AN:…this is one of those ideas that I randomly wrote on my whiteboard and thought it would be fun for Christmas. Then I got sick and couldn't work on it. Some other stuff happened but it's really boring. So, enjoy the fic!
Disclaimer I do not own Inception or the characters of Inception. I also do not own "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." This story is similar in so many terribly mocking ways!
How the Point Man Stole Christmas and then Sort of Changed His Mind.
Arthur would gladly point out that he didn't have green fur. He would explain that his head was firmly on his shoulders. The Point Man's shoes were custom-made Italian leather- so no, they weren't too tight. Arthur wasn't the Grinch.
But if he had his say there would be no Christmas celebrated at their little warehouse. Arthur was already grumpy. It took the barista at Starbucks three tries to get his espresso right, wearing this absurd little smile the whole time, no matter how hard Arthur glared at him. He hated the way that Christmas made others pretend that they were better people, when in all honesty they weren't. After having spent extra time watching the preparation of his drink to make sure that the smiling barista didn't spit in it, the Point Man arrived late at the warehouse.
He had been very disturbed to find all of the decorations, the blinking lights, and worst of all, the tree.
Though he had already went through all the points of his "Not A Grinch" list, he couldn't help but glare at the bright and happy Christmas tree that had been set up within view of his desk, nearly in the middle of the room. As the blinking lights cast his grim features in alternating shades of green and red, Arthur uttered a very Grinch-like phrase.
"I must stop this Christmas from coming," was what Arthur muttered. As he frowned at the placement of the tree, he added, "And I have to tell Ariadne to stop creating festive trip hazards as well!"
It was true. There were garlands, holly, and enough shiny silver tinsel to make the normally calm and reserved Point Man want to tear everything down. To Arthur his job was his sanctuary during a season that was peppered with annoying carols, expensive gifts, and parties.
"What was that, Arthur?" Ariadne asked as she approached him with a large box full of more decorations.
Arthur repressed a shudder as she stared at him with wide and curious eyes.
"Nothing," he said carefully, trying to not let the sight of all of the you-know-what's push him into a completely out of character moment of holiday destruction. "Nothing at all, Ariadne."
He didn't even mention the trip hazard Christmas tree. No, he just walked over to his desk and frowned rather than glowered at the small wrapped present sitting on the corner. The Point Man ignored it; actually, he just ignored everyone. He worked, and he worked, and he worked. Compiling information on his laptop, doing searches, being generally productive while the rest of his team were busy exchanging trinkets, sharing food and drink, and being altogether too cheerful.
He wasn't bothered during the day as he tried to work and the others succeeded at doing the opposite. It was like he had an anti-fun force field extending a good five feet around his body that prevented him from being drawn into the festivities. Despite the half-hearted attempts by Dom and Ariadne, Arthur was resolutely sitting in his chair and working on his laptop.
But, as he worked so diligently, he couldn't help but think of a way to get all of this Christmas stuff out of the warehouse. Who cared if it was Christmas Eve? Every day was a work day for Arthur…
It was settled that when everyone left to begin their holiday celebrations at home, Arthur would take down every single decoration, steal the tree, and make off with any present that remained!
As he had this thought he spied the Santa's hat that Ariadne had placed on his desk after he had begun his marathon working session. She had thought, in her words, not his, that it might be fun to take a picture with the whole team wearing holiday themed hats.
Arthur looked at it now and thought of it as the best sort of camouflage. When he deigned to put his Santa hat on, not mussing a single strand of his gelled back hair, Ariadne looked fit to burst with happiness.
"Oh!" she said in delight. "Let me get the camera! We're taking this picture and making a dream team Christmas card to send to our friends!"
Personally, Arthur hated that idea but forced a smile on his face to not ruin the photo. When they all stood together with the tree in the background, Arthur noticed an empty space at his side. Eames wasn't there- he looked around, feeling ridiculous in his Santa hat but felt a little better when he noticed that Dom was wearing a top hat that would do Frosty proud and Yusuf had gotten stuck with fuzzy reindeer antlers. Scratch that- he had lost the second antler and was forced to wear the single one. When Yusuf caught him staring, the Chemist shrugged and said, "We could add in a note at the bottom of the card that said I had lost the other antler in an accident." Then he smiled, "Or I could pretend to be Max!"
Max, Arthur thought. The Grinch's pet dog…Arthur began to smile as he had the perfect idea for who was going to help him steal Christmas from the warehouse tonight!
But, the lack of a Forger still puzzled Arthur. Were they really going to take a picture without the other man there? As if summoned by magic Eames arrived just in the nick of time, his cheeks flushed from having jogged the rest of the way, looking ridiculous with a jaunty elf's hat and pointed ears to match. When he caught Arthur staring, the Forger smiled at him and swore, "A Forger takes any role, great or small, very seriously."
Arthur was only able to grumble, "You're too tall to be an elf, Mr. Eames."
Eames's dirty reply about dreaming bigger was cut short by Ariadne rushing into the frame of the picture wearing a glittery angel's halo. She shushed them all and pointed briefly to her digital camera that was positioned on top of one of the closest flat surfaces. After everyone was instructed to smile, the timer reached zero and their photo was taken, the accompanying flash making Arthur see spots afterwards.
Yes, he thought to himself, this ends tonight.
It was late and Arthur had chosen to begin his thievery when all but one member of the dream team had left. It was absurd how easily Arthur was able to dance around the reason why he needed the Chemist's help to take down all of the tinsel, the holly, and the decorations. He supposed that he was abusing his power as Point Man by saying, "We need to shift our base of operations. Let's start by shoving all of the Christmas stuff into these large burlap sacks I happened to have inside our closet space."
Yusuf was acting like a good Max just like Arthur was acting like a terrific Grinch. With a little nudging and pointed glares he and the Chemist were able to get a good amount of the decorations shoved into bags that were then placed in the backseat of Arthur's car.
Trouble presented itself when Arthur realized that he had overlooked the Forger hooked up to a PASIV in a relatively private back-room. If the man's presence wasn't a shock, then the fact that he was waking up, his time on the PASIV running down, made Arthur feel like he had been punched in the stomach. Immediately, several plans came to mind that would help him deal with the problem.
All efforts at planning stopped when Eames's grey eyes focused on him. Still a little bleary from his five minute nap, Eames attempted to sit up from his prone position on the lawn-chair.
"Darling?" Eames said, eyes widening slightly when he noticed that Arthur was wearing the Santa hat once more. The Forger had long since ditched his elfish cap but had forgotten to remove the pointed ears. With his hair mussed and cheeks slightly flushed, Eames looked like he could play the role of an elf…or even a Who.
Arthur's eyes narrowed. He shut the door and advanced upon the Forger who hadn't had enough time to get out of his chair. The last thing Arthur needed was for Eames to try and become his Cindy Lou Who!
"Go to sleep, Mr. Eames!"
Eames ignored this request to stare at the bag Arthur held. "Is that- darling, are you trying to steal Christmas?"
The Point Man considered taking a line from the Grinch. 'Oh no, I'm stealing the tree because a single Christmas light isn't working. I'll take it to my workshop and bring it back in time for Christmas.' But that wouldn't work. Not really.
Arthur said nothing for several seconds. Then, his shoulders slumped.
"Yes, I'm stealing Christmas. Yusuf is putting the last the bags in my car. I had planned to drive it all up to this place I have- and no, it's not a cave on top of Mount Crumpit!"
Eames blinked at him and forced himself off of the lawn chair so he could get to his feet. It didn't take Eames all that long to get closer to the Point Man, concerned and a little amazed.
"But, Arthur! What did Christmas ever do to you? Its just a holiday- a fun holiday with presents and family and-," Arthur glared at Eames, cutting him off mid-word.
"Yes, its Christmas! It happens every year and I just hate it so much! It ruins my work days, driving is a nightmare, and for all it preaches about togetherness and love, I just feel so alone!"
Silence. Lots of it. So much silence followed the Point Man's words. Resolutely, Arthur didn't look away from Eames's expression of surprise.
"You will forget that I ever said that. Delete it from you memory. Replace it with 'and I have to watch the baristas at Starbucks so they don't spit in my coffee.' Forget what I said, right now!"
Eames had been gaping but that changed when he listened to Arthur's demands. He began to smile at the Point Man instead.
"Arthur, you just amaze me sometimes. You aren't a Grinch. Not really. And you do understand the meaning of Christmas- some of it annoys you but you said it yourself. It's kind of lonely. Sure, we have the team, but what about our families or other loved ones? Office Christmas parties are all well and good but when you have to go to a cold apartment or a hotel room because you're still on the job…it just sucks."
Arthur stayed very still and refused to confirm or deny anything that Eames had just said. He had to think about it. Why did he hate Christmas? Sure, he had lots of small reasons that focused on people being idiots, but he had a feeling that Eames had hit the nail on the head.
"It-," Arthur dropped the bag to the floor, "Christmas sucks."
Eames nodded his agreement. "But it sucks less when you don't have to be alone. I've left you plenty of hints and signs, but I'll connect the dots for you right now. I would love to spend Christmas with you."
Arthur frowned to himself, deep in thought, before he nodded. If he could spend the holidays with Eames…oh, yes, Arthur felt like he had the strength of ten Point Men plus two!
"Alright, I won't steal Christmas," and then he smirked. "This is an unexpected present and I would very much like to unwrap it before trying to hit traffic and go into the fray of holiday drivers without any regrets." Arthur raised an eyebrow. "If you get my meaning, Eamesy Lou Who?"
The Forger snorted at the ridiculous name and shook his head.
"No regrets. None at all. Just never call me that again and tell Yusuf about the plan change."
When Arthur stepped out of the room and entered the main warehouse, Yusuf was wrestling with the last few bags, trying to get them out the door and failing.
"Hey," Arthur called, making Yusuf freeze. The Chemist looked odd wearing his single antler, red in the face, and carrying too many bags stuffed with the remaining festive odds and ends. "Change of plans. Get it all out of my car and then put every single decoration back up. Put the tree back in the same place and then arrange all the gifts underneath it."
Yusuf sputtered. "But, why?! I thought that it was an emergency!"
Arthur stared at the Chemist and didn't repeat anything. He just looked at him expectantly. Finally Yusuf sighed and put the bags he was carrying down on the floor. Arthur returned the one he had been holding.
"Thanks, Yusuf. I couldn't have done it without you." After a moment, the Point Man shrugged and said "Have a Merry Christmas."
This was unexpected behavior from the not-so- sociable Point Man. After witnessing his bleak holiday behavior, Yusuf was so pleased to see this change of heart. That was the Christmas spirit for you!
"And Yusuf?" Arthur added, nodding his head to the bags on the floor, "When you're finished up with that, leave my car keys on the desk and get out."
The Chemist was at a loss for words; he opened and closed his mouth, as if he came close to finding something to say but couldn't bring himself to do it. Arthur clapped him on the shoulder and turned to go back to the separate room. He shut the door, and through the noise, Yusuf could still hear the door being locked.
Yusuf didn't know what to do. He couldn't- he just moved all of it out- why in the hell was Arthur ditching him to do the dirty work?
The Chemist reached up and took off the lone fuzzy antler he was still wearing. He had honestly been joking when he compared himself to Max from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Shaking his head, Yusuf dropped the antler on a desktop and proceeded to work. He sang a little under his breath as he went. "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch."
The End
A.N- Okay, that took me far too long to complete! I had this idea of how it would go, and then it took a different path, and then made me fight not to delete everything! I really only had a clear idea of – Arthur is the Grinch, Yusuf is Max, and Eames is Cindy Lou Who. But I didn't want it to be a complete retelling of the Dr. Seuss story. I kind of like it and feel better that I finally finished!
Read, review, and tell me what you think,
slash mania