I have a lot of angsty Janto ideas in my head right now, and this is the first that came to mind. I know it's been done many times before, but please review and let me know if you like it! Also, I'm sorrry for not writing in a while, I've been so busy with school stuff and whatnot that I really haven't had any time. But anyway, ENJOY.
Ianto stared at Jack's office from across the room. The man had been back for two days now, and Ianto wasn't any less angry at him. He felt abandoned, hurt and betrayed, and he knew that Jack didn't understand that. He was off gallivanting with the Doctor for three months, not giving any thought to how his team was doing, to how Ianto was doing.
Jack sat in his office, bottle of whiskey half empty next to him. He hadn't expected his team to forgive him, but it still hurt to have them angry at him, especially after what the Master did. He shuddered as the memories flooded his mind- chained on the Valiant, held captive for a missing year, the pain minimal but for the horror of seeing his team, everyone he had ever cared about tortured and killed right before his eyes. Especially Ianto. The master had taken special care with him, inventing new forms of torture that Jack had never seen, and using several others that had been outlawed in 27 galaxies.
He had missed Ianto more than anything, and his death alone had been enough to drive him insane. How he escaped relatively unscathed, he had no idea, but after the Doctor reversed the year, all he wanted to do was hold Ianto tightly and kiss him senseless. But now Ianto was angry with him, maybe even hated him, and Jack had no clue how to fix it. Did he dare tell Ianto where he went? Should he tell any of them? No, he decided. Gwen would fuss, Tosh would pity him, Owen would be Owen, and Ianto… would hold him. He would be there to comfort him, and Jack knew he didn't deserve that. Not only that, but Ianto shouldn't have to deal with his pain, especially after Lisa. But even if he couldn't tell Ianto where he was while he was gone, he should at least apologize. He owed Ianto that.
He walked out of his office and noticed Ianto was not in the main Hub. "Ianto?" he called out tentatively. No answer. He had probably gone home already, he thought as he glanced at his watch. 11:00. His eyes fell upon the sofa as a wave of tiredness washed over him. Jack rarely slept, but ever since the Valiant he had been much more tired than usual. He suspected his body needed time to recover from the Master's breaking it. He fell back onto the couch, trying to ignore the memories that pricked at the corner of his vision. He fell into an uneasy sleep after a while, trying to think about anything except the Valiant, or Ianto.
Ianto walked out of the archives and glanced at his watch. 12:05. Everyone was home by now, he thought, and he could sneak away without running into Jack. He walked into the main Hub, and stopped dead in his tracks as he heard a small noise that resembled a whimper and took in the sight before him.
Jack was splayed out on the couch, one arm over his head and the other resting across his stomach. His face was contorted into such an expression of torture and pain that Ianto instantly wanted to hold him. He was moaning and whimpering in his sleep. Seeing him like this, looking so vulnerable and in pain, banished any hateful thoughts Ianto had about the older man for the past few months. He quickly went to Jack's side and cradled Jack's head in his lap, whispering soothing nonsense into his ear. Jack was muttering something about a Valiant and a Master and his name, whispered over and over with so much anguish and pain in Jack's voice that it scared him. Ianto had been privy to Jack's nightmares before, but he had never mentioned this. Ianto tensed slightly as he realized this must have just happened. While Jack was away. He had been thinking bitter and resentful thoughts about Jack having the time of his life with the Doctor, but he realized something very, very bad must have happened to make Jack act like this. And from the sound of it it had something to do with him.
Without warning, Jack jolted and woke up screaming. He thrashed against Ianto's arms, not knowing who it was that was holding him. It was only when he heard Ianto's voice whispering in his ear that he relaxed, turning his terrified blue eyes upon the teaboy's.
"Yan?" Ianto could see the fear in his eyes. The captain sat up to face him and Ianto pulled him into a tight embrace.
"I'm here, I'm right here. You're safe." He rubbed soothing patterns on Jack's back, feeling the immortal shaking hard. He reached up and locked his arms around Ianto's waist, almost suffocating him, but Ianto didn't care. He had Jack safe in his arms, and he was determined to find out what was causing him pain and make it better.
"It was a bad one wasn't it." Ianto wasn't really sure how to do this, but he was determined to give it his best shot. "You mentioned a Valiant and a Master and… me. A lot. It had something to do with your time with the Doctor didn't it." As if on cue Ianto felt Jack tense, signaling he was on the right track. "Hey," Ianto murmured, pulling back to look into Jack's eyes. He was startled to see fear there as well as pain, and he continued. "Hey. Talk to me. It'll help, I know it will."
"I… I don't know if I can, Yan." Tears were threatening to spill from Jack's shining eyes, and he looked down into his lap. Ianto tilted his chin up so that Jack was looking at him. His eyes were still shut tight, like he was trying to block out something.
"You can. I know you want to be in control, be the strong one, but you're not alone in this. You don't have to go through this all on your own. I want to help you Jack. Something bad happened after you left, and I want to be there for you. Please talk to me."
Jack sniffed lightly. "I thought you were angry with me. I thought you wouldn't want anything to do with me now."
"I was angry, but that doesn't mean that I want to throw whatever it is we have away. I was never angry that you left, I was only angry that you didn't tell me. That hurt."
Ianto could see the remorse written all over Jack's face. "I am sorry, Yan. I never wanted to hurt you." Jack sighed deeply before continuing. "I guess you do deserve to know. I owe you that much." He took a shaky breath, and Ianto was suddenly afraid of what he would say next.
"When I first met the Doctor, after I came back to life for the first time, he left me behind on a space satellite in the distant future, and I had no idea why. I tried to travel to the 21st century to find him, but I ended up in the 19th instead. I waited over 100 years for him to return, and when he did I didn't think. I left the way I did because I needed to find out why I couldn't die. I needed to know what happened to me, and if there was any way in hell I could fix it. But nothing prepared me for what happened."
Tears began to fall down the immortal's face as he continued. "I saw the end of the universe, Ianto. I saw the last of humanity fight to survive, but what we didn't know was that a Time Lord called the Master was hiding in their midst. He stole the Tardis, came to Earth, called himself Harold Saxon, and took over. He turned the Tardis into a Paradox Machine and used it to allow the future humans to kill their ancestors. The Doctor and I were his prisoners, his trophies." He shuddered. "I was held captive for a year. I was chained in a cell and tortured every day in more ways than you could possibly imagine for Saxon's amusement. The pain wasn't bad, but he broke into my mind, found out about you, about Torchwood. He round you up, one by one, killed you all right before my eyes, and you… God you were the worst. He knew about you and me, and he took his time with you, torturing you in ways too cruel to even think about. And he didn't let you die for three whole days…" His voice broke on the last word. Tears were openly flowing down his face now, but he didn't care. If he stopped talking now, he would never finish saying everything that needed to be said.
"Eventually we stopped Saxon and the Doctor reversed time so that none of it ever happened, but he dropped me off three months later than he meant to. So now you probably hate me- and you have every right to, all of you, but you need to know that I spent every day of that year thinking about you, and the only thing keeping me going was getting back home to you. Losing you was the worst thing I've ever experienced, Ianto." He looked up at the younger man, his eyes glistening with new tears. He had talked more than he ever had in his life, and he had no idea how Ianto was going to react. "Can you ever forgive me?"
Ianto had tears of his own streaming down his face. He had no idea that Jack had gone through something so horrible. He had been too busy being jealous and imagining Jack having amazing adventures without him to even ask what happened, and he felt incredibly guilty. Undone, Ianto did the only thing he could and pulled Jack against him, holding him so tightly he thought he might suffocate him. He stroked Jack's hair, feeling his shirt becoming damp with Jack's tears. He could hear miserable, heartbroken sobs coming from the man in his arms, and he kissed his hair tenderly. "I already have, cariad."
"I'm so sorry, Yan. I hurt you badly, and then on the Valiant… I couldn't do anything. You all died right before my eyes and I couldn't do anything but watch. I failed. I let you all down." Jack began to cry even harder now, and he clung to Ianto like his life depended on it. "It's my fault, it's all my fault…"
Ianto pulled Jack's face up to his, and the tortured expression broke his heart. He met the immortal's lips with his own, and kissed Jack with more love and tenderness than any kiss he had ever given before. After a few moments he pulled away and cradled Jack against his chest again. "Shh, Jack. It's okay, it's all okay. There was nothing you could do. I'm not mad at you, I promise. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." Taking Jack's hand, he stood up, walking Jack to his office. "Come on cariad. You need to rest." He led Jack down to his bunk. They undressed and it was only when Jack was tucked up in bed, safe in his arms, did Ianto allow sobs of his own to break through. His heart broke for the man beside him, and even though he was still upset about his departure, he wanted nothing more than to numb Jack's pain. How often had the man suffered alone, without having anyone to help him through his painful burdens? It hurt him to think on what else Jack had been through, without having anyone to hold him and kiss the tears away. Ianto heard a low moan from beneath him as the first of Jack's many nightmares took hold, and he planted a small kiss to his forehead. "Shh, Jack, I'm here. Rest, it's okay."
Yes, he was hurt, they both were, and there would still be pain to come, but right now he had Jack safe and sound, and he was only too happy to do whatever it took to save Jack from the demons that haunted him at night. There would be time later for talking, for fixing whatever it was that had broken between them, but for now, in the Hub late at night, Ianto took Jack's hand tightly in his own and allowed himself to fall into a deep sleep with Jack curled up tightly beside him.