Vulnerability
Pairing: Sha Gojyo/Cho Hakkai
Rating: PG-13
Author's Notes: This takes place during 'Sakyuki Reload Blast'.
It's not the first time they've shared a bed together, nor the first time Hakkai's woken up so early that the sun's just barely peeking out above the horizon. It is however, the first time they've slept in the same bed since the dark aura that plagues this land has started affecting Gojyo.
Right now, Gojyo's still asleep, facing away from him with his hair carelessly thrown over his shoulder, exposing the back of his neck to Hakkai – specifically the black mark etched into his skin. Even through the darkness Hakkai can still see the ominous black imprints that he prays are not the beginnings of his greatest fears becoming reality. He wants to say everything will be all right, that he's worried over nothing. More than anything else, he wishes this was a terrifying dream or a figment of his overactive and paranoid imagination - but he knows it's not, and he's never been one to fall for self-delusions.
More often not, Hakkai finds himself thinking he doesn't have what it takes. If Gojyo ever succumbed to the madness that courses through his veins, Hakkai is certain he'd be powerless to stop him. He knows what the dark aura can do first-hand, he's painfully aware of how the hysteria hits you all at once and devours your mind, tearing apart every last shred of humanity you have until there's nothing left but an insatiable, ravenous hunger that never stops. The insanity digs its vile crawls into your flesh and crawls under your skin until it has absolute control over you, telling you to kill indiscriminately, and eviscerate everything that stands in your path. Hakkai remembers this as if he'd fallen prey to his inner demon only yesterday. He knows that he won't ever stand a chance at saving himself, so how can he possibly keep Gojyo from the same fate?
"I don't want to lose you." His voice is barely above a whisper and impossible for Gojyo to hear, but nevertheless, the slight tremble that laces his voice makes him sick. In a rare moment of weakness, he acknowledges his fear and steadily-growing self-doubt. He's beyond terrified that he'll lose Gojyo because of his own shortcomings, and the fright, coupled with the need to keep Gojyo close is what causes him to lean against Gojyo and kiss the demonic mark on his neck, as if he's foolish enough to think he could will Gojyo's slow decent into lunacy away with the strength of his devotion alone.
Hakkai nearly scoffs at himself, he doesn't think he's ever heard a more ludicrous notion in his life, but as ridiculous as it is, he can't bring himself to stop.
As Hakkai continues to press soft kisses into the nap of Gojyo's neck, he slowly begins to stir from his slumber, not that Hakkai's all that surprised. It's difficult not to be a light sleeper with the possibility of an attack constantly looming over them; Hakkai can hardly remember the last time he'd had a good night's slumber, and something tells him neither he nor Gojyo will be getting proper rest any time soon. Gojyo's body begins to twist in his hold, clearly trying to turn around, but Hakkai refuses to lessen his grip and his kisses become more frantic, as if he fears what would happen if he dares set Gojyo free. After a moment, Hakkai slows his pace until he's only kissing the mark every few seconds, and Gojyo's body stills – Hakkai can tell from the way he breathes that he's awakened.
"Tryin' to start something with me?" Gojyo's voice is heavy from lingering drowsiness, but it still possesses a hint of amusement that Hakkai easily picks up on. "They're just in the next room, you know?" Of course, he's referring to Sanzo and Goku, and while neither of them are oblivious to their relationship, nor do they particularly care – Sanzo might have a few choice words if he were to be woken by the sounds of their shared pleasure – Gojyo isn't exactly quiet when he gets riled up, and Hakkai's never once tried to silence him.
"It's not my fault if you get turned on with an innocent touch like this," Hakkai can't stop the smirk that plays upon his lips as he lands another kiss to the back of Gojyo's neck.
"Innocent touch my ass," Hakkai can practically hear how hard Gojyo's eyes are rolling, "not when you know damn well that's a hot spot for me."
"I suppose so." His response is noncommittal, but he stops the kisses in favor of nuzzling the mark, taking the slightest bit of comfort in the warmth their proximity provides him. Fortunately, Gojyo doesn't seem to mind his prolonged touch.
"Kinda early, isn't it?" Gojyo asks in a casual manner, as if he's just taken notice of the slowly rising sun through the window. "What's got you up?"
While it's not uncommon for Hakkai to be awake before everyone else, he's usually not this early of a riser, and Gojyo knows it, making his question completely valid.
"It's nothing." Even now, Hakkai doesn't have the heart to tell him. He knows he needs to at some point, it's far better than Sanzo pointing it out in front of their group, but he just can't. Not right now, not when he can still cling to the ever-fading glimmer of hope that Gojyo will come out of this entirely unscathed.
Subconsciously, the arm he has around Gojyo pulls him closer, tightening his grasp and pressing Gojyo's back to his chest. As subtle as the gesture is, Hakkai can tell right away from the soft sigh that leaves Gojyo's lips that he's been caught in a lie. He knows he shouldn't be surprised, they've always had a way of picking up on each other's thoughts and emotions through the smallest of actions, and this is no different. He half expects Gojyo to call him out on his attempt at deception, to demand that Hakkai be up front with him, to stop keeping things from him, but he doesn't.
Instead, Gojyo's hand slides over the one Hakkai has on his stomach and takes ahold of it, pulling it up to place a soft kiss on the palm.
"Might be kinda nice if I could kiss you back though." Hakkai can almost feel the way in which the corners of Gojyo's lips turn upwards into the easy-going grin he's so fond of.
"Perhaps," Hakkai agrees, and only then does he slowly loosen his hold on Gojyo, allowing him to turn around so they can face each other properly. Hakkai doesn't think twice about reaching out to push Gojyo's hair back behind his shoulder so it's covering the mark, and luckily that little move goes unquestioned. Gojyo barely gives him a second to react before closing the small gap that exists between them and sealing his lips to Hakkai's. The kiss they share is unusually soft and gentle, making it obvious that Gojyo knows exactly what he needs right now. Hakkai latches onto him like a lifeline, holding him closer than before and kissing him back with just much tender passion, knowing Gojyo would understand him without saying a word.
"Look," Gojyo says after breaking their kiss, "I don't know what's going on in that over-protective and worry-wart mind of yours, but it's obvious you're not gonna talk about it." Gojyo's hand comes up to card through his hair. "But whatever it is, it'll be fine. Things have a way of working out for us, am I right?" The confident grin Gojyo gives him is contagious, and he finds himself smiling in turn. He is forever grateful that Gojyo doesn't press the issue. It goes without saying – he'll be there whenever Hakkai decides to talk.
"You have a point." While he can't shake the sense of pending doom that hovers over them, somehow, Gojyo's smile gives him the sense of security he so desperately needs right now. He doesn't know what else to say, the relief that washes over him, as temporary as it is, leaves him feeling exhausted, and he realizes he really could use an extra hour or two of sleep. Again, his body seems to act on its own accord, all but slumping against Gojyo, and allowing him to wrap his arms around Hakkai and hold him this time.
Just as he's on the verge of passing out, he forces his eyes open and looks back up at Gojyo. He wants to thank him for being so patient and understanding with him, but before he can say anything, Gojyo presses another soft kiss to his lips, effectively stealing the words right out of his mouth.
"It's okay, I know I can count on you," Gojyo whispers. He doesn't say anything more, and Hakkai's uncertain about what he's referring to, but somehow, it's still more than enough. With Gojyo's voice fresh in his mind, he allows himself to fall asleep in Gojyo's hold, believing that for just a second, everything really is going to be okay.