I woke up early this morning, as the sun came streaming through the floor to ceiling windows in Ranger's seventh floor apartment. Well, I guess you could say I didn't wake up early as technically I didn't even go to sleep. I had spent the majority of the night tossing and turning as I replayed Lula's conversation, and subsequent plan, over and over in my mind.
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Yesterday:
"What do you mean he don't care for you? What's not to like about you, you skinny ass white girl? Christ, if I were a man, I'd do you. "
"Thanks Lula, way to inspire my self esteem" my voice dripping with what I hoped was sarcasm.
" I was just saying, jeeze, when did you get so sensitive?" she said eyeing me closely. "Com'on, what's up? You're gunna have to spill it eventually before you implode."
I sighed, looked up and spent the next thirty-seconds weighing my options and blowing my bangs out of my face. She was right, I was frustrated, and I needed to burst. "It's just-he's so-I can't- UGH! WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING HARD??" I said jumping off the couch, which was a bad move, a blood rush followed by a "I have a headache."
"No duh girlfriend, you practically have smoke coming out of your ears. Wanna know what I think?"
Honestly, I didn't want to know, but there was no point in responding as she was just going to tell me anyways, regardless of what I think.
"If you're too chicken-shit to tell that hot piece of Cuban ass that you love him, find another way to do it, you could rent a plane with a banner behind it or--"
"Lula" I warned.
She continued. "Even yet, take him on a picnic. Make a cake with "I love you " written on it. Hey, what you looking at me like that for?" She leered at me.
"Lula" I said quietly, "I already told him that." I stared at my shoes and wished I had skipped this conversation for a shoe sale at Macy's.
" YOU WHAT?? Why didn't you say so? Then what's the problem, it should be happily ever after from here like me and Tankie."
"That's not the problem" Another sigh, I was full of them today. " He just smiled and kissed me on the forehead. He didn't say anything besides "See you tonight Babe." Then he left."
"Hmmm, well maybe he's go something planned tonight."
"He had to wait until tonight to at least give me some peace?" I was staring at my shoes and trying not to cry.
"Shit girl, I'm sorry. Don't cry" said Lula "That is a problem. You know what girlfriend, I gots us a plan High School style, come, lets get a bucket of chicken, I'm starving and I'll tell you all about it on the way there. My treat." She picked up her purse and headed for the door.
A bucket of chicken and her treat? I guess I could drag myself along and listen to this plan of hers. I'm game for free anything, well, minus the advice.
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I quietly snuck out of bed and made my way to the closet where I had my bag stashed. Why was I up this early? I didn't really have to heart to face Ranger after my emotional outburst yesterday. I don't think I had enough heart or courage left to handle rejection. Plus, I wanted to leave him alone in bed and wake up alone, to know how he made me feel when I woke up and he wasn't there for me. I wasn't even sure if he would notice or not as he didn't crawl into bed until midnight last night. He was so beautiful sleeping there, light stubble on his face, the sun bouncing off his beautiful chest. I had this sudden urge to rush over and kiss him, it made my heart squeeze painfully. I shook my head "Smarten up Steph" I muttered to myself. "You got a job to do". I rooted through my bag and found it at the bottom, Lula's idea, something high school sweethearts would do for one another. I made Ranger a CD. Gay, I know, but I sure as hell wasn't going to man up and continue the conversation. I stood up and turned around to make my way to the living room when the hairs on my arm began to stand up, that could only mean one thing. He was awake. And staring at me, I could feel it. I sheepishly turned around, feeling a blush climb up my neck and onto my cheeks.
"Babe" was all he said. Duh. Brilliant, like how was I going to respond to that. Can't he even give me something to work with? God he looked beautiful. I wanted to jump back in bed with him, but Smart Stephanie reminded me of my chore.
"Uhh-- Ranger" nice Steph. Real smooth. Like he isn't going to figure that something is up.
"Babe, what are you doing up?" He sat up, and the sheets moved lower. I gulped. He followed my stare.
Quick Steph, think fast!
"Umm, I had to pee..??"
"In your clothes?" Shit, he noticed I was dressed. Looks like I can't think fast enough for Ranger.
" Here" I said, holding out the CD. "This is for you" he raised his eyebrow " It's, uh, classified information. Only you are allowed to see it..which is why- I have to go..." I threw the CD at him and made my way to the bedroom door.
"Steph" Oh great, an almost full name. "Where are you going?"
" Macy's " That got another eye raise. "Big shoe sale, line ups are huge, I want to be in the front, once in a life time opportunity you know..." I turned again towards the door, it was so close. I was almost there.
"At 4 am?" He asked, his eyes boring in the back of my head.
"Yea" I said horsely, as tears filled my eyes and my throat began to close. I hated lying to Ranger. He may forgive, but he never forgets. I was crossing my fingers and hoping to heaven and anyone else that this would work. "I'll catch you later" And I ran out the door, and decided to take the stairs. I didn't want to wait for the elevator. I wanted out, fresh air, no cameras watching so I could hole myself up somewhere and cry. God I hoped this worked. I didn't have much of a heart left.
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"I guess I could try it"
"Damn right you can girl, better than nothin'. And best part is you don't have to say anything. Zip, nada, nothing. "
"Okay, I'll do it, but, what song am I going to pick? " Lula's crazy plan consisted of making the twenty-first century version of a "mix-tape" for Ranger, compiled with songs of how I felt about him or what I wanted with him. I know it was the lame way out. But I wasn't willing to try anything other options. After my breakup with Joe, I wasn't into emotional confrontations. It was bad enough I blurted out " I love you, you know." when Ranger left this morning. Smart Stephanie must have been on vacation. That bitch. Now look what happened. I felt like attacking myself with a fork.
"Weeeeellll, I don't know him quite the way you do" she said elbowing me, I guess she wanted details, but I wasn't really up for it. That bucket of chicken did nothing to make me feel better. Thank god Lula paid for it. "So, you're on your own on that one."
I sat there on the way back to the bonds office racking my brain for the perfect song, and it finally hit me as we pulled in the lot.
"I got it. The perfect one."
"One?" Lula looked puzzled.
"Yea, I only need the one." I was sure of it. It contained the final push I needed to give Ranger. I needed an answer.
"Right on girl, what is it? "
"Give me a minute, I'll load it on to a c.d. at my desk and then give it to you. I want to get it burned before I have a chance to change my mind. " Ah ha, so there was the Smart Stephanie. Or was that the Stupid one? Damn.
Ten minutes later and Connie and Lula rushed over both exclaiming, "Give it to me, is it done yet?" I sheepishly handed them the CD. Connie grabbed it and raced back to her desk and stuck it in her c.d. player. I covered by ears and lowered my head to my desk. Had I made the wrong choice?
And 6.35 seconds later from Connie's desk came the music...
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get
Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone
Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're losin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late
Tears threatened my eyes again, but when the last chord faded, I looked up. Lula and Connie were both looking at me, mouths open, and to my surprise, Lula wiped a tear away from her eye.
" Girly" she began " If he don't come running to you after that, he ain't the man I thought him to be."
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I made it to the garage without breaking down or leaving any of my hair in the stairwell. I hopped in the Mini, roared it to life, pressed the garage door opener and......I pressed the opener and....Nothing. Fuck, of course this shit only happens to me when I want to make the world's fastest getaway. I beat the steering wheel in frustration, and called Tank.
" 'Lo." Of course, standard Rangeman one word answers. Bastards.
"Tank, it's Stephanie. The garage door won't open." Hurry hurry, please, I said to myself.
" I know" he said, I heard voices in the background." We've been having some technological problems in the last couple of days. I'm sending someone down to override the codes."
"Who? Cal?" I really didn't want to talk to anyone, but if I had to choose, I was hoping it would be Cal. He wouldn't ask me anything.
"Someone" Tank said and hung up. Oh great, with my luck it will be Hector and something will be horribly wrong and I won't be able to understand anything that he says. Now I wished I had paid more attention in Spanish class. Once again, flighting back tears, I resigned myself and laid my head on the steering wheel, and closed my eyes.
Minutes later, I heard the elevator doors open followed by quick footsteps across the garage floor. Thank God, I needed out of here before I suffocated.
"Babe" I shot back in the seat and my eye flew open. Shit shit shit! I was soooo not ready for this. My insides went all jelly as I slowly turned my head towards the voice, the deep, powerful...get a grip Stephanie!... Voice.
His eyes were black pools, which drew me into a place where I felt as if I was looking at his soul. I shivered from the intensity of the emotions I saw. I swallowed in an attempt to find my voice.
" There is no problem with the garage door is there?" I asked meekly, tearing my gaze away back to the floor of my car. Of course not, like there would ever be a glitch at Rangeman. Foolish me.
"Well," he began, and cleared his throat." no, there isn't a problem with the door, but there is a problem." I nodded to my feet. Real smooth. I felt a finger on my chin, forcing my eyes towards his. When I turned, I stopped breathing, I don't remember him being this close!
" Why Stephanie?" I gulped. He looked so hurt and...afraid. Afraid? What?
"W-w-why, what?" I stuttered.
" That song, how did you know? I -" he swallowed again and changed course. "Why did you feel you needed to leave. Why didn't you feel like you could talk to me? Why didn't tell me that you felt like this? That you thought of me this way?" My eyes widened, his words were coming out so fast, rushed, as if he was afraid if he didn't get them out, they would never come out at all.
I tried to return my gaze to the floor, but his hand wouldn't let me. Shit. I guess it was time to man up.
"I was scared" I whispered. "I was scared that I scared you away. That I said to much, to fast. But when you didn't say anything, it hurt. It hurt so much. And I felt like, this was the only way I would be able to say what I needed to without-without-with-"
"-out having to say it at all" He finished for me. I nodded. This time he was the one who broke eye contact, and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry" he said, and looked back at me with a half smile, as he observed my jaw hitting the floor. " I was so happy when you told me you loved me, that I wanted to do something special for you to show you how much to mean to me " his hands formed fists as he continued on " but I got called away last minute and didn't arrive back until late, and you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake - " he straightened up, pulling himself up to his full 6 feet. "I should have woken you up. It's important to you, and me, and to us." Us? Was I hearing him correctly. He reached back into his pocket and pulled out a black box "Here, I got this for you. It's no CD, but..." his voice trailed off. I took the box and opened it, inside was a key, with a Batman symbol attached to it. I gasped.
"Is that....is that..." good grief, I couldn't even finish the sentence, my brain had fallen out the back of my head.
"Yes, it's a key to the Batcave" he said with a smile. "I love you Stephanie. I'm sorry I appeared so cold. I want to take you there and surprise you, but I see now there was no reason to wait. Now is as good a time as any. I love you. You are so beautiful and talented, and smart, only you could have snapped me to my sense with a song to show me ..... " He kept continuing on, in an attempt to justify himself, but I wasn't listening. The same things kept running throughout my mind. Oh my, oh my. I was so lightheaded. Ranger loved me? He wanted me? He needed me? He can say more then four words? I don't need to stab myself in the eye with a fork? He gave me a key to his house? There was a Batcave? I could go to the Batcave? HOLY SHIT. I COULD GO TO THE BATCAVE! And then, in true Plum style, I passed out.
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When I came to, I was still in the Mini, however I was now comfortably positioned on the passenger side. Turning my head to the right I saw a peaceful countryside and a long winding river. Where was I? Turning my head to my left, and taking my breath away was Ranger driving. He turned and smiled at me.
"Babe, you're awake."
"Where--did I?---what?" He just smiled his 200 watt grin at me.
"Yes to all." I smacked my forehead with my hand. Smooth.
He grabbed my hand in his, "Relax, we're almost there" and began to massage my palm with his thumb. We turned the corner, and I gasped, there it was. The Batcave. I would know it anywhere. It was the house of my dreams, terra cotta roof, whitewash walls, mosaic tiles, wrought iron everywhere. I was in awe. I felt like I had been "beamed up" as Mooner would say, and wound up in Spain.
"Like it?" Ranger asked as he opened my door.
"Yes, oh yes. It's beautiful, so beautiful".
"It reminded me of you." He said softly. That got my attention.
"WHAT?"
"It's beautiful, perfect, makes me feel safe and at home, and that everything I need is right in front of me." My knees felt weak. He leaned in closer to where I was sitting and brushed his lips gently across mine. "I love you Babe" he said as a whisper over my lips. I smiled and wrapped my hands around his neck, "I love you too." And brought myself closer to deepen the kiss. He lifted me out of the car and began to carry me towards the courtyard when a mental reminder popped into my head. Thank Lula someday. One thing she was actually right about. I snorted. Ranger looked down at me.
"What?"
I shook my head " The plan worked" I said with a smile.
Ranger looked puzzled. "The plan?"
I brought my lips to his as he put me down in the courtyard and whispered "Desperado, why don't you come to your senses..." and I kissed him. I could feel him smile as he pulled back.
" The Queen of Hearts is always your best bet" he said huskily as he rained kisses over my face and neck. I moaned but managed to continue on "You'd better let somebody love you, before it's to late." Ranger lifted me into his arms and kissed me with a fierce passion I knew would never dwindle. He groaned and carried me into the house. " I will never be to late again Stephanie, I promise. Someday begins today." As he laid me down on the couch, and by chance, we both looked out the two story windows in the great room and together we watched a rainbow span above us across the sky.
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Desperado, by The Eagles.