DO WHAT NOW?
A/N: This is my first multi-chapter since my four year hiatus, so it might suck with pacing and such (which isn't unusual for my stories, I'm just warning you).
Please enjoy, because I'm pretty sure I'll rip my hair out writing this shit.
WARNINGS: Language
I'M WHEN, NOW?
Naruto opened his eyes and immediately squinted due to the intense sunlight filtering through the window. He cursed the sun for having deadly accuracy when it came to fucking head shots. He blinked rapidly, desperately trying to wake up.
He noticed how unfamiliar the room was. He didn't recognize that window – nor the curtains that adorned it. The walls were an unfamiliar cream color. The bed sheets below him were softer than any he had ever had in his life.
He realized with eyes widening in horror that he could feel those sheets everywhere – yup, he confirmed by shifting the tiniest bit, he was most definitely naked. The next thing he noticed was the weight of someone sleeping on his chest contentedly. Naruto's eyes widened yet again.
Holy fuck, he had slept with someone last night.
This wasn't too terribly abnormal, he was slightly promiscuous, but that's to be expected of a teenaged boy. He took a deep breath, deciding that he would have to discover who was sleeping beside him at some point- so, with great hesitation, he moved his eyes to the person.
The hair was the first thing he recognized. He stiffened up considerably. There was no way that that was the person in bed with him. When he examined the face, he leaned back and closed his eyes tightly in panic.
Dear Jesus, he had wooed Sasuke Uchiha, dick hole extraordinaire, into bed with him.
Sasuke never seemed like the person that would do a one night stand, though. He wondered how on earth he had ended up in bed with the slightly younger man, seeing as they didn't really like each other in the first place.
He turned his head away so as to not look this sinking reality in its god awfully gorgeous face only to have his eyes land on the clock. It glared a large red "10:45" at him.
"SHIT!" He exclaimed, shooting up quickly.
He regretted the not moving Sasuke's head first, because it dropped directly into his lap. Naruto tensed as Sasuke stirred slightly before raising up on one arm. He looked at Naruto groggily.
"Wha's wrong?" He mumbled.
"Um…" Naruto wondered where to start, "I just want you to take one look at any part of this situation and tell me what's good."
Sasuke quirked an eyebrow at him.
"What do you mean?" He asked more clearly this time. Naruto looked at him in disbelief.
"Um, okay, I guess I'm going to have to spell this out to you, since you're obviously still asleep-" Naruto started, "One, we're in bed together."
Sasuke looked at him indifferently. "Yes, we are."
Naruto looked at him in shock in reaction to the calmness he was letting off. Now, the Uchiha was usually stoic, but this… this was on some different level all on its own.
"We're naked." Naruto pointed out. Sasuke nodded in agreement.
"Go on." Sasuke said.
"We're late?" Naruto exclaimed. Now Sasuke finally looked confused.
"For what, exactly?" Sasuke asked.
"Um, for exams?" Naruto had no idea how Sasuke could have possibly forgotten that – they were almost in senior year, and Naruto was determined to get high school over with as soon as he could. Sasuke's eyes widened slightly before he closed them and sighed.
"What year are we in?" Sasuke asked calmly.
"What do you mean, Sasuke? Have you forgotten already?" Naruto asked incredulously. Honestly, Sasuke was acting pretty fucking weird.
"I mean, what year of school are we in?"
"Junior year, Sasuke – try to catch up, dude. I can't afford to be late, I'll fail the year!" Naruto waved his arms around. Sasuke just shook his head and reached across the bed to reach for something on the bedside table.
Naruto tensed up in alarm as Sasuke's… thing grazed against his leg. Holy fuck, this was awkward on its own – but the calmness in Sasuke's demeanor made it so much worse.
Sasuke leaned back into a seated position next to the blond, moving his bangs behind his ear. He typed onto the phone he was holding, and Naruto stared at it in wonder.
"What kind of phone is that?" Naruto asked.
"Doesn't matter." Sasuke dismissed the question before holding it up to his ear.
Sasuke waited patiently before talking to the person on the other end.
"Yeah, Naruto's got it – he'll be back in a couple weeks at most." Sasuke informed them. He listened briefly before he thanked them and hung up.
Sasuke dropped the phone into his covered lap. He looked at Naruto.
"Junior year, huh?" He inquired.
"Yes?" Naruto asked back. Sasuke sighed.
"That makes this slightly more awkward."
"How in the hell would this be less awkward?" Naruto asked.
"Well. You could have reverted to senior year, where we were actually together already." Sasuke mumbled boredly. Naruto stared at him in shock.
"When we were what?" He squeaked out. Sasuke gave him a blank look.
"When we were already together," Sasuke replied, as if this information were blatantly obvious. Naruto laughed nervously.
"Sasuke, Sasuke," He started, shaking his head, "okay, the prank is funny, but it's over with now. You can stop – let's just get to school and get exams over with. I'm determined to get high school done as quickly as possible."
Sasuke looked him square in the eye with a dead expression on his face.
"We graduated high school 10 years ago."
Naruto choked on the air he was breathing.
"What?" He screeched.
"We graduated 10 years ago." Sasuke replied, examining his fingernails.
"O-okay," Naruto stuttered, "so… wait – that would make you 26!" Naruto exclaimed.
"I'm 27, you're basing our ages off of junior year." Sasuke stated.
"That's – that's how I know you're lying," Sasuke looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "you do not look any older than you did yesterday."
"That's good," Sasuke replied calmly, "I'm only a day older than yesterday." Naruto groaned.
"I mean since junior year, I guess."
"That's right," Sasuke replied, "I don't." Naruto laughed.
"So you are lying!" Naruto was relieved, honestly.
"No, I'm not," Sasuke answered, "I just haven't aged much visibly. You like to claim that I feed on the blood of innocent virgins to keep my mortal vessel at peak condition."
Naruto began to sweat, because that sounded exactly like what he would say in that situation.
"So, what about me?" Naruto inquired. Sasuke looked at him.
"What about you?"
"Have I aged?" Naruto asked.
"Yes, you have." Sasuke answered. Naruto frowned in turn.
"Why have I aged, but you haven't?" Naruto whined.
"Don't complain, you aged well. You're still quite handsome." Naruto sputtered at the compliment.
"Handsome?"
"Yes, Naruto – you're quite handsome. Would you rather I insult your appearance? Because then I'd be lying to your face." Sasuke seemed unfazed for some reason.
Naruto took a deep breath.
"Okay, I am not enjoying this at all. Sasuke Uchiha, cut the bull shit out. Why are you doing this, and who else is in this with you?" Sasuke looked at him in shock for about two seconds before he realized something and the emotion disappeared.
"I'm not Sasuke Uchiha." Sasuke stated.
"Oh, you're not?" Naruto asked in a mocking tone, "What's your name, then? Jack Nicholson*?"
"It's Sasuke Uzumaki."
Naruto's heart stopped.
"Do what now?"
A/N: *Jack Nicholson nickname is an inside joke from We Don't Talk About Applebees. Naruto is Adam West.