*Disclaimer: Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn! is and will always be owned by Amano Akira and for the format, it goes to Theresa Green*
A/N: Hi! This fic is my first fanfic for KHR! as well as the 3rd one published in this website! (Though for some reason, the other two disappeared without trace… T^T)
Actually, this fic is inspired by Lulu-Ichigo's (If I'm not mistaken) that features the COLONELLO & REBORN units. I've done Lal Mirch's version of it because the last time I checked, nobody has made it yet. So, since Lal Mirch's among my favourite characters in KHR!, I figure that I should make it. So… Enjoy!
~*LAL MIRCH: The Owner's Guide & Maintenance Manual*~
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU are now the proud owner of a LAL MIRCH unit! In order to completely utilize the functions of this ex-leader of COMSUBIN as well as a Corrupted Arcobaleno™, it is recommended that you read and follow the following manual carefully.
Technical Specifications
Name: Lal Mirch (will also respond to 'Ma'am')
Age: Unknown
Place of Manufacture: Italy
Height: 40 cm
Weight: 4 kg
Length: (Author was threatened to be killed COMSUBIN way if she mentions anything about this matter)
Your LAL MIRCH Unit Comes With The Following Accessories:
-One Infrared Visor
-One Nuvola Gautlet
-One clouded grey pacifier/ Corrupted Arcobaleno™ pacifier
-One black riffle
-One pair of black gloves
-One pair of black shoes
-Seven black shirts
-Seven black trousers
-Seven rolls of white bandage
Removing Your LAL MIRCH Unit From This Box
Before opening the box, make sure that you have one of those Counter-Terrorist™ shields to shield yourself for the gunshot this Arcobaleno™ will shoot in order to free herself from the box. Hand her the order bill and properly introduce yourself when your unit demands it. Ignoring the previous instruction will result to humongous pain from broken bones and twisted limbs in your part, as proven by our staff who got hospitalized for a year.
Programming
After you successfully take out your LAL MIRCH unit, you'll notice that your unit comes with a variety of dangerous yet amazing features:
-Hitman: Hey, we're talking about an ex-COMSUBIN leader here, people! Of course she'll take down a whole famiglia by herself if she wants to! Like the REBORN and COLONELLO units, she'll never leave a trace for everything will be oblirated and terminated.
-Trainer: The LAL MIRCH unit was the teacher of the COLONELLO unit so expect harsher training than what the blonde unit will give (read the COLONELLO unit Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual for comparism of Spartan-ness), for example, 500 push-ups/minute, Survival Tests in EXTREME! environments every now and then, and so on. However, the result will worth the trouble and torture (if you can survive, that is) as you will gain an exquisite body, build some muscle in your body, EXTREME! reflexes, amazing pain-enduring skill and vice versa. She'll even acknowledge your skills, that is, if you exceed her expectations and never done something nonsense in her eyes.
-Stealth, Snipping and Combat Expert: As an ex-leader and member of COMSUBIN, it's compulsory for her to master these skills. She may be cute and chubby like an infant would be, but her stealth, snipping and combat abilities are not to be taken lightly. She can sneak and knock out a group of people in the blink of an eye, shot rounds with 100% accuracy and even defeated the COLONELLO unit in hand-to-hand combat, the blond unit's mastered field. Now that you know her features, we suggest that you never EVER try to piss her off as it can cause permanent damage and death in your part.
Your LAL MIRCH Unit Comes In The Following Modes:
Spartan Infant Trainer (Default)
Blushing Madam (Locked)
Motherly Woman (Locked)
Woman's Rage Ultimate Version (Locked)
The Spartan Infant Trainer mode is the default mode for this unit and covers most of the unit's behavior in a daily basis.
The Blushing Madam mode is usually locked but will trigger once a COLONELLO unit is around AND flirts with this unit. Don't be surprised to see your unit call the blond unit 'Bastard' and bash him but note that your unit will blush while doing the said things, hence the name of the mode.
The Motherly Woman mode is also locked in a daily basis like the other locked modes but will trigger once your unit sees you as her 'beloved student'. She'll surely rescue you once she saw your life at stake and worry about your wellbeing from time to time. However, this mode will take years to be triggered unless you exceeded her expectations from the start, which is almost impossible but still possible for certain people.
The Woman's Rage Ultimate Version mode is the last locked mode that will only be triggered if you had done something to piss this unit off. Take note that the average woman's rages, such as your mother's or your big sister's, are generally really scary. Imagine the level of scariness when you multiply it by 100 plus rounds of bullets and martial arts bombarded at you. That's the level that your LAL MIRCH unit will emit. We can assure you that we'll be present at your funeral the following day. What flower would you like at the said day?
Relationships With Other Units
-COLONELLO: I don't think I need to explain this anymore since I've mentioned so much about this matter. However, the LAL MIRCH unit obviously has a thing or two for the COLONELLO unit and so does the blond unit feel towards your unit.
-REBORN: The LAL MIRCH unit acknowledges this unit's power and admits that this unit is the strongest among the Arcobaleno™ series units but will sometimes irritated by the fact that this fedora-wearing unit's ability to know the LAL MIRCH unit's next courses of action and thoughts.
Cleaning
This unit will manage itself in this matter. If you insisted to help and you happen to be a male, expect to be killed slowly and painfully by the LAL MIRCH unit.
Feeding
This unit requires a grown woman's diet 3x a day.
Rest
A good night's sleep is all that your unit requires everyday.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: I received a medium-height unit in tan cape with a gorilla mask on her shoulder instead of an infant-sized unit! What should I do about it?
A: CONGRATULATIONS! You just scored the ADULT LAL MIRCH unit! This surely helps when you have the tendency to be embarrassed when you're taught by someone smaller or such. However, if you wish to get the infant version of your LAL MIRCH instead, be sure to call the Customer Service Hotline and we'll swap it right away!
Troubleshooting
Problem : I triggered the Woman's Rage Ultimate Version mode! What should I do?
Solution: Write a will. We'll definitely carry it out.
Problem: My unit is making me train in a marshland, run through various obstacle courses and do survival tests! What should I do?
Solution: Just do it, buddy. Good luck battling the crocodiles and alligators though and who knows, you might be a navy next year
End Notes
Under the Arcobaleno™ Series, the LAL MIRCH will definitely give you a hellish yet thrilling experience of becoming an ex-COMSUBIN member's trainee in your usual schedules everyday. Rest assured, the results will be priceless and useful in so many ways. Enjoy!
Remember to RnR!
-Cielo di Vaniglia