Sarp hombres, I just vomited out this little chapter to add to the fandom that is Marshall Lee and Fionna. They can't help it that they are attractive in every possible aspect, I suppose.

Hopefully it's an easy and fun read, so enjoy and let me know if you would be interested in another chapter.

'What do you think?'

Fionna and Cake stared at the tree house in front of them. It was overgrown and dark, with branches exploding out of the trunk and roots digging greedily into the ground. The planks of wood leading up the trunk had long since rotted away, leaving the boards hanging limply from the brown trunk. A large pile of junk surrounded the base that consisted mainly of broken guitars and wheels. Fionna looked at Cake.

'This is it?'

Cake shrugged.

'Yep.'

Fionna looked at the house again.

'It's awesome.'

Cake shook herself and grabbed Fionna by the arm.

'Let's go check it out girl.'

They jumped into the air where Cake extended her feet out to the dilapidated balcony, forming a bridge for Fionna. Once they were up, the two of them walked up to the door. Cake looked at Fionna, who shrugged and looked back. The two began quietly pushing each other towards the door, when they heard a loud bang. They froze, staring as the door creaked open.

A thin set of fingers slid out from behind the dark room, and a pair of red eyes stared at the girls. Fionna felt her stomach drop, and she reached into her backpack slowly and wrapped a hand around the hilt of her sword. The eyes glared at her, and a rough male voice spoke.

'What do you want?'

Fionna took a deep breath.

'We're here to see the house.'

'It's not for sale.'

Cake made a fist motion to Fionna, who looked at the red eyes.

'We're not buying.'

There was a choking sound from behind the door, and Fionna realised he was laughing. She glared and pointed at the door.

'I'm not playing around. My buddy and I deal with dudes like you all the time,' she said, walking forwards.

'Is that so?'

Cake's tail puffed up.

'Boy, I'm gonna give you a serving.'

She leaned forward and pushed the door. It flew open and Fionna felt her mouth open as she cried out. There was a flurry of movement behind the door, but she could make out a tall figure with tattered clothes on and a mop of dark hair. Cake hissed as the figure retreated and followed him into the house.

'Wait, Cake!'

Fionna ran after Cake and stumbled into the dark room, where she could see nothing. She heard Cake and the figure fighting, with shrieks and hisses filling her ears. Fionna fell over a chair and cursed as her backpack tumbled away. The fighting sound stopped and she felt the wind move in front of her.

A thin hand wrapped around her neck and pushed her backwards. Fionna yelled out and kicked, hitting something in front of her. Whatever was holding her hissed and gripped her throat tighter. They flew across the room and hit the wall. The air was knocked out of Fionna's lungs and she clawed at the figure in front of her desperately. She felt a hot breath on her neck and recoiled, swinging her arm out to the side to grab a weapon. She felt something soft in her hand and pulled it hard.

Light flooded the room. Fionna had time to make out the grey skin, dark eyes and sharp teeth of the figure as he shrieked. He was a vampire. And a very cranky one at that.

He glared at Fionna, who stepped back into the light, holding up her arms in defence. He flew towards her and hissed, but before he could get far Cake appeared, full sized and very angry.

'Oh no you don't.'

Cake brought her fists down on top of him and slammed him into the ground. The vampire stopped moving, and Fionna stared as Cake prodded him.

'He's knocked out,' she declared, and Fionna gave her a high-five.

'Sweet work Cake,' she said. The girls looked at the vampire, who was sprawled out on the floor.

'What're we gonna do with him?' asked Cake. Fionna shrugged.

'Toss him out, I guess.'

Cake shook her head.

'Nuh-uh. Prince Gumball warned us not to let him get loose.'

Fionna sighed.

'Fine. I guess we'll just tie him up.'

They found a chair in the kitchen which Fionna sat on.

'It's so uncomfortable,' she said as she dragged it out. Cake sat on it and made a face.

'It looks old as. I found some chains in the bedroom.

'Ew. Gross.'

They dragged the vampire off the ground and into the chair. As they sat him in it he began to stir, his eyebrows drawing together in a frown.

'Hurry, he's waking up!'

Fionna and Cake wrapped the chain around his arms and legs and finally attached it to the lamp on the ceiling. Fionna smiled smugly.

'Legit.'

The red eyes opened, and Fionna felt her throat itch as they looked at her. Cake walked up and slapped the vampire across the face.

'Ouch. What the heck was that for?' he said, moving his chest. 'And why am I tied up?'

'Royal orders, sweetie,' said Cake, and slapped him again. Fionna picked up her backpack and pulled out her sword. The vampire watched her, making her feel uncomfortable.

'We have been given a Royal Pardon by Prince Gumball to relocate to this tree house,' she said. 'We were told that any inhabitants were to be removed.'

The vampire bared his teeth and hissed.

'What a brave Prince. He sent some girl and a cat to take care of me?'

Fionna felt her cheeks flush.

'I'm not just some girl,' she said, and Cake slapped the vampire. He grunted.

'Whatever. He mustn't care about your lives very much.'

'We can handle ourselves fine,' said Cake.

'You got lucky.'

'Cake, let's just toss him out. The house is ours now.'

'No!'

She stopped and stared at the vampire, who struggled in his seat.

'Don't, don't, throw me outside. Not in the sun. Why is this chair so uncomfortable?'

Fionna glared at him.

'Why shouldn't we? You're rude and totally not cool.'

The vampire glared at them.

'I am too cool. Way cooler than you'll ever be.'

'No way.'

They stared at each other in silence. The vampire sighed and leaned back in the chair. It squeaked.

'Listen, just let me go and you can have the house. Forever.'

Cake scratched her chin and Fionna narrowed her eyes.

'Two conditions.'

The vampire hissed.

'One. You must never attack us here again.'

The vampire rolled his eyes.

'Done.'

'And two,' she said, looking at the vampire. He looked a bit older than her, and completely disgruntled. Apart from the grey skin and sharp teeth, he would have looked like a punk with his dark hair and flannelette shirt. The bracelets on his arms shone dully in the room.

'Tell me your name.'

The vampire groaned.

'No way.'

Fionna shrugged.

'Fine.'

She grabbed the back of the chair and started to drag it. The vampire struggled and yelled out.

'Okay, okay! Stop moving me already.'

Fionna turned the chair around and scrutinised the vampires face. He sighed.

'It's Marshall Lee. The Vampire King.'

Fionna smiled.

'I'm Fionna. This is Cake.'

'Don't care.'

Cake reached out and slapped Marshal Lee across the face. Fionna began to undo the chains.

'You can start by moving your crap out of the tree house.'

Marshal Lee groaned.

'I didn't agree to that.'

Fionna stopped untying and looked sternly at him, and Cake pointed at the door. He swallowed.

'Fine.'

Fionna and Cake sat on the floor of the tree house and smiled. The smell of death and tomato sauce had been exterminated, and Marshal Lee had left after wishing them both a painful death.

'What a lame dude,' said Fiona, and Cake stood up and stretched.

'You said it. I'm gonna go get some food. You wanna come?'

'Nah, I'm beat.'

Cake stretched across the floor and out the door.

'Kay girl, see you later.'

Fionna waved and stretched out on the floor, yawning. She dozed off and dreamt of a dark room full of dogs and cheeseburgers, and kept getting upset when she couldn't pick either one up. When she woke up, it was dark. Fionna sat up and looked around. There was a noise in the kitchen.

'Cake? You home?'

There was no answer. Fionna felt her skin crawl, and reached for her backpack. It was gone. There was another noise in the kitchen, and this time it was louder.

'Okay. Whoever you are, I'm totally going to kick your butt if you don't leave by the time I count to three.'

There was no reply. Fionna walked through the kitchen walkway.

'One.'

She felt for the light switch.

'Two.'

She flicked it on, and nothing happened. A pair of arms grabbed her from behind.

'Three,' a voice whispered in her ear. It smelt suspiciously of tomato sauce.

Fionna yelled out as she felt herself rising off the ground. She kicked out with her legs but felt nothing but air. The room whirled past her as she flew out the door. The arms held her own in a tight vice, and Fionna felt her stomach drop as she saw how high up she was flying. Marshal Lee's laugh cut through the air and Fionna yelled at him.

'You said you wouldn't attack us in our house!'

'I didn't,' he replied. 'I kidnapped you.'

'That's basically the same thing!'

'Well, maybe you should be more specific about your rules.'

'Ugh, you are so lame.'

Marshall Lee stopped flying.

'Here looks good.'

'Looks good for what?'

'To drop you.'

Fionna felt her arms slipping from his.

'Wait-wait-wait! You said this was a kidnapping, right?'

Marshall Lee frowned at her.

'Right.'

Fionna swallowed.

'So, then, if you drop me here now, that doesn't classify as kidnapping.'

He shrugged.

'So?'

'So,' she continued, 'it would be murder, which is a form of attack. Which you promised not to do.'

'Yeah, I promised not to attack you in your house.'

'But it started in my house. You can't just start something and change it to suit your will.'

Marshall looked at her and Fionna realised how close together they were. Her chest and legs were touching his own, with their arms entwined. She began to struggle.

'On second thought, drop me.'

He raised an eyebrow and held her tighter.

'Why?'

'Drop me. Drop me!'

'Why? What's wrong?' Marshal Lee began to smile as he watched Fiona pull away. He leaned in closer, breathing tomato sauce all over her face.

'Scared to be too close to the Vampire King?'

Fionna reached out and slapped him.

'You're such a creep!'

The blow shocked Marshal Lee and Fionna slipped out of his arms, falling into the open space. Her eyes widened as she began to plummet towards the ground, flipping backwards and twisting. The ground grew larger by the second, and when Fionna tried to scream the air was sucked out her lungs by the force of the fall. She closed her eyes and went still, waiting for the painful impact.

She hit something hard, but she didn't feel her bones break. When she realised she wasn't dead, Fionna opened her eyes. A familiar face greeted her.

'That was a bit stupid, don't you think?'

Marshal Lee had caught her. They were back on the ground and he was staring at her with a bemused expression. Fionna stared back blankly before pushing herself out of his grasp.

'Why did you do that?'

He shrugged.

'Because it would break the agreement.'

He brushed the hair out of his eyes.

'Normally, I'd suck the red out of your face. But you look as white as a sheet,' he said, turning away from Fionna.

'Wait! Where are you going?'

He waved a hand at her.

'Home. I've done enough for one day.'

Fionna stood there, feeling confused and very angry.

'I don't owe you anything!'

'Sure you don't.'

'I mean it!'

'Yeah.'

'I most definitely am not going to thank you!'

'Whatever you say. Night.'

Fionna stomped the ground with her foot.

'You smell like tomato sauce!'

Marshal Lee turned around and smiled at her, baring all his teeth.

'And you're cute when you're angry.'

He rose up off the ground, making a rock sign at her.

'Peace out until next time, when I decide to kill you.

As he flew away, Fionna felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment.

'What a jerk.'

When Fionna got home, Cake was eating a cheeseburger on the floor.

'Hey you. Where were you at?'

Fionna told her what happened. Cake puffed up and hissed.

'That is so not cool. Do you wanna go beat him up?'

Fionna shook her head and bit into her cheeseburger.

'Not right now. Maybe tomorrow?'

'Word.'

Fionna swallowed.

'This is good. Where'd you get these?'

'Eh, found them in a field with a few others.'

Fionna grinned and bit into it again.

'Mmm. Crunchy.'

JUST DO IT LIVE