Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

Based on true events.

September 23, 2009

Hate.

His fists had started to sting from all the punches he was throwing at the wall but he ignored it and continued. It had gone like this three times before.

Self-pity.

He wailed at the wall and whipped angry tears away, finally pausing from his attack on the wall. The tears hadn't stopped ever since they started only minutes before his physical outburst.

Jealousy.

He wasn't a violent person by nature but there were times in his life where his kind demeanor fell and he unleashed the monster that his true self suppressed, letting his anger take over. Years ago, his little brother had been unfortunate to be the one to experience what he became, earning a punch or kick when he pissed his off to a certain point but it had never been like this.

He let the tears fall hard and fast onto the hardwood floor, gripping his now throbbing hand and sinking down to his knees. His knees stung at the impact but he couldn't care less as he cradled his hand and pulled his knees up to his chest, pushing Himself back against the wall and closing his tear-filled eyes. He hadn't cried like this in ages….not since Kakashi had first told his he asked Anko out, at least.

At the thought of his supposed best friend, his face went slack and he let the tears fall until they stopped.

Things had been piling up so much lately. They had started to build up slowly enough that he didn't notice until they were right on top of me, suffocating me.

The ball started rolling when Genma told him he loved him couple of months ago. He was supposed to have been ecstatic that he told his that but….

He wasn't and for good reason too. He had told his right before we parted ways to get to class in the most off-handed manner ever, not even waiting to see his reaction or giving his a kiss to show he meant it. He just walked off. It got his thinking and he started noticing that he was acting differently towards me, not coming to meet his at our mutual breaks and opting to hang out with his friends more, Raidō especially.

He had told Kakashi that he felt Genma and he were growing apart and Kakashi only confirmed his suspicions when he casually asked Genma how things were going between us, telling his that Genma thought the same. We had one last lunch together and broke with a few simple sentences about how we were growing apart.

After the initial happiness at being single again wore off, he started missing Genma as stupid as it was. Scratch that, he missed human touch.

He missed getting hugged or getting a kiss on the cheek. Kakashi and he went out to clubs and even got laid sometimes but it just wasn't the same.

His career was in the toilet too. He was failing most of his classes and the revenue of the bar he worked at was slowly declining, pushing Kakashi and he into a situation where we were now living off ramen and Kraft dinner.

Then Kakashi told his he and Anko were getting back together for the millionth time a few days ago…

But it wasn't all that that really stabbed his heart and tore it out. It wasn't the last thing that made his want to cry all over again. The worst thing about all this was that, on the last of the thousands of physiotherapy hours over the years I'd spent in that creepy office with that sickeningly kind woman smiling at his as she pulled manipulated his limbs, I'd received the news that he would never be up to the full physical capacity he was once at.

In more straightforward terms, he would never dance again.

He dragged Himself to his feet and shuffled to the kitchen, ripping open the kitchen drawer and staring at the blades that glinted seductively in the light. He slipped one slowly out of the drawer and gazed at the largest blade, wondering how Kakashi felt when he first cut himself almost ten years ago. His roommate had eventually lost the habit after many years of popping anti-depressant pills and therapy. It was terribly ironic that Kakashi was diagnosed with bipolar disorder only a few months after doing a presentation about it in ninth grade.

The knife felt heavy and unfamiliar in his grasp but he brought it up to his other wrist anyway, letting the knife's surface cool his skin against it.

Could you blame his for being so alone? No, no one could. All his friends were ignoring me, his grades were plummeting and he had no goal in life anymore. He felt so cold, so alone with no one there to tell his everything would be alright or that it would get better, not even his family.

His sibling couldn't help as he was either too busy or couldn't leave their house to come into town. His parents had been ignoring his ever since he came out to them about his being bisexual.

And Kakashi didn't care.

He set down the knife and snatched the phone from its cradle, going to his room and shuffling through his drawers until he found a little slip of paper that he swore to Himself I'd throw it out but never got to it. He dialed the number and went to the kitchen as it rang until it was picked up by a voice that made his cringe.

"Yeah?" A voice drawled out.

"Hey, Mizuki?" This man had been the first man he slept with, the man who brutally took whatever was left of his virginity and left his to bleed.

"Wait…Iruka?" he grimaced as he scoffed with disbelief, almost able to feel the smirk that replaced it. "Well, I'd never have thought you'd call me. You want another round?"

"No," he ground out, ignoring the lewd manner he'd said those last few words. "He needs to ask you a favour."

"Why could you possibly need his help?" there was a tint of sarcasm in his voice and he rolled his eyes.

"Because you're the only one who'd help me."

X-X-X

In his half-dead state, he stared blankly at the wall opposite me, feeling nothing on the inside but emptiness.

He had crawled into a corner of his room and was letting the tears on his face dry into salty lines, waiting for the buzz of the intercom with the patience of a monk.

The feeling that had settled over his was like the calm after the storm. He had let his tears fall until there was none and made up his mind as to how this day would play out.

Mizuki showed up half an hour after he called him, letting himself in through the door I'd left unlocked after buzzing him up. He glanced up from his place on the couch to see him standing there, looking both uneasy and nervous. He had a good reason to be. After all, it's not every day you get a call from the guy you fucked only a month before and left to bleed, especially when they ask you to bring what was weighing down heavily in his pocket.

He shuffled into the room and slipped it out of his pocket with a gloved hand, looking at his with what could have been related to concern, "you sure about this?"

He smiled grimly and nodded with closed eyes. "More than anything."

He nodded slowly and he stood up, moving to stand in front of him as he heard the tell-tale 'click'. He swallowed passed the lump in his throat as his heartbeat fell into a snail-like pace once he felt the cold barrel of the gun press into his forehead. He waited for the sound that would be the signal of the end that he was ready to welcome.

This was it, the end of Iruka Umino. A tear slid down his cheek at the thought and he smiled grimly to himself.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!"

His eyes widened and he spun around just as Mizuki looked to find his stunned roommate standing in the doorway. He looked confused and in shock at the sight that greeted him for his one visible dark, grey eye was wide, the other covered by his silver hair.

He moved a couple of steps towards his friend. "K-Kakashi…."

Kakashi repeated himself, louder this time and with more panic and anger than before. "What the fuck is going on in here?!"

The whole world seemed to slow down as he brought his phone out of his pocket for both Mizuki and he to see and was about to dial 911. The rest seemed to happen in a blur.

He didn't even realize what had happened until he saw Mizuki looking at his with horror as he staggered away, smoking gun in hand as he bolted out of the apartment passed a stunned Kakashi whose eyes were even wider than before.

Pain.

Holy shit.

His knees buckled under his as his shoulder flared with such agonizing pain that the world almost black out in front of his eyes.

"Shit!" he heard Kakashi run over, his phone which he almost never let go falling to the floor in the doorway, and drop to his knees just as he fell forward, catching his waist before his face could make contact with the floor. He was lowered to the floor on his side slowly this time and he heard through the veil of pain that someone was rustling around in the distance. After a while, a felt something pressing up against his shoulder, causing his to cry out again as the searing pain almost sent his over the edge, blue and black spots dancing over his vision.

A long while passed until the sounds and his vision came back to me. His eyes adjusted to the room and he could faintly hear Himself thinking, 'wait….we don't have a red floors…' he realized with an odd calm that it was his blood.

Shaking fingers came into view, turning his so his back was now on the floor and his head up so that his eyes saw Kakashi, his eyes as wild as his hands were bloody.

"I-Iruka? Can you hear me, Iruka?" he heard him call out through the haze that was starting to accumulate even more. He chuckled and saw his face turn into one of confusion. He brought his hand up to touch his left eyebrow where the new piercing I'd bought him for his birthday a few months back gleamed.

"Yeah," he said softly in answer to his question and he caught his hand, squeezing it tight.

"Why the hell was he here? Why did you even let him in?!" his voice was trembling and climbing with his demanding questions. He licked his lips, letting his face go slack as he blinked to try to get the darkness from closing in.

"Iruka?!" he heard him yell from the distance away and he smiled as his eye fell closed, listening to the soothing sound of blood pumping in his ears. He felt Himself drift further along as he felt the vague sensation of someone holding his head. His body felt even lighter as the pain melted away and he dropped into unconsciousness.

X-X-X

His whole body trembled as he saw Iruka's face go slack, his whole body kicking into hyperventilation mode as the brunet's eyes started fluttering as Kakashi pressed the cloth he'd snatched from the kitchen to Iruka's shoulder though he knew it was doing little good to stop the blood flow as it was already drenched in blood.

"Iruka?!" Kakashi called harder, dropping his friend's hand and the cloth when those dark, brown eyes slid shut to hold Iruka's head as it slowly tipped to the floor. Kakashi felt him go limp and he went almost as still as Iruka in shock. "Iruka?!"

Taking a choppy, deep breath, Kakashi let Iruka's head rest on the floor, glancing around him for something…anything! Bellowing at seeing nothing useful he finally called out in a broken, strained voice, "help!"

He grabbed the cloth again and held it to Iruka's shoulder again.

"What's going on-what the fuck!?"

Kakashi looked up to see the girl from the apartment next to theirs' stranding in the doorway with her hand over her mouth, looking pale, as if she was going to throw up.

In as much as a calm voice he could manage, the young man said, "Please call 911."

She nodded quickly and ran back to her apartment just as two other people peeked in.

"Oh his god!" the little, old landlady cried, turning away as the man next to her led her away from the sight.

A few moments later, the man returned to the shell-shocked Kakashi, telling Kakashi he was a medical student and that he could help. The young man just watched as the stranger worked on his friend, turning the now pale brunet on his side as Kakashi went to fetch the things the other man asked for.

It seemed like hours had passed until the ambulance arrived, the medics pushing through the little crowd of people who had gathered on their floor's lobby to lend a helping hand if need be. The medics patched Iruka up as much as they could before loading him onto a stretcher and quickly heading out. One of them asked Kakashi if he was alright and it was only then that he noticed that he was covered in blood, Iruka's. He nodded to the medic numbly and pushed after the stretcher, saying quietly to another medic that he was Iruka's roommate.

They all got in the ambulance, Kakashi sitting next to a medic who was pumping air into a face mask attached to his roommate's face while the other two across from him were cutting away Iruka's shirt to disinfect the wound. He was close enough to his friend that he could have reach out and touch the brunet's pale cheek if he wanted. But he didn't, afraid it would be just as cold as it looked.