The Meaning of Friendship
a/n: The main character's stage name is Tomo.
He whirled sharply on hearing her footsteps, shutting the memorial box and pushing it into the tree trunk. The woman seishi stalked right up to him. She wore a loose shift tonight, and her hair was not undone yet, still in two loops.
"What do you want, bitch?" he asked coldly. "After rovelling in bed with your Lord Nadin." He was not going to be civil tonight. Tomo longed to hold Lord Nadin and tell him he was in love with him. Salin was always in his way.
" I don't always rovel in bed, Tomo. I came to see how you're faring," the woman retorted hotly.
"I don't remember asking for your concern, Salin." His headache was starting up, throbbing intensely. Tomo's costume glimmered some as he dug his nails into the tree and took deep breaths. He wouldn't pass out or break down here! Damn his weakness.
He looked up into Salin's surprisingly warm face and jerked from the touch.
She offered, "Gomen nasai, I heard about your troupe being killed. But they weren't exactly your friends. Do not be sad."
The painted face cracked a wry grin and looked up into the moonless night. Yes, why should he be feeling this way-those were the bastards who ruined his childhood. The soft core of Alex haunted again. Alex was his real, true name, how he despised his weak self at the time. He could not fight, was always in poor health. The masters had given him torture, made him sing over and over again till his voicebox hurt. If one did not sing well, an empty stomach was the result. There had been no love for the boy. Then Lord Nadin had saved him from that sewage dump. A little too late, but nevertheless Nadin, the general of this nation had broken in and rescued Alex from his misery.
After that Alex chose to adopt the name Tomo, which meant powerful mage. The young man studied a lot of ancient texts and scrolls, training his health and skills to a pinnacle.
Yet Tomo couldn't express his love and worship to his saviour. Lord Nadin refused to talk about emotions, and was only concerned for their performance to defend their country.
But why did the emperor have to execute his ex-troupe mates? Tomo's raised his heavy head. With huge effort, the man shoved his vulnerable half into himself again. "I have to go now."
Salin called his name, her tone poignant. Why did she show concern? In front of Lord Nadin, they often competed to be in his favour and at the moment Salin was winning.
He continued to walk, the pain shredding his heart. I must reach my room before breaking down completely.
"Tomo, if you need to talk, I'll be available!" the seishi's voice carried over the wind. She hated him, they hated each other's very air they breathed in.
Tomo shut the door, sank to his chair and began to weep. Killing, killing how could he fear and loathe it? It was a part of his very existence against his conscience. Whether he liked or hated made no difference. Why didn't I die? I have nothing left except Lord Nadin, my skills and my magic. Tomo was a topclass mage, he killed his prey by making them hallucinate. He removed the headpiece, setting it on his bed first, then slowly stripped himself naked. Finally he removed the paint with a wet cloth.
Redrimmed brown irises. A pale sallow face of a youth. Alex smirked at his reflection. He did not comprehend why he was crying for the dead. They used to tease him when he was helpless, bullying and taunting him for being feminine. Ironically, those boys later joined the opera too. His teachers taught him those graceful moves and how to hit the high notes in opera. Alex sighed deeply.
Salin stood outside her room beside the illusionist's, listening. It sounded as if he was crying. He couldn't be well, what with the unexpected defeat, Lord Nadin reprimanding him mercilessly. Tomo did not eat his dinner. Yes, although she disliked this arrogant warrior, she empathized with agony. The man had not succeeded in pleasing Lord Nadin. The troupe had been his only family. And now that was all gone.
She was alone tonight. The general did not want her services. Salin dressed.
The next day, Alex wasn't at breakfast. Slept late? The other soldiers and allies
gave her their respective tone of greeting, as in ranked from most to least enthusiastic. Nadin practically had no tone. She looked on the floor, distracted.
"Salin, I want you to do the manoevres today. Take Throk. Tomo is unwell and I have given him leave for three days," Lord Nadin instructed. Salin rolled up the map he had given her and mounted her horse.
She rode her horse for some distance. A thin figure clad in a dark shirt and khaki pants sat beside the tree. Tomo?
The diminutive figure was thinner and paler without his garish costume and makeup. He was staring into space, gasping for breath. His black hair was unkempt and straggly.
Salin dismounted and ran to him. Up close he looked ashen, dark circles under the larger vulnerable ambers. She grabbed him, and he rose slowly and glanced at her dazed.
"Salin what're you doing here?" he asked loudly, then broke off and coughed violently.
"I want you to go indoors immediately, and lie down," she ordered.
"Who're you to order me around? I am at least four years older than you." Tomo was unstable on his feet and drawling. His cheeks were flushed, and he still coughed with each word.
Salin firmly took his arm and steered him to his room. Tomo was little resistance. He attempted to sit up but groaned, pressing his temple. Salin pulled the covers to his stomach and eased him down. She stayed until he passed out, holding him still.
Tomo came to again several hours later, with a splitting headache. He was lying horizontal-wise on his bed, almost falling off.
His mind was foggy, what happened? He was outside, feeling cramped here. Then why…. oh shit! He had actually embarrassed himself in public! His body broke out in a cold sweat. He took his blanket and wrapped himself up. No paint, no costume, I was humiliating. I must have talked rubbish. And what if the others had seen him?
Then he sneezed. He felt sick, hot all over, aching. Fell on the pillows, coughing again. His throat was congested with fluid. The patient tossed and turned, unsuccessfully dozing off, only to be woken by some noise outside. He had never felt like this for years! As the sun set, the orange glow usually his favorite time of day, he lay fully awake, listening to the soldiers bickering and laughing outside.
**********
A knock. "Whatdoyouwant? I can't get up so open the door yourself," He moaned. His stomach turned, and Alex turned over to retch. He fell back on the pillows again.
Salin had let her hair down, and was in a bathrobe. Alex suddenly felt a twinge of agony and shame. The woman had never seen him naked and ill before. She will laugh at me, come to mock me.
"Goodnight." She set down the tray with a bowl of steam. "I cooked you noodles."
"I'm not hungry."
"You have to eat stubborn fool. Or you won't get well. The cook made some hot chicken soup. I brought it. Try it." Salin felt like a mother.
Tomo sighed, took the bowl and picked up the chopsticks. It was piping hot, but helped his nose to unblock. He slurped the noodles. His stomach welcomed the invite.
"Better?" she asked.
"No I feel awful. My head hurts and I'm hot and cold. I can't sleep," the mage confessed feebly. Since a victorious battle with the undead, she felt generous tonight so it was okay to hear him complain. Salin reached for his forehead, as Tomo flinched away. But he could not move any further, it was the wall. So he settled down. High fever, more care and soup needed, Salin thought.
The woman remained for some time. Alex was dismayed. What? Not to be generous to that extent surely! I don't want her here. A couple of nasty coughs weakened him. Alex sniffed and closed his eyes in agony.
"You can go. I have to try and sleep." His voice reminded, turned husky with a cold. Before, Tomo had a melodious voice for opera.
Salin smiled. "You are kidding, I have just the formula for sleeping. Try this."
She produced a blue black liquid in a phial.
Tomo balked. "Eugh, what is that?"
"Medicine for bad flu. It's delicious. I guarantee you will feel better in no time. I'll pour some warm water." Salin went out for a moment. She returned and held the phial to him.
Tomo glanced at her doubtfully and scrutinized the thing. When she came back, wet towel and basin, he was swallowing the liquid with I-am-in-deep-shit expression. "You lied! It's horrible!" He shook his head, screwed up his handsome face and cursed more.
He sulked, turning away. Salin pressed a damp rag on his brow.
She mused, He doesn't have to be embarrassed and weak, I'll leave now. He'll be okay.
*********
Morning. Tomo opened his eyes to the sound of birds chirping. A random flute? And chittering voices. The cloth had dropped. He reached out picked it up and lay down again. His headache eased, but his body protested moving from bed.
Salin had taken care of me. Why? Doesn't she hate me?
Several raps. "Come in." his voice was so feeble. Two teenage boys tumbled in.
Priam and Elian were brothers who looked alike, one played the flute to entertain the general while Elian juggled. The mage used to think nothing of them.
They stared at him. Both parties were awestruck. Then Elian grinned, presenting a golden box. Tomo was curious.
"We heard that you're sick. You must be sad," Priam said solemnly. His brother giggled again elbowing him. Tomo opened the box slowly. It was a wooden bird.
"This is so pretty. Thank you guys," Tomo whispered carressing the soft smooth wood. They gaped. He smiled and replied, "This is my face. I can't wear makeup today. Surprised? Come and sit down."
Elian fidgetted with his magic spinning tassels, then moved on to his things. He ignored his brother's warnings. As Priam scolded him, he pulled funny faces at the mirror on Tomo's dressing table. The mage would have exploded when he was strong, but now he was just content to lie back and relax, being depleted of energy.
"Elian you took a long time to make this?" He fingered it delicately. Elian explained that he only did it in his spare time and that he would not dare to, when Lord Nadin was lecturing on important stuff. Alex saw him flinch, and snatched the flutist's fingers.
Scratchmarks, where the boy had cut himself. Alex commented,"You needn't have bothered." The boy smiled faintly. His brother was investigating something behind the closet.
"Actually, Salin-san said to cheer you up, but, but we aren't good at talking. So, so we made this. Elian also helped! Yes, yes."
Tomo allowed himself a slight smile, a simple one.
"I feel fine boys. did Lord Nadin ask about me?"
"Er-um, this- ah, yes, yes of course he did." Elian nudged Priam, who also nodded igorously. "He did." Tomo sensed their difficulty, and his gut told him by experience that the boys were lying to cheer him up. Ah fast learners of the art. Tomo was
"I understand. You're too kind." The twins instilled an unwitting softness in the mage, and he was so touched he could squeeze them in a fierce hug soon. But he caught himself.
"Enough. Now I am hungry, would you get me some breakfast?" They scrambled off relieved to escape from the angry mage. Priam thought- he must be back to his angry badtempered self. Still they easily recovered for their youth was nigh.
Tomo reflected, once he was young how could he terrify mere children? Had he turned into a monster? Not completely, he shed tears for his troupe. Holding the bird up, the mage broke into a rare smile and placed it gently beside his bed.
Late that afternoon, the man felt less feeble, so he washed his face with the fresh water left by the chambermaids and dressed in his normal clothes. He hesitated at the mirror. Should he paint his face?
He would be Alex today. Just for today. Catching sight of the boys playing hide and seek, the normally reticent mage approached them.
"Good afternoon guys! What are you doing?"
The brothers were amazed and starstruck. They murmured some answer, when he asked them to speak up they cowered once more. Tomo sighed and requested that Priam play a new song. And he tousled Elian's hair. Left them puzzled and continued on his way.
Meeting one of the lieutenants, he asked where Salin had gone to.
"Oh she's around. Better?" the man said. Tomo smiled, feeling more confident and on top of the world. Nobody had mocked at him for looking like a ghost and pale. It was all right without the paint.
She was at the courtyard, speaking with their general. "Greetings, Lord Nadin." Cheerfully, he bowed to them, they responded, Salin with a smirk. The blond scarcely glanced his way, excusing himself indoors.
For a moment, the two rival warriors stood in the sun, hands in the pockets.
"Nice weather." He broke the silence.
"Yeah you seem stronger." She darted a sidelong glance. He had a little smile on his youthful face.
"Would you like to come in? It's getting hot now.. And I need to speak with you,"Alex added after another pause. Salin preceded him onto the porch and leaned on the balcony.
"You can tell me now. Will you admonish me that I don't deserve Lord Nadin's favour? I don't see why you need to talk." Salin averted her gaze to her fingernails. The wind came, whisking dark and auburn hair.
"There's no wrong in that! You lie with him, I don't even have a chance!" he lashed out suddenly mad. Why did he have to be meek to her? "I humbled myself to come here, I didn't have to."
That got her full attention. Tomo was not one to admit weakness, or express lost cool, and now he fumed his face flushed, his body language tensed and assuring of his humanness.
"What are you staring at?"
"Your unpainted face. You don't normally come out without a mask." Tomo blinked and the fight went out of him. He said he felt humiliated and held out a blue box.
Salin studied the object suspiciously. Could it be an evil spell that would enthrall her forever? As if he could read her thoughts he chuckled. The chuckle became a belly laugh. "Don't worry, if I wanted to cast spells I will not do it directly. That's not the way of honour."
"Wow! It's so pretty you made it?" Salin exclaimed, trying it on.
"Um with Elian's help. He's gifted with things."
The necklace shimmered and smelt of the fragrance of leaves and seeds. The woman smelled it.
"That's it, goodbye." Alex said shyly. He walked away.
"Wait !" This time Alex turned around. She gushed, "I appreciate this and thank you! Would you join us tomorrow then? For the field mission… we need some magic to ambush the other…. " Salin elaborated on the briefing and had come beside him again.
Alex listened. He supposed he could. She fumbled for anything, anything at all so the mage would not reapply his makeup and lose himself. Then she grasped his hand. He startled but didn't pull away.
"Have you ever thought of not painting your face?" she enquired.
"Nope today, I was in a better mood. Are you actually worried for me?"
Salin nodded. "Yes. We are on the same team. How can I ignore you? I want to tell you that Lord Nadin doesn't love me. You know that don't you?"
They strolled towards the dining room now empty. He led her to the more private quarters at the palace windows.
"You haven't answered me."
"I guess- I just need a reason to keep living on, if I don't fight with you, I would have less meaning in life." As Tomo spoke, remnants of Alex surfaced and his features contorted with his unrequited love, what the meaning of life was... "But it's different now. I feel less alone. "
Quickly Tomo recomposed his inner turmoil, calmed down.
She looked up. "That's great! If you'd just be like this everyday, we could work out something." They smiled at each other.
Salin asked if they could know each other as friends. Tomo reached out an elegant hand to push away a stray hair glued to his brow and nodded. Salin fingered the necklace. The view of the garden was fantastic today, all the flowers and leaves seemed to gleam. Sunbirds chirruped and chased each other.
"If you want to talk you can talk to me, mage. If you find it hard, and nobody is listening. Anyway I think you'd be a great listener." Salin remarked.
Alex held out his hand to the sun. He never thought he could be his own self, hiding behind a mask. Actually, he had been his own enemy, and Nadin did not matter. Why should he not embrace his new lease of life?
Time will not wait. Must there be perfection? No, Salin and Alex had their own notions about that. Meanwhile, the world is theirs to take.
translations:
*seishi (spirit warrior)
*gomen nasai (sorry)
San (prefix for colleague)