on top of the world, giggling his cute little tail off (If Perry could laugh or giggle, it'd sound like the chatter he makes).
Heinz came back from the living room with a radio that was as purple as the entire building. He gave Perry a camera from his dresser, the two of them giggling.
"Okay, Perry the platypus. When I say 'go,' you push the record button on my cam-inator." The two laughed at that, falling on the floor in uncontrollable laughter.
When they were done laughing, Doofenshmirtz stood up and went into an open part of his room.
Perry pointed the camera at Heinz, giggling a bit, which caused Heinz to laugh, which caused an almost endless chain of laughter. "Please stop laughing, Perry the platypus."
Perry obeyed a bit, pointing the camera to the palm tree headed doctor.
"Go," Perry instantly pushed the record button on the camera.
Doofenshmirtz turned on the radio and put in a blank CD, letting it play before he started to dance and sing in a funny, embarrassing way.
"YO! I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.
So tell me what you want what you really really want.
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.
So tell me what you want, what you really really want.
I wanna.
I wanna.
I wanna.
I wanna.
I wanna.
Really really really wanna smoke some weed, ah!
If you wanna be my smoker! You gotta smoke all my weed."
If it wasn't obvious enough, Perry was laughing his butt off while Heinz sang and danced like a moron.
"Makin' it last forever. This shit never ends!
If you wanna be my smoker! You have got to toke. Coughin' is too easy, but that's the way it is!
So what'cha think about that? Now you know how I feel.
Saying you can handle my weed. Are you fo'shizzle?
Now don't be hasty. I'll give you a try.
If you start to green out, then I'll say goodbye...
After
Perry and Doof ended up sitting in the same position they had just minutes ago, now bored and high with the radio playing random songs and the camera still recording because Doofenshmirtz wants to "remember the day where frenemies smoke pot and do stupid shit."
Heinz chanted to Perry, who was taking a hit of Vanessa's weed,
"Toke, toke, toke, toke, take it to the head. Take it to the head!" He chanted repeatedly to the platypus.
It proved to be too much for Perry, because he ended up pulling back and throwing up bile and smoke on the ground beside him.
Doofenshmirtz jumped back as he saw his nemesis green out in front of him and the camera.
"Oh shit, Perry the platypus. Are you okay?"
Perry nodded before running to the bathroom in a really feminine way.
The both of them were laughing while the platypus agent was running to the bathroom with his arms moving from the side to his chest in a flamboyant fashion.
When Perry got to the bathroom he stood on the sink, and looked at himself in the mirror. The laughing completely disappeared as he stared into his reflection with his mind blank of all thoughts.
After a few minutes of his personal meditation, Perry was woken up by the doctor's voice from the kitchen.
"Hey, Perry the platypus! You okay in there?"
Perry jumped off of the sink and went to the kitchen, sitting on the kitchen table to see Doofenshmirtz digging through one of his cupboards.
"You want anything, Perry the platypus?" Doofenshmirtz asked.
Perry nodded before Doofenshmirtz passed him a big bag of Doritos.
Doofenshmirtz sat on a chair at the opposite end of the table with another giant bag of Doritos to which he opened, and started consuming the contents with the camera pointed to Perry.
Perry looked at the family sized bag of Doritos in confusion, quirking a brow towards the bag, and then the doctor.
"Perry the platypus, why aren't you- Oh shit!" Doofenshmirtz started laughing, "I forgot you're a platypus!"
Perry rolled his eyes and laughed before he was greeted with a cheesy triangle, centimeters away from his face. He looked at the nacho chip with shock before realizing what it was.
"Try it." Doofenshmirtz said with a goofy smile to the platypus on the table.
Perry shrugged. What has he got to lose? He then took a small bite of the chip from Doofenshmirtz's hand.
The cheesy taste was amazing to the platypus as he began to take more bites until there was none left before licking the cheese off his nemesis' fingers. He grabbed onto Heinz's fingers, wrapping himself around his hand before licking and sucking each finger in desperation for more cheese.
Doofenshmirtz giggled and blushed in response of his fingers getting licked and sucked in desperation, the feeling tickling his fingers that struck every nerve.
"Woah, Perry the platypus, you must be hungry."
Perry nodded in response at mach 1 speed.
"Don't forget there's a bag for you over there," Doofenshmirtz pointed to the bag at the other end of the table to which Perry shredded and consumed in record speed. He stared at his aquatic mammal nemesis in amazement after he devoured the bag. "Holy shit, Perry the platypus."
Then Perry started dancing on the table performing many different amazing moves before the doctor's eyes. His voice of reason finally destroyed by the crazy herb as he danced in many styles from break-dancing and normal moves to, oddly enough, teasing and slutty moves.
The both of them did not know what was going on, nor did they complain.
Before Perry knew it, Heinz was dancing as well; they both did some crazy dance moves to the music that was still playing in the other room.
Laughing and dancing, the two's drug induced fun did not stop there. They skipped around the living room, and videotaped each other doing stupid things.
Meanwhile...
Phineas and Ferb had evolved from their kissing into something else, staying in the backyard, and doing the Cancer Symbol. As their mouths suck the other's member hungrily and with vigor, touching every sensitive nerve on their fleshy spires as a mix of drool and precome coats every inch, the two were having a race to see who'd come first, a sport they greatly enjoy. Isabella hadn't visited them since after they were making out, giving the boys the mental freedom of sucking each other off. Candace, Linda, and Lawrence hadn't discovered the two's passion at all, making one wonder how they're getting away with it.
As the two suck more and more and their moans greatly increasing the other's pleasure, a chubby middle aged foreign man walked by behind their house, hearing the moans of the two from beyond their fence. Curious as to what those moans were, the man walked towards Phineas and Ferb's house, peering over the fence, and discovering the boys' illicit acts. The man was surprised, both boys had their eyes closed, clearly lost in the pleasure of each other, and wearing nothing but their socks as their bodies created the Cancer Symbol, pleasing each other.
The chubby foreign man's face slowly turned into a large grin, as his right arm dives into one of his hip pockets of his elegantly dressed outfit that made him look like a man from France that lived under the rule of Napoleon. He pulled his right arm out, holding a small, digital camera in his hand. He aimed the camera at the boys and applied pressure onto the button on the top, capturing the erotic image in front of him. He managed to sneak away like a professional thief with none the wiser.
On the other side of town, where a building that is identical to Ferb's head is located, Doofenshmirtz and Perry were in the middle of making out. After Doofenshmirtz told the platypus how he felt about him after many rants, Perry kissed his palm tree headed nemesis. The beak and the human's mouth locked perfectly together like they were meant to be. The two were really into it, burning calories at their tongue fought for dominance in the arena of their mouths.
Perry knows he shouldn't be doing this, kissing his own nemesis, but the feeling was so good and he did fancy the fake doctor for his humor, even if he didn't show it. He was happy today happened. Doofenshmirtz carried Perry to a table in a scene that looked like he was savagely eating a stuffed animal. Pinning him down, they continued. Their pre lovemaking, under the influence of an odd drug that can make even the most boring of days fun, was starting to go somewhere as Doofenshmirtz took off his clothes to free his tumescent erection. Perry spread his legs, looking at the tool that was large in his perspective with wide eyes. Doofenshmirtz smiled as he inserts one of his large, skinny fingers in his mouth, sucking on it.
Perry shivered involuntarily at the teasing action, feeling his own member grow between his legs. Doofenshmirtz then pulled out his index finger that was covered in many layers of saliva.
"Are you ready, Perry the Platypus?" Doofenshmirtz asked as he positioned his finger at the entrance under his beaver tail. Perry nodded before Doofenshmirtz rims his ass with his lubed finger slowly.
Perry starts to giggle at the action. It felt good and it tickled him slightly, forcing him to reflexively relax his body and tailhole.
It takes only a few seconds, but Doofenshmirtz finally pushed the finger inside him. Perry shivered again, feeling his tail hole being forced open ever so slightly. It didn't hurt and felt really good to the platypus. He moaned in pleasure, trying to force Doofenshmirtz's finger inside more. Finally hilted, Doofenshmirtz wriggled his finger inside, searching for the desired target. Perry moaned as he felt Doofenshmirtz wriggle his finger inside, silently panicking at the odd feeling before he felt something being pressed inside. He squeezed his eyes closed and moaned, feeling Doofenshmirtz poke his prostate.
Doofenshmirtz continued, poking at the gland ever so slow and lightly. The sight of the Platypus being pleased as his fingers seem to poke his erection out more and more aroused him clearly as pre come formed on his dick, staring at his nemesis' face as pure ecstasy is splashed on his face. When Doofenshmirtz saw a bead of pre come forming on the tip, he decides to add another finger, and with that finger fully inside, he spreads the two apart, opening up Perry more.
The fingering continued until the pool of pre come on Perry overflowed and cascaded down his dick until it reached the base of his member, merging the animal's pubic fur together and Doofenshmirtz's pre come made a pool on the floor, his dick still dripping in silent plops. Doofenshmirtz removed his fingers from the hole and placed the head of his shivering, red hot organ at Perry's anal cavity, touching his sphincter.
This scene also turns black and white with a caption underneath that says, "Bitches tryna fuck me!"
"Are you ready?" Perry nodded at Doofenshmirtz's words before Doofenshmirtz entered him.
Perry moaned in pleasure, his hole loosened from the fingering so it wouldn't hurt. He knew to relax his hole so it wouldn't hurt as Doofenshmirtz pushed himself in more and more, his lanky body shivering as Perry's tight hole caressed his length. He pushed himself in until the two had the base inside Perry. His balls touched Perry's tail and Perry's balls touched his pubic area, resting on Doofenshmirtz's pubic hair. Doofenshmirtz pulls back slowly, afraid of hurting the semi aquatic egg laying mammal of action.
"Are you okay?" This was a day Doofenshmirtz didn't want to hurt his nemesis. Said nemesis nodded at the questions, giving the palm tree headed doctor the cue to push himself back in. Perry's legs twitched as he felt his anal nerves being brushed slowly. The platypus started to get impatient, pushing himself into Doofenshmirtz's member more. That gave the doctor the okay to thrust faster, pushing his large member into the platypus more and more. The two moaned in unsynchronized beats, feeling the pleasure of a member squeezed or a gland poked numerous times.
Doofenshmirtz's eyes drank the sight of the sexy suave agent, getting him drunk with lust, as his hands caressed the body underneath. The $15 doctor noticed the platypus' twitching leaking member that begged for attention with every pulse. Doofenshmirtz then wrapped his right hand around the penis, swallowing it up. Perry moaned as his dick that was lubed by his pre come was being pulled and stroked, he closed his eyes and held his head back, feeling an overload of pleasure in every nerve all over his body.
Perry chattered as he felt a pleasurable, burning sensation in his loins as he was stroked and fucked harder and faster by Doofenshmirtz, who grunted and moaned.
The two were about to come.
Perry arched his back, his eyes reflexively found a clock that read 10:00. His eyes were wide open.
Shit! He thought before the door to the apartment's hallway opened, revealing Vanessa.
"Dad, what the hell are you-" Everyone froze, wearing the exact same look of shock on their faces. Doofenshmirtz and Perry were caught doing illicit acts that no one should see and Vanessa saw that her lanky father was six inches deep inside an animal. It was scary for the three of them. Vanessa broke the silence when she noticed that her bag was opened on the floor beside them. "What the fuck!?" She ran to her bag, taking it away from the area where the two were and she looked inside, noticing that her weed, her bong, and her lighter were gone. Even though it pained her, she still looked at them, noticing their eyes were bloodshot. She couldn't believe what she was witnessing. "You smoked my weed with Perry the platypus and now the two of you are fucking!?" She was angry and disturbed.
Doofenshmirtz and Perry should've pulled away as she took out her cell phone, taking a picture of the two in that very lewd position.
"I'm going to the cops with this!" She announced before walking away in a quick pace, determined to get away from the scene. That's when Doofenshmirtz pulled out, making the platypus feel empty from the sudden action. Doofenshmirtz put on a bathrobe, telling her to wait as he chased her down the hallway, trying to convince her not to tell the police.
I'm too stoned to choke a bitch.
Perry panted, feeling drained as he watched his nemesis, unsure of what to call him after all of that, running into the hallway with a bathrobe. Even Perry knew that that would look wrong on so many levels, giggling to himself like Scooby-Doo. He took a jetpack from Doofenshmirtz's lab, activating it and flying back to his own home. He flinched on multiple occasions, thinking that a ninja was chasing him around the city.
Ninjas tryna jump me.
Back to the boys…
They were so close. It was odd that there still was no witness as the two sucked faster on each other, knowing how close the other was as they tried to quiet their panting and moaning. Phineas' muscles tensed up as he came first, squealing around his step-brother's shaft as he filled his mouth with his semen.
"Mmmmm…" Ferb greatly enjoyed the victory as he swallowed all that his step-brother was shooting before he finished, himself, moaning softly as he filled up Phineas' mouth. The two pulled back when they finished their orgasms, panting on the ground and recovering for a second before they put on their clothes again. That's when the two noticed their pet as he chattered to gain their attention.
"Oh, there you are, Perry." Phineas said to the creature before looking closer, noticing something different about him. Perry silently begged for them not to stare at him, for he was about to break in a laughing fit. The three then heard the mother.
"Who wants snacks?" She called from the kitchen.
"Oh, I do!" As Phineas and Ferb walked into the house, Ferb said something.
"Did you know that in Greece, homosexuality was very welcoming?" Phineas thought it was interesting. Everything Ferb said was interesting to the boy. They didn't notice that they left their pet outside, who was waiting for them to leave.
As the door closed, Perry laughed. Hard. He collapsed on the ground, clutching his hips as his impulse to laugh released itself. Minus the Vanessa part, he really did enjoy today.
THERE WILL BE A SEQUAL!